Braxton

I'm a goddamn motherfucking asshole. How could I do that to her? I don't even know where those things I said came from. I would beat someone with an inch of their life, if they ever said what I said to Em.

I asked her to marry me, for god sake. I was planning on marrying this amazing woman and with a few words I destroyed her. The look of her face makes me feel so guilty. I deserve to feel a lot more than guilt though.

I have been so worried about the baby that I didn't even stop to think about how I was driving her crazy. I was just trying to help when I was really doing the opposite.

I couldn't bear to see the look of fear on her face when she had been spotting, so I thought if I forced her to rest then they would both be okay. Instead, I drove her crazy and then lashed out with lies.

I know for a fact that it's not her fault I wasn't in the beginning of Cora's life. It was mine, the blame rests squarely on my shoulders and she stepped up. She went through the pregnancy, birth, and the first three years without a lick of help from me.

Then I accused her of trying to hurt our son. That couldn't be farther from the truth, she was doing everything right. I would still like her to not carry Cora, but she was just taking care of our other child. I know it wasn't spiteful or trying to harm anyone.

My comment about it being my son, is the only one that I know where it came from. It stemmed from fear, I'm scared that she won't lean on me because I wasn't here when Cora was born. Also, I'm scared I won't know what to do or how to help. I won't be able to feed him, I don't know how to tell what he wants when he's crying and she's already doing all the work for him right now.

One of the worst things I said though was asking her if she was going to keep him from me forever, like she was trying to hurt him.

I can't even believe that happened.

I just see her face transforming from shock to hurt all over again on repeat.

As soon as I realized what I was saying I tried to go to her, but then she asked me to leave and seeing her in tears from my words had me walking out the door. I was furious with myself.

I didn't sleep at all last night, but then I called in and canceled all my appointments.

No kids should have to deal with me like this.

I tried calling her a few times today, but she didn't answer. Shocker.

Now I'm hiding my apartment trying to figure out a way to fix what a dick I was.

So far, I've got nothing.

I wonder what she's doing. She would have gotten off work an hour ago, so after picking up Cora, she's probably home fixing dinner. Or maybe she picked up food, because she didn't feel like cooking.

Did she tell her family?

The sharp knocking on my door answers my question. Is it Leo or Ethan?

I open the door and move out of the way. He's going to come in and I deserve whatever ass beating he delivers.

Ethan is fuming as he walks in, the look in his eyes feral.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" His fist connects with my jaw for the first time. Almost definitely not the last.

I relish in the pain, because at least I feel a little of the pain I caused Em.

"How could you say those things to her, you piece of shit?" I hang my head and he strikes again. This time hitting the cheekbone on the left side of my face. Damn he's not holding anything back.

I feel the trick of blood on my cheek.

"Say something, asshole. Why would you do that to her? You destroyed her." He's right. The moment those awful things came out of my mouth she deflated.

I don't have an answer for him. Apparently, he doesn't like that so he keeps going.

His hand clenches again and the next victim is my eyebrow, then my nose.

He shakes his hand and I notice it is red and swelling already. I don't even want to know what my face looks like.

"If you don't start talking, I swear to god your broken nose will be the least of your concerns. Tell me why the guy that I was planning to make my best man, the man that stuck by my sister's side through everything she went through, the guy that who fucking cried without embarrassment when he found out his baby was boy, tell me why that guy destroyed the mother of his children with lies. She looks awful, the bruises under her eyes from crying were blue and purple. She was about to drop with exhaustion and looked miserable. Not to mention, she couldn't even breathe because she was sobbing so hard when she told me that you blamed her for not being here for the beginning of Cora's life. She also told me how you accused her of trying to intentionally harm her unborn child, the one that she loves more than her own life. You really think she doesn't know it's your son too? That's why she let you drive her crazy for so long. She loves you and her son, but now you broke her."

He gets in a few more punches, but I can't even seem to focus. I can't bear to think that she's not okay.

He finally lets up and I'm not sure whether he's done or not. My face feels puffy, but my concern is making sure she's okay.

