five years. Five long years of stress and pain only to realize that it all led nowhere. Five years ago, to this day I was given an option. It was a bitter option which entailed selling everything my Emerson family worked the last century to achieve.

Five years ago, my family bank received an offer of sale from Proscan International. At the time I was 24 years old graduate, full of vigor and ambition, believing that I would be the one to revitalize my family inheritance which is why I immediately declined the offer.

There really is no need for me to walk you through all that happened after that. Long story short, I failed to keep the bank running with competition from an international bank and eventually had to declare bankruptcy.

Naturally, that old adage that there is no pill for regret exists truly does stand true. However, there does exist a pill for failure, an iron pill to be exact. Which is why on the anniversary of the worst decision of my life, I sat with a drained cup of whiskey and a loaded gun pointed at my temple.

You know what they say about your whole life flashing before your eyes when you know you’re about to die, I can tell you this is in fact true.

However, in my case, instead of it starting from the past to the present, it went in reverse. I saw myself sign the bankruptcy papers, saw myself get divorced, saw myself beg Proscan for another chance to buy my bank, and I finally saw myself sitting at this exact position sneering at three men in black suits.

Oddly enough my flash back paused at this moment. I slowly felt my eyes blur and my point of view change to that of me sitting there across from those three lawyers. At first, I thought it was just my imagination over-emphasizing the worst moment of my life, sort of like one last middle finger.

However, I could soon feel the humid summer air in the room and could smell the cologne that I usually wore back then instead of the stench of whiskey that followed me for the last few years. But before I could fully digest what I am seeing, one of the lawyers across from me spoke:

“We would like you to quote us what you are willing to sell you family’s bank for. If it is an acceptable amount, we can complete the deal here and now.”

One of the lawyers spoke while gesturing to the blank check sitting on the coffee table. I often dreamed about this exact check for the last five years wondering why I never took this chance when it was presented to me and here I am now seeing this moment flash before me before I bite it.

“Go fuck yourselves….” was my response last time. But this time as I am about to die, I felt this deep inkling to make the right decision, so I took a deep breath and spoke with some caution:

“Ok……20 million.”

I immediately felt my heart beat a bit faster as I saw the three men glance at each other for a second before one of them spoke:

“We are willing to go as high as 17 million. This is already slightly higher than the worth of your family bank and we would be willing to retain your staff and the Emerson Bank name if you accept.”

Now I was at a loss. This is supposed to be a flash-back and nothing more. I made an offer so that I can rest in peace. How is it that these figments of my imagination are holding conversation ad negotiating?

I immediately stood up with a start and a bewildered look on my face as I stared at the lawyers as if they were ghosts. Seeing my reaction, the lawyers were surprised before one of them spoke again:

“Are you ok Mr. Emerson”

Ok. One of two things must have happened. One, I time travelled to the pat back to this exact moment or two, I must be having a manic attack as I am about to off myself leading to my construction of this fictitious scenario.

Honestly, I am more inclined to believe the latter since there is no such thing as time travel. I immediately sat back down of the chair, close my eyes and squeezed an imaginary gun against my temple but after a few seconds nothing happened.

Thinking that this must be an especially vivid manic state, I decided on a course of action. There is plenty of time to pull the plug later, but I should enjoy correcting some of my mistakes of the past while I am in this manic state. It will serve to somewhat lessen my guilt.

I immediately opened my eyes to see three astonished lawyers looking at me as if I was insane, which Is justified considering I just tried to shoot myself with an invisible gun. I However, paid no attention to their concerns since this is ultimately a dream. I immediate spoke with a smile:

“15 million. And I get to retain this main building but will lease it to you for five years for 300,000 pounds per year.”

I waited for the three of them to respond as they looked at me like one would look at a sick puppy before getting themselves under control and speaking:

“You are gaining less money on this deal than if you took the 17 million. Are you sure this is what you want Mr. Emerson?”

This is true but the guilt I felt from losing this building was so substantial I couldn’t let it happen again. I know I can’t save the Emerson Bank, but I can let it live on in some form and retaining this ownership of this building is my way of making sure that I at least maintain some control of the. Bank in spirit if not in form. I immediately responded with a smile:

“That is fine. I need some sort of income now that I am about to be unemployed. By the way, I am willing to keep a minimum of 10 million pounds with your bank as long as you can guarantee 20% returns. What do you think?”

The lawyers’ faces immediately lit up. Not only do they get to take over my family business, but they can also retain the money spent in their bank. This is practically getting everything for free, however, they were not dumb enough to agree to 20% returns so one of them immediate responded:

“10% returns.”

“15% and let’s call it a deal.” I immediately responded.

The three of them looked at each other and whispered for a few seconds before one of them spoke again:

“15% but you have to keep a minimum balance of 10 million at all times for the next 10 years. Furthermore, it won’t be compounding, so you will only get returns on your principal and not on the total after returns unless you annually deposit double your returns annually.”

“That’s fine. Its great doing business with you gentlemen. Please proceed to the legal department and finalize the details of the deal. I’ll sign the paperwork afterwards and then you guys can take over operations.”

I immediately stood up and stretched my hand out to the similarly standing lawyers. I really still can’t believe that this is happening. I don’t know how long this manic state would last, but I really hope it would go on forever.

As I was shaking the lawyer’s hands with a blank look on my face, one of them spoke with a dubious voice as he pointed at his temple with his index finger:

“Why did you do this Mr. Emerson?”

“Oh, I do that when I think. Don’t mind it. Haha”

I immediately responded with a nervous chuckle while replying. I couldn’t possibly tell them that this whole world is a figment of my psyche and that I was trying to end it all. This might truly land me in a psych ward.

After the handshakes, one of the lawyers spoke as the other two moved towards the exit of the office:

“If everything goes accordingly, we’ll have the paperwork signed by tomorrow and have our staff take over by in two days. At that point, you’ll be the youngest millionaire in the town of Brandermill. Congratulations.”

“Haha. Thank you. I just hope you guys will take care of my family’s bank.”

After all the pleasantries, the three lawyers left to get the minutiae of the deal out of the way and I sat back on that same seat where I was about to end it all with a blank look.

When will this manic state end. I truly don’t want it to end, but I also don’t want to continue sitting in that dark room with a loaded gun forever. Should I even try to make anything out of this life if it is only a fleeting manic state, or should I grasp this as a second chance to make something out of an otherwise meaningless existence.

But is it an existence is it is all in my head while the true me is laying in some psych ward somewhere in real-life.

I don’t know. I really don’t know what’s going on. But I do know that I just saved my family’s legacy from crumbling. Regardless of it being a figment of imagination, I have made the right decision, albeit somewhat late.

But what now……….