"Open that pretty little mouth. Let me see what you can do with it."

Disgusting, rough, dirty hands ran along my side and I felt the bile rise in my throat.

"I said open your mouth!"

I felt a powerful, painful slash against my back and a scream left my lips.

"Kiara. Kiara, baby. Kiwi. Stop it, Sweetheart. That hurts. I'm right here, Kiwi." I heard the incredibly gentle, caring and sweet voice of my Vivi say.

My surroundings started to come back to me and I found myself on a soft surface with Vivi, not back in that cold dark room. But I quickly shut my eyes, the transition from flashback to reality was too overwhelming.

"Come back to me, Kiwi." His perfect voice said, drawing me back to reality.

I clenched my jaw and closed my hand around a soft material.

"No, loosen your jaw. Sh.... that's it." I heard Vivi say, but my body felt hot.

I felt sweat running down my forehead as a wave of heat ran through my body and I struggled to get enough air into my lungs.

"There you are, Baby. There you go." He said. "I'm right here."

I tightened my grip on the soft material and I focused on his voice.

"You're just having a flashback, it's not real, you're safe." He assured me.

He was right, all that was over. I was ok now, I was safe. I was in bed where I had just woken up.

"Focus on my voice, and what you can feel. Can you smell anything?" He asked me.

"V-Vivi." I said, reaching out for his hand.

His large, warm, calloused hand wrapped itself around mine and I was tugged up into his body.

"Hey, I'm right here, baby." He said to me.

I could feel his warmth enveloping me.

"Please... Come back to me, Kiwi."

I curled up in his warm arms, trying to pull myself back to him.

"Open your eyes, Kiwi." He said, kissing my forehead.

Just then did I realize that my eyes were still closed. I slowly opened them and saw my man's bright red hair.

"Vivi." I smiled, still shaking vigorously but much, much calmer.

"Hey, Kiwi. Talk to me, baby. Tell me what's going on." He said, looking a little panicked.

"I'm scared.... a little bit." I whispered to him.

"Feel this?" He asked, rubbing my scalp gently in a way that usually calmed me.

"Yes." I said.

"And this?" He asked, squeezing my hand.

I nodded.

"And this?" He asked, leaning forward and kissing my forehead.

"Yes." I smiled.

"Do you hear my voice?" He asked me.

"Yeah." I nodded

"And you smell the garlic bread I made you? The kind that doesn't hurt your belly too much..." he said.

I nodded with a wide smile.

"And you see my red hair?" He asked with a smile.

"Yeah, and your hazel eyes." I smiled.

"So you're with Vidal, you're at home in a warm cozy bed, and we're gonna eat some delicious garlic bread in a minute. You're safe. You know I'd never let anything hurt you." He told me.

"I know, Vivi." I whispered, clutching his shirt tightly and reaching out for his face.

He lowered himself down close to me.

"Hey, Kiwi." He smiled.

"Hi." I smiled back, bringing a shaking hand into his soft red hair.

The more I played with his hair, the calmer I became. His big hazel eyes were also calming me as I stared into them. I wished he would just kiss me.

I just felt so strongly about him. One short look into his eyes and my heart was fluttering with joy. When I saw my big muscular redhead, I knew I was safe. He was just so gentle and kind. He told me that he was never gentle until I came along, but it's hard to believe. Vivi was the most gentle. Sure he was strong and struggled to be soft with his touch sometimes, but he was the most gentle man this universe had ever seen.

"I love you." I whispered and he smiled, kissing my forehead gently.

"Is my kiwi back again?" He asked softly, kissing my forehead again and again.

"Yes.... Uhm.... Vivi? Why do you say you aren't gentle?" I asked him.

"Because I'm not, Sweetheart. I just think that you bring out a gentle side to me that usually doesn't exist." He said softly. "But sometimes I am a little too rough with you, I know that."

"No. You're never rough... you're just strong." I told him.

"Will you tell me when I'm using my strength too much?" He asked me.

"I like your strength, though." I whispered.

It would be a shame if I couldn't feel his strong arms tighten around me a little too much when we slept.

"Alright, baby. I just mean tell me when I'm a little bit too rough." He told me.

"I will. We have to weigh me today." I mentioned, changing the subject to my weight.

"Yeah. Do you want to weigh yourself? If you want we can delay it a little bit." He said to me.

It was the first time I was getting weighed since our decision that I was going to gain some weight.

"N-no. I want to know if I've gained." I said.

