"What do you think it means?" Brian asked.

The five of them stood around the body of a man wearing the face of a goblin strung over his own. The formed a crescent, arrayed right-to-left as Tiffany, Hector, Brian, Calvin, and Ylva.

"Just that there's one more crazy fuck in the world," said Calvin.

"And he just happens to be crazy in the exact same way as the guy under Isalda's basement? I don't buy it," Ylva said.

"I agree," echoed Hector. "Something doesn't add up."

"Maybe they know each other?" Reasoned Brian. "We aren't that far from Trostenwald."

"Maybe," Hector shrugged. "Honestly, I'd prefer if these two are an isolated incident."

"You think they're part of a group?" Asked Ylva.

"It's possible. We don't really know anything right now."

"Did you search him?" Tiffany asked.

"What?" Intoned Ylva, blinking.

"That's what you're supposed to do, right? Loot the bodies? It's what they do in the movies."

"No, you're right. I'm just surprised you said it," commented Ylva.

"I've—" Tiffany hesitated. "I've been reading about how to be an adventurer," she said.

"What, like 'Guilding for Dummies,' or some shit?" Joked Calvin.

Tiffany fixed him in a narrow-eyed stare for a moment. "There's quite a few books about it in the library, actually. This guy named Taryon has a pretty good one."

"You... might want to find a different book," cautioned Brian.

"What?" Why?"

"I'll explain later," Brian said gently.

"There's nothing here. He doesn't have anything," Hector stood from where he'd knelt over the body of the nilbog. In all that conversation, Brian forgot what they were supposed to be doing.

"Nothing at all?" Asked Ylva.

"No gold, or gems, or a journal, nothing," stressed Hector.

"Well, dammit," Ylva cursed.

"We might find something else in the cave," Brian began. "We still have a quest to do, here. And who knows? Maybe the goblins hid his stuff somewhere?"

"Well said," Hector smiled. "Everyone, split up. Let's find that chalice."

"You're a chalice," Calvin muttered before wandering off. Brian was annoyed with him for a second until he realized it was probably supposed to be a joke.

Calvin and Hector went straight on for the bodies. Calvin started with the archer furthest from them, while Hector—predictably—poured over the nilbog. Ylva continued poking around the area behind the nilbog. Tiffany prated around the walls.

Brian had a different idea. He went over to the stone column west of the entrance. A narrow passage snaked around it. Following this path confirmed his suspicions. There, perfectly concealed from the rest of the cave, sat the goblins' loot pile. He called his teammates over.

A cursory inspection revealed it to be mostly junk, random shiny things the goblins managed to collect. There were a few coins to be found amongst the silverware, empty bottles, bits of pottery, knick-knacks, and—yes—a few buttons. Other than the coins, it was mostly useless trash.

"So, I just realized something," Ylva said after a while searching. "We never actually asked what the Alice Chalice looks like." She held up a simple wooden goblet and pointed to it for emphasis.

"We also never asked Darmus what his trade goods were," added Tiffany. "I thought of that a while ago."

"Holy shit, guys. We suck." Calvin joked, but he wasn't wrong.

"Well, thankfully, Alice doesn't really care about the chalice. We can just bring a bung of cups back and ask if any are hers. If not, she'll still count the contract as complete," Hector explained.

"What about Darmus?" Tiffany asked.

"I was actually thinking about that earlier," Brian said. "There's no way we'd be able to carry his stuff back, even if we did find it. The most we can do is tell him the goblins are gone."

"We'd need proof of that," Hector said.

"We can just collect their ears, like Jester did with the gnolls," Ylva suggested. "We can probably even find a jar in here to shove them in."

"Hold on, I think I saw a jar earlier," Calvin took to rummaging through the pile.

"Their ears?" Said Tiffany. "Don't you think that's a little morbid?"

"Would you prefer their heads, or their dicks?" Challenged Ylva.

"You're starting to sound like Jester, now," observed Brian.

"Thanks, that was on purpose," Ylva said with a smile for him.

"Found it!" Calvin popped up, holding in both hands what looked like a large mason jar.

"That'll do," Ylva grabbed the jar and walked off, presumably to go collect some ears. Hopefully, she didn't decide to wear them.

"What about the rest of this bullshit? Is it useful?" Calvin asked.

