《A Brief Look》A brief look at a memo pertaining to human employment
Advertisement
Measurements converted to local approximations.
Since humans have been discovered and the vaccines for the more common diseases modified for their biology we're going to start seeing humans on ships and stations. Here's a few brief things to keep in mind if you are thinking about hiring a human/have a human passenger/work with a human.
Food: Humans are quite possibly the most omnivorous known sapient species. Some small portion of their food may not be toxic to your species. The food which you can eat, don't steal it from them. They tend to get annoyed. As for caffeine, something similar in structure to a commonly used poison, the humans can and do consume an absolutely absurd amount of it. They don't even need it as a stimulant, not any more, rather it's a cultural thing.
Sleep: Humans ideally spend 1/6th a cycle resting. What they actually do is spend 1/8th resting. It apparently used to be much higher but advancements in cybernetic and genetic augmentation let them reduce their needed sleep. Don't wake a sleeping human unless there's an emergency such as the ship is about to crash or be boarded by pirates. If you do have to wake a human, do so from at least twice the length of their arms away. Ensure caffeine, typically in the form of coffee, is readily available.
Augmentation: Pretty much every human has some level of genetic, cybernetic, and nanobot augmentation. An unaugmented human is a bit scary in a direct fight; most humans can punch through meters of graphene reinforced titanium-gold alloys. No, we have no idea how their nervous system is able to handle the augments.
Durability: Between their augments and natural sturdiness, they will often take damage to their dermal layer and not even notice it. Slight bleeding or localized discoloration of the skin after an impact is not a reason to rush them to medical despite their protests. Yes, we realize that either of those things would be, and is, reason to do so for anyone else. These beings in question can lose limbs, somehow not die of shock, get a replacement, and be back up on their feet in hours. Try not to be too disturbed.
Advertisement
Pets: While humans are not the first species to have pets, it is rare. A pet is an animal kept solely for companionship. At one point a Xrlnk't mistook an animal in a human's quarters for food meant to be eaten live. Firstly, refer back to humans getting annoyed when their food is stolen. Secondly, when the human in question found out that their pet had been eaten, the law enforcement for the sector ended up traumatized. So long as you do not harm them, most human pets enjoy being stroke, however many are also unaware of their strength and may unintentionally injure beings. Humans also have a tendency to walk up to massive predators such as the Infernus Cattus, and somehow make them pets. You get used to it eventually.
Attacking a human: Don't. If for some Omnissiah forsaken reason you have to, go get friends and lots of anti-tank guns. That or other humans. Preferably both. In general, however, it's a bad idea.
Boredom: Many species experience boredom. Humans experience it faster. They are known for their tendency to tinker with things when bored. Do not let them get bored, especially not a human engineer. While a bored human engineer sometimes leads to beneficial new discoveries, they are often not worth the damage to planets/star systems/causality/sanity.
Sports: If it's a physical sport, don't take part in it. You will die.
Death: Humans typically come back to life so long as their brain hasn't been destroyed. Instead of preparing whatever funeral rituals your species/society/ship may have, instead provide the human corpse with a power source, metals, and biomass to speed up their recovery. They may be a bit disoriented and not have memories of events within about .87 minutes of their death, but other than that will be fine. If the human hasn't revived after thirty minutes seek out a medical professional to see if they actually are dead or if something has gone wrong with their revival system and are only half-dead.
Advertisement
Cybersecurity: According to the humans our cybersecurity is absolutely atrocious. After a human accidentally takes over every system in your ship/station/planet as a reflexive action a few times, you learn to stop trying to prevent it and instead try to minimize how much they can change without conscious input.
Clothes: Humans evolved without exoskeletons or any other form of natural armor, and as such used clothes to protect themselves from the environment early on. Clothing remains an important part of human society. Don't demand of a human that they take off their clothes. You will be paying for the sexual harassment lawsuits, not us.
Lawyers: If you see a human lawyer, run. If a human lawyer sees you, run faster. If a human lawyer is against you in a court case, give up before your sentence gets worse. If you see a human running away from something, it's probably a lawyer that they're running away from. Try to keep up. If caught by a human lawyer, attempt to do as little action as possible. If you don't provide them any stimulus they'll typically entertain themselves by filing petabytes of lawsuits on your behalf regarding particulates in the air instead of something worse. No sudden movements.
Notable personality/physiological differences by associated homeland: Canadians don't feel cold, Russians don't feel fear, and Americans are always more heavily armed than the others.
Anthropomorphization: We didn't have a term for this before the humans showed up. Humans will coax computers and name vehicles. Yes, they realize that the rock on their desk is neither alive nor sentient. Questioning their intelligence over the issue will get you nothing but irritation from them. Oddly enough, for no discernible scientific reason, this behavior correlates with increased performance from the device in question. The exception being printers which require 38.77% more maintenance if a human is even within the vicinity of it.
Percussive maintenance: It shouldn't work. It works but it really shouldn't. Do note the exception of printers. If percussive maintenance is performed on them, order a new printer.
Cuteness: If your species has fur and large eyes, a human is practically guaranteed to want to pet you at least once. Tell them to stop and they'll typically comply, if not file a complaint with sapient resources.
Translators: Figuring out the primary human language is going slowly. They often speak in cultural references and oxymorons. If they say something offensive, make sure it translated properly before getting mad. We have this issue every time a new species is found and integrated into the Union, but this one, in particular, is especially troublesome.
