This chapter is probably the worst chapter i've written so far

This pic is fanart from the future of when I wrote this chapter but it fits this chapter so imma put it here. IT LOOKS AMAZING WTF. Art is by encmoto on Instagram :D

IF I COULD TELL HERRRR BUT WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN THERES THIS GREAT DIVIDEEEE

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'She just seems so far away...' Leon frowned and glanced back. You were slowly walking while staring at the ground and it seemed like you were thinking deeply about something. For some reason, you've been more distant lately. When he tutored you after school, you always not-so-subtly put some space between the two of you whenever he leaned over to check your work. Your texts seem to be less frequent and cheerful, only texting him when necessary. Worst of all, you stopped touching him or hugging him entirely! It's only been a few months - were you already tired of him?

The touch starved boy whimpered. What has he done that's making her put space between the two of them? Whatever it is, he'll do whatever he can to fix it if you could just tell him how...

"Leo~!" A bright cheerful voice sang. Lizzy passed you and ran towards Leon, her cute skirt bouncing up and down as she ran. You, on the other hand, was still deep in thought, staring above with your hands in your pocket. The autumn breeze was perfect today. The crinkling sound of orange fallen leaves and the earthy, crisp smell relaxed your whole body. You wish it stayed like that forever. Looking at your two friends in front of you, your mood dimmed.

'Ha. Looks like I've been replaced again...' You peered up, only to see Lizzy hugging Leon's arm. She had a habit of being touchy. Still, you ignored that feeling of envy. You didn't want to lose your only friends; they meant a lot to you.

"Hey guys! Whatchu doing?" You faked a smile and slung your arm over Lizzy's shoulder, avoiding Leon. The sooner you get over Leon, the better. There were two ways. One, you be mean to him and have him hate you. But you couldn't bear to do that. Second was just avoiding him.

Lizzy laughed delicately.

"Nothing, we were just talking about how the latest movie in the cinema yesterday was amazing!" You frowned for a second, before putting up that fake smile again. They went somewhere without you...? On a weekday? Lizzy said she had classes after school everyday though.

You feigned a pout, "And you didn't invite me? I'm a little her hurt." Nope, you were actually pretty fucking hurt. Lizzy laughed again in return.

"Leo said that he wanted it to be... private." Leon started blushing too. No! He didn't mean that! Yes, he said that he wanted it to be private but only because he could find out more about you! He thought he made that clear to Lizzy. He had spent some of the money Vince had given to learn more about you. It was a matter of investment. Because of it, he learned your favourite flowers, chocolate, the proper address of where you lived, your family and your whole life story. Some would say it was a smart investment.

"Oh. Okay..." It was clear to you now where you stand with them. "I'm gonna go to my locker now." Your pace sped up a bit.

"W-wait! Let me come with you!" Leon sped his pace up as well, leaving Lizzy behind.

"It's fine, I just want to be anti-social today if you don't mind." You gave him a weak smile and left, your f/c backpack bouncing a bit when you sped off.

"Typical Y/N." Lizzy giggled, covering her mouth with her hand. Leon frowned. Did she not realize how depressed you looked? "Anyways, where were we....?"

She leaned against him and hugged his left arm, her chest brushing over it. Most boys at your school would've been happy to be in this situation. But to Leon it felt like she was digging her nails too deeply into his arm, she was holding it to tightly and he felt disgusted at the feeling of her chest. She simply just wasn't you. He doesn't even like the nickname Leo!

'I'm so filthy,' He cried on the inside. 'I'm so sorry, Y/N. Please forgive me!' Leon gently pushed her away in rejection. Lizzy pouted, trying to hug him arm again, only to be pushed away more firmly.

"I'm sorry, Lizzy but I already like someone else. And your grip was hurting me." Leon thought needed to make that clear. He slipped his hands inside his sleeves again and started scratching his arms nervously, his eyes darting anywhere that's not your best friend. Lizzy's eyes feigned sadness but felt slight anger on the inside. Luckily, the shy boy was quite perceptive in expressions and saw through her upset facade.

