When Jade slowly regained consciousness she knew where she was. Opening her eyes to the white ceiling and fluorescent lighting told her she was in the hospital. She sighed softly and closed her eyes wishing she could just go back to sleep. She opened them again and rubbed her hands over her face aware of the needles that were sticking out of her arm.

She looked over to her left and saw Marcus asleep in the chair next to her bed. He looked so young, and peaceful when he slept that Jade didn't want to wake him up. He was dressed as if he was going out and she felt upset with herself that she had caused him to miss out on catching up with his friends.

She felt no pain in her body, but she wasn't surprised. She felt dead on the inside like her whole life was worth nothing. She reached up and ran her fingers through his soft brown hair and watched as he slowly blinked his eyes open.

"Hey." Her voice was raspy and dry, but it didn't seem to bother her. She watched as he blinked a few times before gently grabbing her hand.

"Hey. How you are feeling?" Jade shrugged her shoulders and looked down at her legs underneath the white blanket.

"I didn't try to kill myself. I just wanted to feel something, or anything. I didn't even feel any pain, so I didn't realise how deep the wound was." She looked up at Marcus underneath her lashes and saw him kiss her hand.

"I know Jade." Neither of them said anything as they waited for the doctor to come and check on Jade. She knew what the hospital wanted to do, but she needed them to know she didn't try and kill herself and that she was getting better.

"Good morning Jade, it is good to see you awake." The doctor said happily as he walked into the room with another doctor. "This is doctor Linfield and she will be doing an evaluation on you today." Jade frowned and looked at Marcus who also had a frown on his face.

"I thought we discussed that Jade psychologist would be doing the evaluation," Marcus said, and Jade looked at him and back to the doctors.

"Mr Blackwood, we understand that, but it is hospital policy we do an evaluation in the case of a suicide event." They talked as if she wasn't there and she crossed her arms and looked down at her lap.

"I didn't try and kill myself." She whispered, but it was like no one heard her, so she closed her eyes and rested her head on the pillow. She listened to them talk about her and waited until they would finally address her.

"Jade?" The doctor questioned, and she finally opened her eyes to see them looking at her.

"You have finished talking about me as if I wasn't here?" She looked really looked at the doctor and saw how young he was. Most likely this was his first year working in the hospital.

"I apologise Jade." He said as his ears went red from embarrassment.

"Look. You can't keep me here. I only want to talk to Helen and after that, I want to be discharged. I didn't try and kill myself it was honestly an accident, so you technically can't keep me here." The young doctor went to say something when the other doctor whose name she couldn't remember tapped his shoulder, whispered something to him and watched as they left.

Once they had left, Jade rested her head back onto her pillow and closed her eyes again. She could hear Marcus come and sit beside her and felt as he grabbed her hand again. She knew he wanted to ask why she did it, but he also knew that wasn't what Jade wanted to do at the moment.

Jade must have dozed off because when she woke again she could hear hushed whispers in her room. When she opened her eyes she saw Helen and Marcus talking to each other.

"Hey, Jade. How are you feeling." Again, she wasn't sure how to answer that question. She knew she wasn't right, but at the same time, she felt fine. It was a weird feeling to know you aren't right but feeling that you are, and as if this is another day.

"I don't know." Helen nodded and pulled up a chair next to her and took out her iPad.

"I will leave you two to talk." Marcus went to leave when Jade stopped him. She wanted him to be there, to understand why she hurt herself and what led to it, because she knew she only wanted to say it once.

"No. Stay please." Marcus nodded his head trying not to show his shock as he walked over and sat on the other side of Jade's chair.

"So, Jade. Take me through the events of yesterday." She took a deep breath as she began about her day and how little happened.

"I was woken from my nap by a call." She had to take a sip of water that Marcus had poured for her not too long ago. Her hand started to shake, and she looked up from her hands towards Marcus when he gently took them between his.

"Its okay Jade take your time." Helen waited for Jade to get her thoughts together before she continued.

