The next weeks flew by. Jade and Marcus stayed up in the country for another 2 weeks, and Jade was grateful to take a break from her life and not have to worry about anything. Every morning was the same routine. Marcus would wake her up before the sun had risen to go for a slow morning run sometimes walk. After the run/walk, they would spend the next better part of the morning working on getting Jade's strength back, before spending the rest of the day either working on the farm or hanging out together watching tv.

Jade and Marcus grew closer over the weeks and she felt like she was getting closer to Marcus. They talked a little about their lives as children and Jade learnt that their father had passed away from a heart attack while he was on a tour. Which prompted the boys to follow their father's footsteps and join the defence force.

Their trip back to Sydney wasn't like the silent trip up. They filled it with talking and laugher as Marcus talked about the trouble he and his brother used to get up to as small children.

"Feel good to be back?" Marcus asked as they came into Sydney. As traffic became busier and the smell of air pollution that permanently lingered in the air, Jade sighed. The truth was, it didn't feel good to be back. It felt as if the moment they pulled into Sydney the air became tighter and the tension that was in Jade before she left was back again, along with the anxiety and confusion of her life.

"Yes, and no," Marcus said nothing as they pulled up to their apartment block. Over the last few weeks, Jade had become stronger with all the running and exercises Marcus had been making her do. She found that she was less reliant on her crutches and only ever needed them when she overworked herself. So, when they arrived and found the lift not working yet again, she could walk up the 4 flight of stairs with no complaint from her leg.

"I'll let you settle back in." Marcus gave a nod as he stepped into his apartment and Jade stood in front of her apartment and let out a long deep sigh. Opening the door, silence greeted her and she realised she missed the company of Marcus. She walked over to her fridge and smiled when she saw it stocked with food and a little note from Marco. She grabbed a bottle of water and sat on her couch and let the horrible silence wrap around her like a warm blanket that wasn't wanted.

She didn't turn on the tv; she didn't open her computer. Jade just sat in the silence realising how lonely her life was. Having enough of the pity party she was throwing herself. Jade got up, got dressed and booked an appointment to go see Helen. She grabbed her keys, wallet and when she left her apartment, she saw Marco coming out at the same time.

"Welcome back Jade. How are you feeling?" Jade shrugged her shoulders. If he asked that about a few days ago she would have said marvellous, but now only after being back in Sydney for less than an hour, she felt depressed and upset, as the heavyweight of loneliness settled into her skin. This feeling was almost crippling that it made Jade feel weak at the knees.

Marco frowned but said nothing. From what his brother just quickly told him Jade was doing fine, but now it seemed as if everything was going downhill again.

"Well, I have got myself a hot date, I'll see you later." Jade watched Marco walk away and Jade stood still for a few minutes trying to work through her overwhelming feelings before she too left before she was late.

***

"So, Jade I haven't seen you in a while," Helen said once she sat down in her office. The walk to Helen's office was a quiet one without her crutches. It wasn't too warm as summer hadn't arrived, meaning Jade wasn't dripping in sweat by the time she arrived.

"I was out of town for a little while." Jade shrugged, and Helen sat back in her chair.

"How lovely where did you end up going?" Helen started with and Jade smiled at the fond memories she had created with Marcus while she was away.

"Marcus took me up to Dubbo to get away from everything for a while. It was nice and relaxing." Helen smiled warmly at Jade and sat back in her chair.

"That sounds lovely Jade. Everyone needs to get away every once in a while. So Jade, what did you want to talk about today?" Jade leant forward in her seat and ran her hands through her hair trying to express how and why she was here.

"I'm lonely. Ever since I got back a few hours ago, I have had this sinking feeling of loneliness." She said, and Helen looked up surprised and Jade was even more surprised with herself, that she could admit it. Many people struggle to admit when they were lonely and try to fill the gap with whatever they can.

"I feel this heaviness around me. This blanket of loneliness surrounded me the moment we came back into Sydney and it's constricting." Helen put aside her papers and looked at Jade.

"It's normal to feel lonely Jade. Many people who come away from tours feel a sense of disconnection from the rest of the world. You spend every waking day with your comrades that when you come home and try to live and fit into society you feel discounted from the rest of the world. It's why they recommended you live with family or friends when you come back from a tour for the first couple of months."

Jade knew this, it was something Garret used to help with, coming home to the love of your life, the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. However, Garret was gone, and all Jade had was herself because god forbid she goes to her mother to fill this loneliness. Even she wasn't that desperate.