"Only if it belongs to Darmus," supplied Tiffany.

"What about magical?" Brian looked to Hector.

"Let me see..." Hector began tracing symbols in the air while he muttered foreign words. The obvious spell took him a few seconds to cast, after which his eyes flashed purple for a split second.

"What was that?" Calvin asked.

"My first item casting detect magic," Hector said, and then paused. "There's nothing magical in this pile, but there is something over there." He pointed at the column, indicating the cave where the battle had taken place. He locked eyes with Brian before both pairs went wide.

"The staff!" Declared Hector.

"The nilbog's staff!" Brian exclaimed at the same time.

The two of them led the charge over to the dead nilbog. He lay mostly undisturbed where he'd dropped, just missing an ear. Brian looked toward the center of the cave to find Ylva working on the next closest corpse. In this, her seax made a great tool. Tiffany was right, it was a little bit morbid. Not more than hanging up dead bodies as a deterrent, but still pretty bad. Brian wrenched his gaze away in favor of Hector, who had gathered up the staff in his hands.

"What does it do?" Calvin asked.

"Give me a minute and I'll tell you." Hector sat down on the ground with his legs straight out in front of him. He removed a bit of chalk from his pouch and began drawing a spell circle with his right hand, while the left held the staff.

"Come on, lets give him some space to work. He'll be at this for the next ten minutes," Brian said. He followed his own example, and started his way over to one of the goblin bodies.

"I'm going back to that loot pile then. I'm sure there was something good in there," Calvin said.

"I'll come, too." Tiffany fell in behind him.

Brian checked over the corpse with half a heart, and to say that was pushing it. Really, the only reason he bothered with this task at all was to pass the time until Hector finished with his spell. He didn't care about whatever these goblins had on them, and doubted they had anything worth taking at all. He just needed to do something in the meantime.

The goblins carried junk on them even more useless than their loot pile. Brian wiouldn't have thought it possible, yet as he sifted through the damaged swords, twisted arrows, tattered clothes, and ragged shields, the proof lay bare before him. Years of playing RPGs had taught him how to distinguish valuable loot from the less viable stuff. None of this was it. The hobgoblin had the only bit of loot worth mentioning, but even his longsword was just a normal weapon, and likely not worth lugging all the way back to Trostenwald. Unlike Doomguy, he didn't have a magical bag to put heavy stuff in. Not yet, anyway.

"I got it!" Hector called out, and saved Brian from his monotonous task.

The others gathered around the aging wizard as he hauled himself up with the help of his staff. The nilbog's implement lay at his feet. The party formed a wall before him, Ylva with a bloody jar of severed ears held at her side. Brian tried not to look at it.

"So what is it?" Calvin repeated his previous question.

"Well, this is something that would be useful for either of us, Brian. It's a Staff of Lesser Spell Storage. I didn't get the information in game terms, it's more like I suddenly remembered what it does, but I believe it will let you store two first level spells or one second level spell in it," explained Hector.

"You should have it," Brian said without hesitation. "You could put Hideous Laughter in it, or something, and then focus on damaging spells."

"Or," Hector countered, "you could store two extra healing spells in it."

"I'd rather have more damage output, at this point," said Ylva.

"Yeah," Brian agreed. "Plus, I already have my hammer, shield, and spells to juggle. I don't wanna add a staff to the mix. I'm best used tying up enemies in melee, not casting spells from the back."

"Okay." Hector hesitated. "If you're sure."

"Positive."

"Thank you, Brian."

A hush fell over the party, and Brian could already feel it getting awkward. What started out as a purely business discussion turned rather tender at the end. He wasn't sure how to deal with the sudden shift. Thankfully, Ylva wasn't having it.

"Alright, so is that this place looted, then?" she asked.

"There's nothing in the junk pile," Calvin said. "I'm pretty sure me and Tiffany got all the coins out. It ain't much."

"The bodies are dry, too. They don't even have coins," Brian added.

"Then let's consider it looted," Ylva said. "What's out next step? I vote we don't go back to town in the dark." She glanced at the now completely black cave entrance. With Hector's light spell up, it had been hard to tell the sun went down. Now that Brian saw it, fear gripped his heart. Bad things happened in caves at night.

