Chapter 37

My heart clenched with distress as realisation hit me. I was absent from their lives for so long. I was a just a mere ghost haunting them. I felt guilty eating up at me realising they must have spent their lives worrying about me. Seven years was a pretty long time. Not only that but i missed 7 birthdays and missed Alina transforming into this beautiful little angel.

My eyes transfixed onto Alina who stood their with worry and sadness in her eyes. My heart was crying out to me with the emptiness of seven years of not knowing my daughter. I no longer had my little girl but a grown up beautiful daughter. Her curly locks were now waved down below her shoulder. They lightened and turned a honey blonde colour over the years. Her face was flawless her tanned skin, it darkened over the years i had been absent in her life. Her eyes were now seen to be emerald with golden specks in them. She dressed like a girly girl just like her mum.

I released myself from James embrace taking her appearance and the stance she stood in. It was excitement mixed with worry. Her eyes were brimming with unshed tears, she looked sad.

Wiping away my tears I finally extended my arms which she ran in almost knocking me over, i giggled down at her. James moved closer but i stared at him to stop which he did. He knew i was still in pain but it was worth it.

Her body melted into mine her body trembling and then she let loose. She cried into my chest as i rocked her back and forth inhaling her scent. Her tears soaked my gown making me tear up. I hadn't realised how much it must have affected her. She was practically motherless at the most important time of her life. Her mother wasnt their to hold her, kiss her to sleep or chase away her nightmares.

She stared deeply into my eyes "don't leave me again" she sadly pleaded quietly.

"I wont baby girl" i soothed her again as she hugged me tightly like she would lose me again. My grip on her tightened on her i cupped her face into my hands kissing her forehead softly.

"So how has life been?" I tried to break the silence only making it awkward when James stared at me.

"Dad tried to make me play football mummy" her face scrunched with disgust making James chuckle at the memory. I frowned realising I couldn't share those memory's. they must have lots of memory's to share with me i smile. I'd love to see how good of a dad he had been. I stopped staring at James did she just call him dad. My eyes teared up but this time it was because I was happy.

James didn't see it as a good thing and was confused by my sudden tears "dad" i whispered to him. Realisation hit him.

"Alina will you get me and your mum few snacks. " he said. He gave her 50 dollars making my eyes go wide. "Go wild" he told her making her giggle running out the door but not before kissing me and smiling widely with excitement.

James came and sat beside me. I grabbed his hands feeling my heart go wild. He entwined our hands, tightly holding onto it.

"How do you feel?" He aksed

"Other than feeling like im on fire im fine" i laughed. But he didnt find it amusing.

"Do you need a doctor?" He asked with concern, he stood up but i pulled him back. He took the answer as a no and sat back down.

"Do you remember anything?" He asked. I honestly only remembered me waiting at the house for James to come back. That night he was fuming with anger. That was all i remembered. I shook my head, I wasn't aware of what caused me to be in coma. He stared at me brushing away the hair that fell over my eyes. "Its better that way" he muttered. I looked at him with confusion.

"What do you mean?" He sighed rubbing small circles at the back of my hands soothing me. Their was a ling pause before he sighed.

"You was crushed between to cars. You were not only hit by one but two, you took a huge impact to the ground when you were thrown. Your body was battered and you was bruised for a long time. Your body was in shock. You were fighting but not hard enough. You almost gave up"he whispered, his hands tightening around mines. I could tell their was more to this story. I could feel it, he was keeping something from me. "For months you battled and the doctors were ready to pull the plug" he choked with distress. "But i wouldn't let them i couldn't lose another person i love". I leaned into his shoulder.

"I lived through it i guess. Im glad you didn't give up". He chuckled at my words kissing the top of my head.

"Mariah" i stared up at him. He looked uncomfortable but pain was evidently in his eyes. Tears brimmed his eyes and his jaw quivered. "You were" he paused with pain burning his eyes "pregnant" he whispered. "You lost it you was only few weeks"My eyes scanned his face cupping his face into my hands. My body tremble with pain but i knew I could never bring my child back. I recovered from the heart pain because i knew it was worse for him. He had to live without me their for him for years. He didnt have support from me he had to suffer alone losing his child. I knew no matter what it had killed him the most.

He looked torn who wouldn't when you just lost a child. He was going to be a father. I hugged him holding back my tears. Inside i felt like crying and breaking down but i held it together supporting him.

"We have Alina" i whispered choking. Even though it had inly been 7 years I could see it was still killing him.

