You walk for what feels like hours before you're finally able to catch a cab. The driver looks at you with concern as he sees your tear stained face, but you're not crying anymore. You're just blankly staring out the window, completely numb.

You look down at your phone to see 17 missed calls from Namjoon, 10 missed calls from Nanami, and 4 missed calls from Taehyung and Jimin. You haven't even attempted to open up the hundreds of texts. You even turned your location off knowing Nanami can track you.

You set your phone back down and look up at the sky, your mind too overstimulated to think. It's almost peaceful, just looking up at the moon with nothing on your mind.

It's around 10pm when the driver drops you off at the address listed on your app, and you head up the unfamiliar staircase to knock on the door.

Boram gasps as she sees your state, immediately wrapping you into a hug. "It's okay honey, let's get you inside." You'd texted her asking if you could come over, and to please keep it a secret from anyone who asks. She let you know Jeffrey was over, but you didn't have the energy to care.

You pass the door's threshold and find Jeffrey sitting on the couch, just as stunned as Boram to see your face. He grabs the blanket on the couch and wraps you up, sitting you down while Boram grabs you a water.

"[Y/N]," his voice trembling, running his hand through your hair. He and Boram have never seen you like this. You're always the strong, confident, funny woman at work. You've always been the voice of reason who had their shit together. But not tonight. Tonight they are going to see the worst parts of you.

"Does this have anything to do with the man you were on the phone with at happy hour?" He asks.

Your eyes finally meet his. "You remember?" you whisper.

He nods as Boram returns with bottled water.

"He told me about it," she says. "We've been worried about you but didn't want to pry into your business."

Tears threaten to fall from your eyes as your mind is finally forced to remember what happened.

"He never liked me," your voice cracking, allowing the tears to start flowing down again.

Jeffrey swallows you into a hug as Boram gently rubs your back, starting to cry with you. You cry your eyes into Jeffrey's shoulder for about an hour before passing out into the peaceful darkness.

• • • • • • • •

Your eyes slowly start to flutter open, lids feeling heavier than they've ever felt. A dull pain comes creeping up your neck, splitting into your head. You groan as you push yourself up off the couch.

"You're awake," a voice echoes from the kitchen. Jeffrey makes his way from behind the counter and sits next to you on the couch, tucking your hair behind your ear.

You look around the unfamiliar room, trying to get your bearings. Your body remembers before your mind does as you start to hyperventilate. You grab at your chest, trying to ease the pressure as the memories come flooding back.

"It's okay," Jeffrey whispers, wrapping his strong arms around you. You don't know Jeffrey very well but being held tightly against his chest does ease the anxiety attack you're having, his calm English is immensely comforting to you as well, helping to relieve the pain ever so slightly.

Your breathing finally slows down as he releases you, but tears stream down your face as you silently look at the couch you're sitting on. He cups your face and brushes your tears back with his thumb.

"Come on," he says. "Let's get you cleaned up."

Jeffrey helps you off the couch and sits you down on the toilet seat in the bathroom, slowly removing your makeup with the wipes Boram had left him.

"Boram let Mr. Min know you were sick," he says, gently wiping the eyeliner smudges off your face. "I already had the day off so I offered to stay with you."

"Thanks Jeffrey," you mumble.

"It's my pleasure," he smiles, tossing the makeup wipe in the trash. "Here's a spare set of clothes, go ahead and shower and change. I'm making some vegetable soup for us to eat."

You watch him as he steps out and closes the door. Robotically, you turn on the shower and undress yourself, feeling slight relief as the warm water hits your skin. Your mind is finally able to clearly replay the scenes from last night.

"What the fuck..." you whimper, trying to fight back more tears.

The more you think about it, the more impossible the situation seems. You know Namjoon wasn't faking his feelings. Sure, you didn't quite know where you stood with him but you at least knew he likes you. So for him to say those things to his ex, and to even lie about her existence, leaves you even more confused.

You shake your head, trying to rid yourself from overthinking as you finish up your shower and head to the kitchen.

"Perfect timing," Jeffrey smiles, setting two bowls down on the kitchen counter.

Boram's house is tiny and cute; the perfect amount of space for one person. And it's very Boram. The front door leads directly into the living area, and just past that the kitchen begins. The rooms and bathroom sit across from the living area, her walls littered with vintage art and decorations. You take a seat at the small round table and stare at your bowl.