Loopholes: Humans will find loopholes. Galactic code of law has had to be updated on technicalities because of them a total of 1,299 times as of this writing, including spectacles such as including matter and antimatter in the definition of theft.
Engineering: Yes, they have constructed matryoshka brains and stellar lifters en masse. Yes, they are excellent engineers. Yes, they can massively boost the efficacy of every system on your ship/station/whatever. Consider, however, whether you want to deal with said systems immediately not working and or exploding once a human is no longer maintaining them.
Weaponry: If firing it doesn't kill you, having it fired at you definitely will. Most somewhat sane beings stop making bigger guns once they start making small tears in the fabric of reality when they fire. Keyword being most.
Despite all these warnings, having human coworkers and friends is highly beneficial. Good luck.
Addendums: It turns out that Russians also don't feel cold. On another note, anything an Australian tells you about their home is likely a lie unless it's about weird foods.
Advertisement
- In Serial192 Chapters
World of Experts
The online game [Kingdom] entered the whole world. It’s a game about territorial construction and war to reconstruct alternate history. Although it’s virtual, it’ll change the world.Shi Hao, an ordinary freshman, decided to bravely enter [Kingdom] in order to gain the approval of his beloved goddess’s elder brother. He, however, accidentally got a super skill at the beginning because of a strange game-helmet.
8 1016 - In Serial17 Chapters
Distant Leaps to Circinus
A dark fantasy story that takes place on a reborn Earth. "With all the planets in the universe, it just had to be this one." Not many thoughts came to mind when scientists said they could provide the Earth with nearly infinite power. Humans could only think about the future, after all: they could travel to the farthest reaches of space, never worry about their electric bills again, and give rise to new and innovative technologies. With such good outcomes on the horizon, there was no way humanity would sit idle; instead, they studied perhaps the most powerful entity in the entire Milky Way. It seemed that, after its appearance decades ago, the strange and unmoving black sphere was something of a godsend. There will always be a reason for these things. With one touch, our very reality was but a grain of sand in an hourglass. In an instant, the Earth was gone - replaced by something… different. More than a century later, Earth’s remains have reformed into a completely different beast - a planet both alive and dead at the same time. Physics that were once understood no longer made sense, giant land masses floated in the sky, and billions of people fought for their very survival. Work, sleep, and play were no more; it was time for the world, Circinus, to reign. The birth of Circinus could only be the beginning. The powerful yet ever-elusive black sphere seemed to watch the world from afar - casting light for those below, but never truly emitting light from itself. What does it all mean for the children of Circinus - children born with eyes that seemed to stare into God’s heart?
8 266 - In Serial53 Chapters
The Cursed Star
An existence that was revered, envied and despised, returned to the World of Gods, Monsters, and Devils. The World called The Origin was a mystery and his existence was just as mysterious. "Without power, it is a Sin to exist. Without Friends and Allies, it is unwise to Rule. Without Love and Desire, it is a Wasted Life." He had to uncover his own secrets if he wanted it all. And he wanted it all. This is a Tale of Love, Emotions, and Commitments. It's a story as simple as Life. WARNING: R18 content. The targeted audience is 18+. The World is OP and MC is only weak in the start if you compare him to the People that surround him. The Harem is part of the story. Don't read it if you don't like the concept. The Warning Tags are not for show. Do consider them before reading the story that I am telling. Thank You!Release Schedule: Every Sunday.Join me on Discord to stay connected to me. Discord: The Cursed Star
8 134 - In Serial37 Chapters
The Hellish Incursion Part II: Canis Infernum
There was a loud sound of bang, then there was silence. Those were the final things Ifrit remembered before he woke up in a cold prison, naked and disoriented. He remembered a sharp, agonizing pain, then the shock of his body hitting a cold body of water. However, as he escaped from his predicament, he found that his revival came at the worst possible time. The Hellish Incursion had started, and it had been three years since the tragic event on the Bridge to Summinat. He found an unexpected help from a former foe, along with rescuing a new ally that would also find that he had a purpose in the whole affair, regardless whether he could see or not.On the other side of the story, Lilac continued her own adventure with Albert and Eshdar in finding more advantages for the surface and their allies to win the Hellish Incursion and save the world from demonic takeover. She became involved with the preparations of a war that could possibly determine the fate of the surface world, along with surprises from her past and help that crossed over boundaries of space and time. This is the second part of the Hellish Incursion, continuing the story of Ifrit Schelkz and Lilac Rezmirn.
8 218 - In Serial27 Chapters
Resources
RESOURCES [cover design by DarkAngelGraphics] Want some resources? From pngs, to psds and more, here to help you, you can find everything and more in here!
8 142 - In Serial44 Chapters
Children Of The Deep
The last of humanity lives within cities surrounded by walls said to reach outer space. The Deep roams the outside, spewing out monsters and raising mountains. The only ones capable of hunting it and freeing humanity are called Rankers, but they refuse to do it, for on top of those mountains are Bosses. Killing them gives power. To kill the Deep is to kill their power. But everything changes when a child figures out how to use the Deep to destroy the most powerful city in what is known as the 4th Fall. Terror spreads. A senseless war is brewing. Nico's parents died in the 4th fall. Faced with the prospects of having what's left of his family evicted out of the city walls for not being able to pay rent anymore, he attempts to become a Ranker, only to fail because he refused to forfeit a match. Now, he must fight with the very person said to cause the 4th Fall for any chance at survival.
8 137

