It's like me and Sasha have switched lives. Everyday she seems to do something new with somebody else and I feel like I just sit at home now. I could of course do something new too besides hockey but I just didn't feel like it. I was almost enjoying the choice to stay home and do nothing.

My weeks were already long before I started my double life with Sasha. Once I was spending time with her and hiding it from everyone else, things got really exhausting. I was running around trying to do so many things with so many people and Sasha was the only one who respected that I needed space.

That's what I loved about Sasha, she was never hard to get along with. She wanted the best for all of the people around her. She always understood when I couldn't do something with her, she'd just say we'd talk later on.

Now that I had the chance, I was enjoying taking it easy for a while. I was also really behind on my schoolwork so I was glad for the downtime to catch up.

I also knew this was good for Sasha, she was tired of being lonely and I liked the fact that she was getting more confident. Kate seemed like someone who was really quite positive, so I knew she'd come back from her day out and be really happy.

Now the rain was starting to slowly hit the window, it had been cloudy and overcast all day but it only now just started to rain. It made me wish she was here, there's really nothing better than staying in bed on a rainy day.

Then I hear the unmistakeable sound of the front door opening and my ears perk up. I hear what sounds like a lot of rustling around and footsteps upstairs. Suddenly Sasha appears in the hall arms full of bags, hair drenched from the rain. She walks into her room across the hall in a pair of oversized jeans, a loose long sleeve and a light jacket, all damp from the rain outside.

She walks in and tosses the shopping bags on the floor at the end of the bed and pulls her jacket off hanging it up over the door of the closet in the bedroom. She then lightly kicks the door closed but it doesn't close, the latch falls open and I watch her pull her damp shirt off and then she looks to undo her jeans. Does she know I can see her?

I watch them get undone and fall around her ankles where she steps out of them. I don't even know if I'm breathing right now. Her bras, both times I've seen them, are lace and feminine. Today is no exception, the underwear she's wearing show nearly everything to me. She's facing the bed so I'm effectively staring at her whole butt.

God how can she think she isn't beautiful? Every part of her body is toned and firm with the same even, cool-toned skin covering it. It's like there isn't an imperfection anywhere. She suddenly turns around to put those clothes over the closet door too when we make eye contact. She looks frozen, not upset just surprised. Her cheeks heat up and she moves her clothes down in front of her waist, keeping me from looking at her underwear.

I stand up and cross the hall slowly, feeling completely drawn in. She just stares at me looking confused, but she doesn't look terrified. I pull open the door and close it behind me and she jumps a bit. I walk slowly towards her making sure I'm not upsetting her until I can rest my hand on her shoulder. She drops the clothes with a thud to the floor and looks up to me curiously.

"I didn't think you'd be home, I thought you would have gone out and done something for the day." She explains and my other hand rests on her other shoulder. "I also thought the door was c-closed."

"I was waiting for you to come back." I say quietly, running my thumbs back and forth over her shoulders. "I was worried that you got caught in the rain.....but, now I'm almost glad you did."

She closes her eyes and presses her lips together taking a deep breath.

"Is this alright?" I whisper and she nods.

I watch as her hands come up to my arms and I'm ready to have them pushed away. Surprisingly she doesn't, she runs them down the length of my arms until she gets to my body. Then her hands press over my sweater working their way down until they reach the hem of it. I feel her pull it up and pull it off of my body. She then takes my hands and pulls them instead to her waist.

Her underwear can't be the width of more than two of my fingers on the sides of her body. I can feel their lace material under my fingertips and I hear her breath catch. I pull her closer to me so we're only a few inches apart. Then I grab her chin to have her look up at me and I see those same wide eyes staring back.

"Are you sure you're alright?" I ask and she does something that almost surprises me, she laughs a bit.

"I'm fine." She says. "My heart's beating pretty good but......I'm not scared."

I then take one of her hands and guide it to my own heart which feels like it's about to explode from how fast it's racing. She smiles and leans in closer, where I rest my forehead on hers.

"You're so beautiful." I remind her and kiss her forehead, then each of her cheeks, then her nose. "I want you too much." I add and then quietly I fit my lips to hers.

It's a quiet, almost overwhelming kiss. The same type we usually had where I'd just about burst into flames every time we did it. But right now it was even better, there was new energy here now making it even more overpowering.

I feel her reach out and pull me closer and I gladly comply. I hold her body flush against mine running my hands up and down her back, over her waist.

The kiss heats up and I can hear audible sighing from Sasha for the first time. Her hands roam over my own body and I can start to feel adrenaline kick in. It's in this moment that I'm afraid to act on instinct because I don't know where it'll take me and the last thing I need to do is scare Sasha.

She then moves her hands along the waist of my pants and I feel electricity shoot through me. There's no turning back now. I pick her up off the ground, and I immediately feel her legs wrap around me. My hands rest under her butt and I press her against the wall just a few feet away.

I move to kiss the spot just below her ear and she groans.

"Nathan." I hear in a low whisper and I know I'm done for. I feel a sudden rush of blood and go completely hard against her. I worry it might have scared her but she sighs again and grabs my shoulders. I feel my fingers dig into her hips and she runs her fingers through my hair.