"It was the ADF. I was excited. I had been waiting for this call for months. So, I got ready by myself and made my own way to base. I called Noah and Sophia and told them I didn't need them. So, I went to my home base and met with my commanding officer." She clenched his hand as her heart rate started to go up.

"It's okay Jade," Marcus said, and Helen smiled softly at Jade.

"They let me go." She said as she started to cry. Her body shook as tears started to stream down her face.

"11 years of service and they just let me go with a pat on the back and a thank you for your service. My body stopped working when he told me and I was on autopilot, like I didn't have control over my actions. I knew I wouldn't be able to go back to my old role, but there were other roles I could take. They said I was too broken to keep me." There was no holding back her tears as she cried. She clutched onto Marcus's hand as if he was life support that was keeping her grounded.

Helen reached over and grabbed some tissues and passed them to Jade. With shaky hands, she wiped her face and blew her runny nose even though it did nothing to stop the tears.

"I don't even remember how I got home. I just remember getting home and being so angry. I was angry and upset. First, I was angry at the ADF that they wouldn't take me then I was angry at my stupid useless legs. I tried hitting them to see if I could feel anything and I couldn't no matter how hard I hit them. I remember grabbing a knife and going into my room. I didn't want to hurt kill myself I just wanted to feel. I wanted to feel something, anything. I thought if I bled then I would feel something, but it didn't work so I tried again. I didn't realise how deep it was. I don't remember when I rang Marcus, but I knew I wasn't in the right mind. So, I called him. I remember repeating how I wanted to feel over and over again." She wanted to wrap her arms around her legs and curl up in a ball.

"I want to ask one more question before I leave because I think I have everything I need. What were your thoughts when you grabbed the knife and why didn't you hurt yourself in the kitchen? Why go to your room?" Jade hiccupped and blew her snooty nose again as she took her hand out of Marcus to rub her wet eyes.

"I just wanted to feel something. I knew it wasn't the right way, but my mind felt so clouded. I was so angry and hurt. I tried your techniques. I tried deep breathing. I tried trying to divert my focus onto something else, but nothing was working. I felt like it was my last option to try and feel something. I knew I should hurt myself which is why I think I went into my room, to remember I wasn't completely broken because I could finally dress myself. You know, to find a positive. I think I rang Marcus after I had hurt myself. I knew it wasn't right and I wasn't right so I rang him knowing I had done something bad." Helen nodded her head and Jade looked over to Marcus who had been silent the whole time

"Sorry Jade, I just have one more question, Jade. How do you feel now?" She took a deep breath as she looked at her hands.

"I know what I did wasn't the right way to cope, but I feel fine. It's like my body is fine and my mind is in scrambles." She looked up at Helen and saw her smile and nod her head.

"Well, Jade. I don't think you tried to kill yourself, but we do need to address these coping mechanisms. I am happy to release you today if the doctors give you the medical all clear, but I want to see you the day after possibly first thing and I want to review some of your medication. For now, keep taking what you are, and we might need to look at getting a different dosage of anti-depressants." Jade nodded her head and sniffled. She watched as Helen left leaving just her and Marcus.

"I'm sorry." She said after some time and Marcus just sighed.

"There is nothing to be sorry for Jade. I still love you, that hasn't changed." Jade looked up at Marcus through tear stained eyes and found him staring back at her.

"You love me?" She whispered like she couldn't believe it. She watched him sigh and give her a soft smile.

"Of course, I love you, Jade. There isn't a single thing about you I don't love. I don't care if you can't ever walk, I don't care that you are working on mental health problems, because I love you for the person you are. I want to be the person you come to with all your troubles, I want to be the person to hold your hands through the bad and good times. I want you in my life Jade." Jade started to cry again. Not because she was sad but because she was happy. She wanted to say it back to Marcus because she did love him, but there was something holding her back.