'You're more persistent than I thought...' Lizzy continued to smile sadly at Leon. All the boys that have ever liked you always fell for her charms in the end. It was easy and satisfying to see the look on your face. To have someone believe that she was always better than them. It was only natural for them to prefer someone as beautiful and friendly as Lizzy, after all.

"Are you sure I can't change your mind?" Lizzy pouted, leaning her face onto his shoulder.

"Yes."

"Why do you like Y/N that much? What does she have that I don't?" It sounded like such an innocent question but Leon knew better. It was pretty obvious that you liked Leon - to Lizzy at least. She has been with you since elementary school, she would be an extremely oblivious person if she wasn't aware of how you acted around your crushes.

"I don't understand; Y/N can be so... plain." Lizzy bit her lip and stared at the floor in vulnerability from the rejection she had just received. Having you as a friend had many advantages and little disadvantages. You were book smart. She could easily ask for notes and you would give it to her pronto. You were a doormat. Each time Lizzy felt unsafe, she could turn to you. It was just so fun!

Meanwhile, Leon has never been so furious in his life. In his head, he wanted to use a bat full of nails and just bash her over.. and over... and over.. and over again. The angry boy relaxed his clenched fists when he thought of the blonde screaming for mercy as he stabbed her repeatedly for calling the love of his life plain.

"She's not plain." Was all Leon could mumble. The more he talked, the more he'll lose control of himself. Lizzy giggled.

"I was joking, relax," She gently smacked Leon's arm and winked at him. But he could see through her lie.

"I'm leaving." He quickly ran to the boys' bathroom to wash the areas of skin Lizzy has touched, leaving Lizzy behind. As for clothes, he'll have to wash them twice. He's so filthy... Hopefully he won't see her again later. Or forever.

Meanwhile, you were contemplating about what to do. You wanted to be selfish and have him to yourself. You wanted to tell him you liked him. You wanted to hold his hand and kiss him like those cliche moments. There were so many things you wanted to do with him.

You teared up. But that won't happen because Lizzy likes him too. Any normal person would choose her over you. After all, that was what always happened. You wanted to be happy for Lizzy, but you couldn't. Not when you liked him too. With every day, you find yourself falling deeper for him and remembering the small habits he does unconsciously. He would scratch his arms when he's nervous. Bite his lips if he was in pain or uncomfortable. Pat his cheeks when he was embarrassed or happy. You loved all of it.

'I guess I'll just let him go,' But you wanted to hang out with him one last time. As a proper goodbye.

You: Hey, Leon.

You: Do you wanna go to the amusement park like I said in the past?

You: We never got to arrange that.

You: Just the two of us.

You bit your lip trying to hold your lip from trembling. What was the best way to heal a broken heart? Who the fuck cares, you'll just cry it out at home.

Leon on the other hand was elated. He made your ringtone different so if you text or call him, he would know it's you. Oh! You just asked him out! Do you like him too? Or do you just want to be friends? He sure hoped that wasn't the case. Eagerly, he quickly responded.

Leon: Sure! I'm free any day. Is tomorrow good?

Leon: When do you want to meet up?

Leon: Should I bring anything?

You: Tomorrow is good and you don't need to bring anything but money.

Leon: Okay!

The now ecstatic cinnamon roll did a little happy dance in the bathroom. But his mood darkened once he thought of Lizzy. He'll have to deal with her later.

Heading quickly to class, his heart hammered loudly, thinking of all the scenarios of what would happen with you in an amusement park. It's decided. He'll confess there. Leon vowed to love you like nobody ever has before.

Class was uneventful. Your first lesson was with Lizzy, second was with Sasha, third was with Leon and the rest with Lizzy again. Today, she was especially talkative about how cute Leon was and listed the reasons why she wanted to date him. Each sentence made your heart break more. Why were you so unlucky with love? Your best friend then started to rave about their relationship and how happy they were with each other. Maybe you should just cancel the amusement park 'date'.

After school, you hopped onto the back of Lizzy's car and stared out the window silently. Leon sat with you at the back this time.

"Come on guys, I'm lonely at the front." Lizzy whined, patting the front seat.

