"H-How long ago was that?" I ask my voice shaky but no emotion in it.

"I-I think it was about 2 years ago, why?" He asks.

"What was their names?"

"I think one girl was named, Lily, or Lucy, or something like that. The name started with an L," he says.

"Lydia," I say as I feel fresh tears fall down my face.

"Y-Yeah, that was her name. How did y-,"

"What was the other girl's name?" I ask interrupting him.

"U-Uh, I think Emma or Emily? or," Then he stops and looks back at me.

"Emilia, Emilia was her name," He says with sadness lacing his voice. He tries to lean over to hug me for comfort but I back away.

"A-Are you mad at me?" He says.

"N-No, It's just a lot to take in," I say gripping my head. I can't believe it. Why did my schoolmates blame me? Why did I suddenly realize it wasn't my fault but a drunk driver? Why did I torture myself for years?

"I guess it's my turn now," I say with a grim laugh.

"Emilia, you don-"

"No, It would be wrong if I don't after you just poured your heart out to me," I tell him seriously.

"Well you know about the crash," I say looking at him.

beep...beep...beep...

I groan and open my eyes but immediately close them because the lights in the room are too bright. I open them again, blinking to adjust to the lights. I look around and see everything is white. I go to grab my head and feel something in my arm. An IV? I'm in a hospital. What happened?

The door opens and I look up to see a woman in a coat and clipboard in hand.

"Oh, I'm glad to see you're awake." She says.

"W-What happened?" I ask getting anxious. She gives me a sad look.

"You got in a car accident, we called your parent and they are on their way." She tells me, suddenly I remember. Lydia!

"Where is my friend! Lydia? Is she okay? She was with me!" I say starting to freak out.

"Honey, Honey calm down okay?" She tries to say.

"Is she okay!" I raise my voice.

"Honey, I'm sorry but your friend didn't make it," She says with pity in her eyes. My eyes widened in complete shock. I don't want her pity looks! I want my friend!

"GET OUT, LEAVE ME ALONE, GET OUT!" I start thrashing around and pull out my IV. Hissing slightly from my abrupt movement. My friend is gone? She's dead?! She can't be dead!

"I need some help in here," I hear the doctor yell. I start to get up but a few nurses grab me by my arms and legs but I continue to thrash and scream.

"LEAVE ME ALONE, LET ME GO, LET M-" I hiss when I feel a prick in my neck. I start to feel suddenly tired, I try to keep my eyes open but they feel so heavy. I cry as I think of my friend.

"Lydia," I say before I pass out.

----

"I couldn't bring myself to go to the funeral, I-I couldn't stand all the looks of pity. I hate pity. But soon after I instantly regretted not going. I never got to say goodbye to my friend. I never got to say goodbye!" I say. I feel Xander wrap his arms around me. I grip his shirt and cry into his shoulder.

"I never got to say g-goodbye," I whisper, my voice breaking. I look up at Xander and see anything but pity. I see sadness, hurt, slight anger.

"This is my fault. If I stopped my dad, this wouldn't have happened to you," he says.

"NO, it is not your fault!" I grab his face and look into his eyes.

"It's. Not. Your. Fault." I say, emphasizing each word. He looks distant but still nods his head. I drop my hands then look back down.

"A few days later, I really had a hard time getting back up on my feet. What made it worse was my mother just left. No note, no warning, just gone. Then we moved to another town I lived there for a year and a half or so. Then we moved back here." I say

"I'm sorry Emilia, why did you move?" He asks.

I sigh. Looking back at him.

"It was because of my mother," I say.

It has been a long week, my mom has tried to get me out of bed for a week after Lydia's funeral, that I was stupid enough not to go to. What is wrong with me? What kind of friend does that make me?

"Honey you need to get up now, it has been a week, you need to eat something." She says ripping the blanket off of me. I groan in protest before putting the pillow over my head.

"Not today missy, it's time to get up and move on, that's what she would have wanted." I become furious at her ignorant words.

"You don't know what she wanted mother!" I yell at her in disgust.

"Honey, that's not what I-"

"I know exactly what you meant," I say getting up and storming to the bathroom. I shower and do my business. I go back to my room and pick out my clothes. Hoodie and baggy pants. I put my hair in a messy bun and walk down the stairs.

