I roll over delicately. Urto has given the twins his alertness. I don't know how much sleep any of us have had, but we're all good at pretending.

Thane's thigh shifts, keeping my legs parted around him. It's not an unpleasant feeling. Thelios lays in front of me, and I'm trying to create enough room between us to look at his wound.

I wiggle my bum against Thane, encouraging the male to move back. He doesn't budge. Well, part of him moves, poking me in the bottom and making Thane moan lightly in my ear. "My Heart," he says sleepily, nuzzling the top of my head. "Are you hungry, my Princess?"

"Um..." I am hungry, "no."

He chuckles. "You are. Would you prefer we put on clothes?"

"Yes," another lie.

His chest is vibrating with silent laughter behind me.

"What are you doing, Firesprite?" Thelios rolls his hips against my stomach.

It certainly feels like everything is... back. With emphasis.

"I was worried about..." my voice drifts off. It just occurred to me that Thelios cut off his own parts. Sort of. If Urto cut off... and now he's part of Thelios, then...

"Frightened a little?" Thane says softly.

"Yes," this time I'm not lying.

"It's not easy for us, either, Princess, but we will go slow for you."

I pause. Thane is cupping my belly, the back of his hand trapped in between my and Thelios. Thelios is running his thumb over my elbow, that innocent, small motion sending prickles of awareness down my spine.

"What do you remember?" I ask them.

"Lots of things. Some don't make sense, some seem impossible," Thane responds.

"What about me?" I ask.

"Your beauty. Pain. Loss."

"Loneliness," Thelios adds quietly.

"How do I know if you're you, or him?"

"We are both, our Heart. But... War loves you. Regardless of who we are, every part of us loves you," Thane swears his love for me while I stare into his brother's grey-green eyes. They silently echo his brother's sentiments.

---

This is what we wanted. To be gods, to be with our female. Unfortunately, we have a leech of a god who attached himself to us both. I have a headache from the urge pounding in my brain to grab up my Firesprite and run to the northern forests.

That shit is all War; the urgency to claim her, the desire to hide her away, the need to isolate her from everyone else.

I try to content myself with breathing her in. I can feel her body move in tune with my brother and I. We are like one being, but there is something that niggles at the back of my mind. A threat that looms and a voice that calls me 'papa.'

I edge closer to my goddess even as she tries to wiggle away.

A flash of memory hits me. Another female, cloying, scenting of sex and smug superiority, clinging to me as I try to edge away.

I would think the roles reversed, that my Heart feels as if she needs to get away from me, but her hands are wrapped around my bicep and they aren't pulling my arm off. Maybe she's just uncomfortable. I tense my body, to keep from crushing her too tightly.

Another memory. Purity. Love and a singular focus on this precious female in my arms. Seeing the most beautiful sight any male will ever see, his female with his babe in her arms.

My body goes rigid.

A pretty little female with red hair just like my own Firesprite. I release my female with a sharp inhale, rolling to my back. My eyes are fixed on the ceiling of simple inlaid white tiles.

Another flash and that other bed, the one that makes my skin crawl, hung with tapestries made of the finest linen, trimmed in silver beading comes into my hurting mind.

I get up, leaving the nest of furs and blankets. I feel cold immediately, the face of that little red-haired babe dancing across my vision. Storming over to the table, I grab a goblet and down its contents in one large gulp, relishing the burn of bone wine.

"Thelios?" my female is sitting up, a thin blanket pulled up to her shoulders as if she's shielding herself from me. Thane is crouched next to her, his steady gaze assessing me for the explosion that we both know can come at any moment.

"Do I have a daughter?" I ask raspily.

My Heart pales, but her eyes don't fall. She holds my gaze like the goddess that she is. "We adopted a little female in the above, yes, Thelios."

"Where is she?" I pour more of the wine into the goblet.

"With my mother and Erra."

"Who the fuck is Erra, Firesprite?"

She falls silent and now her gaze drops. I feel a cold sweat pour down my back. "Do you have a son, my Heart?" I ask. It doesn't matter, I tell the part of me that is War. The Demon doesn't give a rat's ass about my peacemaking. If our female has a child with another male than my brother and I will take her to the forest no matter what Nateos says.

"I also adopted him," she lies smoothly.

I look at my brother, expecting him to look as angry and conflicted as I feel. Instead, he is frowning pensively at the bedding. "Erra," he says slowly.

Tears spring into our Heart's eyes. "Please, my males, don't ask about the children, yet? Let yourselves remember them when it comes to you naturally."

"You want me to ignore my daughter?" I growl lightly at her. I stalk back to the bed, my rage nearly overpowering, despite her calling us her males. I get on the bed on my knees, crowding my female into my brother. Leaning down into her I whisper harshly, "you will not keep my daughter from us, understand? I have remembered her, so she will now come and live with us."

A tear rolls down her cheek before she opens her eyes, "no."

"No?" I repeat, almost shocked into silence by her defiance.

