♦♦

The night air hit my face through my rolled-down window.

Elle's perfume still lingered in the car. She smelt sweet, like candy. As I took glances at my empty passengers' seat, I realized how much it looked better with somebody in it.

With her in it.

Jesus fucking Christ, Cross. Stop fucking thinking about this shit, the fuck is wrong with you?

I blinked harshly as if that would make my thoughts go away.

The night was late now, the streets empty. I should get home and sleep so that I wake up in time to train Elle tomorrow.

But before that,

I have something to deal with.

My car slowed to a stop until I was parked in front of the bar. Silhouettes of people were visible, and I decided that it wasn't that busy.

Good. This was easier with fewer people around.

I got lost in my thoughts for a moment, something that was unusual for me. I was never confused about anything, I always knew what I wanted and what I didn't. But as I keep thinking about how I wanted to press my lips against Elle's on her doorstep, I can't help but feel confused.

I've never focused on a girl before. I've never wanted one to get close to me. I've been starved of physical touch. I've never gotten closer to a girl than how close I've gotten to Elle.

I don't fucking care about people. If the world set on fire, I couldn't give less of a shit. But with Elle, I'm doing shit I've never thought I'd do. I massaged her fucking head when she had a headache, I put ointment on her soft skin to help her heal, I got fucking ice cream with her.

She has no idea how unusual that shit is to me.

She probably thinks I'm cold because I don't smile and laugh often, I don't call her and ask her to hang out. But she doesn't know that the shit I've been doing is already so far from my comfort zone.

But that shits slowly expanding.

I know I'm hard on her. But I can't fucking help it, I don't know what the fuck being nice is. I haven't smiled at anybody in years.

Until Elle fucking Russo came back into my life.

My life and past have been tainted with a darkness that has made me the way that I was. Maybe if one thing had gone differently that day, I would be different. Maybe if I could go back in time and just change one tiny thing that happened that day, I would be a kinder person today.

But it didn't, and I'm not.

I got out of my car, my eyes fixated on the side profile of one guy.

Did some research on him. Accused of sexual assault numerous times, yet no convictions. But that doesn't mean he's innocent, it means that the system is fucked. Those girls deserve justice, and so does Elle.

The sound of a sports game that played on the shitty TV above the bar filled in the moments of silence between guys drinking their beers and talking. I sat down on the stool beside Berry, forcing a smile at him.

He looked surprised to see me. He wiped his mouth and set his beer down, "What are you doing here, Cross? I'm here all the time, and have never seen you."

"Yea, I know you are," I kept the smile on my face. "Just felt like stopping by."

"Drink?" he gestured toward the bartender.

I needed him to drink more. He had a full glass of beer still, and I could tell that it wasn't his first by how his cheeks were slightly flushed. I shrugged, "Once you're done that glass, I'll get us some."

"Now that sounds like a plan," he laughed, raising the rim of his glass to his lips.

I pretended to be interested in the football game that played while I watched him drink out of the corner of my eye. He drank it pretty quickly, burping after he did so.

Once he set his empty glass down, he said, "I've gotta take a piss before I drink anymore."

"Me too," I replied, getting off of the stool at the same moment as him.

I followed him into the bathroom. As we entered, I did a satisfied nod to myself seeing that nobody else was in here. I silently locked the door behind us while he laughed, "Man, you should invite your buddy Sin. Who gives a fuck if he's sick?"

"Sin goes to bed early," I lied.

He looked at me over his shoulder with a smirk, "Maybe you have the number of the client I helped today?"

My body tensed. He scanned his brain before saying, "I think her name was Emily?"

Doesn't even remember her fucking name.

"Her name is Elle," I tried to keep my cool. "Maybe Emily is the name of one of the girls you got accused of sexually assaulting?"

He froze, turning around and facing me. He looked me up and down while his drunken body swayed, "Keyword being accused."

"I do this thing where I believe victims," I took a step forward. "And I also believe in karma."

He gulped and took a step back, so I took one forward. I spoke again, "But sometimes, karma needs some help."

