"What? Really?" Nick didn't think his words would work on the first try.

"I mean I want to, but I don't know how. It's really awkward now." I scrunched up my nose from thinking how uncomfortable it could go.

"Do it over text or call for now. Talk for a bit like that till you get comfortable and meet up." Nick was back to his therapeutic mode.

"It's awkward even like that.." I don't know what's wrong with me. It's Clay, my Clay, why am I putting so much thought and anxiety into this?

He thought for a bit before coming up with something. Something that seemed extremely stupid and funny from the first sight.

"Let's start a zoom meeting. All 3 of us. Like a couple's therapy, but for friends who want to become couples."

I couldn't help but laugh. However, seeing him sitting there all serious and judgemental about my laughter made me stop immediately. Is he serious?

"That's so stupid." I facepalmed to hide my laugh. He was still serious.

"You're both stupid. My strategy is to solve stupid with stupid." He sounded so sassy.

I stopped everything just to think about his request. I actually feel like it's better if me and Clay talk in private, but I also can't deny that Nick's presence would lighten up the mood. And he'd probably control the situation, ask valid questions and make reasonable points.

"I'll try to text him first. Then we'll see," I sighed, not wanting to end the call but also knowing that I should, "thanks for existing."

"Go get your mans." Nick laughed, waving at the camera and hanging up before I could say anything.

Now the hardest part. What do I say? Not all this writing and deleting thing again. I'll be straight-forward.

Here we go.

I'm sorry

I locked my screen immediately, waiting for the notification. I couldn't stare at the screen.

And it finally dinged. With a huff, I unlocked it again.

amazing effort, wrong chat🙂👍🏻

Oh my.. I'm blind. Forgot to switch the chats.

Let's try again.

hi

I don't know why I sent that, but it felt natural.

How did he read so quickly. Does he live in our chat?

wrong chat?

I feel dumb for double checking before answering.

no

I quickly typed the thing I wanted to say, but he was milliseconds quicker in the sending process.

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I smiled to try and fight the tears, but they were stronger. My eyes watered again.

What do we do now? It's been a month. This feels weird. Oh gosh, what do I say now?

NOOOO

ruind ittt

I laughed through the tears, finding what he did the most adorable thing I've ever seen.

OMG NOOONRJRDNEJJ

I meant

;(

FCK NOT THE WINK

blurry skin?

FUCKN I MEANN SCRENE

SCRENN

SCREEN***

duck

NOT THE DUCK😭😭

I MEANT FUCK😭😭

if you insist😏

cum mixed with tears is nerev a good idea🥲🥲

nrver

NEVER

I ruined it again😭😭😭

its oksy

I probably look so stupid right now, sobbing and laughing at the same time. My hands are so shaky that I can't even wipe my tears properly. But this time they're not shaky from a panic attack, they're shaky from the overwhelming happiness.

can I call? Can't type

Ironically the only sentence he sent without a typo was about him not being able to type properly.

I don't care, I miss his voice. I called instead of answering, something I learned from him and Nick.

And roughly after 3 seconds he picked up.

"Hello."

Voice voice voice voice voice-

I need to answer.

"Hi." I chose the shortest version possible to avoid voice cracks.

"Hey." Clay also sounded off. Yeah, we've both been crying.

"So stupid." I sniffled, referring to our whole conversation if you could call it that way.

"Yeah."

I wanted to see him so badly that I was ready to turn on the camera looking like a dead rat.

"Camera?" I asked, lazy to form a sentence.

"I look like a bitch." And his voice sounds just as wrecked as mine.

"Same." This whole conversation was so hilariously painful and cute at the same time.

"On three?" I heard tissues through the line as he spoke. I should probably try to wipe my eyes and cheeks as well.

"One." I started.

"Two." His voice was getting distant, probably from taking the phone away from his face and holding it up infront of his face.

"Three."

Aw.

Baby.

His hair was messier than ever, eyes bloodshot and eyelashes still damp, upper lip a bit reddened at the cupid's bow probably from crying. He's so pretty. Even like this.

"Hi." I smiled, trying to get back my normal voice instead of sounding so down.

"Hey." He laughed.

"How's life?" I needed to build a conversation somehow.

"Right now? It's amazing." I felt so warm and bubbly inside from his voice.

"Going somewhere?" I noticed that he was walking in the house, I heard the noise of metal jingling which sounded a lot like keys hitting each other.

"My mom's out of town, need to bring my sister to my place." He explained.

I aw'd involuntarily. He's such a good brother, such a good friend, such a sweetheart in everything and towards everyone.

"Go then, say hi to her." I smiled, seeing him put on a beanie.

"Don't hang up, I can drive like that." He frowned. And I frowned back.

"You can't even drive without a distraction," I rolled my eyes, getting ready to hang up, "text me when you get back."

He groaned, most definitely annoyed.

"Fine.." As he finally agreed, a smile got drawn to my face, "Talk to you in a bit then?"

"When you're back. Which shouldn't be in a bit."

I warned him to drive safely, and with a final annoyed pout from him, hung up.

I missed him. I miss him now. Fuck.