❦𝓡𝓸𝓼𝓮❦

The act of finding a legitimate job for someone like me is almost impossible.

No one wants to hire me without legal documentation provided to them, so I have to resort to random jobs found in random places.

But not many people want to hire a five foot nothing girl like me. At least not for physical labor odd jobs, not the non sexual kind that is.

And I sure am not looking for that kind of trouble.

All I want is something that will pay enough to get me some gas and food. Something to get me a few more days into the future.

That's all I can focus on, looking to much further into the future makes my stomach turn.

I have declared myself as a jack of all trades, I'm good at a lot of things. I can do woodwork, paint, drywall, landscape etc. I've even dabbled in mechanic work.

But I don't have schooling in anything, no degrees, nothing.

Everything I've learned has been because I've needed to, and taught myself, or sought someone out and worked under them on projects as a sort of apprenticeship.

I have nothing on my resume, no real bosses that I could put down to show all the work I've done, nothing to prove all the things I'm capable of without someone giving me a shot, then showing them what I'm capable of on the job.

I've always worked under the table, always alone, one job to the next to keep a low profile, so no one from my past can find me.

I could sit around all day wallowing in self pity for the life I live. Always looking over my shoulder waiting for my brother to find me like he said he would. I try not to think about it too much.

I was born here in the U.S.A, if I wanted to I could get my hands on my social security number and get a job at a grocery store or a fast food joint no problem. But I can't risk it, my name would be linked with where I work and I just know that eventually he would find me.

He promised me that he would.

If he was a normal person without a crazed obsession with me for one reason or another, I would think he would have forgotten me by now, moved on to other targets or just with their life.

But he won't, he never will.

He promised he wouldn't.

Forever I will be worried that if I think otherwise he will catch me off guard.

He might just cash in on one of his many promises and end my life the next time our eyes meet.

⇿♡⇿♡⇿♡⇿♡⇿

Pulling up to the pump at a gas station I count how much I have left.

Twenty five dollars, twenty five dollars and an almost empty gas tank is what I'm working with at the moment.

Grabbing a ten I walk inside and straight up to the cashier.

"Ten on pump two please, Jean." I tell the middle aged lady with short black hair and brown eyes, I see her quite often.

This station typically has gas a cent or two cheaper than the rest of the gas stations around here, and that cent saved up over time can be what gets enough gas in my tank to make it to the next job.

"Hey sweetie, no food today?" She asks me this every time, and more times than not my answer is always no.

She's observant, I know she's noticed that my clothes are very run down, and not in the stylish way, but that I also try to keep as much of a presentable appearance to me as possible.

That I'm too skinny, but not in the druggie way, and that whenever I do buy something other than gas it's whatever I can get with the most calories and nutrients in it so I don't fade away.

She's noticed that I'm struggling but trying my hardest, but she never asks or says anything about it. And I love her for that.

"Not today." I smile at her.

"Alright, glad to know you don't buy food and waste it. Too much of that goes on nowadays. I had to throw out a bag of expired food in the green dumpster closest to the back door this morning. Wrote a big old X on it because I was upset they won't allow us to donate it to food banks now. Anyway sorry for ranting, all set on pump two. Here is your receipt." She winks at me.

I give her a huge smile and head for the door. "You're the best, I'll see you soon." I say as I open the door and walk towards my car and start pumping gas.

Jean has been doing this for a while now, she somehow just knows that I can't go to the food bank, and also knows that I would never beg for food.

So whenever her station has expired food that she is supposed to toss with the rest of the garbage, she bags it separately, marks it and places it neatly on top of the other trash so the bag doesn't get dirty.

Then when she sees me she makes up some story about food waste to let me know what one of the three dumpsters she placed it in out back. She knows I take it, but neither of us have ever spoken about it.

I have little going for me, but the fact that Jean cares enough about me to not only help, but that she never rubs it in my face or even needs to be acknowledged for how much she helps me.. it's all that keeps me going some days.

She knows I still need to feel at least a little normal, and it would break me if I had to beg for food.

She knows that I would let myself starve before I asked for help.

It's not only a pride thing, although some of it is, I'll admit it. It's also the fact that a lot of people have it way worse than me.

And if I can keep myself at a point where I never ask or beg and take away from others who need it more than me, I'll be content.

The click of the pump pulls my attention back to my task at hand, ten dollars got me a little under four gallons of gas. Luckily for me, my 2000 Hyundai accent gets close to thirty miles to the gallon, so almost four gallons will get me quite far.

Hopping back in I push the clutch in and start Jack up, shift into first gear and pull around to the dumpsters. I named my car Jack because it's red and I bought it in a Jack in the box parking lot, it just seemed too good to pass up the name at the time.

And being as I'm a five foot one tiny girl who happens to be alone most of the time, it's always good to have a guy's name handy to get you out of some uncomfortable situations.