"Is she okay?" My voice is hoarse, but I need to know.

"No, she's not fucking okay. Why Braxton? Why did you do that to her? We both know that none of that is true." I shake my head, but that's not enough for him.

He hauls me back by my shirt and shoves me against the door. I haven't put up a fight and I don't plan on it.

"Answer me! Why?" He roars.

"I don't fucking know! Okay? I don't know." I'm sobbing now and I can't even control it. "I have no fucking clue. When she started spotting seeing that look on her face was terrifying. She loves him. She fucking loves him and she can't lose him. I was terrified, we went to the doctor and she kept asking if everything was alright. He said it was, but she couldn't believe him. She just kept saying she couldn't bear losing him and that it would be her fault. It wouldn't be her fucking fault!"

He stops holding me up and I sink to the ground.

"When she stopped bleeding, it was like she could finally breathe again. I didn't have to hold her as she cried herself to sleep anymore, but I was still crippled with fear. I thought that if she took an easy everything would be okay, but I could tell I was making her crazy. I just didn't have any other way to protect them. Then I found out she picked up Cora again. Up the stairs too. I thought she wasn't being careful enough and I know that if we lost him, I would lose her too. I know she would never keep me from Cora, but I would lose the love of my life and my son."

I don't know what he's thinking because my face is still buried in my hands, but there's more.

"Nothing I said was true, but I don't know how to protect them. She raised Cora from the beginning, she knows how to raise a kid and she did a damn good job, but I don't know how to. I can't feed him and she's already doing everything. She is sacrificing so much for him already and I can't even keep them safe. They almost died because of me. I couldn't keep them safe. I would do anything to keep them safe and I failed them." I wipe away the tears and grunt when I hit my injured face.

I stand and open the door. Ethan looks up at me like I'm a psychopath.

"Either keep hitting me or get the fuck out." My voice is hard. I can't do anything right for them and she is better off without me. All I do is cause her pain.

"It's not me who you should be concerned with. Man the fuck up and go tell her all that. You're scared? Welcome to the real world. Don't piss her off because you're scared, tell her. She's fucking terrified too. It's not your fault they were in an accident. It's the drunk motherfucker that got behind the wheel and ran into them. You couldn't have protected them from that, but you can stop being a pussy. Don't push her away. Emily is one of the best women in the world, she's a fucking catch. I think you know that, so grow a pair and explain why you were such an asshole. She might take you back."

What didn't he understand?

"She deserves better than I can give her. She will be better off without me. I've caused all the pain in her life." He shakes his head.

"You've also caused all the joy. You've given her two children that she loves. You're damn right she deserves better than you can give her. She deserves the world, but if you pull your head out of your ass, then you would realize that you were giving her the world before this fight. She is most definitely not better off without you. The shell of Emily is at our parents right now, broken and exhausted."

I know that I will regret it forever if I don't fight for her.

"You're driving. I can't fucking see." I run out the door and into his car.

He turns the car on and we race out of the parking lot.

The car is dead silent as we hurry to my girl. I'm just hoping she will take me back. I have never regretted anything as much as I do right now, but I just need to talk to her.

We get to Leo and Jo's house and I hop out. Ethan is on my heels.

"If you think for one sec-" Leo is interrupted by Ethan.

"Dad, let him through. Look at his face, I knocked some sense into him. Emily can make her decision. Let him go to her and I'll explain everything."

I see Cora and Jo sitting in the chairs outside eating cookies.

"You hurt my baby girl again and I'll make you pay even more than Ethan." I nod and walk to Em's room once he moves over.

I slowly open the door and see Emily sleeping. 

The crack in my heart breaks even wider when I see that Ethan was right. She looks really bad. The bruises under her eyes are blue and purple and she looks so tired. There are dried tears all over her face.

I toe off my shoes and climb in behind her.

Finally, I'm at peace, I know that I have a lot to do and that Emily may never forgive me, but with them wrapped tight in my arms everything is okay.

I realize I'm tired too. Not sleeping last night really did a number on me.

I drift off to thoughts of my family.