chapter twenty-four – stupid and stupider

3 missed calls from Stupid.

Ring, Ring, Ring.

4 missed calls from Stupid.

Ding.

Ring, Ring-

"What do you want, Marc?" I sniffled.

"I heard about your mom and the baby." Marc sounded just as broken as I was.

"Okay." I continued to stare at my ceiling.

"I'm so sorry."

Wake up. Get dressed. Skip breakfast. Go to school.

Go home. Lock myself in my room. Cry. Eat dinner. Go to bed.

Nothing changed. Nothing is going to change.

14 days of the same thing.

14 days of knowing. Knowing that everything was my fault.

"Can you please stop sucking face?" Millie crinkled her nose at the sight of Laurel and Charlie with their tongues down their throats.

"Hey, Tee." Charlie greeted me.

"Hi." I glanced up at him and he gave me a sad smile.

The four of us started making our way down the hallway towards the cafeteria.

"So, did you hear who got partnered up with Millie today in Chemistry?" Laurel wrapped her arm around my shoulder.

"No." I didn't break my staring contest with the marble floor.

"Kevin Preston." Millie rolled her eyes. "God I hate him."

"Why?" I mumbled.

"Are you seriously asking, why?" Millie furrowed her thin eyebrows.

"He's not a bad person. He made some mistakes but he's not evil." I gulped. "He's going through a hard time right now. Don't be mean."

The four of us sat at our usual table and I couldn't help but feel open. Marc should be to my right. He should be cracking some dumb joke. He should be smiling. He should be here.

But I destroyed that.

"You should eat." Laurel pushed a tray of nasty cafeteria food in front of me.

"I'll eat later." I'm not lying. I will eat later. Whenever Dad decides to come up to my room and force me to come downstairs.

"Marc's going to be pissed when he comes back and finds you all skin and bones." I know Charlie was trying to make me laugh. But it wasn't funny.

"Marc's not going to care." The sharp edge on my voice made my friends flinch. "Don't you get it? Marc hates me and he has every right to. I mean we don't even know if Marc's alive. Last we heard he had a god damn stroke because of me. Kevin hasn't been in school and neither has Devin. Summer wont even answer my calls anymore. It's over and nothing matters anymore."

"Thea, wait." Laurel stood up to stop me but I was already leaving.

Nothing matters anymore.

****

The Preston House, 12 years ago.

****

"Give it back, Marc!" I cried out as Marc held my favorite Barbie over my head.

Marc just grinned at me as I jumped up and down for it.

"Marc, please!" This time I jumped a little too high and fell into Marc.

"Ew! G-Get away" Marc flinched and pushed me.

I felt tears well up in my eyes as I stared at the cut on my elbow.

"I-I'm sorry" Marc's eyes widened.

I was full blown crying now.

"Thea, I'm s-s-sorry. Here" Marc handed me my Barbie back.

I held my barbie close as I watched Marc run back into the house.

A few minutes later, he came back out with a little first aid kit.

He kneeled down beside me and opened it up.

"I-It's g-gonna sting" Marc stuttered as he began to clean the cut.

Finally he stuck a little band-aid with Cinderella on it, on my scrape.

"See, n-now you're a p-princess" Marc smiled at me.

I smiled back and wiped my tears away.

Marc leaned down quickly and kissed my cheek.

"T-Thank you" I smiled.

"I-I just didn't w-want to get in trouble."

****

I don't know why that memory was replaying in my head over and over.

Maybe it was because that was the first memory I have of Marc being sweet to me. A memory I kept so deep down during the years that I convinced myself that I hated Marc Preston.

That thought sounded so ridiculous now.

Hating Marc Preston.

It sounded wrong. Unfamiliar. How could I have ever wanted him gone?

All I want now is to have him here. I want him to smile at me and tease me. To crack stupid jokes. I want to pretend like he's annoying me but deep down my heart is pounding and I cant stop myself from smiling.

I want all the bad stuff to just go away. I want to be happy with Marc again. I want him to love me again.

I want to be able to talk to him without seeing that hurt look in his eyes.

I want him.

I love him.

I love Marc Preston.

"Sweetheart, dinner's ready." I heard Dad whisper as he came into my room.

"I'm not hungry."

I felt the bed dip behind my from Dad's bodyweight as he sat.

I felt his hand start to stroke my hair.

"I heard that Marc's doing good." I could hear the smile in Dad's voice. "Adam said that their shouldn't be anymore surprises."

"Is that what that was? A surprise?" I mumbled.

"What?"

"The accident. The stroke. The paralysis. All of that was just a surprise?" I turned to face Dad.

"Thea, you know what I meant." Dad frowned at me.

"All of it was my fault, Daddy." My lip trembled.

"No it wasn't baby" Dad shook his head.

"Yes it was. He got into the accident because he saw Kevin kissing me. He's paralyzed because he was speeding because he was upset with me. He had the stroke because he was yelling at me." I started to cry. "It's all because of me."

"Hey, look at me." Dad cups my face in his hands. "That's not your fault. Marc made his own decisions. It's a tragedy but it was God's plan. He's paralyzed because they had to remove him from the car to give him CPR. He had a stroke because he hit his head a few times. He chose to speed. He chose to let his anger control him. He's a kid. Kid's make mistakes. But don't you dare think for one minute this is your fault."

"But-"

"No. Thea, no. I know that feeling. I know what you're going through. When Mommy died, I blamed myself. I thought that maybe it was my fault because I agreed to have another baby. Maybe it was because we skipped a check up because I wanted to have a date night. But it was none of that. It wasn't my fault. It was nobodies fault." Dad was crying now. "I know that feeling. Your chest feels empty. Your eyes feel stiff. Your head is swirling. All you can think about is what happened and then you're going to start to think about ways to make it stop."

I stared at Dad with my own tears streaming down my face. Not because of Marc or my Mom. But because my Dad looked terrified.

"Thea, I love you. You cannot think like that. You're a wonderful person. Everyone makes mistakes but this is not your fault." Dad sighed. "Now please listen to me and come down for dinner."

"Okay Dad."