When I awoke the next morning, she was gone. I rolled over, stared at the ceiling, and sighed. Nothing like starting the New Year having completely screwed up everything the night before. I guess I should have expected as much. Even someone like Saki, with her near nonexistent respect of personal space, had boundaries, and I'd just charged right past them.

I sat up on the edge of my bed and ran a hand through my hair, considering my options. There weren't any, really. What was done was done. There was nothing left to do but wait and see what happened. Hopefully, she would show up sometime soon and not be totally disgusted with me when she did. I was sure she'd figured out that I was in love with her. She was sort of perceptive that way and it's not as though I had been at all subtle about it. If she was still unaware, surely the previous night would have convinced her completely. What she would do with that information still remained to be seen, but it wouldn't do me any good to worry about it.

I got ready and made my way to Hiromasa's house. It felt weird going to his house to apologize. It's not as though we'd never had a fight before. We'd known each other for a long time, after all, but it had been quite a few years.

When I knocked on the front door, Kanna, the eldest of his little sisters, answered it.

A big smile spread over her face when she saw me. "Hi, Kaito."

"Hey." I waved at her. "Is your brother here?"

Aoi, the second eldest, squeezed her way under Kanna's arm and smiled just as big.

I heard Hiromasa's mother scolding them before she came into view. "I've told you not to answer the door."

"Hello, Mrs. Shiganori." I bowed as soon as she came up behind them.

"Oh, Kaito, it's you." She nodded back at me. "Want to come in?"

I shook my head. "No thanks. I just wanted to talk to Hiromasa for a minute."

"I'll get him." Kanna took off like a shot.

"Not here to play?" Aoi asked.

I smiled. "Sorry. Not today. Maybe next time?"

She pouted, crossed her arms, and then stomped away from the door.

"Did you two boys have a fight?" Mrs. Shiganori asked.

I rubbed the back of my head. "Yeah, kind of."

"Mmm." She nodded. "I thought so. He's been sulking all morning."

Hiromasa stepped into the entryway and leaned against the doorway opposite his mother. "What do you want?"

His mother scowled and smacked the back of his head.

"Ow." He rubbed where she'd struck him. "What was that for?"

She put a hand on her hip. "You had better make an effort, young man. The two of you have been friends for twelve years. You shouldn't take that kind of friendship lightly."

"Fine. Fine." Hiromasa looked at me. "Give me a minute."

I nodded and he shut the door. When he opened it again he was wearing his coat and shoes. He stepped outside to join me, shutting the door behind him.

"So, what do you want?" he asked.

I stuck my hands in my pockets. "I just wanted to come and tell you I'm sorry. I didn't want it to seem like I did this to you on purpose. And I'm sorry I took your feelings for Saki lightly." I looked down. "Honestly, I respect you a lot for what you did. I could never tell her how I feel. I think it's incredible that you were able to do something like that. You're a pretty cool guy."

He was quiet. When I looked up, he was tapping on his phone.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I'm going to need you to say that last part again." He held the phone up to my mouth. "I need it for my ringtone."

"Come on." I pushed his hand away. "I'm trying to be sincere here."

He laughed and put his phone back in his pocket. "Yeah, I know. Thanks for coming to apologize. I'm sorry, too. I didn't mean to get so worked up. I know you can't help how you feel."

I smiled. "You know what? I'm glad to have you as a friend. I'm not sure what I would have done without you."

He grinned. "You would've been dead in a ditch somewhere by now for sure."

I laughed. "I'm serious. You're my only friend, and that makes sense for me; I'm an introvert, but you could have loads of friends and you don't."

"I guess." He shrugged. "I just never felt like I needed another close friend."

"Man," I said. "This got sappy in a hurry."

"Whose fault is that?" he asked.

"Sorry." I chuckled. "I got carried away."

After a few moments of silence, he spoke up again. "You should try it."

"Try what?" I asked.

"Confessing," he said.

I laughed. "And get my heart stomped on? No thanks."

He chuckled and looked out towards the yard. "It did hurt a lot. It still does, and probably will for a while, but it's also kind of freeing in a way." He looked back at me.

"I think I'll just have to take your word for it," I said.

He shrugged. "Suit yourself. I think it might be worse your way, though, all long and drawn out."

It's not that he was wrong. My way was agonizing at times, that was for sure. I didn't hold out any hope of her actually loving me back. It's not as though I was tricking myself into thinking there was a chance, but to hear the rejection from her lips, I didn't think I could handle that. I couldn't do what Hiromasa did. He got crushed and was going to have to pretend like everything was fine. He was going to have to see her everyday knowing for sure there was no chance. Rejection does not change your feelings. It just kills any hope you had of that person loving you in return. There was no chance with Saki, so why get hurt for no reason? Besides, if I confessed, she might stop hanging out with both of us. I couldn't have that. I still had work to do.

