The rest of the day, William had been feeling annoyed. His conversation with Elizabeth had not turned out the way he had wanted it to, and he felt quite guilty over it. He had wanted to forget the past and become friends with her again, for he hated not knowing her. But she was not ready for it yet, it seemed.

While he had thought she was the one to blame, she had been quick to make him look like the bad guy. She said she was angry that he left, but never mentioned the reason why. It made him wonder if she knew, but he assumed she did. Elizabeth was smart enough to know that she was the reason.

"You look depressed," Alexander suddenly said. His younger brother had come to visit him at his home upon Emily's request. While they were waiting for their older sister, he and Alexander had been talking, but the conversation had ended, leaving William alone with his thoughts.

"No, I am fine," he answered, shrugging. He hoped he would be able to forget about Elizabeth soon, but he feared it would not be possible. Whenever he thought of the theatre, he thought of seeing her there. And whenever he would go out into the city, he knew she might be there as well. Yet he did not want to stay at home and lock himself up, showing how much he should avoid her. He ought to be stronger, like he had been that afternoon. Yet he did not feel strong now, as he was overthinking everything and regretting his words.

But she had been the one to say the most painful words. He wondered if she said them to hurt him, or to convince herself.

You will never matter to me, she had said, and her eyes had told him she was speaking the truth. He was hoping he was reading her wrong.

"You do not look fine," Alexander responded. "What is it? Do you miss traveling?"

William shook his head. "No, I am glad to be home again." He sighed and leaned back against his chair, watching his brother with a glass of brandy in his hand. "Tis only now that I am back, that I realize how much I have missed out on everything that has happened here."

"We have always told you what was happening here, like me getting married. Twas your decision not to come."

"I know, and you have every right to blame me for that. But I do not just mean changes in our family. I mean the whole of London has changed."

"You mean she has changed."

William looked at his brother, surprised. Why was he so smart?

Alexander raised his hands as if he meant to defend himself. "The wife talks."

William sighed again. "And where has she heard that from?"

"I do not know where she gets it from. She hears it as whispers, and did not doubt they were true."

"They are," William confirmed. "And I do not wish to speak of it."

"Are you certain you are capable of speaking of anything else?"

William doubted it, yet raised his eyebrows as if mocking his brother. "When did Emily said she would be here?"

"What is it? Do you want her to ask you about Elizabeth as well?"

"She knows too?" William sighed.

"The wife talks with Emily," was all Alexander said.

William wiped his hand over his face, hoping it would take off all the worry. But like expected, it did not. "I do not want to speak of Elizabeth. She is on my mind many hours a day already."

"You ought to get yourself a lover," his brother said before taking a gulp of his brandy.

William shot his brother an all knowing look. "I already have three."

Alexander put down his empty glass and looked at William. "Then you are in deep."

Before he could sigh in response, the door opened and his butler announced Emily had arrived. "Let her in," he told him, but that was unnecessary for Emily had already found her way to his parlour and entered with a big smile on her face.

"I am finally in your house again," she said. It had indeed been a long time since she had entered, for it had been a long time since he had entered as he had not been living in London anymore. So for Emily to visit was rare, for she had her own family to take care of now.

He gave his sister a hug, pretending his previous conversation with Alexander never happened and hoping that Emily would not know what he was thinking. "How are you?"

She let out a sigh. "Glad to be away from my too busy home. I tell you, James does not sleep well during the night, and Simon never wakes up because of his crying. So I am left to make him fall asleep, making me tired and them awake the rest of the day."

She fell down on the coach with a deep sigh. "But I cannot complain, for they love me. Anyway, that is not what I wanted to speak to you two about."

Alexander and William sat back down on the coach, wondering what their sister could have to say.

"In two months, Mother and Father will have been married for thirty years. And I thought it would make them immensely happy if we organized a ball for them, as a surprise."

"You want to organize them a ball?" Alexander asked incredible.

"I want us to organize them a ball," Emily corrected him with a smile. From that moment, William knew that whatever he would say, would not be a good excuse not to help with the ball. Emily had set her mind on it, and everyone ought to do as she wishes.

"I do not have time to organize a ball," he told her. "I am too busy with my book."

With a too sweet smile, Emily told him: "then you ought to spend less time with your lovers."

"And Elizabeth," Alexander murmured under his breath.

"Yes, her too," Emily agreed. "I have heard you have already spoken to her."

"Where have you heard that?" he asked with a sigh.

She pointed at Alexander. "His wife."

Alexander merely shrugged when William threw him an angry look. "The wife talks."

-----------------------------------------------------------

After Emily and Alexander had left, William sent a calling card to Andrew to meet him at the pub. His friend was not very outgoing, but when William invited him, he would mostly agree. And so did he now. A few hours later, they were talking with a drink in their hand, trying to make themselves audible over the loud people around them.

"So, what is the next play you are to review?" Andrew asked him.

"I do not know yet," William told him. "I got assigned to write a book about Pondside."

"Pondside?" his friend asked suspiciously. "The play here in London, by lord Byron?"

"Yes," William said with a sigh, "the play where your sister works."

"She does not work there, she helps. Lord Byron does not pay her for it."

Of course, William thought, always the good heart.

"You have seen her?" Andrew asked.

"I have spoken with her. And it did not go well."

"I do not doubt that."

"She revived the past and blamed it all on me. I do not think she has forgiven me yet."

"I do not think she ever will," Andrew told him. "And I understand her."

"Yet you can speak to me without getting angry."

"Because I am not the one you hurt."

Andrew gave him a silent look, but William did not react. His friend was correct saying those words, but he forgot William had been hurt as well. Agreed, he had made a mistake, but she had started it by making one of her own.

One of them ought to be the first to make things back right, though. And that was why he was here with Andrew. He told himself he was the one being an adult about it and wanted to live in London without ever speaking about the past again. But was that the truth, or was he looking for a reason to come closer to Elizabeth again?

"Can you speak to her for me?" he asked his friend. "I believe I will not be able to speak to her without making her angry, but I do not want her to think of the past every time she sees me. I will be around the theatre a lot, and so will she. I do not want her to hate it just because she might see me."

"Then why do I have to speak to her?"

"Because if I do, she will either get angry or not listen to me. But she is not already irritated by you, and you are her older brother. She will listen to you."

"If that is what you believe," Andrew murmured, but William ignored him.

"Just tell her not to get angry at me for breathing and for being. Tell her that I do not wish for the past to repeat itself and that I do not want to remind her of everything. If she does not want to speak to me anymore, then I will not. But I want to give her a chance at closure."