There was a sharp knock at my door, and I opened it. Adonis wore a hoodie and jeans. It was a good way of going undetected. I let him into my room, taking I the full effect he had on me. He moved closer, resting his hand lightly on my hips as he pressed his lips to mine. I held the sides of his face, pulling him closer.

In the back of my mind, I was preparing to let him go, but my heart wanted him now. His arms slid around my waist and he pulled me closer, deepening the kiss.

I knew I had to let him go but my hands gripped his shirt refusing to do it. It was wrong, but it felt so right. He broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against mine. He was breathing hard. I felt the softness of his warm breath on my face.

"If I get that type of greeting, I'll leave more often." He joked with a teasing smile that made my knees go weak.

I could smile back and pretend everything was okay when it wasn't so instead I did something I hadn't planned to. I leaned forward and kissed him hard. He didn't hesitate. He gripped the sides of my face as his tongue swept into my mouth, twirling with mine.

This time when he stopped kissing me and pulled away gently, I frowned.

"I need a moment," he said. He let out a haggard breath.

"Why?" I asked, taking a step back and crossing my arms.

"Because I'm a guy and I have only so much self-control." His big expressive eyes held mine.

I didn't want him to control how he felt when he was with me. He wanted me and I wanted him. That spun my insides.

My mom had gone out for a couple of hours, so we were alone in the house with time on our hands.

I didn't want to die without knowing what it felt like to be with a guy, and there was only one guy I wanted and he was standing in front of me now. He had my heart, and now I wanted him in a way a woman wanted a man.

The nagging voice in the back of my mind reminded me about my decision to let him go, but I reasoned with myself. I only wanted this one last thing from him, and then I promised myself I do what was best for him even if it hurt.

This moment I wanted for myself. Taking a step closer, he frowned.

"What's wrong?" he asked. I lifted myself up onto my tiptoes and pressed my mouth to his.

My arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer.

He let me lead the kiss. His hands settled on my hips and pulled me closer. It felt so right. I caressed his tongue with mine and he groaned against my lips. But then he pulled away, but I refused to release my hold around his neck.

"I'm barely hanging on," he whispered to me hoarsely. I loved the fact that I could reduce him to this.

"Then don't. I want you," I said. His eyes pierced mine. I wanted this with him so badly and he wanted it as well. What was the problem?

"We don't have to rush this." His words cut right through me. The reminder of my illness stole my moment of happiness and anticipation.

"I might not have time," I said, with a realistic view on the chances I had for a future.

Hoping I would make it through didn't turn it into reality. If I didn't make it, I didn't want to die without experiencing this something with him. It wouldn't just be a physical act. The way we felt about each other made it so much more.

He studied me for a moment.

"I can't believe that," he said. People died every day, and I was no different.

"I want you to love me," I said to him.

I saw the battle going on inside of him. One part of him didn't want to rush into it, believing there would be time. But the other part of him that did want to was looking at the whole situation with a realistic attitude. I'd fought that same battle.

"Please," I whispered, searching his eyes.

"But your mom_"

"She's out and she won't be back for a couple of hours."

There were no excuses.

I saw the indecision in his eyes again, so I gave him a nudge in the right direction. I lifted myself up onto my tiptoes and pressed my lips to his again.

That did it. The moment I felt his arms wind around me and pulled me up against him, I knew I'd won. His lips moved against mine with intent, and I loved the feel of him taking control.

His hands slid up my shirt and caressed my sides. I felt a flutter of excitement and anticipation. He broke the kiss and reached for the bottom of his shirt and pulled it over his head. My eyes feasted over his naked torso. I'd seen him half naked before when he'd been swimming or working out, but being up close and personal with him and being able to run my hands over his hard muscles was something else entirely.

Our eyes held each other as I reached for my shirt and discarded it on the floor. His eyes swept over me and I felt alive, wanting and needing more. The closeness of his skin against mine made my skin tingle as his hand held my hips and brought us close together.

This time when his lips touched mine, there was a hunger and a desperate need. His kiss was harder and more demanding as his tongue caressed mine. My stomach fluttered in excitement and burned with want. I wanted to have this with him, but I still felt a moment's hesitation like any virgin would.

Sensing it, he lifted his lips.

"Are you sure?" he asked, and I nodded my head. I unzipped my jeans and removed them to show him I would not back out. Once my jeans were off, I reached for the button of his jeans. It took moments for him to remove them.

Down to our underwear he lay me down on my bed and I ran the tip of my tongue across my bottom lip as he surveyed me. His eyes sweeping over every inch of my body that made my skin tingle under his heated gaze.

He covered my body with his and kissed me. My legs wrapped around his body, feeling him against me. The weight of his body pressed mine into the mattress before he shifted to trail his lips made a path down my body with soft kisses. I groaned as I peered down to see him press another light kiss to my skin.

"If you're not ready, we can wait." For the second time, he was giving me an opportunity to put a stop to it, but there was no going back for me.

"I want you now."

I didn't question why he had a condom in his wallet. All that mattered was that he was going to be my first. With that thought in my mind, we removed the rest of our clothing. Breathing hard, we joined, and I felt a moment of pain. But it didn't last long.

We were the closest two people could be, and I'd never felt more alive. He kissed me and I allowed him to show me how good it could feel.

I would never forget how he loved every inch of me, and when I finally came, I felt it was over me with an intensity I'd never experienced before. Afterward he kissed my forehead, and I gave him a lazy, sated smile.

"I didn't think it was possible, but I think I love you more," he said, and I felt the words tug at my heart.

I didn't want him to love me more. That hadn't been the plan. I felt a pang of guilt when he got up and disappeared into my bathroom for a few minutes. Looking up to the ceiling, I tried to remind myself I was doing the right thing, even if it hurt.

At the thought of him, he reappeared in my room and walked over to the bed. He was gorgeous and my eyes raked over him appreciatively before he got into the bed with me. He reached for me and I lay my head on his chest as he held.

For a little while, I pushed all thoughts from my mind and just enjoyed a peaceful moment with the boy I loved.