"Just try it," he chuckles. "Then we'll talk. Or not talk. Whatever you want to do."

You glance up at him and quickly back down to pick up your spoon, bringing it to your lips. The hot liquid coats your throat and brings a warm sensation to your chest, filling the emptiness in your stomach.

You both finish your meal in silence before Jeffrey speaks. "I don't know what happened, but do you feel up to calling Nanami? She's worried sick."

You look up at him as he takes your bowls to the sink.

"We've been trying to avoid her calls but they're constant. Luckily Boram's working offsite today but we feel a little bad for ignoring her." He slides you your phone you'd turned off once you stepped out of the cab.

You nod as you hold down the side buttons, allowing your phone to come alive. You wait as the slew of texts and call notifications come through.

Nans 💕:

What happened?

Mr. Kim:

[Y/N] please can we talk

JM:

[Y/N] just let us know you're alive

Nans 💕:

Bitch if you don't call me I

swear to god

Nans 💕:

Oh my god I just talked to Namjoon

If you don't kill him I will

Mr. Kim:

Please answer your phone

Please let me explain, I had

to say that to her

Mr. Kim:

Please [Y/N] I'm so sorry

THV:

I'll kick RM-hyung out

of BTS and make you the

leader if you reply

Of course Taehyung is able to make you smile at a time like this.

The texts go on and on of the four of them begging you to answer, now hundreds of missed calls.

You select Nanami's number and slowly bring the phone up to your ear, your hand trembling. It doesn't even ring for half a second before she answers.

"[Y/N] oh my god, are you okay?? Where are you? Please tell me you're okay."

The worry in her voice makes your throat clench.

"I'm okay Nans, I went to Boram's," you mumble into the phone.

"That fucking bitch, I called her so many time-"

"I begged her not to let anyone know I was with her, please don't be mad at her. It's my fault," your voice cracking. "I'm sorry."

You hear her voice get caught in her throat.

"Okay [Y/N], I understand," she says softly. "I'm just glad you're okay. Are you still at Boram's? Let me pick you up."

You look at Jeffrey who's gently stroking your back.

"I'm still here but I don't want to leave yet."

"You shouldn't be alone right now, [Y/N]," she begs.

"I'm not alone," you sigh. "I'm with Jeffrey."

There's a long pause on the other end of the phone.

"Okay, babe," she exhales. "Just let me know when I can come see you."

"I will," you whisper, voice too shaky to speak clearly. "Thanks Nans."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

You hang up the phone and turn to Jeffrey, him immediately bringing you into his arms, stroking your hair. "You'll be okay," he says, pulling back to look at you, "just remember that men ain't shit."

You smile at him and giggle, feeling incredibly grateful for the people around you regardless of your miserable situation.

Nanami slams her phone on the table.

"You're a fucking idiot!" She screams at Namjoon, him slumped forward with his face in his hands. He looks up at her with bloodshot eyes, exhausted from running around all night.

"Calm down, Nanami," Jimin says as he tries to sit her down.

"No don't you fucking touch me!" she seethes, jerking herself away from him.

The four of them – Nanami, Jimin, Taehyung, and Namjoon – had spent all night looking for you, and had finally ended up back in Namjoon's apartment right before you called, all still dressed in their outfits from the night before.

"Why the fuck did you have to lie to her?!" Tears welling up in her eyes. "Did you know I pretty much told her not to be with you? Hell, I practically begged her to sleep with someone else and she told me no, because she didn't want to risk hurting you?!"

A lump forms in his throat, causing the tears to swell in his eyes.

"She really did that. For a guy who couldn't even claim her as his," she scoffs, crossing her arms. "A guy that slammed it in her face that he's just her employer. A guy that never had the guts to tell her how he feels."

A few tears escape from Namjoon's eyes as he's listening to everything she's saying, knowing she's right.

"Nanami, please," Taehyung begs. "He knows he fucked up."

"I don't think he does," she says through a clenched jaw, turning back towards Namjoon. "She only asked for one thing from you. One fucking thing. And that was to not lie to her."

Namjoon bites into his bottom lip, unsuccessfully trying to prevent it from quivering.

