Pamela's POV

I sat down quietly on my bed and wondered.

Why was I treating him so rudely...he seem to have changed.

His new demeanour just showed how nice he could be. And somehow somehow I was afraid that if I kept pushing him he might give up and I might lose him and I might regret it.

But...but when I thought back to how he had treated me. It was difficult to remember most of it no matter how I tried. It seemed things had escalated a bit too quickly. I fell back on my bed and closed my eyes. I groaned aloud and rolled over in confusion.

Later I got and went to my desk. Sitting down, I opened a geography text book and started learning. Then I remembered about the exam I had next week. And I groaned again.

My mind was too stuffed to think at all. So I closed the book and went back into my bed to take a nap.

***

"Wanna go out?" Mackenna asked over the phone.

"I already am." I sighed slipping on the chunky heel.

"Wait..with who?" She asked.

"It's Sunday, I gotta go to church." I groaned. I didn't like going to church. It wasn't because I had an issue with God or anything, but I felt like it was a waste of time because I could use that period to study more. The the rest to just pray to him then I'd be good.

"Ugh. What about after church?" She asked.

"PAMELA! HURRY WE'RE GETTING LATE!" My mum yelled. I accidentally hung up. Sending her a brief text, I put my phone away and hurriedly prinked myself before I left my room for downstairs and outside.

***

We were on time for the first mass. I sat next to Eugene who was next to mom and dad. The priest came into the large hall full of many people (the congregation) and the noise from congregation dimmed when he tapped the microphone and the speaker gave out a screeching sound.

Fifteen minutes passed with the sermon and I had never felt so much...conviction in my life. Normally, I'd pay less attention in church because I would be going though notes on my phone but it seems today, God really needed my attention so I accidently left my phone back home.

"Anything or anyone you put above God and give most of your attention to, is idolatry. In a refined form." He said and I stared straight at him as thoughts flood into my head.

"You see, the devil knows exactly how to modify sin to make it looks so normal and you wouldn't even realise. For instance, because of work, you barely pray or read the Bible. Because of outgoing friends, you miss church.." he trailed on and something shot through my chest.

I felt he was directly speaking to me. I had been putting my studies above God, I had been giving my friends more attention than God. I had been putting my feelings and emotions above God.

I never ever noticed....

"Hey, you okay?" Eugene asked beside me.

"Mhm." I nodded trying not to cry. God must have been so upset with me. I felt so bad for all those moments I had felt annoyed going to Church or joining my family for a prayer.

And I also studied my notes more and read my Bible once a week.

Guilt would be an understatement of what I felt.

"But instead of just staying in your guilt, do something about it! Try to change and trust in God to guide you.." The priest preached on and certain motivational thought started flooding in my head.

I had to make a new schedule.

***

The clock struck six pm and I decided to skip dinner and use about two hours to do a bible study.

I started with the book to of Ephesians and I had never felt so much encouragement in my life. But when I arrived at chapter four, a certain verse convicted me yet again.

Ephesians 4:31-32; "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."

One person came to my mind.

Nathaniel.

My heart could easily let it all go but my mind was persistent. But this verse made my heart win the upper hand.

I immediately made up my mind to forgive him. Because 1. There was no need to hold a grudge. And 2. God had already forgiven me for putting things above him.

So what right did I have to not forgive others? I even thought of Belinda too. Despite her unchanging behaviour, I had to to also forgive her of her wrong doings towards me.

A huge weight was lifted off me when I had forgiven them, mentally. All I had to do was to make it manifest physically. Starting tomorrow at school.

I was going to be nicer and kinder to him. Maybe we could even become friends. I smiled so wide and happiness bubbled up in me. I felt a new kind if joy and goose bumps spread over me.

I carried on with my reading and even took a couple of notes. I checked the time and it was almost thirty minutes in addition to the two hours I planned.

I read one more chapter. Closed the Holy book and took out my notes to study for about fifteen minutes.

Then later, I prayed my heart out like never before and settled in bed to sleep.

***

I strolled into class and saw the empty seats available. Nathaniel too was there. My heart

skipped a beat and a smile broke on my face. I was walking towards him and I felt shoved by someone.

Yay! Belinda sat next to him after taking me out of the way.

I sighed and look for somewhere else to to sit down. We waited for about ten minutes before the teacher came.

After an exchange of greetings, I glanced at Nathaniel and saw him looking back at me and I heart skipped a beat again and I looked away, planning my ways on how to let him know that I had forgiven him.

After class was over I got up and left for my locker to arrange my stuffs and a particular envelope caught my attention. I opened it and of course, I found a letter.

My heartfelt Apology.

My heart started racing and i decided to read it at lunch time.

***

It's quite difficult to get your attention. But I'm not one to give up. That's why I took it upon myself to write this letter. It feels archaic but I knew if I texted you, you would have avoided me. So yeah. That's why I wrote instead.

I've been a really terrible person to you Pamela. I honestly had no idea why initially. I despised seeing you and Nolan or Aldrick or any other guy together but instead of admitting my jealousy, my pride thought harassing you was better and more satisfying. It wasn't. To be honest. It wasn't at all.

You see I never hated you. I only hated the fact that my heart was falling for you and there was nothing I could do about it, and when I thought about how difficult it would be to get you, it hurt me more but I didn't realise the pain much because I was so bent on making you miserable for something that wasn't your fault.

There's more to this but I don't want to make this letter too lengthy and waste your time. I just want you to know, that I am really, really, really, really, really, really really, really, really sorry for every single harm I caused you be it physically, psychologically, emotionally or mentally or whateverlly. I am so sorry. I've made up my mind to never ever let this repeat ever again. I promise you.

Nathaniel Demen.

"Wow, he is talented with words!" Mackenna remarked.

"I know right." Angela smiled and I wiped the tears from under my eyes.

"Girl are you gonna forgive him? I mean he really means this one." Angela pointed out,

"Yeah...I will..I just have to find out where he is." I rasped. Never have I ever been much better.

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