I had really been trying to eat more, so much so that I made myself eat too much for my body sometimes. I stopped when I felt nauseous. I knew Vivi would be mad if he found out, but I just wanted to be healthy for him.

He didn't want someone who always got sick and had problems with food, he wanted a healthy girl, with meat on her bones.

"Alright. Let's go get weighed and then we'll eat our delicious meal." He said.

I nodded and I let him carry me to the bathroom where there was a scale. I took a deep breath and then I got on and I shut my eyes, waiting for Vivi to read the number.

"Ninety one. Wow, Kiwi! You already gained a few pounds." He said to me but he looked more shocked than happy. It had only been about ten days.

"What's wrong?" I asked him.

"It's more than I expected. Just don't tell me you're eating too much for your poor belly, baby." He said.

"I just eat until I c-can't." I admitted.

"Like even if your stomach is too full, you keep eating?" He asked me.

"Until I feel sick." I told him.

"Kiara." He sighed, rubbing his forehead.

"I'm sorry." I said, my eyes watering as I saw how disappointed he was.

"Sh... come here, don't cry." He said, kissing my forehead and rubbing my back.

"I love you, Vivi. I'm sorry... I just wanted to gain weight." I sighed.

"Sh.... there's no need to be sorry, Kiwi. But from now on. You eat until you're done, no pushing yourself to eat more until you get sick." He told me. "We have all the time in the world to get better and gain weight. There's no rush."

"Are you mad?" I asked him.

"No. Never. I just wish you didn't push yourself so much like that." He told me.

"I won't anymore. I promise. I'll only eat as much as I can... and can we talk today?" I asked him.

"We can talk anytime you feel like it. What're we talking about today?" He asked me, taking my hand and leading me to the kitchen.

"I want to make a little cookbook and I want to talk about us." I told him.

"Sounds great. What do we need for this cookbook project?" He asked me.

"Uhm, a few things from the store... do you think maybe we can go?" I asked him.

"Sure thing. Let's eat and talk about us and then we can go to the store and pick some stuff up." He said.

I nodded and sat down in my chair while he grabbed our food. We ate together and this time, as soon as I felt like I was done eating, I didn't push myself too much, just a tiny little bit. I still needed to get my belly used to eating and it would never get used to it if I didn't try to have a little bit more than what was comfortable.

As we ate, I was able to ask Vivi about him and I. I wanted to understand what exactly our relationship was supposed to be and what the limits were.

"Vivi. We can't be in a relationship now, can we?" I asked him.

"Not yet. Neither of us are ready for that though, so it's ok." He said to me.

"So how come we sleep in the same bed?" I asked him.

"Do you not want to?" He asked in confusion.

"I want to!" I said in horror, not wanting him to misunderstand. "But isn't that kind of intimate?"

"It is.... kinda. Listen.... Kiara, I care about you a lot. I don't exactly know how to define our relationship, but I don't really want it to change.... do you want it to change?" He asked me.

"I just.... I love you, Vivi." I sighed, knowing he understood exactly what I was trying to say.

"Come here." He said, holding out a hand. I walked over to him and sat in his lap where he wanted me.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and looked him in the eye, playing with the hairs at the back of his head. I'd love it if he kissed me now.

"Are you really ready for that?" He asked me.

"Yes, Vivi." I said.

"You're ok with being more intimate? Kissing, showering together, sex and touching and all that stuff?" He asked me.

"We can take it slow...." I said softly.

"You're right. We can. But if I kissed you right now, wouldn't it be a little overwhelming? Maybe scary?" He said to me.

"Vivi..." I whined.

I wanted him to kiss me so badly.

"Let's just keep things the way they are for a while longer, ok?" He requested.

"Ok." I sighed, hugging him and not letting go.

I just wanted to be with him. Like be his girlfriend and get kisses from him. I don't know why it made so much of a difference to me. We were already together in a sense. But I didn't feel like my love was reciprocated.

He finished eating and then he rubbed my back for a few minutes, letting me hug him for as long as I wanted.

"Kiwi, let's go. We should get to the store if you want to start the cookbook today." He said to me.

"I changed my mind." I said.

"About what?" He asked me.

"I just want to cuddle." I told him.

"Alright. We'll make the cookbook tomorrow. Is it for foods you want to make?" He asked me.

I nodded my head, not wanting to talk about the cookbook, or anything for that matter. I just wanted Vivi to tell me he loved me too.

He said he cared about me, but never did he tell me he loved me. Maybe he wasn't ready and I was being too pushy. But pushy or not, I was a little upset and I didn't want to do anything but curl up in my Vivi's arms and hope that he never left me.