"I will not expose her to you until you remember everything. I won't let you confuse her anymore than she already has been by everything that's happened."

I suck in a deep breath, hold it for a second, then slowly breathe it out. "You are-"

"Erra is my son," my brother interrupts me. He is still scowling at the bedding.

"Please, he's a good male, he and Poppy-"

"Poppy, that is her name. My daughter." I feel stunned that I forgot her even for a moment. My tiny, broken child named for the mourning flower that grows so strong and beautiful.

"Why would you hide our children from us?" Thane asks her.

"Because, you are not safe for them!" Our goddess shouts. She leaps from the bed despite our hands on her, slapping as we instinctively try to grab her back our sides.

"You have just joined your souls to the god of War," she continues. "Your memories and thoughts and feelings are confused and lost and jumbled. She is a baby. Erra is just a young male," she chokes out. "They've been through so much..."

A light rain begins to fall outside on the balcony. I can hear shouting and cursing from outside. Inside our rooms, our goddess continues to weep piteously.

I rise from the bed and go to her. She lets me pull her into my arms, thank fuck.

Thane speaks for the both of us. "Our Heart, you will bring us to see the children. It's time now, Princess. Princess? Remember the babe you carry. Everything will be fine, our Heart, but we need to see our children."

"Promise me you will be good to them, both of them," she insists.

It makes my skin crawl with foreboding, what about our own children could make our Heart so afraid?

---

My gargoyles help me dress while my males bathe. Well, Harku helps. Momo, Mishu, and Mushu get in the way and play dress-up with the beautiful clothes and shoes and jewelry in the chests. Alnue is reading scrolls. Patriarch left a veritable library here for me.

"Careful, Mo," I say quietly as he trips over a too-long sapphire-blue skirt and falls flat on his face while Mishu and Mushu howl with laughter. Harku makes a scolding noise as Momo leaps to his feet and tries to attack Mishu, only to trip again.

"I just want my grey robes," I tell Harku.

The gargoyle looks at me solemnly, then takes my hand and gently tugs me out onto the balcony. I follow on deadened limbs. Dread coats my tongue and makes my hands tremble. I don't want my males to see my family, isn't that awful? I love them, I realized that as I lay awake all last night, entwined with them both. But, I don't trust them. How many times have their memories been lost? How many awful changes have been wrought on their minds and lives in just a few months? A year? They both died, for goodness sake. Thane died twice. Once because killed him.

I am most afraid of Thane seeing Erra. I don't know how he will react to see that his cherubic toddler has grown overnight into an adolescent male. I also don't want Thane to start to remember Anthea, to remember her broken spirit enslaved to Inanji.

Because, despite how I know I should feel pity for Anthea, I don't. For both her and Inanji I become a bitter, jealous shrew.

Harku draws my attention back to him with a soft wuffle. He has taken me to a small section of my balcony. Holsten must be on duty here, because he steps up, following me onto the too-small space.

It wraps around the corner of the temple complex just by a short length. To my right and slightly behind me is the Crone River. Directly behind me is the Field of Lost Souls. In front of me is the main gate into the Palace. It is flooded with souls. They line the streets, winding in and out of sight behind buildings and walls.

I look at the closest souls to me and see what Harku wants to show me. Everyone is wearing their best robes. Fine skirts of silk and brightly dyed linen adorn the females. The males wear shiny bronze and copper light armor with ornamental swords and daggers. Everyone is wearing jewelry that sparkles in the Underworld light.

I draw back inside before anyone can spot me. "Alright, Harku. Just... let's make my grey fancier? I don't want to look like someone else."

He coos in agreement. He helps me drape a few strands of black onyx beads on, a small tiara of the same, and pins a brooch to both shoulders so that my arms are bare. Lastly a cloak of the softest linen, lined with a thin pelt of fur. I look in the shiny black surface that Harku secured as a mirror. I look presentable. I look like the Lady Grief.

Inanji always looked like a butterfly and Anthea a queen. I suppose Harku did exactly what I asked of him and made me look like me.

"It'll have to do, right Harku?" I ask him. I'm not Inanji or Anthea, I'm Mara.

"Booooteeful," he bats his lashes at me coyly. The wide grin splitting his lips makes me believe him.

"Exquisite," Thane's murmur greets my ears.

I smile at him, but feel uneasy. He is wearing black pants and boots, with a dark green vest and bronze armor. Nothing too fancy, but it looks...

Thelios comes to stand next to him. His vest is of fur and he has bare feet.

They look a little too much like Urto. It's silly, but I really want us to match. I feel like our outsides reflect the turmoil inside.

"Ready to leave?" Thane asks me. "What's wrong, our Heart?"

"I look like a crow." I close my eyes in defeat.

Thane doesn't placate me immediately. Thelios does, making a soft noise of dissent. Probably well-trained by that Love bitch, but Thane is quiet until I open my eyes to look at him again.