Boyfriend? Yes his name is Jack.

A guy creeping on you? Pretend to get Jack on the phone. I don't even have a phone with service, I found an old broken one on the side of the road one day and kept it with me just for this reason.

One time I had a big creepy dude decide he thought my butt looked like a squishy toy, so I took off running to my car yelling Jack, it was enough to stun the guy and give me enough time to hop in and take off before the guy decided he wanted more than a butt grab.

After he realized that there wasn't a man I was running to, but a tiny red car instead, he was pissed.

But I was gone.

Sometimes you gotta fake it to make it out alive, and Jack's name has got me out of more situations than I'd like to admit.

I quickly grab the bag of food and throw it in the passenger seat, then drive down the street to an abandoned lot to go through it. It's a large bag full of expired chips, drinks, nuts, candy and even some jerky.

I pull out what I need for the week, not a lot, just what I need to keep me from becoming so unhealthy underfed that I can't work properly.

I think I've been able to slow my metabolism down or something, I need very little food to keep me going now. As long as I don't eat a lot in one sitting and stretch my stomach out I feel ok with small handfuls of nuts or chips throughout the day.

I made the mistake once of pigging out after I picked up a bag from Jean, I ate until my stomach hurt and I was messed up for days. Constantly wanting more food to the point I couldn't do jobs properly.

So I keep my meals small now, that way I can focus properly all the time with as little food as possible in my stomach.

I don't get dizzy anymore nor do I feel unbearingly hungry all day long like I used to. It's more like a constant dull hunger, but I can easily push that hunger to the side when I have jobs to do.

Putting all the extra food back into the bag I drive a little further and into a trailer park. Pulling up outside a worn down white trailer I pull Jack into the driveway and put him in park.

I see the blinds start to move as little eyes peek out from behind them, grabbing the bag of food with a huge smile on my face I quickly hop out and jog to the trailer door and knock the special knock.

Two slow knocks, five fast knocks, one low and one high. I hear giggling and excited screaming coming from the other side. Then the door flew open and two tiny children fling themselves at me.

"Rose! You're here! I missed you!" The oldest one, Lilly shouts.

She's seven and has the most gorgeous blue eyes I've ever seen, her long dirty blonde hair and light pink dress makes her look like a little angel.

It's fitting for her, because she acts like one too, she may only be seven, but she takes care of the other little one that is currently wrapped around my leg when her father isn't home.

"I missed you too, Lilly. I brought you guys food again." I try to move on from the greeting and get her focused on something else. I haven't seen her in about a week and whenever I'm gone for more than a few days she can get a little emotional when I show up.

It breaks my heart when she cries, especially if I cause it. Most of the time we both end up in tears with me constantly apologizing for not being around more.

"Food! Food! Food!" The little three year old boy yells and he rips the bag away from me and runs back inside giggling.

Lilly grabs my hand and leads me into the kitchen where little Cole is currently trying to get the knot I tied undone.

"Here, let me do it." Lilly says as she extends her arm towards the bag, and Cole gives it to her without a fight. They work well together, even at such a young age Cole acknowledges how much his older sister does for him and tries his hardest to not be a pain for her, and Lilly has so much patience and understanding with him. I hardly ever see them fight or yell at each other.

"Jerwky? Did you bring me Jerwky?" Cole says as he hops up and down in front of me. Jerky is his favorite food, but he hasn't quite mastered saying the word correctly yet.

It's really dang cute and I kinda hope he never does. Although it probably wouldn't be so cute if he's a thirty year old saying jerwky, so I take that back, he can grow out of it, I just hope it's not anytime soon.

"Of course I brought you jerky!" I say excitingly. I brought him all the jerky. Ever since I found out how much he liked jerky I've never kept another bag for myself.

How could I when he smiles so big my heart almost explodes, he is currently running around the house with arms full of bags of jerky his sister just handed to him after getting the bag untied.

Lilly will eat anything and not complain about it, I've yet to figure out what her favorite food is, but I do know she loves girly things, like frilly dresses and hair accessories. She doesn't have many things like that, and she never asks for more, but the ones she does have she treats with so much care.

Reaching into my back pocket I pull out a little hair clip I bought for her the other day, it's not much and one day I'll give her more.

"Here, I got you this." I say as I bend down so I'm eye level with Lilly as I hand her the small hair clip with a pink glass rose on it. Her eyes lit up as she eyed what was in my hand in amazement

"It's so pretty." She whispers and she runs her tiny finger over the hair clip, almost as if she's scared it might break.

"Will you put it in my hair for me?" She asks as a small smile breaks out onto her face.

"Of course." I whisper as I brush a little of her hair to the side and pin it back with the clip. The smile stays on her face as her hand reaches up and traces the petals of the small rose.