"I know, but I have always felt lonely I think. Even as a child, I felt as if I wasn't in touch with the world and what was going on around me. It was like I was living in this bubble that popped and expanded the moment I joined the defence force." Helen inspected Jade and found that sitting in front of her was a very strong woman who has never felt as if she fit in anywhere within the world.

"Do you think your loneliness could be from both your father and brother leaving at young ages?" Jade thought about it. A part of her wanted to say they had nothing to do with it, but deep down she knew they were part of the reason that she always felt so lonely. That somewhere deep inside her mind she knew she struggled to open up to people because it worried her they would leave because she wasn't good enough.

"I guess. I adored my father and when I came home from school one day, he was gone. He didn't even try to fight to take me with him. He just upped and left. The same as my brother. Garret, I was the one who left him, but everyone important in my life has left. As I got older, I understood my father didn't fight and I don't blame him but still, it hurts."

"How does that make you feel Jade?" Jade knew how it made her feel. Upset and angry as if she wasn't worthy enough for those people. She felt like she wasn't good enough, something her mother used to tell her whenever she asked why her father left. Although Jade wanted to share this with Helen, she found she couldn't, so she kept quiet and Helen accepted that and didn't push her any further.

"Have you ever tried to find and get in contact with your brother or father?" Jade tried once a very long time ago when she was 18, but after having no luck she figured they didn't want to be in contact with her. Though it hurt that they didn't want to get in contact, she moved on knowing if they ever reached out to her she wouldn't turn away the opportunity.

"I tried once but, had no luck. If they want to find me, they can. I wasn't the one who left them." Helen could tell Jade had major separation issues, but she found it unusual that it didn't affect her trust on people.

"Well, our time is up for today, I'll see you next week?" She asked, and Jade nodded her head.

"Thanks for seeing me on such short notice." Helen waved her hand like it was no issue as Jade left. Looking at the watch on her hand she hit the gym hoping to kill some time before returning to her depressing apartment.

When she arrived at the gym she wasn't surprised to find it nearly empty aside from a few people working out. She didn't stay long, just enough to get in a small workout before heading home. When she arrived at her apartment, she groaned when she saw her mother standing outside her door in her white blouse and black skirt as if she was trying to look sophisticated

"Mother, what are you doing here?" Her mother turned around to her and tsked when she saw what her daughter was dressed in.

"You disappeared." Jade shrugged and opened her front door and wasn't surprised when her mother walked inside wanting to inspect the place as always.

"Garrett has been trying to get in contact with you." Jade tried not to flinch, but Garrett's betrayal still hurt.

"I told you we are not getting back together. He cheated on me with other women and spent all my money on drugs and hookers. Why would we get back together?" Her mother shook her head wondering if her daughter had forgotten all her lessons, she thought she taught her daughter better than that.

"He didn't steal your money, Jade. It is his money, or did you forget that any earnings you make are rightfully the man's as he pays the bills and works harder?" Jade wanted to scream and strangle her mother. She could imagine it in her head, but Jade kept a calm composure and turned away from her mother clutching the island bench. Think happy thoughts.

"What about the cheating mother? Am I meant to look past him sleeping with other women for 5 years." She still remembered the sight she came home to after being away for 5 months, it was hard not to forget when you see the man you love sniffing cocaine up his nostrils while fucking some disease infected hooker.

"Well, he wouldn't have cheated if you were around Jade. Men have needs and you will have to learn to turn a blind eye to them if you ever want to keep a man. Once you start having children, men will look elsewhere someone younger and my beautiful." That was Jade breaking point, there was only so much of her mother she could take, and this was it.

"Mother, I want you out. If you come back here again, I will call the police." Her mother stood there shocked that her daughter, her own flesh and blood was kicking her out.

"You can't do this to me. I am your mother. I gave birth to you." Jade didn't care. She had put up with her mother's shit for so long that it's time she left.

"I don't care. This is my house and I want you gone." Jade walked over to the door and held it open while her mother stood there shocked that her own daughter was kicking her out.

"You can't do this to me." Her mother yelled, and Jade watched as her face went red and the prim and proper woman she had grown up with disappeared. Instead, stood a dragon ready to explode.

"If you don't leave, I will call the cops and call it trespassing." Her mother stormed past Jade and out the front door.

"You better hope Garrett takes you back, you ungrateful child. Otherwise, you will die alone because who could love such an ungrateful person." Jade slammed the door on her mother's face and broke down in tears. She didn't want to believe her mother, but Jade knew almost coming to her 30s she had no partner and her time to have a child was closing in as each year she got older.

