"We're at the healers."

"Yip."

"Are you hurt? Solnishko-" His voice was a warning, I could see the tension gather at his jaw.

"I'm perfectly fine, physically at least." I corrected him before he could start firing unnecessary questions.

His dark brows furrowed. "Then what are we doing here?"

I stared at the curvy path leading towards the light orange cottage obscured partially by the pine trees surrounding it. I could just barely make out a small, triangular window and burnished door.

"I'm here for my wolf." I confessed.

I could tell that I had shocked him.

He needed to know that I trusted him like no other. I wouldn't have invited him otherwise. Alexei seemed to understand when he searched my gaze once more. I wasn't trying to be coy. I wanted him to know that I trusted him wholeheartedly. I didn't know when the trust had formed and solidified but it had. I wanted Alexei to know that he had an effect on me that I couldn't even fully comprehend.

He glanced back the at the cottage, then looked at me with a furrow in his brow. "Are you sure?"

I shrugged, moving towards the cute door.

I heard Alexei's steps close behind.

There were only three little steps that lead up to the door. Alexei took one long step, missing the two lower ones. I took my sweet time using all three steps to get to the top.

"Just so you know, if you are in doubt, I trust you too. More than you know." He said, watching me under his thick lashes.

I blinked up at him, surprised.

He found my response amusing, to the point, he reached out and pinched my cheek. "Cute."

Instead of retorting something intelligible, I grunted. Like a fucking cave man. I needed to work on my communication skills. Clearly.

Alexei chuckled.

I was flustered, so I rapped on the door impatiently.

Alexei muttered 'cute' again. My eye twitched as I knocked three more times, flustered.

Several beats of seconds went by before the door groaned, opening.

The woman was young, but her cheeky grin caught me by surprise. She looked at both Alexei and I before she opened her door wider, motioning inside. "Welcome. Come in."

"I haven't seen you in a long time." The woman directed her gaze to Alexei.

"Haven't needed anything healed that my wolf couldn't speed up the process for."

"Then, that is alright. However, I want to know who this is with the fabulous pink highlights."

"McKenna, meet Pen. My mate." Alexei introduced us.

McKenna's russet eyes widened with welcome surprise. "I thought that was what I scented when I opened the door. When did this happen?" She approached me, taking my hands gently. She held mine between her soft hands, I briefly wondered what hand cream she used. I never felt hands as delicate and soft as hers. Mine felt like rocks between hers. I never cared much for my hands, but I didn't mind that they were rough with calluses. They were mine, honed from hard work.

"It is nice to meet you McKenna."

"Likewise. What do you two need that I can help with?" She asked brightly, not releasing my hands just yet. She held onto them, obliterating my nerves.

"We're here for me." I said.

As if sensing my jolt of discomfort, she took me to an overstuffed sofa. She gently pushed me down on it, stealing the space on my right. She gestured for Alexei to occupy the opposite sofa.

"Now, tell me. What can I do for you?"

I took a deep breath, ignoring the wild hammering of my heart. "I've been having trouble shifting into my wolf. Every time that I have shifted, I had no control of it."

"When was the last time you shifted?"

"A few days ago."

"And what had caused the shift?"

My gaze darted to Alexei before swinging back to McKenna. "I was involved in a duel, and I shifted."

"When was the last time you had control as you shifted?"

I pondered her question, thinking back. I had shifted for the duel. Before that, I shifted when my ankle needed healing. Before that, it had been in the mountains with Jamison and Alexei. Before that, it had been during my training period when we were instructed to trek scents. Before that, my memory was blurry. There had been sporadic shifts but not one I could remember being in full control of the transition.

The clearest memory I had of a controlled shift-

I didn't really have one.

Even when I had discovered that I could shift, all the times I morphed into a wolf had been suppressed. I was always so worried I would end up hurting someone. Hence, I never was fully aware of a shift when it happened.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, uneasy about the discovery.

Had my worry been the sole reason for why I couldn't shift into my wolf without control?

Had I crippled myself with quelling her too much?

I felt my gaze blur from the epiphany.

Had I really done this to myself?

"Solnishko." Alexei was suddenly kneeling in front of me. His big hands settled on my knees, bringing their own type of heat I felt to my bones. "Look at me." He beckoned.

I reluctantly looked down at him. The corners of his lips lifted a little. "Tell us what's happening."

I gave him a sad, hopeless look. "I think I know why I have been struggling with shifting into my wolf."

Alexei swiped his thumb along the contour of my knee. He didn't outright ask me for my reply. He waited. Patiently.

"I'm the reason." I whispered, "I'm the reason why I've been struggling."

The more I pondered about my experiences in the past, I hadn't always relied on or trusted that I would be able to shift without an incident. I always had let fear take over in the end.

