I downed another glass of whiskey and practically slammed it down onto the bar. Hearing about what that bastard did to Scarlett made my mood even worse, causing me to drink more than I normally would.

"I'm cutting you off boss. You need to start being sober," Smiles told me hesitantly, yet firmly. Sighing, I nodded. He was right.

"Sorry man, I'm just stressed. I know shit is going to hit the fan and after going through what we did not that long ago, I'm not exactly excited for this," I explained.

He nodded. "I get what you mean. But if you really think about it, this should be nothing compared to what Diablo put us through huh?" He asked while laughing.

I chuckled. "I guess not."

The door to downstairs opened and the girls came walking back into the main area, smiles on all of their faces.

"Y'all seem to be in a good mood," Smiles pointed out as he handed Lilly a lemonade without her even having to ask for it. "You ladies want anything too?" He asked.

Kali, Scarlett, and Jessie shook their heads but Miranda smirked.

"Hand me a beer pretty boy," she winked. Smiles rolled his eyes but got out a beer.

"Aren't you supposed to stop drinking as much as you get older?" He smirked.

Miranda gasped. "I'll have you know that I am not old! And Alpha is older than I am but he's drinking around the clock! So ha!"

I rolled my eyes and stood up from my stool. "Yeah well, Smiles cut me off for the night anyways. So I'm done until tomorrow." Miranda rolled her eyes but didn't say anything back.

I went to go walk upstairs when I was stopped, surprisingly, by Scarlett.

"Can you stay in here please? You don't have to but it's easier being around people I've already met," she whispered, clearly not wanting anyone else to hear her. Her cheeks were pink, letting me know that she was embarrassed to ask. I nodded and sat back down.

"Let's go!" Jessie squealed. She, Miranda, and Lilly dragged the two girls to meet everyone in the club. I made sure to stay at the bar and glance over from time to time, keeping Scarlett's request in mind.

"You seem to be pretty interested in my sister Alpha. What gives?" Spider asked as he sat down on the stool beside me.

I chuckled and shook my head. "I ain't interested in your sister Spider, get off your high horse. She just asked me to stay down here because she felt comfortable knowing that the people she's already met are down here too," I explained. He nodded slowly, not looking quite convinced.

"Just don't fuck to where I can hear it."

I laughed.

"For heaven's sake I've barely even gotten laid since Bethany left," I said while shaking my head.

Key, who had joined us at this point, laughed loudly.

"How have you not gone insane man?" He asked through his laughter.

I shook my head while smiling. "Heartache will do that to you," my smile diminished slightly.

"Aye man," Key smacked me on the back. "We're always here if you need to talk."

"Yeah but we won't take care of your sexual needs," Spider shuddered. "No offense, but I don't swing that way."

"Aw you don't want to fuck him?" Key asked jokingly. Spider glared.

Smiles chimed in. "With the size difference, I say Alpha wouldn't be the one to take it."

The guys broke out into another fit of laughter.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the girls giving us looks, obviously wondering what we were talking about.

"But no really Alpha," Spider said as he calmed down. "You deserve to find someone for you. Don't be afraid to take chances just because of one bitch in the past. She's dead Bryan. She's not going to come back and try to ruin things again."

Hours later, I was still thinking about his words.

Was I really that scared to find love because of Bethany?

Was I really that scared to find love in general?

Most people would call me sensitive. They would call me a coward, and say I need to man-up about this. But what they don't realize is that one incident in your past can leave scars for eternity if brought back up again.

When Bethany left me the first time, I was distraught. When I learned about how abusive she had become, I was livid. And when I saw her for the first time again after 18 years, it broke me all over again.

If I didn't have the club relying on me, and Lilly needing me to stay strong, I would have broke. I would have broke and someone would've had the unfortunate job of trying to clean up the pieces.

Mental scars never seem to heal properly. You say that you are over it but as soon as something similar happens you are brought back into that moment where you broke. You're brought back to your lowest point in life. The pain you felt at the time is never forgotten no matter how hard you try to get over it. The memories never leave you, and those scars never fade.