"But you just had to lie about her being a crazy fan. If you'd just told her the truth she would've understood," her voice starts to crack, tears falling from her eyes. "Or she at least would've been willing to talk it out. But now? Now you're about to be left only with that employee/ employer relationship you've been wanting so badly."

Namjoon's hands clench so hard his knuckles turn white, fighting back more tears. "I'd planned on telling her the truth, I swear," he mumbles. "I just panicked in the moment." Taehyung takes a seat next to him and grabs his hand.

Nanami plops down across from him as she tries to wipe her tears away, Jimin scooting closer to rub her back. "Namjoon, have you ever asked [Y/N] why she hates lying so much?" She sniffs, him looking up at her through tears.

"No..." he exhales. "I never asked anything about her," he admits, voice shaking. "It's always me talking about myself every night like an idiot."

Nanami bites her lip and looks down at her lap, pulling at the hem of her dress.

"Her ex cheated on her with her own roommate back in college."

Jimin leans back into the couch cushion, pinching between his eyes.

"Fuck."

Namjoon sprints outside in search of you. He went up to the stage and made the most pathetic speech of his career, hardly speaking for two minutes before running outside after you.

"Namjoon what the fuck was that?" Taehyung asks behind him.

"I fucked up," he says, frantically searching for you. "I have to find her."

"Where's [Y/N]?" Nanami asks, running outside with Jimin trailing behind her. "She was just next to me."

Namjoon brings his phone up to his ear, desperately praying you answer.

"Fuck," he grits, dialing your number again.

"Namjoon what happened?" Nanami asks. "You're scaring me. Where's [Y/N]?"

He looks into Nanami's eyes and she immediately knows something is really wrong. She pulls her phone out trying to call you, and it immediately goes to voicemail.

"Dammit, where the fuck are you?" she grunts as she searches up your location, her hand covering her mouth as she sees it's turned off.

"What did you do?" Nanami glares, gritting her teeth. "It has to be really bad for her to turn her location off from me."

Namjoon stands there, hands trembling as everyone is looking at him to answer, unable to form the right words. He's Kim Namjoon, one of the greatest public speakers alive, yet he's standing here speechless.

"Start talking!" Nanami yells. "Does it have something to do with that crazy fan?"

He looks at the ground, his breathing getting shaky as his panic begins to escalate.

"What crazy fan?" Taehyung asks.

Nanami's eyes widen as she starts putting the pieces together. "There was no crazy fan, was there?" she whispers.

"I was just trying to protect her," Namjoon finally chokes out.

"By lying to her?!" Nanami exclaims. "Do you not know how much [Y/N] hates when she's lied to?"

He puts his phone back up to his ear, begging for you to answer.

"Hyung, I need you to breathe," Jimin says, gripping his shoulder. "Tell us what happened."

Namjoon's eyes meet Jimin's as he tries to control his breathing, eventually falling back into a normal rhythm.

"H-Hae-Ran..." Namjoon stutters, dropping his eyes to the ground. "I lied to [Y/N] saying she was just a crazy obsessed fan that I wanted to avoid."

"What?" V and Jimin both exclaim.

"Who is she then?" Nanami asks, her hands balling up into fists.

"My ex-girlfriend," he croaks.

"I know she's batshit crazy but why would you lie to [Y/N] about her?" Jimin asks, completely baffled.

"I just panicked," he admits, tears dripping onto the ground from his chin. "I made up some excuse so I wouldn't have to explain it. I don't know why I did that. I was just trying to avoid it," he rambles. "I need to talk to her. I need to fix this."

"Okay [Y/N] has every right to be mad that you lied about your ex, but is she really the type to ghost even her best friend over it?" Taehyung asks.

"She left because she walked into our conversation right as Joonie was telling me how much he can't stand her."

The four of them turn to the voice from behind to find Hae-Ran, standing there with a smirk on her face.

_________________

Chappy 23 ~

It's literally killing me to write this lol

I much prefer fluff

I personally have battled anxiety and depression similar to this so I tried writing y/n's experience similar to mine. My anxiety is very physical. It makes my chest tighten and my stomach ache which is what I tried to portray in this. Hopefully it makes sense.

Side note, someone tweeted that Run BTS sounds like they fuck without a condom. It's accurate.