"Can you hold me?" She asked and tried to move herself over to give him room in her bed. Marcus smiled at Jade and put his large body into the small hospital bed and pulled Jade into his chest. Jade listened to his heart in his chest as he gently stroked his arm up and down her back.

Marcus didn't care if Jade didn't say she loved him back because he knew his timing was shit. She was dealing with so many other things at the moment and he had to go and drop the L- bomb. He felt like an idiot, but he couldn't hide his feelings for her any more.

"I never seem to ever get the right timing. I was hoping for a bit more romantic setting to say I love you." He chuckled to himself. Jade just hummed and clung to him like her lifeline.

"Did you know you are the first woman I have said that too since my ex?" Jade arched her head up and looked up at Marcus and stared into his deep brown eyes. She didn't feel like saying anything, so she shook her head. Marcus just hummed understanding Jade's need for silence.

They both laid like that in silence as Jade let herself feel everything that raging on in her head. She was feeling broken and useless while also being filled with a love she thought she would never find again after Garret. She felt her life was falling apart while also feeling like her love life was becoming whole again. She felt weird that her head and her heart were feeling two different things. One was nearly bursting with love, while other felt like a deep dark void.

"Marcus. I want to get better I really do. I was wondering if you still had the details for that group therapy." She felt Marcus kiss the top of her head as her heartfelt fulfilled.

"I know you do Jade. They run the session once a week on Wednesday afternoons. I can go with you if you would like." He suggested. She wanted him there, but she needed to do this for herself. She needed to be able to talk to others like her and express her feelings. She knew Marcus tried to understand, but it's hard to understand what it is like when you can still walk on your own two feet. It's hard to imagine what it would be like to be here if you were not in that position.

"I think I want to do this by myself. Is that okay?" She asked, and Marcus smiled to himself even though she couldn't see.

"I understand." Jade smiled as she snuggled into his chest and waited to be released.

***

A month had passed and like the seasons changing so had Jade. As the cool winter started to kick in, Jade found each day easier and easier to cope. She and Helen came up with new coping strategies for when her emotions started to overwhelm her with a combination of new medication. They were able to lower the dosage on her mood stabilisers while increasing her anti-depressants. Helen also prescribed a low dosage of a sleeping drug, to help Jade sleep at night. Helen hoped with this new medication combination they would help Jade function day to day without such dark thoughts.

She had started group therapy once a week and found it a big help to talk to others who were like her or in similar situations. She had taken a liking to the young Savannah girl she had met all those months ago and found she was a big inspiration for Jade. Each day she worked hard on her physical therapy even if there was no or little progress. She still found there were tasks that she couldn't complete or had to think really hard about in order to complete.

Her legs had healed up leaving another scar on her body. It didn't bother her as much as it should have, and Helen told her this was a good sign. Marcus had started staying over more and though he hadn't officially moved in, Jade would find his stuff around the house and smile.

The other day she had been doing the washing and froze when she stumbled across his uniform. She felt a deep ache in her heart and took a few really deep breaths and put the uniform to the side to iron later. By the time he had come home that afternoon his uniform was washed, ironed and hanging in her wardrobe.

In the last month, she hadn't really thought about what she wanted to do as a new job, but she wasn't really worried about money because when she saw her payout fee, she nearly fell out of her chair. She knew she needed to get a job, but she was more focused on getting better and knew she wasn't ready to take that step in her life.

"Jade, you okay?" She looked up from where she had stopped cutting and saw Sophia looking at her. They were cooking in the kitchen getting ready for tonight. Marcus was coming round and Jade wanted to do something special for him. So, she was making dinner with the help of Sophia. Cooking was still the one area Jade struggled with no matter how many times Andrea and Sophia showed and helped her.

"Sorry, I was lost in thought." She looked down at the veggies she was cutting and saw how uneven they all were. She was making a roast chicken dinner with roasted veggies. Simple to make when her brain wanted to function like a normal human being. Sophia and Noah had been a huge help this last month. Somehow Sophia had managed to hire someone to clean up the house and have most of the stuff replaced.

