𝒥𝑒𝓃𝓃𝒾𝑒

I feel tired

It's a weird kind of tired because it's not the kind of tired you feel when you don't get enough sleep

It's the kind of tired you feel when you can't find the right words to express yourself

It's the kind of tired that makes you hate yourself and then hate yourself for hating yourself

If you keep telling yourself you're ugly, you're worthless, you're weak, you're pathetic—you'll believe it

So why cant I try telling myself the opposite?

If I'm able to repeat self-sabotaging thoughts all the time, then maybe I can repeat the opposite words instead

I am telling myself that I am okay, that I'm fine, that I can do this, again and again until I start believing it

But deep down I will never believe it, no matter how much I pretend I do

School ended about five minutes ago and I was heading to the ice cream shop

Aaron told me to meet him there, apparently ice cream is his new favorite thing to eat

Me and him have been getting more close with each other, he's beginning to open up more which makes me happy that he's comfortable with me

Lately he has been letting me stay at his house until I find a place to live at, we usually spend the nights at his house baking cookies or watching movies

I still don't know what our relationship is

It feels like we are more than friends but I don't know if Aaron would want a relationship with me

Walking into the store I noticed it's pretty empty

I quickly spotted Aaron next to one of the tables

He's not alone

Martha is in front of him

My entire body is frozen

She's kissing him

My fingernails dig into my palms, I cant feel anything, everything seems hazy

I suddenly turn around walking out of the store before they notice me

My heart squeezes so badly that I can't stand straight, my legs want to give up, I want to curl myself in a ball and hug myself

Tears start forming in my eyes but I quickly push them back

I don't know where I'm going, I just need to be alone right now, I don't even have a house to go to

I know me and Aaron aren't even in a fucking relationship, but it hurts

It hurts because I thought he likes me, I thought that someone actually fucking liked me

God I'm so stupid

Walking back into the school I spotted Juliette

"Hey Jennieee—holy shit are you ok why do you look like your about to cry" she says walking towards me

"I'm ok, I was just wondering if I can stay at your house tonight, It's ok if I can't I just don't really have a place to stay tonight" I say blinking back tears

"Of course you can fucking stay, come on girl I'll drive you there, I have to pick up my little brother on the way first though" she says putting her arms around my shoulders

"Alright, thank you I really appreciate it"

𝑨𝒂𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒔 𝒑𝒐𝒗:

I never thought that I would find myself buying ice cream for a girl

I got two ice cream cones, one for me and Jennie, I can tell ice cream makes her happy

I like seeing her happy

Waiting by one of the tables the door suddenly opened and I turned my head hoping Jennie was finally here

Ew Martha walked in

And what was worse was that she was walking towards me

She stood in front of me, batting her eyelashes as she looked up at me

What the fuck Is something stuck in her eyes why the hell are they tweaking

She put her hand dragging it up my chest but I quickly smacked it away

"What the fuck do you want Martha"

"I thought you would miss me Aaron" she said smirking

Hell no

"Can you like move away from me, I'm not trying to throw up on my ice cream" I said looking down at her

"Look you don't have to pretend you hate me, I know you secretly have a thing for me Aaron" she said moving closer

Is this bitch for real

"Martha get the fuck off me"

I don't like her being this close and touching me, it makes me feel uncomfortable

the only person I feel comfortable around is Jennie

She suddenly brings her lips up to mine grabbing the back of my neck and pulling me closer

The door opens but I don't have time to see who walked in because she quickly pulled me back to her lips

I quickly pushed her off of me wiping my mouth trying remove the taste

That was Fucking disgusting this girl needs to learn what a toothbrush is

"What the fuck is wrong with you!" I yelled stepping back from her

"You know you liked it Aaron" she says smirking

"Martha if I wasn't a guy, I would have done beat the shit out of you, now get the fuck away from me or I'll put a wig and a dress on and do it"

"Gosh your so funny, I'll talk to you later" she chuckles walking out the store

Is she fucking crazy or something

I notice the ice cream starts melting in my hand

Where the hell is Jennie

She was supposed to be here 20 minutes ago

I wait for 15 more minutes in the store, the ice cream has melted by then so I just ate them both

She never showed up

I walked out of the store and went in the school to look for her

I spotted Adam and as much as I don't want to talk to him I need to find Jennie

"Hey babyyy" he says smirking at me

"Don't fucking call me that" I said growing irritated

"You know you like it, so you need something or did you just miss me" he replied with a smile on his face

"Do you know where Jennie is?"

"Yea I think I saw her leaving with Juliette, did something happen between you two?"

"No nothing happened" I said walking away

"You didn't give me a kiss goodbye!" He yelled from behind me as I ignored him

She left?

She was so excited about getting ice cream earlier

Did she not want to be around me?

I know I saw her this morning but I already miss her

Because she makes me feel happy

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SO WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK OF MARTHA??

REMEMBER TO VOTE LOVES AND STAY HYDRATED