"Yes, please. Let's not do that," Tiffany cast her vote, obviously also afraid.

"Why don't we just sleep here?" Hector suggested. "It's secure and off the beaten path. We could move the bodies to the other side of the column and make a fire in the bone pile."

"I was about to suggest that," Brian said quickly.

"I like it, too," Ylva agreed. "Calvin?"

"Beats sleeping outside," the barbarian shrugged.

"That settles it. I'll take first watch," Ylva said.

"No, Ylva," protested Tiffany, taking a step toward the warrior. "You've been going for almost twenty-four hours, now. You need to sleep."

"I'm fine for a few more—"

"Remember what we talked about?" Tiffany cut her off, and then softened her expression. "You don't need to do everything. I'll take first watch."

"Second," Hector raised his hand.

"Third," followed Brian immediately.

"Last," said Calvin.

Ylva looked around at the faces of her companions but, knowing she'd find no support in her own idea, acquiesced to their desires.

"Ok. But at least let me help move the bodies," she said.

"Alright, but then you're going straight to bed," scolded Tiffany.

And the five of them went about doing just that. With each of them, even Tiffany, helping to shift around the husks of the dead, they made short work of the night's gruesome tale. Some tinder from the junk pile—and a broken goblin bow—combined with a little arcane fire provided light and warmth to the pit. Tiffany to guard over them, the party turned in for a well-deserved rest. The evening past without incident.

Morning saw travel bright and early back to Ebenestadt. This time, the party mad a b-line for the road before continuing on. Doing so put Brian's mind at ease. While the battle last night had gone rather well, he still didn't want to risk an attack. It was always better to be sensible about these sorts of things.

Arriving earlier in the day provided no difference to the work being done outside the town. Far as Brian could tell, the same amount of farmers tilled the fields as late in the day before. To be up and working so hard so early took a fortitude of steel. Brian admired their ethic, much as it reminded him of his many early mornings back on Earth. Though, his cubical didn't really compare to working a farm.

A guardsman—not Captain Kyp—stopped them at the town entrance, but a short conversation saw them permitted inside. Apparently, word had spread of the valiant adventurers who were going to cleanse the goblin menace. The guard was more than willing to let them in.

To travel the same path as before brought them back to The Bunkhouse. On the inside, it was mostly unchanged, save for a few scattered patrons drinking what Brian hoped was morning coffee. Alice still busied herself behind the bar. Darmus still sulked in his corner. Ylva stopped the five of them just inside the door.

"You guys wanna split up, get this over with more quickly?" She asked.

"What do you have in mind?" Hector asked.

"I was thinking you and I could go talk to Darmus, and the others could go to Alice."

"And which one of us would do the talking?" Said Brian, indicating himself, Calvin, and Tiffany with a sweeping finger motion.

"You, of course," answered Ylva flatly.

"What? Why me?"

"Because you have the cups," she answered. "And because you're the least abrasive. No offense," she added to Calvin and Tiffany.

"No, that's fair," conceded Calvin. Tiffany just sighed.

"We've done this twice before. You'll be fine, Brian," reassured Hector.

Brian looked from him, to Ylva, to Alice, and back again. He heaved a defeated sigh.

"Alright, fine. If that's what you think is best."

"Okay," Ylva said with a grin. "We'll take the jar. Something tells me Darmus will need the more convincing, out of the two."

"Sure," Brian agreed.

The two groups parted ways. Brian's heart pounded as his trio approached the bar. While it was true they had completed contracts before, he'd let Hector and Ylva mostly handle them. He had no idea how to turn in a contract. There wasn't much time to think about it, either, for the trip to Alice was a short one.

As the three of them came up, Alice looked from whatever menial task she had been doing in order to transfix them with a hearty smile.

"My champions return!" She beamed. "Please tell me you were successful."

"We were," Brian said. "Killed 'em all. The goblins have been... eliminated." He silently chastised himself for his stupid word choice. Eliminated? Seriously?

"Good shit, Did you bring proof of the deed, just to be sure?" Alice asked.

"Uh... yeah. We took their left ears. Ylva has them in a jar over there." Brian quarter-turned and pointed to where his companion spoke to Darmus. The jar was on the table.

"Ah, why don't we keep that over there," Alice said, and looked anywhere except for at the jar. "What of my chalice? Did you recover it?"

