HICCUPS POV

Daylight filtered through the intertwining branches on the island where (Y/N) and I were reunited... We were standing in the trees, facing each other...

"I can't believe you're here, Hiccup!" (Y/N) said smiling, showing her perfect teeth.

"You have no idea how much I've missed you, (Y/N)!" I smiled back, we were holding hands and staring into each others eyes. Time felt still again... I want this moment to last forever.

"What happened to you, (Y/N)?... you left...you- you never said goodbye" I stuttered in sadness.

I saw happiness leaving her face when she absorbed my words. She turned away from me, I could hear her crying. It broke my heart to hear her weep. I put my hand on her shoulder...

"I'm sorry Hiccup..." she said, her voice was shaking

"What for?? I'm just so happy that your here! I'm so happy that I've found you! You can come home now! Come home with me to Berk!"

"No... I'm sorry that I gave you hope... that you saw me here today. I'm not coming back to Berk." She turned around revealing the stream of tears that were falling down her face.

"What?! Why- why not? You're - you're safe now. You'r dragon is safe now. Trust me"

"No Hiccup. You don't understand, I can't go back. I'm not welcome anymore..."

"Why not? Of course you are! Tell me what's on your mind, (Y/N), I can help!" I felt like I was yelling at her. I couldn't stop... Only because in that moment, I would've done ANYTHING to bring her home to Berk, where she belonged. I refused to loose her again.

"I didn't just leave without reason Hicc... I had to go. It wasn't safe for Libelle and-" she held back her words. I could tell she wasn't telling me something...

"(Y/N), everything has changed back at Berk. It's a heaven for all dragons now, believe me. It's nothing like it used to be when we were younger..."

She stared at me in amazement...

"What? You're telling me they aren't killing each other anymore?" She asked as serious as could be

"No. Not anymore. The dragons live among us, (Y/N). There's finally peace." She smiled. As I continued... "Just like you've always wanted. Everything has changed... just let me show you-"

Her smile quickly disappeared...

"Not everything. There's somethings that cannot be changed, Hiccup. That's why I- I can't go back"

"No... what can't you change, (Y/N)? What happened?"

We were interrupted by the Lightfury's growls as she awoke from the slumber I forced on her...

"LIBELLE! Are you ok girl?" She ran towards her dragon and comforted her. It made me realise that things were not the same as when we last parted. I could see trauma behind (Y/N)'s eyes. It was clear that she couldn't talk about it without upsetting...

Her dragon saw me standing behind (Y/N) and jolted on her hind legs and extended her wings defensively. She growled and showed her sharp teeth...

"Woah woahhh! ELLE! Stop girl it's okay, it's okay. He's with me, he won't hurt you..." the dragon obeyed (Y/N) and lowered herself.

I gestured to Toothless, who I knew was ready to attack from behind me, to stand down... The white dragons' violent growls stopped.

I tried to change the subject...

"How old is she?" I asked

"How would I know, Hicc?" She laughed hesitantly, trying to shake off the past topic of conversation.

"Well... if you lift up her head and tell by the scales on her chin... *points* look, you can tell by these patterns-"

She lifted Libelle's head to see... I looked at the white dragons' chin to help (Y/N)...

"She's your age! Explains how you're so close" I exclaimed with excitement. She smiled and scratched her dragons neck.

I continued... "My mother taught me that one. That's how I know Toothless and I are the same age as well! She also taught me how to make them fall asleep as I did to your dragon earlier... I apologise for that, by the way"

She froze...

