Chapter 24

Mariah's POV

I woke up feeling the ray of sunshine smacking into my face with such force. I squinted my eyes, adjusting myself to the new room and surroundings.

Then I felt part of my wolf wakening up, jolting so now she was hovering over her daughter's cot. I watched my daughter sleep peacefuly, with both of her arms by her side, creating an L shape. I laughed at her mouth which was wide open. I wiped away her drool which was now trailing down the side of her mouth. I made sure not to wake her in the process. I smiled at how she had no worry, since I would take care of her and make sure no harm was ever to strike in her path.

Ever since Alina came in contact with Adam my wolf has been more shaky and warry. She just felt like she had to be around Alina. She didn't care if she was in the pack house or even in one of our most tough warriors care, she just felt so uneasy.

But having Alina around makes both me and my wolf happy. She's like the a star, every night we know she's there.

I remember all the moments i shared with her while I had been pregnant with her. Every secret I shared with the only person i could trust- my child. Ever time i felt like my body was giving up, my child had given me assurance.

-Flashback-

I sat down on the ripped up couch, sitting alone in the cold and emptiness of my apartment. I hugged myself tightly tearing up about the loneliness that filled my soul. All i wanted was my father to cuddle me and tell me everything will be fine. But every time i opened my eyes, i never saw him, it was all a dream. My visions would create and image of my father, every time i dreamt or closed my eyes, but when i face reality, he always seems to disappear. I would crave for my fathers, fatherly love, but I never seem to get it.

Just once in my life I wanted my father. I never begged anyone or anything in my life for something this bad. But this time I beg with my soul and heart, just to give my father back. To let him hold me in my arms, while I weep. Why can't I at least find happiness?

What do I have to do? I will sacrifice my life for my father to come back. If that so means that my mother will find peace and love in her heart, and my father to watch his son and daughter grow up. If that even means my child is born without a mother, at least my child will be able to be held by her/ his loving caring grandfather, I will do so. I will go through any sadistic and painful death that is held for me. I will do anything to get the protector, peaceful, respected man - my father back; I will do so at any cost. His presence could set the whole pack straight.

I cried franticly remembering my father. Why me? What had I done? I beg for mercy. This pain is unbearable, carrying my child and going through pain.

I shield my stomach protectively, rubbing circles on the top of my belly, so at least my baby in their will be able to find peace. I may not, but my child must.

I couldn't take the pain anymore. I wanted to die; I wanted to finally leave this tortuous world. I wanted every thing to vanish. But all those thoughts of suicidal attempts seemed to escape my mind, when I seem to touch my growing belly.

I shouldn't be moping around. I have a child to raise. I am a mother. Like my father had said 'I am trooper' I laughed at my father, his characteristic, persona and his attitude. I miss him so much. But what would my child feel if i left her/him in this earth to grow up without a mother. I had to stop being selfish. This is my child I'm talking about. Rape or not, I will not commit suicide.

If I am unable to live without my father, what will my child go through?

"I love you sweetie. I promise to serve you, be by your side and be a mother until the day I die" I whispered to my growing belly.

-Flashback ends

I hadn't realised the tears streaming down my eyes, as i stared blankly at my daughter. Who was now wide awake, staring at me curiously? I examined her expression, which looked so sad. I could tell she sensed my mood.

She tilted her head getting a better view of me. I let out a weak laugh, which she didn't buy. She pouted her lips, while her bottom lips quivered from fear. Fear from the unknown reason of her mother tearing up in front of her. A childs bond of her mother is strong, as a child feels the pain and sorrow that her mother feels. But i heard it was all a myth.

She began to cry quietly as she stared up at me, which made me tear up. I let my tears which consumed within me pour out. I may be growing but that doesn't mean I'm strong. I need James more than I think I do. I need him more than life itself.

I hadn't realised that everything which affects me emotionally, affects my daughter. I scooped her up hugging her to my chest. Now I realise its not myth its true. My daughter feels the pain I have felt.

I cried my morning away, finally drowning in tears over my sorrow, while my daughter held onto me with her life.

...................

"James what the hell. I'm turning 21, chill out will you" I swatted his hands away. All the excitement coming off from him was giving me a head.

He's more excited about my 21st birthday than i am. To be honest i had forgotten today's my birthday. Since I met Adam everything that i was planning on doing or was thinking about flew out of my mind. Adam actually stresses me .

"I don't care we need to go shopping ASAP and I mean It." he said sternly. Looking at his list of equipment needed and the snacks we need to buy.

"ASAP?" I laughed hysterically. "When did you turn 16?" i snorted, while my laughter sent me to the floor. My stomach was hurting so badly that I was clutching onto my stomach.

"Shut up" he mumbled. "Anyway yesterdays little drama with Taren and stuff got out of hand. So to make myself relax throwing an extravagant party would make me happy" He smiled, helping me up.

"Fine, you better have bought me something nice" I fluttered my eyes.

"Fluttering your eyes makes you look weird" he said innocently. I glared at him, composing my posture. "Well I got you-" I cut him short from his words.

"I don't want to know. It's supposed to be a surprise?" I shot at him.

I hated when surprised are spoilt. I may say I want to know, but the suspense is much better. I think being patient is one thing that makes me, me. Patience is what my father taught me to be.

He would always tell me that, if I'm patient, at the end of the road my patience will be worth the wait. But I want to question my father, my patience with my brother, sister, mother and mate, is worth the wait. I would say no. I hated it. I disagreed on my father's teaching on so many levels. Questioning if his teachings were right.