"Well, we're not sure," Brian began. "Most of what the goblins had was trash, but we found a few chalices that could be it."

Brian unslung his pack from his shoulder and extracted seven goblets, all of them wildly different. One was pure wood, another was pewter, another still had empty little craters which most likely contained gems at one time. Unfortunate, that these were not laying around Crumbletop somewhere. Each was placed on the bar before Alice for inspection. She looked over each of them, a scrutinizing finger on her chin. When she reached the end, she shook her head.

"None of these are it," she said. Brian's heart sank. "But, I already said I don't care about the dammed thing. You killed the goblins, and that's good enough for me. I'll sign the contract."

"That's great! Thank you, Mrs. Dullon!" Brian reached into his pack and immediately felt stupid for doing so. He looked back at Hector. "Give me a minute," he said.

He rushed over to the wizard, who stood slightly off to one side as Ylva and Darmus had a somewhat intense looking conversation. Their faces close together, Brian couldn't hear what they were saying save for the harsh whistle of loud whispers.

"Hector," Brian called out. He walked the rest of the way up before continuing. "I need the contract. Alice is going to sign."

"That's wonderful! I knew you could do it." Hector extracted the rolled up bit of paper from inside his robe and handed it to Brian.

"Thanks. How are things going over here?" Brian asked as he took the scroll.

"Darmus is demanding we take him to see his stuff before he pays us." Hector shot a disapproving glance over his shoulder at the dwarf.

"Oh. I guess that makes sense," said Brian.

"Yeah. Ylva's trying to talk him out of it, but I don't think it'll work."

"Well, good luck with that."

"Thanks, we'll need it."

Brian walked back over to his detachment, dreading what Hector just told him. Across two separate universes, there was no part of him that ever in any way wanted to go back to Crumbletop cave. That place sucked. But, if dwarves were as obstinate in real life as they were in fiction, Darmus would not budge. …Real life. What a novel concept.

"Here's the contract." Brian handed it to Alice.

"Alright. Give me a second." She produced a quill and ink from below the counter and began signing her name on the scroll. Her scrawl was fast and atrocious, but Brian thought he could make out her name. If that even mattered. "Okay, here you go."

"Thank you very much." Brian gathered up the signed contract.

"Are you kidding? Thank you. Ebenestadt rests easy with those creatures dealt with. We owe you."

"All in a day's work." Brian couldn't stop himself from delivering that line, not matter how much he panicked with each word.

"I know it's early, but how about a round on the house?" Offered Alice.

"Thanks, but I think we have other business." Brian looked over at Darmus just in time to see Ylva pushed herself off the table and turn away from him with a huff.

"Oh." Alice wore a sympathetic expression. "Good luck with that."

"Yeah, that's what I said. Come on, guys." Brian led his two companions away from the bar and toward the others. Ylva and Hector met him halfway.

"Darmus won't budge. He says he won't pay us if we don't take him to see his stuff," Ylva said, crossing her arms.

"Seriously?" Complained Tiffany.

"Are you fucking serious?" Calvin echoed a half second later.

"He believes we killed the goblins, but wants to see his stuff before he pays us," Ylva said.

"Fuck that," Calvin said. "I ain't going back there."

"I don't want to, either," Brian agreed.

"Wait did we even discuss payment? I don't think we did," Tiffany said.

"Are you sure? So much happened yesterday, I don't remember," Mused Hector.

"I'm pretty sure we didn't. I think he just told us to get his stuff back for him," Tiffany said.

"Then fuck him," Calvin denounced. "If he wasn't going to pay us anyway, then he can get his own stuff back."

"Agreed. We don't have time to waste on him," said Ylva. "Besides, I do not want to travel with him. If I never see that bastard again, it'll be too early." She spoke loud enough for Darmus to hear if he'd been listening. Brian honestly didn't care if he had.

"Let's just go back to Trostenwald, then. It's a long road, so the sooner we leave, the better," suggested Hector.

"Works for me," said Calvin.

And so they set off, minus one surly dwarf. Good riddance, really. Brian was relieved to be done with him, just as he was to be on his way back to the guild hall. It would be nice to sleep inside and on a mattress for the first time in a few days. Plus, the gold he would get upon returning was also good.