"Your mother? You found your mother?! HICCUP! That's huge!! How did it happen??" She stood up and ran towards me and gave me a big, tight hug. I wrapped my arms around her tightly. It made me feel so incredibly lucky to have found her. Ugh I've missed her so much!

~~~~

Night fell upon us...

We talked about our past adventures for hours... well, I did mostly. (Y/N) didn't talk at all about why she left or how she found her dragon, Libelle. She did talk about amazing stories about her travels and the extraordinary people and dragons she met on her journey. It was like she'd lived an entire life without me... I noticed that every story she told finished the same way - with her moving on to the next island without hesitation... leaving the brief connections she made without even looking back. She has numbed herself from making any new friends or a place to call home.

I talked about how I found Toothless... how he changed Berk for the better... How I lost my leg... the dragon eye... The Edge... how I met my mother... how I fought Drago and Toothless how he became the Alfa. She was astonished. I loved seeing her precious reactions.

I didn't mention dad's death... I didn't want to say anything that would upset her. It was too soon. I also didn't mention my partner, Astrid. I wanted to, but the conversation didn't lead to anywhere near it. I barely thought about Astrid when I was with (Y/N), and for that I felt extremely guilty.. Maybe it was because we barely spoke about Berk. (Y/N) didn't mention it at all... and all I wanted to do was to comfort her and take all the pain she'd been bottling up for so many years away from her.

"...And now your mother is back home with you and Stoick?" She asked, waiting to hear a happy ending.

I didn't know what to do, she had been so extremely happy the last couple of hours. I didn't want that to stop. This was perfect. I didn't know wether to tell her the truth about dad's death or to just change the topic. I couldn't lie to her...

"I- uuh- she is back home..." I said with a weak smile. I didn't lie, I just couldn't tell her the entire truth yet...

She smiled after hearing those words and that's all that mattered to me, I wanted her to be happy. If she wasn't coming back to Berk, I didn't want to part with her having the thought of her being upset. I could never do that to her.

She leaned her head on my shoulder... my cheeks blushed so fast and my palms started to sweat. I wanted to kiss her badly... but I couldn't do that to Astrid. We looked up into the night sky together.

"Hiccup..."

"Yes?"

"I've missed you so much."

My heart warmed hearing those words

"I've missed you too."

... I love her. (Y/N) has always been the one I loved. The one I've loved since I was 5 years old playing with her through the fields of Berk. I could always be myself around her and could tell her anything. She's the only person who truly knows me for who I am.

She lifted her head and looked up at me, her eyes were so incredibly breathtaking... Gods I want to kiss her. I felt her leaning in... I couldn't resist. A moment of weakness possessed me... I closed my eyes and leaned in towards her at the same pace. Our lips met. We were kissing passionately.. A thrill of happiness spread through my whole body. It felt different from when we used to kiss when we were younger... we were mature, things were different, we were kissing for much longer. She placed her hand on the back of my head and grabbed my hair, I could tell she wanted more...

I couldn't stop... it felt so nice, it feels more intimate that what me and Astrid have back home, because of the history between us... every movement was making me feel so much more... My urges made me grab (Y/N) by her waist and place her on my lap with her legs extending from both sides of my body. She started kissing me harder... moving back and forth on my lap... I could feel myself starting to harden between her legs. It felt so good. I pressed her hips down on me and pushed my hips upwards, her breathing started to heavy and she chocked a moan... It felt so good but it also felt so wrong-

I suddenly stopped kissing her after a wave of guilt struck my consciousness.

She pulled away in confusion. I can't bare to do this to Astrid. I could tell if we'd have carried on, things would've gotten out of hands...

"Something wrong?" She asked.

I tried thinking of an excuse, but nothing came to mind. I couldn't tell her about Astrid now, I had already kissed her! She'll think I'm disloyal... which I am being... This isn't me.

"I can't..." I said, still thinking of a good reason to tell her... even though I wanted to carry on kissing her... badly.

She climbed off of me and walked towards Libelle. I placed my hands to cover up my erection.. and exhaled out of frustration.

I thought for a brief moment that (Y/N) was about to leave. I was ready to chase after her... I'd never let her go without saying goodbye again. But instead, she just laid there in the grass, with her dragons' tail wrapped around her as a barrier; separating me and her. She was searching through her satchel for something...

"(Y/N)..."

"It's okay Hiccup. Nothing was going to happen- it was just a kiss"

Just a kiss? It meant so much more than 'just a kiss' for me. I tried to show that her statement didn't bother me. I saw that she was writing something... in a leather journal... wait, that's the same leather journal I gave to her

6 years ago!

"You kept it all this time." I said filled with love and embrace

"Of course I did, Hiccup. I never wanted to forget you. You're not the reason I left"

"I also wasn't enough of a reason for you to stay..."

She didn't respond, and continued to write in her journal.

"Why did you leave?" I blurted

"Hiccup, can you stop asking me that?" She said sharply

"I should at least know why. You say you're never coming back to Berk... How can you want leave me for a second time without telling me! You left without saying anything! You let me believe you were dead! Do you know how much it broke my heart to live without you!? To except that you were dead!? Why (Y/N?), Why did you go?!" My distressed anger was showing, I couldn't help but raise my voice. I've missed her too much.

"I didn't just leave you, Hiccup! I left my family. My mother, Erik and Iacob. I left my home! My entire village-" she began to enrage

"And now... you have a chance to come back to all that! But you're leaving again! Without even telling me why you left the first time!" My voice raised louder

"I can't go back Hiccup! Do you think it was my choice to leave all of those things behind? I didn't to leave, I to leave... I have too much shame to tell you why, and for that I'm deeply sorry. So please, stop."

"I don't believe that you have too much shame to tell me. You know can tell me anything.

Why did you leave (Y/N)?"

"Why do you keep asking me when I clearly don't want to talk about it?!" She yelled

"Because deep down, you know that !"

Her defensive stance dissipated and along came a consoling, caring stance that composed her prowess..

"..Of course I want to tell you, Hiccup, I know I can trust you more than anyone- But I can't... I- I can't tell you because.. you'll never look at me the same way." Her voice quieted and she played with the grass beside her.. she couldn't look at me. I started walking towards her, but her dragon growled at me defensively. She didn't trust me one bit. I stood still and looked at (Y/N) to get her attention.

"(Y/N)... I'm here for you. Always."

She looked into my eyes for a brief second and then she grabbed her wooden pencil...

"It's getting late, we should probably get some rest..." she said whilst she continued writing in her journal

"Will you still be here when I wake up?" I asked gently, with hope.

"I- I don't know.."

"Please.. promise me you won't leave without at least saying goodbye." I quivered with silver tears forming in my eyes.

"I promise." She said with a reassuring tone, before she looked back down towards the journal.

I nodded and excepted that she needed space. I rubbed my eyes as I walked over to Toothless, who laid on the green grass a couple yards away from (Y/N) and her dragon.

I hoped to Oden that I hadn't upset her. I wanted her more than anything. I hope she realises that I only yelled because I've missed her, and that I never want to loose her again. The kiss we shared was phenomenal.. but all I could think about was its abrupt ending by my own fault... it wasn't like me to deceive Astrid. The guilt consumed me. But how could I tell Astrid how I felt about (Y/N), when she's all the way back at Berk? How could I go back without leaving (Y/N)'s side? A big part of me wanted to ride away with her forever. But I couldn't leave my duties or my people. A chief protects his own... but here... in front of her... she's the only person I care about.

END OF CHAPTER