Jade cried for the betrayal of Garrett that still stabbed at her heart that he could sleep with other women while she was away fighting for her country. She hated that she had no love life, no one she could come home to every night. No one to wake up to each morning and no one to spend life's precious memories with. All she had was herself and by god it made her feel so alone.

Once Jade had finished crying and feeling sorry for herself she thought she would do something different for a change, so she rang one of her close friends she hadn't seen since Garrett and asked if she wanted to go out for drinks.

Jade didn't have to travel far as her friend Rebecca was living close by. She was in the same area so they both agreed to meet up at the local pub for some drinks and girl's night. When Jade arrived at the pub, she smiled when she saw her best friend standing outside waiting for her.

"Oh my god Jade, it's been so long." Jade went in for a hug realising just how much she missed her best friend.

"I know. Sorry, been trying to sort my shit out." Rebecca smiled sadly at her friend who had gone through so much crap as a child to still be facing the same issues and problems as an adult.

"I heard you had gone off the grid." By off-grid, you meant spending a month in the hospital and another month in recovery then yeah, she could say she went off the grid for a while.

"Yeah. Tour went south." Jade shrugged, and Rebecca didn't say anything as both women went inside and found a place at the bar to sit.

"So how have you been? How is Ben doing?" Rebecca smiled when she thought of her husband.

"Good, we have been talking about children lately and we will start trying soon." Jade was over the moon for her best friend, but also felt a pang of jealousy that she wasn't anywhere near ready to have kids, as much as she wanted them.

"That's so exciting." Jade was truly excited and pushed away that jealousy knowing maybe one day her time would come.

"So, what about you? Find a new man?" Jade first thoughts went to Marcus, but they were just friends even though she wanted him in a way she had never wanted a man before.

"No one for me. Still single." They both ordered drinks and laughed away at good old times growing up. Jade met Rebecca when she was 13 and they have been friends ever since. She was her maid of honour at her wedding and has been there for everything the same way Rebecca has for her. They were the type of friends where they wouldn't speak for months, and when they finally got together it was like they had not been in contact.

"So how is your mother?" Rebecca asked after a few drinks and Jade started spewing giggles all over the place.

"I kicked her out of my house today." Jade giggled and so did Rebecca.

"No, you didn't." Jade nodded her head still giggling away.

"Yes, and told her not to come back or I would call the police." Both women burst into laughter as Jade re-told the story which was so funny now that she was drunk with her best friend.

"You should stay the night and meet my very sexy neighbours." Jade laughed, and Rebecca agreed even though they both knew they would regret this in the morning. They stayed for a few more drinks before hailing a taxi to come and pick them up.

When they arrived back at Jade place, they stumbled up the stairs giggling and laughing all the way until they reached Jade's door. She tried looking for her keys and when she couldn't find them both women started laughing loudly at the situation.

Marco and Marcus were both watching a movie when they heard loud laughing and giggling coming from outside. Being the curious person that Marcus was, he popped his head out surprised to see Jade with a friend and drunk.

"Jade, you okay?" Marcus asked coming out causing both women to turn around giggling and Rebecca to go wide-eyed at the sexy man standing in front of them.

"See, I told you he was fucking sexy." Jade word vomited out causing her to cover her mouth and giggle as if she said a bad word.

"I would let that man do anything to me," Rebecca said causing Jade to laugh some more.

"He is a cranky bastard, but I would totally let him tie me to a bed and do whatever." Marcus watched as Jade and her friend laughed almost falling over themselves and raised an eyebrow at Jade suggestion.

"Well, kitten if that's what you want, all you have to do is ask." Jade looked up at Marcus and licked her dry lips wondering what it would be like to climb the mountain of a man that he was.

"Oh," Rebecca said, and both women were silent for a few seconds before bursting out in laughter. Shaking his head, he knew these two women were beyond sloshed and he should get them inside.

"Okay, how about we get you two inside okay?" Marcus watched as the two women continued to laugh to the point they were crying.

"We can't find the keys." Jade giggled leaning all over her best friend.

"Jade your keys are here." Marcus waved them in front of her face and both women starred wide-eyed at him as if he just raised someone back from the dead.

"Oh my god, you found them." Marcus knew both women were in no state to get themselves inside, so he opened the door and let them in and made sure they both had a glass of water before leading them to Jade's bed, where they were still giggling and laughing.

"Okay, goodnight the pair of you." Marcus left and locked up behind himself before walking back into his apartment shaking his head.