P r e s e n t D a y:

The weekend had finally come. I had spent all week knocked off my feet at work and couldn't wait for these next two days to drag.

I strolled along the perfectly laid concrete path, my feet softly hitting the rough gravel, admiring the beautiful view from my house. My garden, at my new, old-fashioned, two storey home, was relatively big in size; it was predominantly grass, but there was a tiny footpath leading to the top. I stepped over onto the lush, freshly cut lawn and let my feet sink through the strands. Watching the insects fly past, and the sun blaze down onto me, I let myself feel free under the heat while Hope slept. It was exhilarating.

It was only seven am, surprisingly early for me on a weekend when I had no reason to be up, but once I was awake there was no going back. For some reason, my mind just could not switch off once it came alive. Sometimes it was a blessing in disguise, as it meant I could be up for work in a flash once the first blare of an alarm squealed into my ears. However, on days like today – when I didn't need to up before most the neighbours – it was frustrating. Usually I would occupy myself with a book, cooking breakfast, or baking. Today though, I opted for a stroll in the garden. I missed my old garden. The pretty flowers and the acres of land. But I didn't miss what I left behind with it.

I preferred not to leave Hope in the house alone, despite her only being a few metres away from me upstairs. It was difficult for me to truly relax knowing she was vulnerable and all alone. It was a fear that always lingered; initiating my strong protective instinct to kick in.

I continued my stroll to the top of the garden which ended in a sharp point. I imagined how stylish it would look with a patio and garden set; flowers planted down the side with some Cotswold stones. I always loved gardening. In our old home, when I was married to Robert, I would plant all day until I got pregnant. We could afford a gardener, as Robert was a multi-millionaire owning a well-established company, but I wanted to do it myself. I wanted a hobby. Especially once Robert said I didn't need to work when we got married. I still did for a while until he changed.

Once he became controlling, I had no choice to give in. Hope being born was a massive factor. He knew I'd do anything to protect our little girl, and despite being his blood, he would still threaten her little life. Anything just to hurt me.

Anyway, back to present day. I had only been in the house three months, so I hadn't had chance to tackle the garden. My main priorities were the interior of the house. Of course, it's proved difficulty with little money, but I've still managed to tidy the place up. Hope's bedroom was all pink - her favourite colour - with a white wooden framed bed and wardrobe. It was a small room, so her toys were in the dining room. In there I had an oak four-seater, with brown leather chairs, and ivory toned walls. I kept it simple because the lack of money, but it still looks traditional and comfy. We barely used the room apart from eating, so she had her own 'play corner' in there. Its nothing compared to the play room in our old house, a bit smaller but she loved it nevertheless.

My lounge was the complete opposite with grey adorning the walls and splayed out across the accessories. I had a corner, dove grey, suede sofa and light wooden floor. The console table was gloss white, alongside the TV stand. It was bright and modern, but it was my favourite colour. Hence the reason my bedroom also shared the same characteristics. The rest of the house was simple, and furnished to look pretty but clean. I wanted to make sure our bedrooms bc and the lounge were well furnished as we would spend most our time there. I also wanted to focus some time and money on the garden, Hope wanted a slide as well as a sand pit; they were not cheap to buy. And of course, I wanted to address this part of the garden, and create a beautiful patio; somewhere to sit, and relax.

"Mommy!"

My sweet little Angel shouted me from the French patio doors. She was standing in her blue frozen pyjamas, and her golden-brown hair was tousled from sleeping. Even half asleep she was the most beautiful little girl.

"Hey Sweetie."

I pulled her into my chest, and she automatically tied her legs around my waist. She grabbed the nape of my neck and giggled into my chest, as I tickled her endlessly.

"Shall we get some pancakes?"

Her sapphire blue eyes brightened, and widened with excitement. It was her ultimate favourite breakfast.

"Yes mommy!"

Most of Hope's features were from my genes – her beautiful eye colour, and long brown hair, except for her olive toned skin; genetically developed from Robert. As beautiful as she is, and I wouldn't change her for the world, I wish she had no features of Robert's. She's too innocent to be compared to him. Just regarding their skin tone as the same makes my chest tighten.

I carried her into the kitchen and began preparing the pancakes. Her tiny, excited, form stood beside me waiting patiently for me to finish.

"Do we have school today mommy?"

"No sweetie not today, and not tomorrow."

"Yay!" Her baby arms shot up in excitement, as she jumped up and down on the black vinyl.

My kitchen was modern furnished with oak counter tops, and cream cupboards, but it wasn't anything special. I'd managed to make it look more attractive with fresh paint, and appliances.

I started looking through the glass window, as I stood here remembering how it looked before I freshened it up. Remembering all the awful memories that led me to this place; a place that is now considered my 'safe haven' where no one can find me unless I chose to let them. Pushing those thoughts aside, I concentrated on Hope. Just watching her smile back at me was enough to keep the terrifying memories away.

Once she had eaten her pancakes, we went for a bath. Our bathroom was small, but it had the necessities - a bath, sink, toilet. Everything you need. Similarly, to the kitchen, I managed to clean it up with new paint and accessories making it more attractive. I was lucky it already had large white tiles, so I painted the rest grey and decorated it with silver colours. It looked pretty and modern. Hope also loved anything sparkly, being only two years old meant glitter and sparkles were an important aspect of our life.

🌼🌼🌼

Wanting to treat Hope to some sunshine - that's not from sitting in the garden - we went for a spontaneous trip to the coffee shop. It was a short walk, only a few streets away from our little home.

Unfortunately, with Hope only having little legs it took a bit longer than expected, but it allowed us to soak up the sun - well me at least, she had factor fifty sun cream plastered all over her sensitive skin. She would burn in this heat with only a little, pink, cotton sundress on. I had placed her pink fisherman's hat on, and her spotty sunglasses too.

"Can we go to the park mommy?"

I didn't plan on going anywhere else, the thought of being out too long hyped my fears. I didn't want to be seen too much. But I couldn't deny her innocent fun. Play was an important part of children's learning and development; I wasn't denying my child the happiness she needed.

"Of course sweetie. Let's get juice first."

We rounded the corner, and I noticed how busy the coffee shop was. My worst nightmare, but also a sense of relief.

Busy places worried me in case Robert was among them, sitting waiting for me to come. I had that nightmare a lot. It formed from all the times he would sit in the bright white, simple, two seater couch occupied in the centre of the lounge, waiting for me to return from work, or grocery shopping, or hospital appointments he was adamant was at the wrong time for him. That meant I would go to all my scans alone, as he was 'too busy'.

I would dread every time I walked through the door, the lock clicking made my stomach flip, and my legs would just about move towards where he sat. My whole body felt I was betraying it, allowing it suffering and pain. When in fact, I was making it easier. The less I fought, the easier my life would be.

So yeah, I had more chance seeing Robert in a busy place.

However, the more busy the less he could do. Something that was a small relief. Whenever we entertained guests, or attended events, I was thankful he couldn't physically touch me causing harm in anyway.

Strangely, I would sometimes hope he would so somebody could witness the monster he really was, arrest him, and take him away from us forever; but he was too clever for that. Way too clever.

As soon as we got close to the door, Hope bolted straight to it.

"Hope wait."

Luckily, a young man opening the door had brought her to a halt.

My eyes lingered on his body, before reaching his eyes, where I was completely struck by the man standing before me.