Emma's POV

I'm so bored. Tony is fast asleep, after our playtime he was very exhausted. Jon too fell asleep on the couch watching a movie. Since he is still on medications, he is very lethargic and I'm not built enough to carry him all the way to his room, so I decided to let him rest on the couch itself. I put a thick blanket over him, switch off the television and give him a peck on the forehead before heading towards the room. Hmmm.....what do I do to kill the time now? I guess I'll do what I'm the best at. BAKING! I'll bake some croissants, of various types! I head towards the kitchen to get the ingredients required. I open the kitchen cabinets and find nothing that is baking related. Has this man never baked anything? How is he still alive?

I guess it's time to pay the grocery store a nice visit. I go back to the room and get ready, I check my purse, but to my dismay, there's just 10 bucks remaining. I got to pay the ATM machine a visit too. But that can wait, I'm all hyped up for baking! I guess I'll just take some cash from Jon's wallet. Will he mind though? Nah I think he'll be fine with it. I open the drawer in the dressing table and take his wallet out for some money. What catches my attention is his driving license. I swoon over his picture, until my eyes go to the Date Of Birth.

18th October 1990.

That's like in a week! Oh my God and Jon didn't tell me. This is so huge. What am I going to get him? What does he like? Does he celebrate birthdays? So many questions cross my mind that I can feel a headache approaching. I guess I'll just focus on baking today and think about Jon's birthday when my mind is clear. Baking helps me clear my mind. I step out of the house when a gentle breeze brushes across my body, causing me to slightly shiver. Well, I guess it's time to put Jon's hoodie into some good use.

I push the cart as I pass by the dairy aisle. I can see the ice cream tubs stacked one on top of the another from the corner of my eye. I should really start eating healthy. The last time I checked my weight, I had gained like 5 pounds! So I decided not to even look at the ice cream aisle. I buy all the other necessary items and stand in line at the cash counter. Now, did I look at the ice cream aisle? Yes of course. Did I buy two tubs of ice cream? Absolutely. Do I feel guilty buying them? More than ever. I pay for them and walk towards Jon's apartment. I unlock the door and swing it open, the silence welcomes me indicating that my two boys are still asleep. Suddenly, exhaustion takes over me. I guess it's because of walking all the way to the grocery store. A small nap wouldn't hurt anyone. I place the bags on the counter and head towards the couch in which Jon is sleeping. I slowly scoot over to him and put the blanket over us. His back side is facing me, which makes me the big spoon. I try to fall asleep but I can't.

I don't like being the big spoon.

I feel so neglected, as if Jon abandoned me and moreover, it's cold here. So I place one of my legs over him, making sure not to wake him up and scoot over to the other side such that my back faces Jon. Much better. I feel warm and comfortable here. Jon subconsciously places his hand under my waist, pulling me further into his chest. He nuzzles his head into my neck and falls back asleep. This is so good. Jon makes me feel things no one else has ever made me feel. I guess this is where I belong, in his arms.

I am woken up by feather like kisses on my neck, shoulders and cheek. I smile inwardly, my eyes still closed. I hear him let out a deep sigh. I open my eyes and turn around in his arms, facing him. He looks down at me and smiles back, kissing my forehead.

"When did you come in for a cuddle?" He asks chuckling, pulling me closer, if it's even possible to get any closer than this. We're so close that I can feel his hard body against mine. My chest is pressed against his, I blush at the thought that he can feel my breasts with this degree of proximity.

"I was feeling sleepy so I thought I'll take a nap with you" I say hiding my face in his chest.

"You sneaky little puppy." He says laughing lightly, whilst stroking my hair.

"Are you hungry?" I ask looking up.

"I am, but I don't wanna move from this position."

"Well we can cuddle some other time. You have to take your medications too, I'll get the food ready." I say getting out of the most comfortable position I've ever been in.

"When did you go grocery shopping?" He asks discombobulated and slightly annoyed.

"I went when you were asleep. I had to buy somethings."

"You could've called me too. You shouldn't have done that alone with all these heavy bags." He says reaching out to the grocery bags.

"Are we having an ice cream party?" He asks, laughing at the two large tubs of ice cream. I admire my view of him laughing, he looks so good when he's happy. But unfortunately, he's rarely happy.

"I don't even know why I bought those. I should really cut down on sweets. But it's so hard! My whole life revolves around sweets." I say as I pick out the vegetables to make a nice, tasty sandwich. As long as Jon is in medications, let's give him something easy for his tummy to digest.

"Why do you wanna cut down on sweets?" He asks tossing some almonds into his mouth and leaning against the counter watching me cook.

"I am putting on a lot of weight with every passing day. It's high time I watch my diet." I say as I chop the tomatoes, lettuce and onions.

"I think you look sexy." Jon says as he searches over the grocery bag for something. I laugh half heartedly at his comment.

"You're just saying so that I don't feel bad."

"No I'm serious. And you're not even as fat as you think you are. How much do you weigh?"

"I'm not telling you." I say. I do remember telling him my weight once, but let's hope he does not remember that.

"133 pounds isn't much, cupcake." He says from behind. Oh sweet baby Jesus, he does remember.

"It really is. I want to be thin like those Instagram models." I say dreamily. They look so pretty, I wish I had a body like them. Tiny waist, toned arms and legs, flat tummy.

"That is just bullshit. They're like porcelain dolls. You can't even touch them without making sure you didn't break any of their bones. You got to have some meat in you." He says casually, coming closer to me and putting his arm over my waist.