"Look, maybe we could have this talk another time, I'm a little busy-"

I cut him off, "I'd be pretty busy too if I were trying to think of what girl to harass next."

"W-what the fuck are you talking about?" he tried to laugh to cover up the fact that he was scared.

I threw my fist into his face, making blood spew out of his nose. He blinked back tears that formed in his eyes as his back hit the wall behind him. I grabbed the front of his shirt and threw my knee into his stomach, making him groan as he fell onto his knees.

As I uppercut him, one of his blood-stained teeth fell onto the floor. He spit blood onto the floor, and I grabbed the side of his head, throwing it against the wall behind him.

The impact made him groan as he now lay against the floor, unable to move as his body took in all of the pain. I smiled while looking down at him. This is how he deserves to look.

"I'll be checking if you get any more allegations, Berry. And if you do...." I bent down to be at his height. "This might end a little differently."

He coughed on his own blood as I stood back up to my full height. I unlocked the door before exiting, knowing that my knuckles were going to be bruised tomorrow.

Elle didn't notice last time, so hopefully, she doesn't notice this time, either.

It was actually pretty easy to find the guy that attacked her. I paid to get the security footage and searched the picture of his face on google, which gave me his Facebook. Showing up to his work and beating the fuck out of him in front of his car helped my anger a little bit, but not completely. Because even though I made him feel the same pain he made Elle feel, she still had to feel it.

She shouldn't have to feel pain. I could be there, to protect her.

As I walked out of the bar, my eyes fell onto a couple across the street. I unlocked my car and opened the door, but stood there for a moment as I looked at them.

They were rollerblading. The girl nearly fell, but her boyfriend caught her. They laughed together before intertwining their fingers, continuing to go down the sidewalk.

Watching her nearly fall, she reminded me of Elle.

Elle is very fucking clumsy. And it's very fucking annoying.

But holding onto her and feeling her soft skin against my hands pathetically makes my heart start to beat faster. I like that she's clumsy, because it gives me a reason to touch her.

How fucking pathetic.

I got into my car, gripping my steering wheel tighter than I should've as I drove home.

I live alone, so I didn't have to worry about being quiet when I got home. This house was way better than the one next to Elle's, even though I had only lived there for one day.

When she asks me about it, I get so tense. And I've realized something.

I'm not tense because of the story that comes with it. I'm tense because I find myself wanting to tell her.

But I can't open up to her. That's not who I am.

I need to get her out of my fucking head. But I can't.

It's like she lives there, living in luxury and dining on 5-star meals while my own thoughts torture me.

Elle Russo needs to get out of my head.

--------

"Rio, put me down!" I pounded my fists against his back as he carried me toward the couch to throw me on.

Romeos' voice spoke, "You better not hurt her, Rio. I'll kick your ass."

He threw me onto the couch, and a small laugh came out of my lips. He looked down at me with a smirk, and I shook my head against the cushion.

"You're seriously going to do this during women's history month?" I breathe, a little out of breath from the fight I put up to keep him from throwing me over his shoulder.

"It's July, idiot," he replied, and I pushed myself to be sitting up.

I glanced at the clock. I needed to leave now, and they once again think that I'm going to the gym.

I stood up, and Rio fake punched me as I did so.

As I grabbed Romeos' car keys, he told me, "You should ask mom and dad if they'd get you a car of your own."

"I don't think they would unless I graduate from Boston Unviserty," I shrugged, speaking quietly since my mom was on the front porch calling her parents. My dads' parents are who own the flower shop, but my moms' parents still live in Armenia.

"Maybe you guys could make a deal, where if you go to the university, they'll get you one?" he suggested, making me bite the inside of my mouth.

I don't want to do something just because my parents want me to do it. I want to do something because I want to do it.

And I don't know what I want to do yet.

"I'll think about it," I smiled at him.

I slipped my shoes on before heading outside. I couldn't understand what my mom was saying to her parents since she never taught me Armenian, but I was still very proud to be Armenian.

She gave me a small wave, "Have fun at the gym, Elle."

"Thanks," I smiled at her.

Embarrassingly enough, I was excited to go. Butterflies filled my stomach at the thought of seeing Nico.

