《First Contact: The Legacy of Val'Dornn Book 1》Part 46: Addison
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Sleep didn't come, but the day cycle certainly did. I was groggy and disoriented as I maneuvered through what was supposed to be our home.
Esayr never came back. The realization smarted. Reasonably, I knew it would have made me angrier had he disregarded my proclamation, but the fact that there wasn't any fight over it made me feel odd like I should have warranted more of a fight.
I traced my fingers down the length of a small table that broke up the open room into a living and cooking area. As I stood there in the silent room, I realized I felt almost empty, hollow. I'd become so used to this feeling of constant fullness since I'd come up to the ship, it was striking to feel the silence of my own thoughts and feelings.
Instinctively, I reached toward that bond between us. It was still there, a thin tendril stretched taught somewhere throughout the ship, wherever it was he had gone.
My thoughts turned to my friends. I'd promised Roan I wouldn't divulge any information about the offer I'd been given, but if I really wanted to get technical he'd only asked me not to talk about it with the reporter. Of my four single friends, three of them had entered the lottery. Seventy-five percent of my friend group could be called up to this ship at any time. Seventy-five percent of my friends wouldn't have the chance I did. "I should tell them."
I hadn't made the conscious decision before the words were already out of my mouth. By the time I decided that was the right course of action I was dressed and charging down the hallway toward the CNT.
I passed countless males, and I felt their glances like a brand along my shoulders. They smiled. Some even greeted me in their whispery language and none of them hinted that they knew about the change of heart I'd had, but still, I felt like I had a target painted on my back. Still, I knew I was about to do some damage.
I made my way to the communications bay. It was a reasonable trek, but not overcomplicated, only a straight shot from one of the glorified elevators in the CNT. As I approached the doorway that led to what amounted to the headquarters of their communication across the galaxy, I began to wonder if I would even be allowed to enter unannounced.
I recalled earlier that Esayr wasn't even able to speak to Prince Roan or Vailen when they'd been speaking to different governments down on Earth.
Only one way to find out. I stepped up to the door, raising my hand to press my palm against the smooth silver metal that worked as an interface. But it opened before I made contact.
Vailen stood on the other side, obviously in the act of walking out the door. He looked as surprised as I felt. "Oh, Addison. Convenient."
"Convenient?"
"You have a hail from the planet. It's one of your Riniere."
"I...what?"
"A call. One of your friends has called." Yarro translated from inside the room.
The news bounced around inside my head. One of my friends...had managed to call the ship? I knew it certainly worked from the other direction, but the fact that one of them turned the tables seemed almost...ballsy.
Charlotte.
"I'll speak to her." Vailen led me inside to the same room I had used to talk to my friends before. I imagined that the squirming I was feeling in my stomach was the feeling double agents felt when they were spying on the inside, though likely worse for them than me.
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None of the communications team hinted that they perceived any kind of stress or deceit. Where was Esayr? Had he told anyone? His Riniere? I'd expected to be met with disapproval from the males after my sending him away, but my life on the ship went on unchanged.
Just as the door opened for me to speak to my friend a familiar voice called out from the entrance to the room. "Addison Kane."
I stopped. Just completely froze like a child caught doing something naughty. When I turned to look at the Prince, he didn't look angry like I expected. Maybe a little sad. The moment froze as all of the comm team watched our exchange.
Prince Roan gave me a look --it was odd really how he could express a feeling through that golden gaze, but it said: "let me help you". "I won't stop you, Addison. None of us will. All I ask is that you consider it. All we've ever asked is that you consider it."
There was a breath, a collectively held breath and that second hung in the air for years. I fled into the communications room and listened to the door close behind me, sealing me inside with a screen filled with Charlotte's face.
"Addy? What's wrong?" Charlotte looked concerned, which was almost choice seeing as I was in this position because of her and I'd heard neither hide nor tail of her since this whole ordeal began.
"I'm fine. I'm sorry. I just...after the news I've been a little spooked on the ship." I shot glances back to the door expecting it to slide open any minute and for any of the males to drag me away from the conversation. He knows. He knows what you're going to do. Then the guilt began to gnaw at my gut. He knew what you were going to do. It went directly against what he as your Prince --you're Val'Kier after all now-- asked you to do, likely against the greater good of all the males on this ship, and he's going to let you make that decision. He's going to let you do this damage.
I chewed at my lip. Were they all bad? They bought me, but god so far they've been nothing but fine, lovely even. They bought me. They bought me. They bought me. Why is it every time I think that sentence it always ends with 'but' now when only last night I had screamed it to high heaven in a much different tone?
"Addy?" Charlotte's voice broke up my reverie.
"Yes?"
Her lip wobbled and she sucked in a shaky breath, "I'm so sorry."
And like that, I was crying. We were both crying as we sat in that communications room. I didn't think that I needed to hear those words from her, but I did. I needed to hear them and maybe she needed to say them.
"God I'm so, so, so sorry. This is all my fault. I shouldn't have pushed and dammit I knew I would if I drank that night. I'm so sorry. I--" she hiccupped "--I haven't known how to tell you. God this whole time I've been imagining the worst and I didn't know how I could ever look you in the eyes again. God, I'm so sorry."
I had to take a moment to gather myself before I could talk again, but still, it was punctuated by sniffles and more tears, "Charlotte, thank you. It means...a lot to hear you say that. I should have known better then too. I shouldn't have entertained the idea. What happened, happened. I can't change it and neither can you. We just gotta power through."