______________________

"Dad! Dad! Come on dad wake up! We want to go shopping but the guys said that we need your permission!" Lilly shouted, knocking on my door repeatedly. I groaned and looked over at my alarm clock to see that it was almost noon.

Standing up off of my bed, I walked over to my bedroom door and opened it. In front of me stood a grinning Lilly, a smirking Miranda, a yawning Jessie, a smiling Kali, and a awkward Scarlett.

"Can we go shopping?" Lilly asked.

I walked back into my room and grabbed my wallet. Pulling out my card, I handed it to Miranda. "Whatever Lilly wants, get her. I know if I gave this to her she wouldn't use it so that's why I'm giving it to you," I told her sternly. She grinned.

"Hell yeah. Deal."

Lilly just shook her head at us.

I pulled Miranda close and leaned down to her ear. "And if Scarlett or Kali get concerned about spending too much money just use the card on them too. Don't worry about it," I whispered quietly. She nodded quickly with a smile. I leaned back and looked at the pair of five. "Take a couple guys with you as guards, just to be on the safe side," I ordered. They nodded.

"We already got Ace, Spider, Key, and Smiles to agree to tagging along. So don't worry about it," Jessie explained.

I nodded. "Well go have fun then."

"Come on girls!" They walked away and I shut my bedroom door and was met with silence once again.

Deciding to go out for a ride today, I got dressed and headed downstairs.

"Going somewhere today Alpha?" Butcher asked as I walked by. He was playing a game of poker with some of the other guys.

I shrugged. "Just out for a ride is all."

Riding has always been something that has calmed me down and put my mind at ease. When I was riding down the road on my bike, I could feel the stress melt right off of my shoulders. Feeling the wind and the bike beneath me gave me a feeling of pure freedom; like I was untouchable.

I pulled into the parking lot of an abandoned building and I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. The building held a lot of memories inside of it that I wasn't sure if I could face anymore. But for some reason, I was going to try.

Spider's words seemed to hit me somewhere and set something off. Ever since I started thinking about what he said last night there was something inside of me that was threatening to come loose. The walls that I had struggled and fought to build up over the years were threatening to break and release everything that I've ever kept inside of me since Bethany left me all those years ago. She would always be the person that I would confide in before the built up emotions became too much. Before Adeline's death she was as loving as a mother and wife could ever be. She was disgusted with the people who abused their children. She always said that if she ever came across someone like that then they wouldn't live long enough to try and walk away from her.

I got up off of my bike and walked up to the door of the building. Hours could've passed while I stood there with my hand hovering over the doorknob but my mind was too far deep in a sea of memories to notice.

When I finally did get the courage to step through the door, everything hit at once.

"Come on Bryan!" Bethany shouted while laughing as she walked further into the building.

I shook my head and followed her. "Beth be careful. You don't know how old this flooring is, watch where you step," I warned. I kept a close eye on where she was stepping to make sure that the floor wouldn't give out beneath her.

She scowled. "You are such a party pooper you know that?" She crossed her arms. To anyone else they would think that she was annoyed, but I could see the amusement in her eyes.

As I walked around the main room of the building, I could see her as she pranced around, excited to be in this place. I remember being so concerned whenever she would jump around or stomp her foot, fearing that the floor would give out and she would be injured.

"I am not a party pooper," I scowled.

She grinned. "Party pooper! Party pooper!" When I went to go chase her she laughed and ran away, further into the building.

I walked down the hall and into one of the abandoned rooms, the one where she had told me that she was pregnant.

"Bryan," Bethany's voice was softer than normal as she looked up at me. I could see worry in her eyes and I became concerned.

"What is it Beth?" I asked.

She took a deep breath. "I know that this isn't the most ideal place to tell someone this, and we're both a bit younger, but we have a lot of memories here and I couldn't think of anywhere else to tell you that wasn't the compound."

"Tell me what?" I asked.

She took a deep breath and grabbed my hands in hers. "Promise me you won't get mad?"

"Why would I be mad?" I asked, confused.

She shook her head. "Just promise me?"

"I promise."

I remember how long it took her to be able to tell me. We stood in the room for probably ten minutes while she was trying to gather her courage.

"I'm pregnant," she told me. Her voice was quiet and timid sounding.

