I was alone in George's house. Him and Nick hadn't come back yet, Clay left without even taking his phone, and I was standing there questioning what the hell just happened.

I calmed down pretty easily after a few minutes of crying to myself. What would crying change anyway? Yeah I kind of fucked up, but is everything actually that bad?

Who am I kidding, it is.

I actually felt like I was losing my mind, pacing around the house and wondering what went wrong. Then realizing that everything, literally everything went wrong.

I was trying to remember every single thing he said and finally think about them in depth. Think about what I wanted and what I going to do about it.

"It's not even jealousy, it's fucking not, it's the way you don't give a shit about the things that mean the world to me."

I couldn't get over how wrong the situation was getting observed in my head before this whole thing. I never even thought he was hurting throughout the times I got too flirty with George and Nick or gave them more attention. I just thought he was being selfish and possessive which made me want to trigger that even more.

"Bet you don't even remember what you said, but guess what, I think of you and that night everytime I chew melon gum."

And this one was being observed completely wrong in his head. The image of the smile on his slightly reddened lips from the kiss under the street lights was still distinct in my mind. The taste of his lips from that night made me crave melon gum, the one I used to dislike so much.

"The difference is that you don't care, you don't want to address it and you don't value it..."

The only reason I didn't want to address it was because I'm scared of ruining friendships. Even if we both felt the same way, I was still horrified of what could happen. I know I've been doing the wrong thing, I know relationships or friendships built on unaddressed issues never last. But they last for a while, and I was trying my best to elongate that time as much as I could, instead of risking it by doing the right thing.

And he was definitely wrong about how I felt about the things that happened between us. Those were some of the most beautiful memories living in my head.

"...while I'm over here thinking if someday I'd be more than a fucking friend"

I'm scared of relationships. I don't show affection usually which I believe is a self defense mechanism. But when I do show it, it means the person owns my heart. I give my all and everything, and life taught me better than to trust anyone and everyone.

But he was so determined in whatever he was doing. I don't even know if he was aware of his actions. He was strongly and surely making his way into the spot that I was trying to keep locked.

Speedrunning his way into my heart.

"Kiss me and call me a friend as much as you want to, but just let me be the only one you do that to."

Noted.

~~~

Now the only thing left to do was finding him and trying to express my thoughts, which was surely the hardest task out of all of this.

The idiot didn't take his phone with him, so I had to call Nick and see where him and George were and if they could help me. But my voice would probably sound pathetic from crying, which made me change my mind and just text him.

where are you?

AND I'M SO SORRYYYYY

haha funny

I CANNOT SLEEP I CANNOT DREAM TONIGHTTTT

I mean idk aboit slerping but u can DREAM tonight hahhagaha

GET IT??

What the hell is wrong with him.

I quickly called him. The typos and stupid jokes weren't a good sign in a serious situation like this.

"HEeEeey!" His voice would get overpowered by the booming music if he didn't scream that loudly into my ear.

"Where the fuck are you? Is George there?" As if it wasn't obvious that they were in a bar getting wasted.

"Gogy she's asking if you're here- wha? Ah okay! NOO, HE'S NOT HERE!"

I slapped my forehead so hard that it gave me a headache. I didn't have enough nerves to deal with this. Sober Nick was already too much to handle, I can't do this right now.

"Text me the address and stay there."

I was hoping he'd be sober enough to be able to send me the address, but as the minutes passed and the only texts I got from him were random lyrics, I realized that I had to find it myself. They couldn't be that far from home, unless they got a taxi.

As I was searching for the keys to leave the house, the door opened. I was hoping it would be Nick and George, cause to be fair I was more worried about them than about Clay, who was way more mature than Nick and George combined. And adding alcohol to it didn't help at all.

But as my head snapped to see who it was, I saw Clay. Just as we made eye contact, I decided that Nick and George could wait. I had some more important things to do.