When I give her something like this I'm always overjoyed yet heartbroken at the same time.

She doesn't get super excited like Cole does with jerky, no, she doesn't really get excited at all, she gets grateful. These small things that I can do for her really mean the world to her.

I'm happy I can do that for her, but also sad that she is so grown up at the age of seven.

"Oh my gosh sissy! I got jerwky and you got pwitty hair! This is the best day evwer!" Cole screams as he continues to run circles around the living room. I look over to Lilly with an amused expression on my face.

"Uh, he didn't take a nap today, and refused to eat anything but a candy bar so he's a little hyper." She says as her eyes go wide when her brother trips over a shoe and lands face first on the carpet with bags of jerky surrounding him, only to jump back up and grab the bags and start running again.

"Is your dad here today?" I ask.

"No, he got a job and is going to be working it the next few days. It's close though so he will be here at night." She says as her brother trips again. She rushes over this time to help him up.

Lilly and Cole's dad is a great guy, I met him a while ago on a job we worked together painting a house.

His wife died giving birth to Cole, and her side of the family disowned them, they were living on the family's property and he worked in the family business, so when that happened they were kicked out onto the streets without a job.

He started working odd jobs like I do, and got his kids a fairly safe place to live. They still might live in a run down trailer park, but this one isn't infested with addicts.

Most of the people who live here are actually old and retired, the place is pretty quiet and the old lady across from them keeps an eye on the kids when Bob is working.

She doesn't really do much, but the kids know they can go to her if they really need something, and most of the day she sits on her porch reading a book anyway, so if they catch the trailer on fire she would know to call Bob and 911.

He had been trying to get a good job but the only experience in the workforce he has is working for that family, and if any possible employment place calls they always talk Bob's abilities down.

He could go get a job somewhere, but he would have to start at minimum wage and he gets paid more working odd jobs.

He currently works just enough to get by and put a little in a rainy day fund because he also wants to be there for his kids physically and emotionally, not just monetary wise.

He doesn't have any family on his side, he was an only child and his parents passed when he was fifteen leaving him in foster care for a few years before he was aged out.

That's why I give them the food. He can buy them food, he will always provide a place for his kids to sleep and food for their stomachs, but if I bring them food, that's more money he can save for other things the kids want or need.

Bob doesn't trust anyone with his kids, not even the old lady across the road, so that's why they stay home instead of going over to her place.

But for some unknown reason he trusts me.

He never asks me to watch the kids unless he has to go out of town and he wants someone with them overnight. But he's ok with me stopping by and hanging out with the kids, that's why he created the secret knock. It's the only one the kids are allowed to open the door for, they have to see the person, hear the knock and then it's ok to open the door.

Looking over at the kids I can see Lilly is getting overwhelmed by Cole's rambunctious energy. "Ok, how about we eat lunch then go to the playground to run off some of that energy. What do you guy's think?" I ask.

Lilly immediately shakes her head yes and grabs her brother's hand and drags him to the kitchen.

I try to be careful not to overstep, I'm not their babysitter or mom. When it's just the two of them Lilly is the one in charge and I don't want to disrupt that, I help out, but try to let Lilly have the final say.

If she said no to the park, we wouldn't go to the park. If she says we are having Mac and cheese for lunch, that's what we are having.

I treat her with respect, because if day to day she has the responsibilities of an adult, and is able to handle them, then I come in and undermine her just because I'm older, I just think that would be wrong of me to do that.

"What are you guys having for lunch?" I ask as I prop myself on the counter.

"We have leftover chicken and rice from last night so I can heat that up." Lilly says.

"Want help?" I ask as I watch her take the leftovers out of the fridge.

"No, I got it. You could get Cole to wash his hands though. He's been acting like soap and water are monsters lately." She says as she grabs two plates out of the drying rack.

"Mission accepted." I salute her as she giggles.

"Ok Cole, let's go wash your hands." I reach out a hand to hold his but he takes off screaming in the other direction. "No! The bubble monster is going to eat me!"

Oh she wasn't joking.. raising an eyebrow I look over my shoulder to Lilly.

"I told you! Some kid at the playground daddy took us to a few days ago told him about bubble monsters and I haven't gotten him to wash his hands since." She throws both hands up in the air before turning around again and starts scooping food onto the plates.

Ok.. how does one convince a three year old bubble monsters aren't real?

Hello everyone! Thanks for taking the time to read my book! This book will have abuse and mental disorders in it. This is your warning about them, I won't be posting any additional ones at the beginning of chapters or anything like that. The lead male and his friends use a lot of cuss words so if that bothers you, this book probably isn't for you. That being said if you continue to read I really hope you enjoy it! Also feel free to point out any mistakes I made, I'm still in the editing process. ~Whitetigerpaw