We went home, it's been days since I went home but it feels like it's been years. I didn't know when this place of horrors turned into a home but I am not complaining because I reside where my beloved does. Where he lives, I want to stay there till my last breath. To feel secure in his arms and never let them go, I want to stay with him. I want him and nothing else.

We reached home, I kept looking out of the window lost in thoughts. The view outside seems so free but still, I felt restricted and suffocated. As if some shackles are around my feet, taking me back to the cage of misery every time I try to break it.

'Can Christian eradicate this feeling of being defiled from me again? What if he broke saving me? He is in so much agony. When both of us are broken, whose gonna save whom? Would he ever want to touch my impure body?' My thoughts were interrupted when Christian shook my shoulder, my breath hitched as I stiffed,

"Sophie.. no need to panic. We're home." He said gently, I gave him a hesitant nod and got out, but my body being weak, I can't walk properly, I stumble and fall on his hard chest. He wrapped his arms around my waist and helped me to walk,

"Should I carry you again?" He asked. I shook my head 'no' and we walked in.

Every helper of the house was waiting to welcome me home. I smiled at them.

"Welcome home, Ma'am," Samuel said earnestly.

"Thanks.."

"Welcome, Ma'am. It's great to have you back." now, Gwen said. I passed her a smile.

"Everyone missed you. Without you this place is nothing but an empty mansion, you made it feel like home." Christian said.

"Take me.. to the dining hall, I'm... hungry," I said weakly. He smiled- not him but everyone smiled,

"We have already prepared your favourite meal, Ma'am." Our cook, Kayla said.

We went to the dining hall, I took a seat as the food was served.

"Thank you, everyone." I thanked them with all my heart.

"We're the one who should be thanking you," Samuel said.

Christian fed me and I felt my heart beating feebly in slight happiness inside me but it can't get out. All my positive emotions are imprisoned inside me and no matter how much I want to take them out, I can't. My broken soul is not letting me.

After eating, he helped me to go to our room, I laid down and held his hand, "..stay.." I whispered. He looked at me for a second and gulped hard. He was hesitating. I gave him a pleading look and said, "please.. hold me close." After looking at me for a short moment, he took off his coat and laid beside me. I put my head on his chest as my both hands clutch his shirt and I snuggled close to him, inhaling his scent giving me a feeling of being safe. I don't know when those arms which used to give me intense loath began to give me solace and love. It's not that I am complaining instead I feel blessed. I smiled as I closed my eyes.

His one hand was in my hairs pulling me close which his other hand held my hand rubbing random patterns.

I let that feeling of being away from abhorrence to fill me up in those arms of sweet compassion that once used to make me feel defile but now obliterate any kind of this negative feeling from them as if it never existed in the first place.

'because something else evokes that sensation of disgust.' my mind mocked but I ignored it and tried to sleep.

"Please Christian, Save me!"

I woke up panting heavily as sweat rolled down badly. Tears brimmed in the corner of my eyes. The intensity of terror became so high that I lost my senses. With my heart beating so fast as if it could burst, I turned and saw on one beside me once again.

"Christian!" I began to sob loudly. I began to cry out loud in dread. I put a hand over my chest emitting shallow breaths. I continued to cry so much that it began to suffocate me. I almost lost my breath. My body was trembling in fear.

I heard the sound of the shower being turned off and in a few seconds, Christian walked out in his trousers only. He quickly rushed to my side and hugged me. I hugged him back and began to cry.

"Shh. It's okay. Don't cry." He tried to soothe me. He runs his hand in my hairs while rubbing my back.

"Don't leave me!" I began to cry out loud.

"I won't." He said gently. He continued to calm me down and I continued to cry on his embrace.

"Please remove this feeling of being defiled..." I begged him.

"Eradicate the feeling of their touch... Please.." I plead him. "I promise, I will. Just please don't cry." He wiped my tears with his thumb. I began to let out convulsed gasps. He kissed my hands that somehow calm my racing heart. He pulled me in his arms again and I continued to tremble.

