Blake

How could this have happened?

This can't be true. Aubrey couldn't want to end her life this badly. This is all my fault.

It's been two weeks after the accident and Aubrey still didn't wake up.

I held the contents of the letter in my hand. I kept reading it over and over. Every time it made my heart hurt even more.

Dear Blake,

I know that you hate me and I know that you will never accept me but I could never hate you in fact I love you. You are my brother and I look at you as my idol. I always wanted to play with you when we were younger. I always wanted to hang out with you because I always thought that you were so cool. I thought you'd be the brother to defend me from bullies and always save me. But I was wrong you were couldn't hate you. I wanted to keep trying. I wanted to keep trying to save whatever we have. I wanted you to look at me as your sister. Treat me that way you treat Emmy. Now I see that's impossible and you're right about it. I'm not part of your family anyway. I'm the intruder. I'm so sorry for making your life hell. bothering you all these years. I'm so sorry for existing. I wanna take everyone's pain away. I wanna set everyone free. I wanna make everyone happy. If I'm not around then everyone will be happy. I'mI took so long to leave your life Blake. I won't be here to disgrace the Evans name anymore. It would be like I never existed. What did I do for you to hate me ? What did I do for you to not want me in your life? Why wasn't I good enough? Everytime you called me slut or whore I broke a littleEvery time you yelled at me I broke a little. Everytime you snarled at me I broke a little. Everytime you distanced yourself from me I broke a little. Now I'm broken maybe beyond repair. Emmy told me that you would come around but that's not how it feels to me. It feels like you would always hate me. But I'm leaving your life for good this time. I'm never coming back so you have nothing to worry about. I heard about stuff you did for me in secret like taking the blame when I broke youryou found my heart shape pendant. Thank you for everything. I know you'll be happy when I'm gone. I will always love you Blakey. I always willbecause you're my brother.

Aubrey.

A sob escaped my lips and I couldn't stop crying. I'm the cause of this. I made her do this.

I heard a knock on my bedroom door and I quickly composed myself.

"Come in." I croaked as Emmy burst through the door. She wasn't speaking to me since the accident and I understood why, this is all my fault.

"Why are you here? You're aren't talking to me." I stated.

"I'm not speaking to you Blake but you haven't showered and you haven't eaten. I came to check on you. I'm still worried about you." She yelled but her eyes held sympathy for me.

"I'm sorry Emma. This is all my fault. I'm the cause of this."

"She hasn't awaken yet but we have to be positive. I know she'll wake up. She can't leave, not like this."

"I hope she'll make it. I have to apologise to her."

"Apologising will not do anything Blake. But it's a start. Let me ask you something. If I slap you right now like I did a few weeks ago, will you feel pain?" Emma shouted. When Emma read the letter two weeks ago she slapped me senseless. Mom and Dad had to pull her away from me. They were disappointed in me and Dad hadn't spoken to me since. Him and Emma are so alike.

"Yes." I muttered.

"And if I apologise will that take away the pain?"

"No but I'll have the understanding that you're sorry for what you did."

"Blake, the pain is still there. The fact is, I can keep apologising to you and keep doing the same thing over and over again. The damage is already done. You already hurt her. If you keep doing the same thing, if you keep inflicting pain then what's the point of apologising. You can say sorry a million times that doesn't justify for what you've done."

"But this is the first time I'll be apologising."

"Don't expect to be forgiven because I sure as hell won't forgive you. I think you should learn a lesson for this and by the looks of it you're learning it really well." She glared at me and I sighed. But she's right, I've been horrible to Aubrey. I've been awful to her. It would be a miracle for her to forgive me.

"I know. I don't expect her to forgive me. I wish it didn't reach this far."

"Blake, you have to stop. Stop wishing for things because this is your fault. It's your fault! You almost took my sister away from me. My sweet little innocent sister. The only one I have and I love her. I love her and it's hurts to know she was hurting and I didn't do anything." Emma broke down in tears. My heart shook at the sight and I felt tears brimming in my eyes.

"Emma I'm sorry." I whispered as I was about to embrace her.

"Don't touch me, Don't touch me!" She screamed and shoved me away.

"Don't you dare touch me after what you did. As a matter of fact don't even speak to me." She spat with disgust and my heart broke.

She was about to walk out the door but she paused and looked at me with cold eyes.

"You know, I always told her that you'd come around and change but now I just wish you'd go away." She spat as she walked away leaving me shocked. Emma has never treated me that way before and I didn't know how to feel. She hates my guts for what I did. But I understand because I feel the same way about myself.

~

My body felt numb like I was in ice. Where was I? Did it work?

I felt the presence of someone beside me. Who could that be?

I tried opening my eyes but it didn't work. My body wasn't cooperating with my mind. So I tried something else. I wiggled my fingers. It took me a few minutes before I did it.

"Aubrey, are you awake?" I heard a deep voice say which I recognised to be Haden. What was he doing here?

"I'm gonna get the doctor."