McKenna coerced my attention to her face when I sank too far into my memories. She had a lovely one. You could tell she took exquisite care of herself. She had no wrinkles, and her make-up had been applied with an expert hand. Her purple lipstick suited her and so did her silver hair that was perfectly fashioned into a lovely bob cut. "If I may cut in?"

She took my nod as a welcome cue to continue.

"From the expression on your face, I think it's safe to assume that you've been supressing your wolf for some time. I may not know the definite reason as to why, but I'm sure you do. I've seen people like you that have repressed their wolves for all different types of reasons that is their own. In most cases where an individual stifles their wolf, it has damaging effects on both human and animal counterparts, which does take a toll on both parties pretty dramatically. How long have you been suppressing your wolf?"

I glanced down at my hands that were still being held by McKenna. "All my life."

"That is a long-time sweetheart." Her voice was soothing, it helped relieve my jitteriness. I was beginning to suspect that McKenna's voice also held healing properties that helped lull her clients into a sense of calm. Every time she spoke, I didn't feel judged or pressured. She curated her words to offer maximum comfort. I could see why she made a good healer.

"I was scared to shift. I thought I would hurt someone. No one ever taught me how to shift properly, so I thought what I was doing was normal."

"It's not your fault."

"But I suppressed her. How much damage have I done?" I asked no one in particular. I felt like a complete failure. Sure, I hadn't known but still, I could've done better. I could've pushed myself to know more.

"I don't know. I will be able to do a physical assessment, but I won't be able to evaluate the intricacies of your bond to your animal nor the emotional trauma. That would require another sort of expert help. For now, If I may advise, I believe only you can truly find the solution to connecting with your wolf again. Believe it or not but I have dealt with shifters like you, and I can happily share that you never how remarkable our wolves truly are. Sometimes we have to afford them with more trust than what we usually do."

"I see."

"But let me check that you're physically up to standard. I have a massage table tucked in the corner. It'll be better for me to check you on there."

We both moved from the sofa.

I spotted the black leather table and slid myself over it, lying flat. I kept my arms at my sides and waited for McKenna to do her thing. Alexei stood on my left side with his fingers over mine, waiting.

McKenna smelt like caramel. Her scent washed over me like soothing balm. She didn't touch me. Instead, she hovered her palms over my chest and closed her eyes, humming. The soft note settled the racing tune of my heart.

Visibly, I couldn't see anything, but I felt something airy and warm glide along my skin.

It felt a lot like peace.

I closed my eyes, letting myself relax.

When the warm touch faded, my eyes flickered open.

McKenna stepped back, clasping her hands in front of her dress. There was a contemplative expression on her face as she held my gaze. "There seems to be no issue with you physically. I don't sense any abnormalities either. Although I can't see the bond between you and your wolf, I know that there is nothing to worry about your wolf for now."

I felt Alexei's hand squeeze mine. I think he was more relieved than I was hearing the news.

"Do you often communicate with your wolf?" McKenna asked.

I blinked, puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"Talk. Do you exchange words with each other? I know your shifts haven't been controlled, but whenever she overwhelmed your human half, have you ever engaged each other in words?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "You can talk to your wolf with words?"

Had I ever heard the voice of my own wolf?

McKenna paused. Our gazes tangled. Her pretty brows crinkled as realisation settled. "You've never communicated with your wolf?"

"Not with words. I wasn't aware you could."

Alexei caught my gaze. "You've never spoken with your wolf before?"

I shook my head, "No. Never." I stared at my fingers, feeling suddenly uncertain and confused.

Alexei nodded, "I see."

"I didn't know you could." I admitted quietly.

"No one really taught you about this whole shifting thing, have they?" Alexei took my hand. His touch immediately sent warmth into my skin. I felt his thumb brush along my knuckles in a soothing touch, distracting me.

"No."

Alexei held my hand to lips, pressing a reassuring kiss there. "I'll teach you."

McKenna grinned as she watched Alexei pepper kisses along my knuckles.

I blushed under the weight of her knowing regard.

"No doubt Alexei will teach you all the things you need to know." McKenna said. "If there is anything that I can do for you, please return to me. I am more than happy to assist."

"Thank you." I smiled.

Alexei also whispered his gratitude to the woman.

As soon as we left Mckenna's home, Alexei walked quietly beside me. He hadn't released my hand either, clutching onto it tightly in his grip as we strolled further and further away from the cottage.

"You ok?" I asked the silent man.

Alexei slowed to a stop, halting me in my tracks. I stared up at him, studying his expression. "What is it?"

"You'll find her." He squeezed my hand, holding my gaze intently.

"Her?"

"Your wolf. One day, you're going to have control of your shifts. Another day, you'll be able to speak to your wolf. I'll make sure this happens." He swore solemnly.

Only one thought played through my mind as he offered me his vow.

I loved this man.