"What?" I asked, not quite believing what I heard.

"I'm pregnant," she said a bit stronger.

Pregnant?

"Holy shit!" I yelled. I lifted her up into my arms and spun her around. The sound of her laughter reached my ears and it felt as if I was on cloud nine.

When I set her back down her eyes were practically gleaming.

"So you're not mad?"

"Mad?" I asked, a big grin on my face. "How could I be mad? Baby, we're having a baby!" I picked her up again and hugged her close to me.

"We need to come up with names," she whispered in my ear. I set her back down but kept my hands on her waist.

"Well, how about you pick a name for a girl and I pick a name for a boy?" I proposed.

She smirked. "And if it's twins?"

I grinned. "Well then I guess we'll have to come up with another name if they're both the same gender!"

She laughed. "Okay okay, let me think." We sat in that room for a good while in silence, each of us trying to come up with a name that the other would love too.

"Oh!" A name popped into my mind. "What about Marcus if it's a boy?" I asked. Bethany smiled softly.

"I love it." She fiddled with the end of my cut for a minute before looking up at me. "What if we name our daughter after your mother?" She asked, her voice in a soft whisper.

I smiled. "I'm sure she would love that."

"It's settled then."

"Little Marcus for a boy, and little Adeline for a girl."

Tears dripped down my face as I remember how happy she used to be. She was so excited to become a mother. But when Adeline died, she took a piece of Bethany and me with her. We used to sit in the room all the time after her death, trying to remember how happy we were when we found out that we were having a baby. However the memories got too much, and neither of us were able to come back afterwards.

It's weird for others to process that an abandoned building is where we have a lot of our memories, but it's where we would come to escape from club duties. After all we were young, we didn't want to work all the time.

Wiping my face dry, I fast-walked out of the room and out of the building. The memories were getting too much and I wasn't sure how stable I would still be if I stayed in that building for much longer.

I got on my bike and made sure I wouldn't cry again before taking off. I didn't need my vision to be blurred with tears, especially considering it was darker out now than it was before.

As I drove back to the compound, the empty hole in my chest felt like it was growing. The further I got away from the abandoned building, the more numb I felt.

As the leader of a MC I always made sure that I was strong. I made sure that I never showed a sign of weakness so my men didn't doubt my strength. But love is one thing that no one can hold back from. Even the most disturbed souls like Ripper have found love. And even the most gentle of souls have been torn apart by love.

It's ruthless. Being able to kill without a second thought is one thing, but feeling as if your heart is being ripped out of you by a force that you had no control over is another level of pain. Those who haven't felt true heartache I hope never do. The pain feels like it will never end. Every thought that you have about the person who broke your heart feels like a stab in the chest each time. You never know if you will ever find someone again to replace what you had, and that's the worst part.

After your heart is broken in such a way it's hard for you to find it in yourself to trust others. The invisible stitches that hold it together threaten to break every time you get close to someone because you don't know if you can ever trust again.

I took a deep breath as I parked my bike at the compound. No one needed to see that I had been crying. They didn't need to see me that upset, especially Lilly.

Walking into the bar I was met with concerned faces all around.

"Prez where'd you go? We tried to get ahold of you but you weren't answering your phone. We got worried," Spider said as he walked up to me. I looked behind him and saw the girls. Lilly looked like she was about to cry as Ripper held her.

I walked past Spider and up to Lilly, pulling her in for a tight hug but being careful since she was still healing.

"I was worried you left me," she whispered into my chest.

A traitor tear fell down my cheek.

"I wouldn't leave the best thing that's ever happened to me darling. You'd have to kill me in order to get me to leave you," I mumbled as I laid my head on top of hers. One thing I was slightly happy that she inherited from Bethany was her height. I couldn't imagine a 6'5" Lilly.

She sniffled. "I love you dad."

I felt my eyes water and blinked away the tears. "I love you too sweetheart. So much." I hugged her a bit tighter to me for a minute longer before releasing her.

I stepped away and wiped away a few tears that had escaped. I could tell that the guys wanted to speak with me but knew that I wouldn't want to talk to them about it.

Smiles placed a glass of whiskey in front of me and I chugged it before going upstairs and into my room for the night.