A few seconds later I heard them enter the room.

"Aubrey , I'm Dr. Rodman. Can you open your eyes for me? Take your time please." He said in a gentle tone.

It took me a few more minutes then my eyes were fully open. The lights were dim and I was able to adjust a couple moments later.

"Good job."

"W-Wh-" I tried to speak but my throat was dry.

"Don't try to speak just yet. Have some water first." Dr. Rodman said as Haden passed me a glass of water.

I drank the water greedily then lay my head on the bed.

"Aubrey you've been out for two weeks. I'll have to monitor you for a bit more then you'll be discharged tomorrow. I have to inform you that you will be seeing a therapist as soon as you readjust home. Suicide is a serious problem and we can't let you off the hook." Dr. Rodman stated.

"I-I u-understand." I whispered as I bowed my head in shame.

"Do you have any questions?" He asked and I shook my head.

"Well, if you experience any pain then I'd like you to tell me immediately." He said then left.

Haden and I were left in silence.

"Aubrey, I'm sorry. This is all my fault. I shouldn't have let this happen."

"I thought you'd be happy." My voice came out raspy and a mere whisper.

"I could never be happy if you took your life Aubrey." He answered hastily. Under his eyes were dark and his hair was disheveled. He looked like he hadn't slept in ages.

"Y-you look like you need some rest. Are you okay?" I questioned.

A small smile played on his lips.

"Don't worry about me sweetheart. I'm fine." A light blush covered my cheeks. He called me sweetheart.

"I need to use the washroom. Can you help me? It's only because my legs feel numb." I whispered softly.

"Yes. Let's try and get you up."

Why was he being so nice to me? I thought he hated me.

It took us quite a while to get me off the bed but we eventually did.

Walking into the bathroom and looking into the mirror a gasp escaped my lips. I looked horrible. My hair was in a mess. My eyes had sunk in and my cheekbones were showing. My skin was pale and I had lost weight significantly. I looked awful. There were two bandages on both my arms that held the wounds I had inflicted on myself. A shiver ran down my spine and I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"Aubrey, Are you okay?" Haden asked in a worried tone.

"I'm okay." I spoke softly as I opened my eyes only to let a teardrop fall.

"Aubrey, please don't cry." Haden cooed as he held me in his arms.

"I-I did this to myself. I'm ugly now." I stated and Haden frowned.

"You're not ugly. You're beautiful. You just need to heal Aubrey. You just need time. You'll be okay. I promise." Haden smiled as he stroked my hair.

I was surprised at his words but I breathed a sigh of relief. I felt alot better. But Haden Vanderbilt calling me beautiful. Was he okay ? I know it's because of the guilt he felt.

I did my business in the washroom and returned to bed. Upon arriving I saw Vincent, Emma , my parents and Haden's parents there.

"Aubrey!" Emma squealed and hugged me tightly.

"I missed you too Emmy." I smiled.

"Don't scare me like that, you hear me. I love you and I can't lose you." Emma sobbed.

"Don't cry Emma it's okay now." I felt bad now. I made her cry.

"I just missed you so much Aubrey." She pat my hair and gave my parents a turn to see me.

"My sweet baby girl." My mom smiled, tears brimming in her eyes.

"We both love you very much." My dad stated as he hugged me.

"I know Dad. I love you both."

Then came Haden's parents. Haden's mom looked nervous while her husband rubbed her back.

"We are both sorry for this. Some part of me felt like this was our fault. Aubrey will you forgive us." His mom said.

"There's nothing to forgive this is not you guys fault. I made my choice. I had no idea that it would affect you all. I'm the one who should be sorry." I frowned.

"You're so selfless Aubrey. I appreciate that. We're just happy that you are okay." Haden's dad smiled.

After they were done talking to me Vincent came over. He looked exhausted. Everyone had left the room to give Vincent his turn although Haden was reluctant to do so.

"Hey." He smiled.

"Hi."

"You couldn't have left without saying goodbye. I had to see your face again. I had to see your smile Aubrey. I had to hear your laugh. And I prayed to God everyday that he would send you back to me. I prayed that you wouldn't leave." Vincent spoke as he held my hand and looked into my eyes.

"I'm sorry. I just felt unwanted. The pain I've been suppressing all my life finally broke me. I didn't mean for all of this to happen. I thought I'd be doing everyone a favor." I whispered and Vincent frowned.

"Feel this Aubrey." Vincent said as he took my hand and placed it on his heart.

"Every single beat is for you. As long as I'm alive, every beat represents how much I want you in my life."

I was shocked at his words which made my face flush.

"I'm not saying this because of what happened. I'm saying this because I mean it. I should have said this sooner but I'm saying it now. You are an incredible ,amazing ,beautiful woman Aubrey and I care deeply for you."

"Thank you Vincent. Thank you for being here." I smiled as a teardrop fell.

Vincent wiped it away with his thumb and placed a warm kiss on my forehead.

For a moment, I knew where my heart might like to be.

But is this what I want ?