"Yea" he smiled. I could tell the sadness was still their. He had to go through it alone while i was in coma.

I stood up lifting up my gown my arm ached but i had to see that scar. I saw it more as a battle scar, i had been operated in but lost the battle of saving my baby. James looked wide eyed turning his face making me chukle. "Like you haven't see it" i rolled my eyes seeing his face flush. I stared down at my scar. It looked beautiful in its own way.

I gasped when i felt his figers trace alone my scar. The touch was foreign to me though it was comforting it made shy. His eyes were trained onto the scar not looking anywhere but it. He frowned slowly looking up at ne sadly. Like he felt sorry for me. He placed a lingering kiss on my scar, making my heart flutter and stomach twist with adoration.

"Your infertile" he whispered to me. My hands froze and i felt my heart shatter. I fell into James arms, he caught me effortlessly holding me tight in his arms. I couldnt bear any more baby's. I couldn't provide Alina with siblings or give James anymore children. I already lost his baby and lost my last child. I began to sob hysterically, with each sob my heart clenched with pain. I was infertile.

...........

"Be quiet will you" i heard a voice say harshly to someone and shuffling began. I groaned with annoyance. Couldnt they just leave me alone , I just found out i was in coma for 7 years, i lost a child and now I'm infertile to.

I was tired of crying even though the my heart clenched their was nothing I could do. What was done is done. I lost who i was while in the process. I dealt with heart break, rejection, abuse and lack of love. But that hadn't been the cherry on the top. This was.

The whispering battle carried on. I could feel the presence of fee other people in the room but i chose to ignore it.

"What!" I screeched with annoyance sitting up. The burning sensation fired up again but i ignored it. I face the annoying people, all i saw was shock written in their faces.

"Mariah" James said leaning in kissing my forehead.

I turned around to see Adam, my mum, Tammy and Taren standing their staring at me, like they just saw a ghost.

Everyone had aged now that i stared at them. Adam had finally grown into a man I must say he had a chin with facial hair giving him the 'gentleman' look. Tammy looked a lot older but still beautiful, my mum well she gained back the weight she had lost along time ago and her eyes weren't as hollow as i remembered them. She looked healthy.

"Hey" i waved awkwardly at them making James chuckle. I stared at him but this time i stared at his change. His face grew manlier if that was even possible. His eyes looked mire piercing and sharp and his face was rugged with his unshaven beard which suited him very well. But what made me gasp was his broad shoulder and structure, he stood tall with his rippling muscles bulging from under hsi shirt. I frowned at myself how i was slow to pick up on his change. Because James did change he looked more fierce and intimidating. He looked like he held power which he had with pride. James physic changed drastically. But his eyes held the most change of all, they looked hollow like he had been in such distress. But his appearance didn't phase me, he was still the same James.

"You look well sweetie" Tammy smiled at me then looking at James. "Tom was going to-"

"Mum" James shot out cutting Tammy off. They stared at each other having communication if their own. Tammy looked defeated sighing she looked down

"Get well soon sweetie" she said smiling at me.

"James when can income home?" I asked desperately. Even though I was only out of coma for about 24 hours, i wanted to go home.

"You just came out if coma. Give it a week or so. Their checking your progress" James sighed walking over to me sitting himself in my bed. I cuddled up to him loving the warmth he seemed to be giving off. I stared over at Adam whos shuffling looked awkward. He stared at anything but us. Adam caught me staring at me making me turn my head rather fast, my face flushing with embarrassment.

"Do they know about the baby?" I carefully whispered to him. Even though i was still in a state if shock if losing a child and infertile, i had to move through it. I knew this was still a touchy subject for him but i really needed to know.

"Yea" he whispered sadly looking up at Adam. "He took it the worst" he mumbled. I stared at Adam he did look a little sad. But I had no idea why.

"Why?" I asked James confusedly. I remembered Adam as someone i had grew up with but other than that I didn't see him a person to be taking this news that bad. It wasn't like it was his baby.

"Don't you know who Adam is?" He stared at me surprise with worry written on his face. I just shrugged.

"Of course i do he was a childhood friend and your little brother" i swiftly answered. James stood and i heard few gasps and a door slam shut. I stared widely at the door to see no Adam in the room and James follow Adam. "Whats going on" i cried after James.

That did it for me i started crying. I felt like everyone were keeping things for me and their was more to this. I felt like i didn't belong here anymore.

Sorry for late upload i was on holiday and then my decided not to work on me. Hope you liked it next chap will be on adams and we will find out what happened with the others while she was away.

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