“No, no way. I’m wanted for murder and he’s, well, a healer!” I explained the obvious and outrightly rejected Mikaela. She didn’t want to separate again so easily, which was really charming to know that she liked me that much, but in the end, she’d just get into problems with the law the longer we stayed together.

The tall, dark archer was teary, and for the life of me, I couldn’t understand how someone could make a connection so easily. I took a step back and reflected on myself a little. Was it that I was losing my emotional self? Could it be that I was needlessly apathetic towards others? I definitely became a savage who melded with the survival of the fittest rules of the jungle, but was it at the cost of my humanity?

Lila’s arms dangled. Mikaela’s pained expression was a blow to the heart she couldn’t resist. “O-okay, look, I can pull some strings and lift your bounty anyway, and I guess we can do something about your healer friend. But you have to join my party.”

Mikaela beamed happily at that prospect and finally loosened her grip on me when she realized how embarrassingly she acted. She retreated into herself somewhat.

I sighed. “No can do. We’re going to Reuland. I’m not a murderer there, I uh, I think, and Doran’s status as a healer would actually be a good thing.” Lila nervously shuffled her fingers around. I didn’t like that; I sensed something dumb was about to come out her mouth. “Okay well, goodb—”

“Take her with you,” Lila said.

Aaand there’s the dumb idea.

“Look,” Lila rubbed her forearm in a bit of frustration, “Mikaela’s a healer too, alright? The longer she stays here, the more dangerous it is. If you’re going to Reuland, then just take her with you.”

Doran cleared his throat and dismissed the awkward atmosphere. It went awkward because I didn’t know how to reply to that. My whole reasoning behind not wanting to grow my party bigger was because it was dangerous. The bandits that attacked Doran and I when we were sleeping weren’t the only people that tried to drag my ass to the authorities; I killed a lot of people. Doran turned to face Mikaela. “Are you marked?”

She shook her head; her eyes bounced around me, Lila, and Doran.

He closed his eyes as if in slight discomfort. “Look, I’m not doubting your resolve, but,” he sighed, “in the healer world, marked and unmarked healers are two different types of people. It might sound weird, but if you’re not prepared to die in order to live, then you’ll die.” He put a hand on her shoulder and stared her right in the eyes. “Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“What are you saying?” the conscious warrior butted in. “Mikaela had proper training, unlike you who had no choice but to be an outcast. We want the best for her and she’s plenty strong so you’ve got nothing to worry about.”

Doran clicked his tongue and shook his head. “Her strength isn’t the problem. I don’t think you people understand. When you have to live your entire life surviving everything from F-rank to A-rank death list monsters, you develop a certain type of mindset that’s both reckless and prudent, and perfect judgment to know what ratios to apply. Look, all I’m saying is,” he looked down into the dirt, “I’ve stared death in the face more times than any of you could possibly fathom. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen that light.” He glared at Mikaela again. “I’ll say it again, if you’re not prepared to die, then you won’t live. It’s up to you and Andre.” He stepped aside and waited.

Everyone just stood around and thought about what Doran meant. Even I, who was with him for a while now, never realized how maddening and scary his life must’ve been. The things he must’ve endured just to survive were things I wouldn’t even want to imagine. And I actually thought seeing the light three times was a lot. How the fuck have you lived, man?

All our attention converged on the silent archer, but her eyes was anything but; she brimmed with persistence. I’d no choice but to laugh. “Alright,” I said, “looks like we’re stealing a member of your party, Lila.” Dark energies swirled around my baleful staff. “Everyone, get your defensive abilities up.”

Around fifty? Then, one hundred times five hundred, I did the math in my in my mind, fifty thousand. Alright, I can handle that. Dozens of Shadowbinds shot out my staff spreading forth in all directions and binding the bandits surrounding us. Without a second to spare, Shadowspears shot out to impale all who were in my line of sight.

It was a deadly combination that could be cast in quick succession, to the point where it almost felt like they married each other to a tee. The grim tendrils didn’t hinder the spears at all. The environs ran red with bandit blood. I sent undead knights out to drag the few that were still alive back to me. Three of them cowered at my presence, wrapped in Shadowbind and all alone in the middle of the forest. Shadowspear pierced their skulls and gave them quick deaths.

“If you’re okay with this happening to other adventurers, then you’re welcome to come with us.” I wanted to restrain my gluttonous tendencies in the face of the party, but at the same time, I didn’t want it to come as a surprise to Mikaela. Even though I acclimatized to raw meat and cannibalism, I was still quite self-conscious about the practice.

My thoughts bounced back and forth between to do or not to do. Should I? Should I eat them? I hadn’t the leisure to sit and think about it, because after an hour of death, a corpse couldn’t be Consumed. Even if I started eating the second that I killed them, I wouldn’t be able to eat fifty people in that short space of time. What’s worse, Consume gave decent bonuses when used on humans, so this was a huge banquet just waiting for me.

I sighed. “Doran, do it extra hard today.”

“W-what? Are you sure?” He squinted his eyes and rubbed his hands together. The son of a bitch always looked forward to that moment.

I made a queasy face, because ever since I came to this world, my wish was to make friends and life a fulfilling life, so possibly freaking out Mikaela was something I wanted to avoid. But that was just me making excuses. I had to become strong enough to rescue Tina, and that meant being stronger than the Bloodmoon clan master and Demon King Fyren. Every opportunity presented to me had to be utilized, I had no choice.

Doran exhaled on the palms of his hands and pulled back, then swung with possibly the hardest backhand I’d gotten since I first asked him to do it. God! I stumbled to the side a bit. Alright Deidre, woman up and eat those fuckers!