I put my ear over his bare chest to listen to his heartbeat like before. When I heard his heart beating fast in dread like mine, I calmed down so that he can too. I closed my eyes and continued to listen to the melody produced by his heart, it somehow gave me a lull. The harmony blend in with mine and turned out as a call to liberation as I found myself losing in that and a deep slumber took over me and I lost consciousness again.

My eyes flutter opened as I quickly sat up. A sudden pain shot through my head. I looked around frantically to see whether I am in those lethal nightmares or not. A sigh of relief escapes my lips when I saw Christian sleeping beside me. I run my hands in my hairs and turned to him. He is still shirtless. He was so tired and when he went to take a shower, I ruin that little moment of equanimity from him. I felt bad for him, looking so weary but still doing his best.

My lips curved upward in a sad smile,

"You can't save me... You'll fall apart.."

I close my eyes and a tear fell from eye directly to his cheek.

He has bags under his eyes, his beard is outgrown. He seemed skinnier. Just how much you have suffered in a few days? I don't want you to suffer because of my anymore. You had enough. Enough regrets, enough pain, enough misery. I want this to end.

He was sleeping so peacefully, it seems like he hasn't slept in a while. I decided to let him sleep. I went to the bathroom and looked at my reflection. My eyes widened for a second. I have bruises although they were almost healed but they were still present and that cut on my lips. I grit my teeth looking at the cut. Cursing under my breath, I avert my gaze. Now I know why Christian seemed so heartbroken whenever he looked at me not just him but everyone.

The condition I was in, anyone would be sympathetic to me. But the outside face is still bearable as compared to the internal pain running in my veins.

I curled my hands in a fist and stood under the shower. I let the water to wash away this feeling but every drop of water that falls on my face made me even more miserable because I know the feeling is not leaving my heart, only Christian's call suck this out from me but I don't want him to do it, it's intolerable for him. He cannot endure the same thing again- so do I.

I walked out and wore my clothes. Christian was still sleeping so I decided to walk out. The moment I took a step out, I saw Gwen,

"Good Morning Ma'am."I just passed her a faint smile. Apart from Christian, I don't feel like talking to anyone and that sometimes applies to him. Sometimes, I just want to run to a desolated place and cry out loud and let out all this feeling of anguish.

"Ma'am, Your mother and brother are here." She informed. I gave her a nodded and walked down and saw Mother and Eugene there.

I hugged them and Eugene said,

"Good to see you being discharged." I hummed in response as mother said,

"Where's Christian?"

"He's sleeping."

"He is the one that called us to have breakfast together and now he is not here." Mother said putting a hand over her waist. I know he is doing this for me.

"Let him sleep. He's tired." I said. Mother nodded. We took a seat and began to eat in silence.

"Sophie, are you alright?" Mother called me.

"huh?" I looked at her mistily.

"love, you are so lost. Did something happened?" Mother asked. I just shook my head.

"Sophie... I know it must be hard for you but you're so brave, you have to overcome this." Who told you that I am brave?

"Hmm," I just can't tell her what I've been through. Eugene gave my hand a slight squeeze and smiled at me. I smiled back and turned my attention to my food. I stare at it devoid as if my mind is screaming but my lips are sealed.

"At least eat.," Mother said again but her words didn't reach my ears as I was lost in my own world.

***

..."Here, eat it." One of them said pushing a tray of food towards me. I, who was too defiled and broken, didn't even flinch.

"I don't want this shit of yours," I growled feeling the urge to kill at least one of them for doing this to me.

"Ya better eat that 'Shit' before I give ya the actual one, sweetie." He said coming closer. I once again looked at the source of light from the door, it's much brighter than the one in that room. Like the door's gonna open revealing Christian, consoling me, it did happen but it was too late.

"Go die, you pig!" I hissed. Making him angry, he gripped my hairs and looked at me.

My eyes were so heavy that I can't even look at him. I haven't seen anyone's face but the face of these two can never leave my mind, I swear I want them to die in the worst way possible.

"You're so tempting that one night can never be enough. I understand why your husband used you for that long." I recognized that he is the same guy and the hatred burst from me.

