"You know how important this competition is right Sasha?" Dad asks and I sigh looking out the window.

"Dad it's just a filler competition, it doesn't mean anything." I say shaking my head and he laughs.

"They're all important. You need to represent yourself well, if you show up and blow it all no one will take us seriously." He says and I sigh looking out the window.

I'd been working all week, practicing with everything I had. I knew this competition was practically in the bag, I just needed to score well.

I dress for the day putting on my favourite tea towel of an outfit. They were essentially leotards with a napkin to cover your butt. But I knew they were designed for the sport itself and if I was being honest it was one of the few times I really felt pretty.

Kate helped me finish my make up and hair for the competition and then I was stretching and decompressing. Music always helped me centre myself, I always told dad I was listening to my performance music but of course that was a lie. Hard rock, rap and indie, a combination fit for competition.

I was ready to skate my short program, and soon enough I was out on the ice. I begged dad to go easy with me on it, there wasn't this necessity to smoke the completion but of course he didn't agree.

The short was always slightly intimidating, it was the first time the judges were seeing you. And if you blow the short, you can't recover.

But I focused got in the zone and just skated as best as I could. I followed my jump patterns and skated like my life depended on it but was mildly underwhelmed by my score. It wasn't low, but also not as high as I needed.

"Sasha, what is that score!" Dad yells when I get off the ice. "Pull it together!" I swallow back his criticism and make my way back to relax again and get ready for the long. I ran through my steps in my head thought about everything, my arm placement, my feet.

Before I knew it I was done with the long too and I was waiting for the placement results. I could throw up right now. This is the first time I've ever been scared of my skating and what I would get. Dad has been extra harsh lately and I wanted to impress him.

"In second place......" I wait and so does the rest of the room. "Sasha Petrov." My heart sinks and my mouth gets dry instantly. I'm dead.

I smile and skate to the middle of the ice receiving the medal and pretend the smile on my face is genuine. I can see dad in the stands with a mortified angry look and I get ready for the worst week of my life.

The girl who wins is a hobby skater, I watched her program. It was nice, upbeat music, she really threw herself into it but....she wasn't anywhere near as technically sound as I was. And I say this as a skater who didn't compare my technique to other peoples. She's without a coach, a club, just a girl who likes to skate.

Dad is going to tear me to shreds, I'll be lucky if he even lets me stay in the house this week. I meet him in the lobby afterwards and he shakes his head. I know I just let him down and I feel more upset now.

"Sasha, you promised me you would work on your technique in your morning practices." He says with a dangerous quiet tone.

"I was, I never skimped or cut corners." I mumble.

"Than why was that girl the winner of this competition?" He asks and I start to really think about that question. Why was that? Was it because she was older? No, I'd beaten people twice my age in the past. It wasn't her technique either, while it was decent it wasn't incredible. Maybe they liked her music better?

"I don't know dad." I answer and he huffs.

"You know what your mother and I do so you can compete in this sport, yes?" He asks and I nod. "We work long hours, and I give up my time so I can coach you the way you need to be coached." I scoffed at that, Kate and Johnathan were more than capable of coaching me without his help.

"I know." I answer quietly.

"How will you compete at sectionals when you can't beat the horrible skaters you're competing against!" He asks and I press my lips together. "Think of what we're working towards, your dream, the Olympics."

The rest of the ride home is uncomfortably silent and when I'm there, mom with her impeccable timing asks how the competition went.

"She placed second!" Dad huffs and I feel the tears welling up in my eyes. "Against some girl who couldn't turn properly on her own skates!"

I walk upstairs and open my door looking at the trophy case I had full of plaques and awards from tons of pervious wins. I find the long box under my bed full of a bunch more and toss the medal into it. I pull off my clothes and walk into my bathroom turning on the shower.

Dad hated crying, he said it showed weakness. I learned to do my crying in the shower alone. I just let the tears run and lean against the wall knowing I'd failed.

I get out and put on some dry clothes stretching out with my foam roller. I could still feel the tears running over my cheeks. I'd done all this work and I still couldn't win a dumb local competition.

I twist my hair up into a bun keeping it off of my face as I roll my calves over the roller and try to get my crying under control.

I hear a knock at the door and wipe away my tears, clearing my throat.

"Who is it?" I ask.

"Alex." He says and I sigh with a smile watching him open the door. "I just got home from my game, I wanted to see how the whole competition thing went. But I-um....I heard dad talking about it downstairs."

"More like yelling." I say and he laughs sitting down on the floor with me.

"Are you okay?" He asks more quietly and I shake my head.

"He's really mad. He's furious with me, I couldn't crack it apparently." I say with a laugh but that's simply so I don't cry anymore.

"Where's your score sheet?" He asks and I pass it to him. "What does all of this mean? What's a sol-cho?"

