I kicked out my last roommate because she thought it was a good idea to rip out my shower curtains and use them for an art project.

“They were perfect for the final!” Vera had said, “Professor Victor said we need to use something from our everyday lives!”

She also kept drinking my sodas, even after I’d told her they were off limits.

So.

I needed a new roommate to keep up with the rent.

I put out several advertisements, and there were three promising candidates, and one was set to come in twenty minutes.

The nice tablecloth was out, the one with little daisies embroidered on the hems that my grandmother had sewn as a housewarming gift when I’d moved out.

There was a bang on the door.

“Hello,” said Kelly Ambersmith, “I’m here for the interview!”

I wrinkled my nose at her loudness, but I showed her in.

“Oh, this is absolutely gorgeous!” Kelly said. She hadn’t seen anything, really, yet. Not her potential room, the kitchen, or the bathroom.

I started worrying.

I showed her around, and she kept exclaiming over everything so loudly.

“Let’s sit,” I said, and we went back to the table. I poured two glasses of water.

“I’m on board with this place,” Kelly said, “It’s awesome! And the rent is amazing!”

I smiled, “You’re a student, too, right?”

“Yup, majoring in art.”

In my mind, I crossed out Kelly Ambersmith as a roommate candidate. Not so soon after the fiasco that was Vera.

Kelly kept looking around the room, and out of politeness, I continued to interview her.

It got worse.

“I’m just a bit messy, but it comes with the artistic temperament, you know?”

My grandmother, the one who’d sewn my daisy tablecloth, had all her fabrics color coded and organized by type.

“My friends will definitely come over, they’d love to see this place and check you, safety and all that. We also have a weekly game night. I’d want to host it here.”

“What do you play?” I asked. That did sound enjoyable.

“Board games mostly, and we like to have a drink or too.”

“How many are you?”

“There’s six of us. Oh, are boys a problem? They wouldn’t be sleeping over.”

Six drunk, rowdy friends coming over weekly? Not for me.

And on and on.

After half an hour I told her I would get back to her later in the week with my answer.

“Great,” Kelly beamed, “I’m looking forward to this place!”

Whew.

The next candidate was due to arrive in another forty minutes. I made myself a cup of tea and had some biscuits during the wait.

Natalia knocked on the door softly.

“Hello,” she said, tugging at her sleeves.

After the short tour, she said, “I like the room a lot.”

“Great,” I led us to the table, and poured the glasses of water, “Now, I have some questions for you…”

“...so you see, it wasn’t my fault when the house burnt down.” Natalia finished her gruesome story.

I pasted a smile on my face, “Well, lovely to meet you, and I’ll let you know later this week if the room is available.”

And these were the promising candidates!

If the third candidate was a no-go too, I would call up Natalia’s references to get more details on the story, and I’d go from there.

I really hoped the third candidate was viable.

There was more than an hour until the next candidate would arrive--she’d said she had an appointment to run to before the interview.

I straightened the daisy tablecloth and washed the two used cups, and set out a fresh glass.

After that was done, I made myself a cheese sandwich and ate it while reading a new mystery novel. The chapter ended a horrible cliffhanger, but the potential roommate was coming soon so I cleaned up.

Five minutes early, a knock sounded at the door.

“Hi, I’m Rosa--here for the roommate interview.”

“Come on in, and let me show you around.”

Rosa was quiet as we walked through the apartment, inspecting every detail with her hawk like eyes.

“Nice place,” she said as we sat down.

“Thank you. So, I’ve some questions for you…”

Rosa didn’t smoke, nor was she studying art--she had an entry level position in a business down on Rover Street, which was a hotbed for rising financial stars. Her hobby was growing flowers.

“My last roommate never took out the garbage or washed the dishes,” Rosa said, “I’ve become a bit of a neat freak since witnessing how bad things can get.”

That was good, I thought. Unpleasant to have gone through that, though.

“Anything objectionable I should know about?”

Rosa cleared her throat, and looked towards the window, "It'll come out anayway," she said under her breath, and then she spoke up, “I go to cult meetings every other Thursday.”

I was silent for a moment. "Anything super evil or horrific?"

"No, it's more of a social thing."

I considered this. Apart from this one abberation, Rosa was everything I could as for in a roomate.

“As long as you don’t talk to me about it ora bring anything to do with it here, I’m happy to sign the contract with you now," I said in a rush.

“Seriously?”

“Wait--one last thing--did you burn down your last home? Or any building structure?”

“What?” Rosa looked baffled.

“Nevermind, we’re good,” I waved away the question, “Let’s clarify the house rules, and we can sign this thing today.”

We set up a lovely agreement and I have to say, cult member or not, Rosa was the least objectionable roommate I ever had.