"A crow? Then even a crow can be beautiful."

"The other females in your lives... they were not crows," I tell him fiercely.

"More colorful plumage doesn't make them more attractive than you. Besides, you look... otherworldly, as if the Underworld itself has crafted your beauty."

"Fancy words," I tease him, half-heartedly.

He brushes his lips across my cheek. "If there is something we can fix, tell us, our Heart."

"I'm just nervous," I confess.

"Then let's go see our children, so you can stop fretting."

I nod, and we walk back into the temple with the gargoyles tumbling all over themselves to follow us. I see Rolle and Nasir posted in the front and smile. "Where are you all staying?" I ask them. Rolle peels off from his post to act as an escort. "Lier and Carnak are sleeping. Holsten is in charge of your suite. The others are sleeping for their shifts or exploring the Palace to better serve you, My Lady," he says to me. He makes a point to not even glance at my glowering males.

"Are my parents in their suite?" I ask quietly.

Rolle nods, turning to lead the way to my parents room. As we walk past more of the open-air balconies, I can hear the crowd below at the entrance.

"Why are all of these souls here, Rolle?" I ask him.

"For you, My Lady," he replies simply.

Both of my males growl threateningly. "What for?" Thelios snarls.

"Because, My Lady can release souls from the Field of Lost Souls," Rolle replies coolly.

"You don't like us much, do you?" Thane muses.

"I am my Lady's Basru. I am responsible for her well-being. You... you have War in you, true?" Rolle has spun around entirely, confronting Thane face-to-face. I'm more than a little surprised. Rolle has always been laid-back, a funny male. I have not seen this side of the shifter.

Thane just smirks. "I am War, little wolf. And your Lady is my Heart. Don't ever forget that and I won't rip your tail and ears off and shove them up your ass."

"Thane!" I admonish him quietly. He merely tugs me into his body and strokes my back gently, claiming me in front of Rolle without words.

"You two have harmed her before," Rolle claims, "and War separated us from her. Her own Basru. Because of his jealousy. Are you jealous?" he doesn't back down from Thane's threat.

"That is the only reason for why you're still standing," Thelios says menacingly. His eyes glow red, fangs showing. "Because you are her Basru."

"We need to see the children," I blurt out. A movement catches my eye and I turn my head to see Momo, Mishu, and Mushu watching us with wide, orange eyes, unblinking with fascination.

"Let's go," Thane agrees.

We hurry, now. Well, I hurry, nearly overtaking Rolle until he realizes that I am speeding ahead.

I burst through the doors into my parent's suite with Poppy's name already on my lips. She squeals, her cries of 'mama' making my father and mother beam fondly at their granddaughter.

Erra, as usual, is Poppy's lanky shadow, his gaze narrowed on the two male War gods. When I scoop up Poppy in a hug, he comes to my shoulder, all the males making low rumbles of discontent at each other's proximity to females they all consider theirs.

My father, at least, is old and wise enough to keep farther away as Poppy asks innocently, "Papa? Capin?"

"Yes, sweet baby, they look different, don't they?" I say to her.

Thelios is watching his daughter with a look of stunned happiness mixed with undertones of guilt. Thane is staring hard at Erra.

I swallow. I should have warned him about his son. He can easily tell that Erra isn't mine. He looks so much like Anthea, especially her piercing blue eyes. He's a handsome young male, with just enough of Thane in him that it's difficult to hide the paternity. There's not a red hair or freckle anywhere on him.

Thelios reaches out, tentatively, to take Poppy from my arms. "Hello, Poppet," he murmurs huskily. "Papa missed you so much."

She goes to him easily and I sigh in relief. Thelios takes her a few steps away, bouncing her in his arms and listening to her babble on about her grandparents and the city of Ersetu... and Erra, everything circles back to Erra.

Thane blows out a hard breath. Then he turns to me and gently wraps an arm around my waist. Bending his head, his eyes drift closed. "I'm sorry, my Heart. I'm sorry I ever hurt you. I'm sorry that anyone ever hurt you." A great shudder passes through his body. "I don't want to be a bad male," he whispers to me. "It feels like it happened to someone else, another lifetime, but it's also so raw and real at the same time."

"I know," I tell him softly. I do know. It's exactly how I feel. The terrible things between us only happened a couple of years ago, but it feels as though I've lived a few lifetimes since then. "I don't feel the weight of your rejection anymore, Thane," I tell him thoughtfully. "It's gone from my soul."

He crushes me to him, swallowing my squeak of surprise with his mouth on mine. I gasp into his kiss. It's different and the same, potent and filled with love. Our bond zings between us, and I relax into my male.

"Ahem," I hear a voice clear and remember exactly where I am. I pull away, blushing. Thane smirks down at me, his grey-green eyes soft.

"Mama kissin' Capin'," Poppy remarks cheerfully from Thelios' arms.

"Disgusting," Erra pouts.

The gargoyles fall over themselves laughing.