"What were you thinking about?" Sophia was placing the chicken in the oven and set the timer.

"I was thinking about maybe going back to school. I'm not sure what I want to do, but I think I want to go back to school someday." She had been thinking about it for a week. She had left school to go straight into the defence force and now with that career down the drain she thought about going back to learn a new skill.

"That's great Jade." She smiled at Sophia who smiled back. Both women worked in the kitchen and listened to music as they cooked. Jade looked at the clock and saw that food would be ready soon and Marcus would be home. She set the table for two and lit some candles on the table. She played some soft relaxing jazz music in the background as the timer for the chicken and the vegetables went off.

"That smells so good." She groaned as Sophia pulled the chicken out of the oven.

"Do you need me to help carve it up?" Jade shook her head as she placed two wine glasses and a bottle of red on the table.

"I'm okay." Sophia smiled at her and took the oven mitts off.

"Well, in that case, enjoy your night Jade." Sophia kissed Jade on the head like a mother would and grabbed her bag and left with a smile on her face. Jade knew Marcus would be home any minute, so she started to serve up the food and cut up the chicken. She placed the plates in the oven to keep warm and quickly went into her room to change. She took her clothes off and changed into a black long sleeved bodycon dress. She applied a little bit of makeup and added some red lipstick to her lips.

She smiled at herself in the mirror as she heard his car pull up in the driveway. She didn't bother about shoes as she wheeled herself out as he opened the front door.

"Jade." He called out and he froze in the doorway when he saw her. She looked stunning as always in her tight black fitted dress. He tried to search through his brain if he had forgotten something, but his mind came up with nothing.

"What's all this?" Jade blushed as Marcus closed the door and walked inside and saw the dinner she had set up.

"I wanted to do something nice for you. So, I made dinner." She smiled at him as he made his way over to her and kissed the top of her head.

"You didn't have to Jade." She just smiled and blushed and looked up at him.

"Go get changed and I'll pull dinner out." She wheeled herself into the kitchen and let Marcus change out of his work uniform. She grabbed the plates out of the oven and set them on the table. She opened the wine and poured herself and Marcus a glass. Marcus didn't take long to change and came out in pants and a slim fitting button down shirt.

"I feel slightly underdressed." He said as he gave Jade a kiss before sitting down.

"Don't worry its only us." Marcus smiled at Jade as he took a sip of his wine. They both ate and talked about each other's days and laughed as they ate, drank good wine and listened to some jazz.

After dinner, Marcus got up and cleared the plates as Jade put the food away. Jade was still laughing and smiling as Marcus poured them both another glass as Jade bought out dessert which was a chocolate cake she had made.

"Before we eat cake, dance with me Jade." Marcus held out his hand and Jade gave him a funny look. "Don't worry I will hold you. I don't go to the gym for nothing." Jade laughed and grabbed hold of his hand and took a deep breath. Marcus lifted her out of her chair and gently placed her feet on top of his toes.

Jade wrapped her arms around his neck holding on tight as Marcus held her tightly around her waist as he started to sway to the music.

"This okay?" It was a weird feeling to feel weightless from the waist down and to be standing up but as long as Marcus held her she knew she could never fall.

"It's perfect." Marcus started to move them slowly across the room as they swayed together. Jade rested her head underneath his chin and sighed happily.

"I love you, Marcus," Jade said after some time of dancing and lifted her head to look up at Marcus. "I think I have loved you for a while now, but my mind wasn't ready to say it back." They still swayed as Marcus lowered his head and gently placed his lips on top of hers.

Their kiss moved to the slow beat of the music. Marcus moved his right arm into Jade's hair as he held her tight around the waist with the other. He kissed her to the slow unrushed tempo as their tongues danced together and moved slowly savouring and tasting each other. Marcus pulled away and rested his temple against Jade's and smiled down at her.