I still haven't paid for any of my sessions, and I'm wondering when he's gonna sit me down and say, 'you need to pay or else you can't come anymore.'

I parked in my usual spot before getting out, and I walked toward Nicos' office. I knocked before entering, and he was sitting at the desk that sat in the middle of the room.

"Your favorite client has arrived," I sang, walking over to his desk and leaning against it.

My eyes wandered to the stack of paperwork he had on his desk. My eyebrows lowered, "What's all that for?"

"Shit I need to sign for stuff getting delivered at the end of the week for the weapons room," he replied, dropping his pen onto the desk and leaning back in his chair.

My eyes widened, "Weapons room?"

"Mhm. You know, like, guns and shit?"

"Guns?!"

"I'm just fucking with you," he said, making me roll my eyes. "There's only like, axes, knives, that kind of shit."

My jaw dropped, "Where?"

"You wanna see it?"

I nodded.

He stood up, the chair moving backward on its wheels. I stopped leaning against the desk, and followed him out of the room. We walked down a hallway I had never been down, and he pulled a set of keys out of his pocket.

He unlocked the door, gesturing for me to go inside. I took slow steps in, looking around at all of the weapons that hung on the wall.

This looked like some Hunger Games shit. Spears, knives, axes, dummies to throw them at.

"You wanna try anything?" he asked me.

"No thanks. I'd probably accidentally kill myself somehow," I replied, still looking around in awe.

He walked over to an axe that hung on the wall and tossed it in the air while walking over to me. He held it out for me to take, "Come on. Give it a try, could come in handy one day."

"When I casually have an axe with me?" I raised my eyebrows.

He pulled the axe away, "Okay, fine. Don't throw it."

My eyebrows lowered. Now that he was telling me not to do it, I wanted to do it.

"Give it," I said, pulling it out of his hands while he smirked. It was if he was expecting me to do that.

I held it in my hands while I walked over to a dummy. He told me how far back to stand, along with what movement to do while I threw it.

Once he told me I could go, I threw it.

I gasped as it hit the dummies torso. If that was a real person, I would've just murdered them.

"Good job," he said, walking over to the dummy and pulling the axe out of it.

He hung it back on the wall, and I walked over to a bunch of different knives that hung on the wall. I guess I was making a face, because he observed, "Not a fan of knives?"

"Or guns. Any weapon, really," I flexed my arms. "These are the only weapons that I need."

He reached out to my bicep and gave it a small squeeze, "How intimidating."

"Oh, and you are?" I tried to wrap my hand around his bicep, but it was too big for my hand to fit around. I removed my hand and lowered my eyebrows out of disappointment, and the way his mouth turned up shamefully made me want to smile with him.

He asked, "Are you intimidated by me, Elle?"

A strand of black hair fell onto his forehead as he looked down at me. His black pants, boots, and t-shirt were the same shade, and his green eyes were the brightest thing about him. When I didn't answer, he took a step forward, "Answer."

I took a step back until it was pressed against the wall. He looked down at me, and I could feel my cheeks warm watching his eyes stare at my lips.

I whispered, "No."

His hand moved to my face, pulling my bottom lip down. My breathing hitched, and he released my lip, snapping it back into place.

"Most people are scared of me," he spoke.

I gulped, his eyes still staying on my lips. I took a deep breath, trying to gather up some courage to speak.

"Why would I be scared of you?" I asked. "What are you gonna do, kill me?"

He leaned forward, and I could feel his breathing against my skin. I whispered, "I think you want to kiss me."

His lack of response and his eyes still looking at my lips told me that he did. I found my lips wanting to inch forward, but I stayed exactly where I was.

The heat from his body radiated onto me, feeling like a warm blanket.

My head was tilted up, ready for him to finally move his head forward. I wasn't going to make the first move. If he wanted to kiss me, then he had to be the one to do it.

But instead, he took a step back, "You're wrong."

My heart hurt in my chest. He licked his bottom lip for a second as he looked away, "We should reschedule this. I have something I need to take care of."

I just nodded. I pushed myself off of the wall, not looking him in his eyes as I left the room.