You smiled lazily to try to mask your sadness, "Heh, I'm not bothered; it's too far away."

Leon sat closer to you unconsciously, smiling politely at Lizzy and said, "I'm too lazy too." Lizzy rolled her eyes and drove. It seems as long as you are ignorant of Lizzy's true intentions, she will treat you the same as before. Probably because you were pretty beneficial.

During the ride home, you stayed silent and looked out the window. Leon tried asking you multiple questions while talking with Lizzy as an attempt to bring you into the conversation. But no matter what, your answers were always short and brief. After the blonde dropped Leon and you off, she left, leaving you alone with your thoughts. Walking straight towards your bedroom, you jumped on your bed, and started sniffling. Grabbing your blankie, you squeezed it and cried your eyes out. You really really liked Leon.

You loved the sparks that you felt every time you touched him. You loved the smell of his shirt and his quirkiness. Oh, his blush was so adorable. It hurts your heart knowing that none of the idea of loving him will never come true. You've gone down to the point you're at your worst. What would Leon think of you? How pathetic you were?

Was it wrong of you to want attention from your crush? No.

But it is wrong if your best friend is dating him. Or at least they will eventually.

You decided, that writing your feelings down as a letter that you were never going to show him would be the best idea to get your feelings out. Hiccuping, you got out a piece of paper and a pen to write your deepest feelings. Then, you were going to hide it or burn it so no one can ever see it.

Dear Leon Harts,

Even though this letter will never get to you, I'd like to confess my love for you for the first and final time. Over the course of these months, I've fallen deeper and deeper in love with you. I've always hoped that one day I might find my prince charming like in the stories. I really thought you were, you know. Charming, I mean. I wanted you to be the one for me. And you probably are because I've never loved anyone else more than you. Yet.

But I'm just not the one for you. It hurts me so much, every time I see you with my best friend. Ever single time I see you with her, it reminds me of how I will never have you. That I've been by kicked out of the small circle of friends and have become the unwanted third wheel. That I'm worthless of everyone's time. Every day, I hear Lizzy gushing about how cute and lovely you are and it makes my heart ache so much. I'm being selfish, every time I fantasize you holding me in your arms when Lizzy is the one who's meant to do that for you. It's unrequited love once again.

So, I'm going to let you go :)

I wanted to cancel the amusement park outing but I couldn't bear to because I am selfish. Please forgive me because of that. After this outing, I'll pretend you've never even existed. I'll be rude to you if you keep on persisting. So please don't make this any harder and talk to me. Maybe once I get on your bad side you'll become hostile towards me. That's probably the only way to get rid of an infatuation. I've never been lucky with love. So what makes me think that you'll just suddenly run into my arms? I'm wishing for too much.

But for now, in this letter, I'd just like to say that I love you so much and I'm sorry for the way I'm going to treat you. In reality, I just want to run into your arms and never let go. I want to cuddle with you. I want to pepper you with kisses. There are so many things that I want to do that I know can't. Besides, you look happy with Lizzy anyways.

Maybe I'm exaggerating too much. Maybe it's because of my inexperience with love made me fall for you. Maybe you aren't actually the one for me, although it may seem like it now. Maybe when I grow up, I'm going to look back on this and regret writing this letter. Whichever it may be, I hope that one day, I will gain the courage to say I loved you, Leon Harts.

Fluffy hugs,

Y/N L/N

'My goodness, this is so cringy. Look at me trying to sound poetic and shit.' You laughed while sniffling, feeling a lot better. You'll get over him soon.

Crumpling the letter, you were about to chuck it in the bin but paused. Maybe you'll keep it somewhere hidden until you get over him. Or once you got over him, you can look back at this letter and laugh at how stupid you were or something and learn from your mistakes. And so, you put this letter inside an envelope, sealed it, and slid it in a book you know nobody will ever read.

~~~

Originally I wanted Lizzy to be a supportive friend but oh well... Should I have Leon murder her?

Constructive criticism is always appreciated!

I don't want to press publish

I dun wanna

no

nOOO i'm not readyyyyyyyyyy-