"Your worth is not even to call his name... You scum." I mocked. He grits his teeth and pushes me against the wall, I yelp in pain but since I don't have any strength in me, I couldn't move. He forcefully kissed me and bit my lips causing a cut mark to appear on it. Blood flowed from the corner of my lip but I didn't open my mouth. I dug my nails on him which thankfully made him push away.

"If you don't eat it. You're not gonna have anything else." He roared and left, leaving me alone in the room.

I starved myself as long as I can but hunger got the best of me and I ate the food. I can still see their haunting looks when they saw me eating. I never knew that eating food would be that humiliating for me... but I struggled for as long as I can...

***

I stared at my food and realized that ever since I got out from that shit-hole Christian fed me. I didn't eat my food by myself. I have taken only a bite when I was about to take another the sound of their laugh echoed in my mind throwing me in the bottomless pits of turmoil.

"I'll eat later," I said hurriedly as I stood up and went to the hall. The screeching sound kept echoing in my mind, I put my hands over my ears but they are not doing any good. My lips began to quiver. I continuously swallow the lump in my throat to not to cry. I don't want to cry.

Not being able to withstand this feeling. I went to our room. I looked at Christian and thought about waking him up and I shook my head. No, let him sleep. I then opened the closet and took out his white office shirt. I sniffed and it is filled with his scent, giving me serenity. I took off my shirt and wore his. Of course, it was too big for me. I feel suffocated when I close all the buttons so I rolled my sleeves and just by opening the first button, I can see it's kinda revealing but I don't care as long as I can feel his scent close to mine.

I went back to the hall and saw mother and Eugene eyeing at me.

I ignored their looks and sat on the sofa. I hugged my knees and put my chin on it. They sat on either side of mine.

"Sophie.." Mother exclaimed with worry. Eugene patted my head, "You have him by your side. I'm sure you can prevail it." He said firmly. I once again hummed.

"Oh, I have to leave for work," Eugene said.

"You got a job?" I asked. He nodded with a smile, I know it's been a while. I haven't talked to him ever since he left. But it's not even a month since he left.

"Congrats," I spoke faintly.

"Thanks." He kissed my forehead and left. After left mother asked,

"Dear.. please tell me what made you like this?"

"You remember what you did when you came to know about that incident at the party. You pushed us away."

"Dear... This and that are two different things."

"I... just want to be with Christian. Nothing else..." I said inhaling deeply his scent that gave me tranquility. Even the sound stopped ringing in my ears.

Mother remained silent for a while and then stood up,

"I'll take my leave now. I have to go." She said. I gave her a nodded as she left giving me a side hug.

After she left, I remained like that for I don't know how long.

"Hey!" I heard a voice from behind me. The voice didn't startle me because I know it's Christian. I just remained motionless as he came closer and bend to my level.

"Good morning." He smiled. A smile also crept upon my lips,

"Finally learned it?" I whispered.

"Thanks to you." He whispered back. He took a seat beside me as I put my head on his shoulder.

"Good morning..." I spoke feebly. He hummed in response.

"By the way, is this my shirt?" He asked. I nodded, he smirked and leaned in but not too close,

"It's looking so cute on you. Tell me, do you intend to go to the office too?" He teased. I kept staring at the floor not replying to him.

"Sophie." He called me again, I shot my head towards him.

"Yes?" He sighed and said,

"Nothing, Come let's have breakfast. I also called your mother and brother." He pinched my nose this time, I pouted slightly, he stood up and offered me his hand,

"Mother and Eugene both have left," I said also standing up but not taking his hand.

"Oh, They did? Did you have breakfast?" He asked. I shook my head no.

"Come, let's eat together." He smiled.

We both sat down to have breakfast but I couldn't eat. Whenever I opened my mouth to eat, I just can't swallow it.

"What happened? You are not eating?" Christian asked. I kept looking at the food and said in a barely audible tone, "I couldn't.."

"Should I feed you?" He offered, I didn't reply.

"Come on, you have to eat, you need to take your medicine."He tried to reason but I stare emptily at the food.