"Moreover, I like my woman to be thick, so that I don't have to worry about going easy on her." He says dragging his nose along the length of my neck. I blush deeply at what he just said. Did he indirectly call me his woman? Why does that make me feel so good about myself? Why am I feeling butterflies in my tummy?

"Did I ever tell you, that you look adorable when you blush." He says tapping my nose and kissing my cheek. I inaudibly gasp and push him away from me, causing him to break into a fit of laughter.

"It's so easy to tease you." He says laughing. I can't help but laugh myself. When was the last time he was this relaxed I wonder. We have our lunch in a comfortable silence until his phone begins to ring.

"I'll get it." Jon says heading towards his room. With Jon being gone, I am left alone with my own thoughts. What do I get him for his birthday? I'm pretty sure he never actually got to celebrate his birthday properly. I should throw him a surprise party. But will he like it? Jon isn't a social person and he avoids communicating with people as much as he can. I guess throwing him a party wouldn't be a good idea. In the midst of all these thoughts, my mind suddenly goes to the incident we had this morning. I replay Jon's words in my mind.

"I know you do, but you don't wanna agree to it. I wouldn't be asking you this over and over again if I was convinced that you don't like me back. But I know for a fact that you do."

I wanted to tell him how wrong he was. I do not like him. I love him. But I am way too big of a chicken to agree to it. All this just feels so surreal. I feel that the second I confess my love for him, I will be awoken from my sleep and realize that all this time, I was dreaming. And I don't want this dream to ever end. I keep brushing it off thinking that we're just friends. But I've had guy friends before and what I have with Jon is anything but friendship. I think I do owe him an explanation, he really deserves it. My thoughts are interrupted when Jon comes back to the dining table.

"All good?" I ask trying to sound calm.

"Yep. Just work related." He says.

****

I am in the kitchen making some dinner and listening to Stephanie Mills. Jon and Tony are all cuddled up in the couch watching a documentary about cars. Well, Jon is the one watching that, Tony is just enjoying the belly rubs being given to him.

I decided to have the 'talk' with Jon over dinner. I think he deserves to know why I can't do the whole relationship thing. Even though he said he'd wait for me, I feel it's wrong. There are way better girls out there, who are perfect for him.

"What you making" a deep husky voice whispers into my ear. I scream out loud jerking the spatula which causes the gravy to fall on my hand.

"Oh fuck" Jon says taking the spatula away from me and placing my hand under the cold running water.

"I didn't mean to scare you Emmy." He says apologetically.

"It's alright" I smile softly.

"I'll bring some ointment for the burn." He says rushing to get it.

He takes me to the living room, where I sit on the couch and he sits on the coffee table. He gently applies the ointment on the burnt area and blows over it lightly.

"We should never be in a relationship." I drop the bomb. He stops blowing, and looks into my eyes with surprise and anger.

"What do you mean?" He asks holding my hand in his.

"What I mean is, it's wrong for us to be in a rel-"

"I understood that. I'm asking, why do you think like that." He says interrupting me.

"Because I don't want to lose you." I say, my eyes beginning to water.

"What are you saying Emmy? I don't understand." He asks slightly irritated. He gets off the coffee table and kneels in front of me, my hand still in his.

"Can't you see it? I'm a doomed person!" I exclaim, completely sobbing at this point. I take my hands away from his and lean back into the couch.

"The people I love, always leave me. Unintentionally or intentionally. It's like it's written in my fate, that I am not allowed to love, or to be loved. I guess, maybe I don't deserve it."

"Is it about your parents?" He asks and I nod.

"And my ex boyfriend. Yes I know we were just high school teenagers but I did love him. I was really looking forward to have something between us. I pretend as if I don't care but deep down it still hurts. I loved him with all my heart and he left me for a stupid bet he had with his friends. But then I moved on from him. I don't need him when I have the people who will love me unconditionally, my parents. But......they left me too." I say whispering the last part.

"A-And just when I thought I'm falling for you, you were met with an accident. Isn't this enough proof for you?" Jon abruptly stands up and runs his hand through his hair.

"So for this stupid reason, you wouldn't want to be with me?" He asks through gritted teeth. Now I am really angry. Why can't he see this from my point of view?

"You won't understand this Jon! Try putting yourself in my shoes. When life thrashes you over and over again, you start believing even the silliest things. I can't lose an other person I really care about, I don't have the energy for that." I say going towards him, hugging his waist.

"No no no Emmy!" He says pulling away from me. Instead, he cups my cheek and says,

"This is really stupid. None of this is true. I am never leaving you, ever. Nothing is going to happen to me. My life isn't even worth living if you aren't in it." He says holding my hand.

"You are my life, Emma. I love you so much. I want to do so many things with you. I want to have a family with you, something I thought I'll never have, something I thought I'm not worthy of. And even if anything happens to me, I'll be happy that my last few moments were spent with you."

"What if you leave me for someone else?" I ask softly, looking at the ground.

"Look into my eyes, and ask that once again." He whispers. I look into his eyes and......I just couldn't bring it in me to ask him that awful question. His eyes speak more than his words.

"Go ahead. I dare you to ask me." He says. I shake my head, wiping the tears off of my face.

"Give us a chance, Emma. I'm sorry if I'm offending you but you sound really stupid by saying that. I don't even care if I die by being with you. You're so worth my life baby" He says, his eyes starting to water now.

"I can't do this." I say completely breaking down. Jon puts his forehead on mine, our noses touching, his strong arm pulls me against his chest, as if his life depended on it.

"One chance, Emma. Just one."

I look into his eyes, which are two shades darker than usual, and say....

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