My mother looks at my clothes but doesn't say anything. I could care less how I look.

"I'll take you to school," Mom says.

"I'm gonna walk," I say leaving before she says otherwise. I walk to school and enter the building. Everyone stops and take quick glances at me. Some with pity and some with anger? What did I do? I didn't do anything.

Suddenly I'm pushed against the locker by someone.

"You are the reason she is dead!" He spat in my face.

"Its all your fault! You should have been the one to die!" The girl next to him yells. Why would they care?

"Everyone loved her and you killed her!" Someone else says. I feel tears form in my eyes.

"N-No, it wasn't," I say.

"Yes should kill yourself. We would be better off!" The girl says hitting me in the face. I drop to the floor and my tears fall.

"What a worthless piece of trash." He says before walking away. It wasn't my fault, was it?

I get up and run out of the school to my house as tears roll down my face. I burst through the door and ignore my mom trying to get my attention. I head up to my room and slam my door. I jump on my bed and scream into my pillow. I cry for hours all the pain coming back again. Soon I fall asleep.

I wake up the next morning and look to see it's 12:27 pm. I sit up and look around my room before getting up. I head down the stairs and see my father and brother at the table.

"Where's mom?" I ask them.

"She left," Dad says.

"Where did she go?"

"I don't know, she left she is gone! Never coming back!" He yells slamming his fist on the table.

"Now, Shut the fuck up!" He says, going back to his food. I was surprised, he never talked to me like that. What did I do?

"I'm so-"

"I said shut up!" He got up and slapped me. I grabbed my cheek and tears start forming in my eyes.

"Pack your shit! We're leaving!" He yells at me.

I get up and run to my room as tears run down my face. What have I done?

"I didn't know why my mom left but I wish I could say sorry for the way I treated her before she left. She was just trying to help me. It's my fault she left," I say in a sorrow filled voice.

"Hey, hey, Emilia, it's not your fault. You were grieving over your friend. You had every right to feel upset like you did," he says to me.

He looks at me and opens his mouth but closes it back again. I think I know what he is gonna ask.

"Emilia, I care about you, even if you don't believe me, I want to help you, we want to help you. C-can you tell me why..?" He trails off looking down at my arm then back at me.

I stay quiet for a moment and sigh.

"I-I just couldn't handle everything. It was just too much for me. I gave up, I was tired of the lies and this feeling..." I trail off. He grabs my hand to comfort me.

"M-My father told me that he wasn't my real father. He said my mother left to be with her lover. I think I was just someone she had to feed and cloth. Nothing more, she never loved me. I don't even know if my birth father knows of me. She is probably living a better life without me. I just wish she would have told me why she left me," I look down and feel silent tears roll down my face.

"I feel so worthless, unwanted, and just a wast-,"

"Emilia!" Xander says startling me from my rant. I tilt my head slightly in confusion.

"Wha-" He gently grabs the sides of my face making me look up at him.

"That is not true Emilia, we care about you. I care about you," He says, sincerity in his voice.

"Bu-"

"You are not worthless and not unwanted. You are beautiful, smart, and an amazing person to be around," He says to me. I start to tear up at his words and a blush creep up my cheeks.

"You are important to me," I feel the tears roll down my face. He rubs the tears away with the pads of his thumbs. I smile and lean into his touch.

"I want you to trust me, Emilia, I will wait forever for you to trust me," He says letting go of my face. I look down.

"I will wait," He says with a smile on his face.

I feel sudden fatigue and a yawn escapes my mouth.

"I think someone is tired," he says, a smirk playing on his lips. I roll my eyes at him and wipe my face of tears. I watch as he slouches in the chair, closes his eyes and crossing his arms over his chest.

"Xander?"

"Yes, Emilia?" He says, his eyes still closed and arms crossed.

"D-Do...uh...d-do you want to lay in the bed with me? I-It's probably more comfortable than the chair and your-" He holds up his hand.

"Emilia, you don't have to come up with excuses. Yes, I will," He says chuckling slightly. He gets up and I move over making room for him. He lays on the bed and looks at me. He hesitantly wraps his arms around me and I don't protest. I feel comfort and safety in his arms.

"Goodnight Em,"

"Goodnight, Xander," I say before falling into a peaceful sleep.

ps-I might do a double update for reaching 1000 reads but I don't know.