But guess what? He has been right all along. Being patient to those who I loved has definitely worked off. Now they are begging on the knees for me to forgive them and love them like I once had.

My father is always right, my wolf added. I smiled at her comment. Because everything my father has said is right. Respect, love, patience, and all his teaching has been right.

We all must suffer to understand these words with much love. If we haven't been through torture, pain we don't understand what the word love means, or what the word patience means.

My father prepared us for the time. How much I miss my father is an understatement.

"You okay boo boo?" Jamed questioned with such concern, that it made my heart melt. He searched my eye for any obvious emotions, but I looked towards the floor.

"Yes I'm good" i lied, putting on a fake smile. I wanted to tell James everything about Adam being my mate-one of the ruthless mean alpha in the world. But when I thought I could do it, I didn't have it in me to tell him everything. The fact that i could scare him away or him looking down with at me with such pity. I didn't want that. So I thought I'll let it die down and when I'm ready I'll let him know.

But what happend next took me by surprise. James lips were crashed onto my lips with such fire and intensity. I was so needy for his love, so I gave in easily, letting his tongues glide into my mouth, allowing him easy access. I could tell he held onto a smirk. But I didn't care. I wanted this.

He leaned away, as he whispered into my ears huskily. "Surprise birthday girl" i was still leant against his chest, looking dazed. But I frowned realising this was nothing but a gift. So being me i faked a smile and smirking at him.

"I've had better" I whispered back to him. I felt slightly damaged, it wasn't a proper kiss all it was a gift from him to me.

I turned on my heel, with my head held high, walking away without a second glance.

............................

"James put them away." I whispered yelled at him, which made him laugh at me but when I glared up at him, he shut his mouth. I smiled at my bossy exterior. Honestly he is so bad at shopping for a PG birthday party.

"What we need condoms. Safe sex" he replied in a 'duh' voice.

"James I doubt it married and mated wolves will be going around having sex in our pack house. And kids really? They barley know where to insert their weener. So no get them condoms away from me before, I beat you up with one" I whisper-yelled back at him once more. I didn't want to embarrass myself further. All theses humans were staring at us both like were some weird, mental people.

All i wanted to do was run away from James and then jump him and beat him with a stick, for the embarrassment he has caused me. I think the plan could work. I could run out the shop , he follows, then i hide, and then BAM i pounce on him beating with a stick I will grab when I exit. Or maybe I will take them condoms and strangle him with one.

"Kinky? Me likey" He said arching his eyebrows. H egave off his famous smirk, which made me roll my eyes at.

"James you sound like Mafia pervert" I scoffed.

"Mafia?" he raised an eyebrow."Imagine if I was one. Man I'd be great"

"You're an alpha isn't that enough?" I questioned.

"No mafias are more dangerous. It would be thrill seeking. The power. The guns. And down get me started on the women" i frowned at that comment. It hurt me pretty bad. James still loves his women, and if we did date, he would be restricted. He would me tied down to me. Everyone knew James. He is known for his luck with the women. Everyone women would fall for his charms, while their dates and in some cases husbands, would start at James with such envy. The fights he has caused in many parts just show his status he has with women. He could get nay women in a snap of a finger. I was naive to belie he would start something with me

I knew nothing between us could park, but the hope I had was there. I knew it hurts me pretty bad, but these types of things prepare me for the day he finds his mate and he has to leave both me and Alina. It will hurt so much, that it may leave a scar. But I'm not willing to lose him either. I will have to fight with my heart and accept the fact that he's never going to be mines.

Then if felt my trolley smacking against another, which made me bolt and groan from the pain, when it attacked my stomach with such a strong and forced impact.

"Sorry-" I started but then cut off with a very familiar warm, coated scent."Tammy?" I whispered looking up at her in disbelief.

She hadn't changed a bit. She still held her faml, petite frame, with her glossy blonde hair, flowing perfectly over her shoulders.

She nodded her head. "Mariah....wow.... your stunning sweetie" she said with a shaky voice. I could hear the concern in her voice.

"Mariah?" another warm loving tone entered my ear.

"Tom?" I whispered holding the same tone that I had held with Tammy.

"Oh sweetie how much we've missed you" Tom spoke. His voice was so sweet, that when i heard the word sweetie escape his lips, it made my stomach tingle with happiness. Everyone knew Tom to be hard spoken and wasn't the one to call his wife or love ones, sweet names, such as 'darling' or even 'sweetie', it overly shocked me but i gained back my conscious.

"I'm sorry" i whispered, feeling weak that I had been the day i was exiled. I could feel my wolf stir uncomfortably within me, but I pushed her uncomforting aura down slightly.

"You have nothing to be sorry about. We're sorry on behalf of our ignorant son" Tom spat the word son right out his mouth. His word dripped with such venom, that it made my ears bleed with horror. The fact that a father could hate his son with such passion shocked me. Tom was a loving father and to hear him say that shocked me.

Whereas Tammy looked so sad.

"Don't hate him." I spoke holding onto the firmness to my voice.

"Hey Mariah I found some hummus, which is this Arabian-" I could hear the footsteps growing nearer and then everything froze around me. Tammy stood there with glassy eyes, shaking her head.

"Leo?" Tom spoke; his voice breaking down with saddness.

I looked up at James who gritted his teeth firmly looking at Tom.