Seamus turned the heat on, cranking it up as he drove both of us home. My tears had lessened, now flowing in small trails down my cheeks as I accepted Ripper's reaction. We drove silently, Seamus's hand on mine as often as he could allow it.

His blue eyes slid to mine before flicking back to the road. "I didn't just come to pick you up out of the blue- I might be talented and good looking, but I'm not psychic."

I tried to smile- I really did, but it just didn't work. "Why'd you come then?"

Seamus bit his lip, placing a hand on mine. "Ripper called me. Told me to come and pick you up."

He had still cared. He hadn't left me alone. A fresh wave of tears filled my eyes and I wound down the window, sticking my head out with my eyes open to dry my tears. It was a strange method, one that Seamus yelled at me for, but it worked. If anything, it cooled down my heart and helped me deal with the fact Ripper and I might possibly not be together anymore.

"Should I drop you off at your house?" Seamus's voice pulled me back into the car and I shook me head.

"Nah. I'll stay with dad and you tonight."

___(

Dad was confused when I came back to his house that night, but didn't comment on my no doubt swollen eyes and blotchy face. Now wasn't the time to talk to Ripper- not when he was as angry as I thought he would be.

Dad prepared my bed and I sighed into the tea Seamus had made me, sitting at the table with a sick churning in my gut.

I was a hypocrite. A liar.

And I was still so in love with Ripper- that would never change. Dad came back to the table, sitting down across from me with a concerned face.

"What happened?" His voice was gentle and I gave him a shaky smile.

"My adoptive parents are in town. We had dinner with them."

Dad's brows furrowed, a question in his eyes. "Why aren't you with them and Ripper right now? Why did Seamus go and pick you up?"

My hands clamped tightly around the mug, and I looked at the table, swallowing bile. Ripper and I being on these sorts of terms made me sick.

"He found out something. Something that I should have told him a long time ago."

The clock ticked in the silence, and I could practically hear dad's brain whizzing with what could make Ripper leave me alone in another town. Anger pulled at the edges of his mouth, shutting down his face into the cold man most MCs knew.

"No matter what it was, he shouldn't have left you in another fucking town."

I winced at his words, shaking my head. "He sent Seamus to pick me up- it's fine."

Dad slammed his fist onto the table, startling me enough to quickly place a hand in front of my face, heart beat hammering. Dad's face softened and he placed both hands up, leaning back and visibly trying to calm himself down.

"Sorry sweetheart. Sorry. But he shouldn't have left you in another town- not when you're as big of a target already and Seamus wasn't there yet."

"It's fine dad. He needed to go- I deserved to be left."

Dad's reply was quick and firm. "No, you didn't and you don't. He should fucking know better."

I shrugged a shoulder, bowing my head. I took a deep breath. "I can't have children dad. I can't ever have kids."

Silence dropped, both Seamus and Hugh looking at me closely, with unreadable expressions. I wonder if it was my heart or theirs that I heard breaking.

It was strange- I thought I had come to terms with it, not being able to have children, and had accepted it. But never, until now, had I said it out loud.

And by God it hurt. Sobs wracked my body and I bent forward, hand coming to my abdomen, trying to feel if anything was alive, trying to pull in some sort of miracle that would just let me have kids.

I wanted a child. And it hurt so badly now that I acknowledged I would never be able to have one. Why was the universe like this?

Why was I like this?

Just a woman with so much baggage- too much baggage for people to actually try with. And even though it hurt for someone else, even though it hurt for Ripper- hurt so much for him, it was my body.

Did he realize how much I would have wanted a child too? Did he know how much I now hated myself for not being able to mother my own child?

The miracle of life was gifted to every woman, a miracle that pertained specifically to our sex, and I didn't have it. The door opened, but I was too stuck in my own pain to notice.

"I was so stupid Dad, I shouldn't have ridden that motorcycle at that speed- and you know what happened? I got thrown off and ended up ripping up my womb." I flung my hand out, the other massaging the scar that was covered in ink.

"It hurts dad. My body is already too stained to have a child- but realizing I can never have one? It hurts so much."

My vision blurred with tears, throat raw and choked. "I'm so sorry that I didn't tell Ripper dad, I'm so sorry, but I didn't want to think about it- I didn't want to acknowledge the fact that I would never be able to start a family with him. Do you know how much that kills my heart?"

I slammed my hands on the table, placing my forehead against it. I didn't want to pity myself, but it was hard not to.

A pair of arms came around me, familiar strength entwining in my own and pulling me up against a large chest.

I opened my eyes slowly, heart stopping when I saw the tear stained face of Ripper so close to mine.

He gave my father and Seamus a rough grunt, picking me up fully and taking me into my old room.

We sat together, his arms around me as he nuzzled his head into my neck.

"I'm sorry Ripper. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you."

Ripper kept quiet, tightening his grip. "Do you know how much it hurt to listen to you cry?" He grunted, leaning his head back to look me in the eye.

"I shouldn't have left you there. And you should have told me sooner." He murmured, amber eyes red from his tears. But he beat his hand on his chest, grabbing my hand to place on his pectoral.

"But I'm trying to understand why you didn't, and am coming to terms with why. You must be in so much pain"

I tucked my head into his neck, inhaling his leathery scent. It hurt, but was dulled now, dulled by the presence of my lover.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

Ripper shook his head, stroking my hair. "I'm sorry I didn't try to understand sooner."

______________