𝒥𝑒𝓃𝓃𝒾𝑒

It was about 3:30 and I was wide awake. I never get much sleep anyways. I usually lay down staring at the ceiling while my mind is always somewhere else

I hate those people that say 'be a friend to yourself', well what am I required to do when the person inflicting pain on me, is me? Because I'm the reason I dislike who I am.

Those thoughts in my head made me hate how I view myself. I can't go out in public without thinking that people are judging me, that everyone I talk to thinks I'm disgusting or annoying. Sometimes I wish I can be protected from myself, from my own mind

Most days I wish someone would take me away from myself, that's precisely how I feel all the time

Tomorrow I'm starting at a new school and I'm really nervous, I hate being a new student because sometimes I get scared of people and what there gonna think of me. My plan is too avoid everybody and make sure nobody notices me, I'm not trying to draw attention to anyone.

My mom is supposed to be home by now, but she's not here and I'm growing kind of worried. She usually gets drunk somewhere and ends up back home around 3 every night but it's almost 4 and she's still not here.

My eyes start to fall shut and then I heard a loud banging at the door. I got up to open it and my mom is on the other side. I grow more worried, her hair is messy, her eyes are red, and her makeup is messed up.

"Hey mom are you ok, what happened, I was starting to get worried" I tried to grab her arm to help her in

"Get the fuck off me!" she pushed me away from her,

Suddenly a man behind her walked in, he looked about 30 years old, he was bald and he also had tattoos all over his hands, he looked like Humpty Dumpty but with tattoos

"Mom are you ok? Who is that guy" I pointed at the man behind her. He was staring at me and his eyes trailing over my body, I started to grow uncomfortable

"None of your damn business, now go back to your room and don't fucking bother me right now!" She suddenly grabbed the man and they start making out against the door, what the fuck.

I sighed and walked back to my room and locked the door, I can hear them making out and moaning from outside the door so I decided to grab my AirPods and listen to some music.

I checked my alarm clock, it was about 4 am and I still can't sleep, I couldn't help it but my eyes started watering all the sudden,

I wonder why my mom hates me, Ive always tried to get her to like me, I was always there for her, but she never treats me like her daughter, I just want to feel like I have a mom, like I actually have someone who cares about me. Someone who I feel comfortable with.

Ever since my dad passed away she got worse, she's never home, and when she is she's either yelling at me or hurting me

As soon as my eyes started closing my alarm went off, turning to check the time it was already 7 in the morning

I have to be at my new school in 40 minutes and I'm going to make sure to avoid everyone.

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This is my firstttt bookkk I've never wrote one before so I hope you guys liked this chapter, it was kind of boring but don't worry it gets more interesting later on

Love you guysss