Dearest Santa,

Quit slacking off.

I asked for a hot wheels car two years ago, and you got me a shirt.

So last year I asked for a hot wheels car again, and you got me some pants.

So this year I am asking for a hot wheels car again, and I if I get any clothes-related items this year, there will be consequences.

Yo, Santa!

What's bumping, Man? Look, I know you are like, super busy and all, so I'll make it easier for you. All I want is eighty million dollars. Too much? You're right. Let's make it 5 thousand. Merry Christmas!

PS. Don't give Kenzie anything. If she tells you she's been good, she's lying.

Dear Gift-bringer,

I am expecting a vast amount of gifts this year.

Dear Santa,

I am so sorry for what I did. I thought I could be good for a whole week, but it seemed I did not succeed. I will try harder next year. Can I get presents anyway?

Dear Santa,

How are you doing on the presents? My mother said you would not be coming due to the results of the presidential election, but I still believe in you. For Christmas, I want a boyfriend. I think I would also like a second boyfriend, in case the first one runs away. Merry holidays, old man! How old are you, anyway?