I then bring her to the bed so she can sit over me. My hands move down and I slowly run them over her butt and she smiles slightly. I move my hands up over the front of her body and pause before moving them up any higher.

She does me one better and actually guides them up so they sit over the cups of her bra. I find myself lost in the moment, wondering what had changed to make her so confident. Whatever it was I was certainly thankful for.

I find myself squeezing and running my hands over her body. I move my hand up to one of her bra straps and pull it down to kiss the space under it. I move over the front of her chest pressing my lips to different spots. She squirms slightly making my pants grow even tighter now.

"Can I take this off." I ask quietly sliding my fingers under her bra straps. She sighs as I plant another kiss on the side of her neck and I feel her nod. "Words Sasha."

"Yes." She says quietly and I feel my mind skyrocket.

I know this is something she's decently insecure about so to hear her say that was incredibly surprising. I had no clue why she was so worried either, I loved everything about Sasha.

I work my hands around her back and slowly unhook it, feeling goosebumps come up all over her skin. I pull the straps down her arms and then I pull the cups away feeling it drop to the bed beside me.

I know I'm not breathing now, this was too incredible for words to describe. For all of Sasha's worries there was absolutely nothing wrong with her boobs. They were right for her body and were well shaped, another perfect thing about Sasha Petrov.

"I know they're not much." She mumbles clearly taking my staring the wrong way.

"Are you kidding?" I ask, cupping the side of her face. "Sasha, I love them. You could have no boobs and it wouldn't change the way I feel about you." She laughs to herself turning red. "It's not even about them, it's about the fact that you trusted me enough to show them to me."

She smiles slightly at that and takes a deep breath before leaning in and kissing me once. She then moves to kiss the side of my neck and my chest. I feel her tug at the waistband of my pants and I groan.

I roll her under me and she laughs a bit. I pull them down before crawling back over her and she smiles. I lean down so I can kiss her again and feel my heart beat faster as her arms wrap around my back.

There was so much energy in the room right now it was making it impossible to breathe. I'd never felt like this with Sabrina, in the beginning it was good enough but it didn't feel all-consuming the way this did. It felt like we were meant to be together like this.

The way I felt about Sasha was terrifying, like I couldn't stop myself. I knew if we disappeared from each others lives again I wouldn't survive. She means more to me than anyone else, and it was like people were finally starting to see that. As frightening as it is....maybe people our age did fall in love. Maybe that was what we were doing together.

"Sasha." I say quietly breaking our kiss and she looks back at me. "I-uh.....I...." I quickly fade out worried about scaring her off. I'd never felt what I feel her for anyone else, there wasn't a doubt in my mind that we were right together. I'd never loved anyone outside of my family and I know the only people Sasha felt real love for in hers were her brothers.

"What is it?" She asks siting up.

"Well I-um......" What if this was way too much of a curve ball for her? What if I layer that in on top of everything else and she starts to freak out? Is it wrong to feel the way I do about her? No, we'd known each other for ten years, we're so close already and I know she's the person I trust the most in the world. "I wanted to.....to tell you something."

"I was thinking about telling you something too." She admits and then crosses her arms over her chest.

My biggest issue is that I know we're not together, why is everything between us so twisted around?

"I've never felt what I do for you, for anyone else." I tell her and she nods with a smile. "You know I really.....well I think about you all the time Sasha. I do, and I missed you when we spent so long away from each other. All I know about me and you is that we're good together. That you make me really happy and that even though we're not together, I still feel somewhere deep down that I should worry about you and care about you.

"Well.....I guess what I'm saying is......I refused to tell Sabrina I loved her because I didn't. Because she treated me really poorly and I knew she didn't really love me back. I was also convinced that people our age didn't fall in love but......then you came back into my life."

She stares back at me with wide eyes, the same ones that make it hard to say no to her. They're so innocent, like she's absorbing everything. But like always it was incredibly hard to read her and I know what was running through her head. If I'm really off with this it'll make everything really awkward for a while.

"Sasha." I tell her grabbing her hand. "I love you."

I wait for the confusion or panic from me telling her something so heavy but I watch a tear run over her cheek. Is that a good or a bad tear?

"I just needed to tell you, I know it's a lot and.....you don't have to say it back to me. But I needed to tell you I did, I needed you to know." She just cries harder now and I worry I'd really messed it up. But to my surprise, she just crawls into my lap and presses her face against my chest.

"I-I.....love you too." She sobs quietly into my chest. "I was talking about h-how much I think about you with Kate. Then I realized I did, that I need you." I run my hands over her back waiting for the tears to calm down and she takes a sniffly breath in. "Nathan, nobody loves me. I don't feel like I deserve you at all for how much of my shit you deal with. I'm a complicated person."

"I love complicated." I tell her running one of my thumbs under her eyes to catch her tears. "Sasha Elena Petrov, I love you. It doesn't matter if nobody else does because I do."

"I love you, Nathan." She says quietly. "It's almost scary how much."