Jade hadn't seen either of the brothers during the rest of the week and got into a more suited routine. She got up every morning went to the gym for an hour or whenever her leg started to hurt and then made her way home for a shower and breakfast. After that, she would clean the house that never needed cleaning, walk to the physio which to her delight, she could remove her leg brace. After getting told off by her physio she would then walk home. After that, she would sit around the house watching movies and maybe if she was feeling adventurous she would go to the shops or for a walk around the park, but otherwise, her life sucked.

Jade never understood how hard it would be to not to be on duty and have nothing to do, but think about all the mistakes made that could have been avoided.

What she didn't realise was that with the silence, her mind seemed to fill the gap quickly with thoughts and events that she wanted to push to the back of her mind and avoid like a plague. Because, the more she thought about what could have happened, the more guilt she felt over things she could have done differently. The guilt was eating her up inside every day and the more time passed the harder moving forward became.

Waking up that morning Jade had no desire to move. She felt as if she was being weighed down by an invisible force that was keeping her pinned to the bed. Whenever she tried to move to start her day, she felt a heaviness in her chest that made it hard to breathe as if her air supply was being cut off.

So, she just laid there staring at her plain roof as she felt herself sink away from reality and into a world where nothing existed, but her mind and her inner demons she tried to keep at bay.

Jade tried to fight, but her body had no fight left and she felt herself giving up on this world and going into an existence that shouldn't exist inside her mind.

She felt as if she was floating until she felt her mind or body she didn't know, come to a stop. Jade knew she was lost inside her mind as she glanced down at the row of carnage that seemed to stretch on for miles. The smell of rotting flesh plagued the air that was around her. Jade knew this wasn't real, but this was the part of her mind she had no control over.

She walked through the carnage and saw the faces of her friends that had been lost in the service and a war that seemed never-ending. When she reached the end of the carnage there was nothing, but empty white space that seemed to never end.

Looking back at the bodies, the white space was compelling her to step forward and become nothing as if it craved her presence within the space. Jade took a step forward into the empty whiteness and felt herself drop off the face of the earth. She felt like she was falling, and there was no end to this endless pit she was falling into. She felt as if she was tumbling and tumbling with no control over when it would stop, but she knew eventually she would hit the earth and the impact would be catastrophic.

Marcus was next door with his brother just hanging out around the house when they both heard a loud thump from next door. They both looked at each other with worried looks as Marcus felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. Even though Marcus didn't want to admit it, there was a small part of him that cared for the corporal next door, but it wasn't something he would act upon. If he was being brutally honest with himself, he would admit he cared deeply for his neighbour, but that honestly meant opening up and he wasn't sure he was capable or ready for that.

"Marcus, make sure she is fine please," Marco told his brother who rolled his eyes and went back to the card game they were playing.

"She probably just dropped something, nothing to get your panties in a twist over." Marcus placed down a royal flush and his twin threw up his hand in disbelief.

"I'm worried about her. I never see her hang out with any friends and I see no one over. It's not good to be alone by yourself after coming out of combat. You know this better than anyone." Marco said with a raised eyebrow and Marcus rolled his eyes again.

"Fine, if it will ease your mind, I'll make sure that the princess is fine." Marco shook his head as Marcus stood up cracking his back in the process to get rid of all the kinks he had gained over the last hour of sitting hunched over on the floor in their lounge room.

"Yes, it will take you two seconds."

"It will only take two seconds," Marcus said imitating his brother in a much higher pitch that annoyed Marco to death.

Marcus tried to shake off the bad feeling in the pit of his stomach and the closer he got to Jade's door the worse it grew. Marcus slammed his fist into Jade's door and waited for to either yell or indicate that she was alive in there.

"Jade, open up." He yelled as the panic feeling settled into the pits of his stomach

When Jade didn't answer again, Marcus used the spare key she had given them as she was sick of them breaking down her door. When he opened the door, he found a clean and quiet lounge room. Looking around you would believe no one lived here.

He made his way to her bedroom to find that empty. The sheets were thrown back showing evidence that she had slept here.

"Jade." He called out but got no response. He heard no shower on only eerily silence, so he made his way into the bathroom and the sight before him was something that he never wanted to see again.

"Marco." He yelled out, and he knew that his brother heard as he knelt over the bathtub and grabbed the first thing he could find and pulled Jade into his lap. He grabbed the towel that was lazily thrown on the floor and wrapped it tightly around one of her arms.

"Jesus Christ," Marco said when he walked into the bathroom and quickly got into action trying to find anything to stop the bleeding.

"Ring the hospital, I will try to stop the bleeding," Marco said and Marcus as he took over putting pressure on her arm, while Marcus dialled triple zero. He put the phone on speaker as his brother nodded his head to replace his hands while he searched for more towels.

"Jade stay with me okay," Marcus whispered as he stroked her hair off her damp face. He looked at his hands that were covered in blood and help on tightly to her arm to stop the blood.