"A Salchow?" I ask and he furrows his eyebrows after I pronounce it quickly. "It's like a jump where you spin really fast in the air."

"Well all of this stuff looks good, it looks like your jumps and stuff are really good." He says examining the sheet as if it were written in another language.

"Yeah I don't know." I say and he flips over to the next page where my long program is scored and pulls off a sticky note.

"Kate's your coach right?" He asks and I nod. "This says 'Sash, I was listening to the judges after the scores had been tallied, you've got the technical down and they know that. You're losing your points artistically they say it doesn't look like you feel the music. We'll discuss it without your dad'." He says and looks up to me, I pull it away and read it myself.

"I know what happened." I mumble. "The other girl was smiling, using her body had fun music. She wasn't perfect but she was having fun." I say suddenly realizing it for myself. "She was artistic."

"Isn't the whole technique thing more important?" He asks and I shrug.

"Depends, if the performance is really enjoyable or moving....it could go either way." I say and sit leaning my head back against my bed.

"So you got second?" He asks and I nod. "Well you clearly were good enough to beat whoever got third. How many girls were there?"

"About twenty."

"Then that means you're better than eighteen of them." I smile and nod reaching over to give him a hug. Okay so maybe there were more good things about brothers than I thought.

"This week is going to be brutal." I tell him already worried about it. "It's been a while since...." I fade off realizing how dumb it sounds that I'm upset didn't win. "But even when I get a score that he doesn't like, he makes me work harder. He makes me hit the gym which I've told him doesn't work because it bulks up my muscles, then I don't spin right."

"You can feel that just from gaining muscle?" He asks and I nod.

"Well anyway, if that's why my showers are increasing this week....you know why." I tell him and he laughs. "How did your game go?"

"We won." He says and I smile, at least someone's a winner.

"We carried our team on our backs." Nik says suddenly appearing from the hall. "Sorry I don't do the whole boo-hoo thing, hope everything gets better." I roll my eyes and toss the score sheet off to the side.

"I'm so done." I say laying back on the floor. They both start laughing and I furrow my eyebrows.

"You're not done." Nik says sitting with us on the floor. "Number one, dad wouldn't let you. Number two, this is your whole life. Number three, you're the only one who matters in this family these days."

"That is not true." I huff crossing my arms.

"Who got the big bedroom with the ensuite and walk-in closet? Because Sasha needs her space, she is a champion." Nik says in an over-dramatic thick Russian accent. "We talk about figure skating all the time, nothing else. You're the only one who actually asks us about hockey."

"That's because I feel bad about the figure skating." I say crossing my arms.

"That reminds me, Nate asked how you were today?" Alex says and I feel my heart stop beating.

"He did? Why?" I ask feeling genuinely confused.

"He said he saw you skate for a while the other night, that he thought you were good." He says and I nod grabbing a picture off my nightstand.

"Well he would know wouldn't he?" I ask with a smile looking at the picture of me and little Nate all those years ago. Figure skating together.

"I told him you had a competition today, he asked us to tell you good luck." I shrug and shake my head trying to shake off the memories.

"Well some good that did me." I huff.

"I'll say, that dick and his annoying bestie Jake can go to hell." Nik says and I roll my eyes.

"Ooh, big swear words." I tease. "Well how sweet of you to defend me but I can fight my own battles."

"That has yet to be proven, you cave into that little group so fast all the time. Just stand your ground, stop letting them call you 'Elsa' or 'ice queen'." He says and I press my lips together.

"I don't feel the need to get into it with them." I say honestly. "If I lash out and get angry than it just gets five times worse." I tell them, knowing it's the truth.

"You care too much what other people think." Nik tells me and I sigh.

"Nik, my whole life is based around what other people think." I tell him. "Including dad."

"He's really mad huh?" He asks and I nod.

"On Monday night, he made me land triple after triple. I fell once and he yelled at me for doing it. He told me the reason I didn't win was because I was slacking off in my morning rehearsals." I huff. "Kate has been begging him to work with me artistically more, she knew how important it was. She would know too, she was actually set to go to the Olympics."

"It's because you're what he has now to accomplish those dreams." Alex says quietly. "You should tell him if something's off or wrong."

"Have you met our father?" I ask harshly. "Dad would rather watch me die trying. I'll just work hard until I get to my qualifier for sectionals. I have rink time next weekend so I can work at my routines." I tell them and get a sad look from both of them.

I knew I was stuck in this world. That this was the most important thing to dad so I'd work through it.

"Thanks for the chat." I say quietly. They smile and help me stand up off the floor, and I get a big hug. I didn't have anyone else to talk to about this. And if there was one thing Alex and Nik understood, it was the enormous pressure figure skating caused.