"..I can hear them... laughing at me when I ate my food.." I whispered in a croaking voice. He stood up and cupped my cheeks and made me look at him. He looked at me with a dire gaze. His intense gaze made my heart to skip a beat. A sudden dread filled me as I tried to push him but he didn't get away and continued to stare deeply in my eyes. The pace of my heart increased by each passing second. He didn't speak a word, he just continued to stare at me. His mystifying gaze is beyond my comprehension. It seems like he couldn't find any words to my consolation but that's what I thought. He can speak a thousand words but decided not to. His silence emits compassion and sadness for me and anger for their action.

"Did they laugh at you?" He asked with a glint of rage in his voice. I couldn't speak, I just tilt my head. He grits his teeth, tears threatened to fall but I didn't let them,

"..They don't just defile me but... also humiliated me.." I whispered.

He leans in and rests his forehead against mine,

"Don't worry. I'll replace this feeling by something worth to remember." He said and pulled away. I, who was panting just gave him a nod. He leaned on the table and smiled,

"Come," He offered me his hand again,

"Where?" I asked.

"Just come with me." This time I took his hand as we went to the kitchen.

"Why are we here?" I asked in a low tone.

He didn't answer. In a sudden moment, he put me on the counter, I let out a slight squeak from the unexpected action.

"What are you doing?" I mumbled, clutching my dress tightly being scared.

"Don't be scared. I won't hurt you. Remember what I said just a moment ago." I just gave him a nod. He stroke my cheek and said,

"What would you like to have? I'll make it for you."

"You know how to cook?"

"Yes, I do. Now, tell me, what would you like to have, Ma'am?" He asked bowing a little, Kayla chuckled looking at us.

"Leave us alone," Christian ordered as everyone left, leaving us alone in the kitchen. He took out his phone and played some random song and put it aside.

"Now, tell me?" He asked again.

"Anything.."

"I know you love french toast. I'll make it for you." He smiled, I just shook my head.

He began to cook as I watch him while listening to the sound of the song.

"My cooking is not as good as yours but it's edible."He joked.

"We'll see.." I said nonchalantly.

When he made the batter, he offered me his hand. I hesitantly took it. He held both of my hands and pulled me to him and spun me around. My back was pressed against his chest before I could do or say anything, he pecks my cheek and spun me again and now I am facing him and his hand on my waist.

"Get the bread." He said.

"From where?" I asked.

"Behind me." He smirked. I get that it's right behind him and if I tried to take it I have to move close to him as if I am hugging him. Since he held my waist firmly, I lowered my gaze and didn't move. A blush formed on my cheeks as my heart skipped a beat.

He chuckled and let go of me, I stood there as he took the bread.

"let's cook, " He said sweetly. I stood beside him as he began to cook. He made them, I kept looking at him, a weak smile was formed on my lips. That sweet guy in front of me is the same intimidating guy whose presence used to crush me. By knowing him, I know his heart is of gold. He is such a chivalrous guy.

"Here you go." He smiled offering me the plate. I was about to go but he held my wrist and place me on the counter again.

I was bewildered, he cooked the food so why are we still here? He took out a fork and began offered me a bite.

"Here, open your mouth." I didn't say anything as he fed me. When we finished, he put the plate aside and held my hands.

"Now, I guess the sound of this music and us is more significant than the sound of their laugh, isn't it?" He asked gently rubbing circles on the back of my palm. My lips began to quiver as I put my head on his chest.

"Don't worry if it isn't. I'll try another method." He assured rubbing my back.

"I will do anything just to eradicated this feeling," he said pulling away but I held his shirt. I remained like that. The sound of the music in the background giving me some eerie solace, his arms making me feel safe.

...Mehfooz hai meri bahoon mei ab se tu sada, Main chal padun teri rahoon mei, ab se yun sada

(...You are now protected in my arms forever. From now on, I want to walk on your path forever...)

The lyrics evoke a sudden sensation in me. I lift my gaze and met him. The harmony made my soul to be connected to his. It somehow pulled me close to him. I have begun to feel protected in his arms. Blood rushed to my cheeks, his eyes kept scanning me making me feel slightly startled, but not in dread but something else.

This surely is worth to remember.

I went down from the counter and about to walk away but he held my wrist,