"I have dispatched the ambulance, you need to check if she is still breathing and try to keep her warm." The emergency operator said through the speakerphone and Marco gave them the condition Jade was in.

Marco had done everything he could have and now they just had to wait until the ambulance arrived. Marco sat there in silence and monitored Jade, while Marcus whispered repeatedly for Jade to stay with them and only when the ambulance arrived did he finally let her go into the care that she needed. Once Jade left Marcus ran his hands through his hair not caring that he was making a mess.

"Fuck!" He yelled slamming his fist into the wall not caring about the pain that radiated through his fist. Seeing Jade like that broke something inside of him. He promised himself after Nathan that he would see nothing like that again, but here he was, with blood on his hands and his mind a wreck. Taking a deep breath Marcus closed his eyes and all he could still see was his friend lying on the floor surrounded by a pool of his own blood. He didn't make it there on time for his friend and he prayed that today he was on time to save the woman he was developing feelings for.

***

The first thing Jade noticed when she woke up was the uncomfortable bed telling her she wasn't in her apartment. The second thing she noticed was an annoying beeping sound that was a constant and had a steady rhythm to it. She tried to move, but her body felt heavy and tired.

"Jade, can you hear me?" She heard someone mumble, but her hearing was hazy and felt like everything was under water. She tried to move her hand, but it felt like it was filled with led.

"Jade." She heard a much deeper voice than the one before, but she couldn't pinpoint where it was coming from, or who it was.

"Jade if you can hear me, I would like you to move your fingers." A softer voice asked, and she tired, she really did, but she felt nothing.

"It okay just keep trying." Jade tried again and felt a twitch in her left hand, but she also felt a foreign pain creep up her left arm.

"Jade, can you open up your eyes for me?" It took her a few times, but when she finally opened her eyes, a bright light caused her to close her eyes again and it was blinding.

"Sorry about that." The softer voice said and when she opened her eyes again, she could see. Confused Jade looked around wondering why the hell she was in a hospital again.having been here only a few weeks ago. She saw a nurse standing before her and to her left was Marcus looking tired and devilish. Even more confused she wondered how she ended up here.

"What going on?" She looked down towards her arms that had a slight burn and found it wrapped up in tight, white bandages. She went to touch it, but the grunting from Marcus caused her head to snap up and look towards him with a frown on her face.

"Jade, what was the last thing you remember?" The nurse asked softly as she tried to remember, but it was like there was a void inside of her mind, that was filled with no memories or recognition of what happened.

"Sorry, it is like my mind is an empty space. I think I went to bed, but I never remember getting up." The nurse nodded and wrote on her clipboard that she was dying to see what it said.

"That isn't uncommon." Jade was getting confused by the minute and when the nurse left, she didn't give her any answers why or what she was doing in a place she loathed. The silence that fell between Jade and Marcus was uncomfortable that even Marcus shifted where he was standing before walking over to Jade's bedside and sat down in a chair that was provided.

"We thought you would not make it," Marcus said clearing his throat as he clenched his hands together trying not to show any emotion.

"I mean I promised myself I would never see it again, but I guess that didn't happen." Marcus looked up and for the first time since meeting the sergeant, Jade saw a vulnerability hidden behind his eyes.

"What happened?" Her voice was deeper than normal, heavy with worry and confusion about why she was here.

"You really don't remember, do you?" Marcus asked, and she shook her head despite it the spinning and heaviness she felt inside.

"I found you in the bathroom lying in a pool of your own blood." Jade followed Marcus's eyes to her arm that was wrapped up tightly. Jade felt a sickness in the bottom of her stomach that she hadn't felt in years. It was the sickness you have, that no matter how hard you try to ease the feeling it never goes away.

It didn't take a genius to work out what happened, and it didn't take long for Jade to feel a sense of shame and dread wash over her. She knew this would put her back into getting back into the field, meaning it allowed her more time to think about, which got her into this situation.

Jade didn't know what to say, and neither did Marcus, so they both sat in silence lost in their own thought until Marco walked in.

"Jade, you're awake." He said and walked over to the side of her bed and grabbed her good hand. Unlike his brother, Marco flustered over her and kept talking and talking while Marcus was happy to sit in silence, he didn't need words to express the way he was feeling.

"I'm okay Marco." Marco gave her a look before taking a seat in the other chair and the three of them sat in utter silence, that the only sound was coming from Jade's heart monitor. Not long after they had fallen into silence another nurse came in checking her vitals making sure everything was okay before she took her timely exit to check on the other patients.

"Would you like us to get you anything?" Marco asked and Jade shook her head. All she wanted was to be alone by herself so she could hide from the judgement she knew they were giving her, even if they didn't utter a single word.

"I'm pretty tired so I'm going to sleep." Marco and Marcus took that as their cue to leave and finally Jade felt as if a heaviness was lifted off her shoulder as she curled up in the uncomfortable bed. She stared at her arm tracing her finger lightly on top of the bandage knowing the damage that lay beneath, and for the first time in a long time, she allowed herself to cry for herself and the grief that she was struggling so hard to cope with.

****