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She nodded as if she needed to hear that reassurance, the idea that strong-willed Charlotte needed any kind of reassurance was foreign but comforting.
"How are you, Addy?"
I opened my mouth to give my knee-jerk answer. The one that tended to be saved for when I was waitressing, but she stopped me.
"And I want a genuine answer. How are you the good and the bad? You--" she paused as if she were considering a topic that was almost unsavory, "--you looked almost happy before you learned about what happened." Her gaze was piercing, if she were an enemy I'd imagine it was the kind of gaze that was exacting, picking out every fault and insecurity, but on me, it was only searching for answers.
Was I happy when I walked into this room?
The answer came quickly: Yes. In a strange way, I was happy. Giddy almost. I felt like...a teenager bringing home a boyfriend, so it stung when I was met with opposition from the people I was closest to.
"Addy?"
"I was happy," I whispered it like it was a dirty secret.
"Did he make you happy? The man who brought you up there?" There was no judgment in her voice.
Had they aired the communication feed? "How did you know? They've been watching video feeds of the news for any hint that information has gotten out."
"It's been written up in articles...vaguely. No press coverage yet, but it's been blowing up online. We don't have answers so everyone's been anticipating the worst. So, it's true?" She watched me, hawklike in her intensity, "But, I get the feeling that it isn't quite like the concept the government has been letting fester on the internet. How are you, Addy? No more stalling."
"Yesterday...I would have said I was great. I'm worse today, for a lot of reasons I think--" I paused not sure how to express that I was upset with Esayr and all of Val'Dornn, but also embarrassed by my interaction with my closest friends.
"Go on," Charlotte waived me on, the action encompassing the entire screen of our communications, "I'm not -- god knows -- I'm not here to judge you by any stretch of the imagination."
I nodded more as a reassurance to myself than anything else. "I'm upset, obviously, by the circumstances that I was taken up here. I feel like livestock, chattel, what have you. I'm upset that I'm the first one up here without any help dealing with this. I'm upset that I was brought up here for a man -- a male. I'm upset that I'm my own traitor because despite all of the opposition I like him more than any man I've ever been emotionally invested in before. And, I think I'm upset that...the first time I bring news of a guy home to all of you it ends up just making me feel like the girl that fell for the big bad wolf."
I waited. For the judgment, the pity, I waited for any of it to come from Charlotte's end of the feed. Nothing.
"Tell me what you need to, to have me understand."
I would have said I was my own person. I didn't think I needed anyone's approval or acceptance, but when you're all on your own navigating aspects of life that you never expected or even anticipated, I realized I did. I needed someone --some human-- to offer me acceptance and understanding, to really give me a chance to explain myself and offer their insight.
I told Charlotte everything. The whole ordeal including even the sordid details of my purchasing and how that factored into my place on this ship.
She took it in silently, offering me an ear and no advice, which was exactly what I needed. When I finished she took a breath and asked me the most beautiful question that anyone could have at that moment: "Do you want my thoughts?"
Did I want her thoughts? I took a deep breath, "I think so."
"Stop me if you need me to," she waited a moment for my approval before continuing, "I only have one side of the story...yours. From what you've told me, the men on this ship aren't the kind of people inclined toward trafficking. No doubt, it's what they've done, knowingly or unknowingly. Take that as what you will about their race. You can try to learn more or not. On the topic of this man, Esayr?"
"That's his name, yes. Eh-sair," I sounded the name out for her again.
"Do you think he's a good man?"
I thought he was a good man. The question was do I think it now. Presently. My mind raced back on every interaction we'd had over these last few days. It put into perspective the almost absurdity of Charlotte for even entertaining the relationship, but it didn't stop me. I did think he was a good male and it was out of character for him to have purchased me. He had been visibly angry over the silvered bracelet that the Earth government had put on me to such an extent that he'd wanted it off of me immediately. Why the immediate about face? "Yes. I believe he's good."
"Do you love him, Addy?"
Those words, those same words came to mind, "I could have." I felt tears prick at my eyes. Had I never heard that news, had all of this shit never happened. I could have easily loved, Esayr. Truthfully, I had been well on my way to loving him before the conversation with my friends. "Easily, I could have loved him."
Charlotte just nodded at my proclamation. "Whatever it is you choose to do, I won't judge you for it. God knows you've never judged me for anything and I'm not the stable one by any stretch," she laughed a humorless laugh, "I can't make your decisions for you, so all I'll say is we love you and miss you. If you ever need someone to listen; I'm here. Follow your heart whether it stays up there or down here, Addy."
We said our goodbyes. It was comforting to know that another human --a human woman-- knew everything about my time on the ship. Only...I realized I hadn't told her everything.
Hope you all have been doing well! I can feel this story moving toward the end of its arc. We still have a little ways to go, yet so don't worry. I want to thank you all for going on this journey with me. As I look to the future of this world and these characters, I'm filled with excitement. There are a lot of plans in the works to make this world more fleshed out with interesting conflicts thanks to some very good writing friends (*waves* Hi Hannah). I will eventually go back in this story and vastly edit it, as this was written by the seat of my pants usually at 10 PM during NaNoWriMo to hit my goal. I didn't really have a plan other than for Addy and Esayr to get from point A to point B.
Basically what I'm saying is thank you. I cannot thank all of you --my readers-- enough for sticking through this story and I hope maybe you'll give it another read through in its eventual final version and maybe even the other future stories as well. I know Laene is anxious for his story to get told.
I will forever be grateful,
Layla Waltz
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