The last semester started. Saki didn't show up. I hadn't seen her since that night on New Year's when I did something stupid. She didn't show up the first day, the second, or the third. I was sure it was punishment, revenge for my failure to keep my hands to myself like I said I would. When she didn't show up on Thursday, I started to worry a little.

I stared at her empty desk after class started on Thursday, muttering to myself, "I get it, alright? I'm sorry. Just come back to school."

I considered trying to track her down. What if something was actually wrong? I decided if I didn't see her on Friday, I would do just that. I had almost no idea where to start, but at least I would feel like I was doing something.

Later that afternoon, I left class to go to the bathroom. I didn't even really need to go, but I was getting agitated just sitting in one place. On my way there, I heard someone crying softly in the quiet hallway. I made a detour and followed the noise. I found Sayoko standing near one of the back stairways with her face in her hands, sobbing. I'd almost forgotten about having those pictures of her and Naoki behind the shed on my phone.

"Hey." I leaned against the wall next to her. "Are you alright?"

She moved her hands to reveal her tear streaked face and her expression quickly turned into aggravation. "Just what I need." She turned away and started wiping her eyes. "What do you want?"

I shrugged. "I just wanted to see who was crying."

She turned her head back around and glared at me. "Well, now that you know it's me, you can leave."

"Not really my style to walk away from someone when they're upset," I said. "What's wrong?"

"As if you care." She turned away from me again and started at the wall silently, probably waiting for me to leave, which I didn't do.

She sighed. "If you must know, my boyfriend finally found out about me and Naoki."

I nodded. "Well, that was bound to happen. You lasted longer than most."

She turned to glare at me again. "Is that supposed to make me feel better? Make me feel like I'm not such a horrible person? Because if it is, you're doing a terrible job."

"It was mostly just an observation," I said. "Although, I don't think you're a horrible person."

"You don't?" She looked like she might start crying again.

"No, I don't." I shook my head. "I think you screwed up big time, but as long as you learn from your mistakes and feel remorseful, you're not a horrible person."

She sniffled and cracked a smile. "Thanks."

I nodded and pulled out my phone. "I suppose I don't need these pictures anymore now. I wonder how Saki is going to take it."

"You can tell her she doesn't have to worry about me anymore," Sayoko said. "I was only threatening to say bad things about her and her mother because I was so mad at her, but I'm not anymore."

"You were mad?" I asked.

She nodded. "Yeah. I bet she didn't tell you we used to be friends, huh?"

I chuckled. "No, but I kind of figured that was the case."

"We were friends since elementary school. There were two other girls, too. We were all really close." She smiled. "Saki used to have lots of friends. She was really nice, but then in middle school..." She looked down and her smile faded. "All we wanted to do was help her, but she just pushed everyone away. She wouldn't talk to us, and when she did, she was so mean. None of us could stand to be around her anymore. When she transferred here and I saw her hanging around with you, I got so mad." She half laughed. "It's so dumb, but I was so jealous of you. I didn't understand what you were doing that the rest of us couldn't do."

"So you told her you would spread rumors about her?" I asked.

She nodded. "I don't even know if I was serious or not, but I wouldn't do it now. I realized I was being really petty. She deserves friendship, even if it isn't mine."

I sighed and leaned my head back against the wall. "Do you know she tried to kill herself when she was thirteen?"

Sayoko's eyes filled with tears for a different reason and she shook her head. "No, we were hardly talking by our second year in middle school."

I nodded and pushed myself off the wall. "I stand by what I said about you not being a horrible person, but I think maybe this year we should try and better ourselves, you and me both."

"You should be careful. I realize how hard you're trying, but it won't work. She'll just push you away like she did with everyone else."

I looked back at her and grinned. "I'm far too stubborn for that."

She shook her head with a smile and wiped her eyes. "Good luck."

I waved and left. I wasn't joking when I said I was too stubborn. Saki could push as hard as she liked. I wasn't going anywhere.

I meant what I said about being a better person, too. I realized I had jumbled up my desires with what Saki really needed. And what Saki really needed was a friend, not some guy somewhere between friend and boyfriend complicating her life. If I was serious about helping her, I needed to stop doing what made me feel good and focus on her.

Honestly, I was dying to ask Sayoko what happened. If Saki's mother had always been mentally unstable, then Saki would have been shut down from the beginning, or at the very least her violent temperament and standoffishness would have been gradual. Sayoko made it sound as though this change had been sudden. Something had to have happened that made Saki's mother break. There must have been a trigger. I really wanted to know what this trigger was and I was sure Sayoko knew, but I couldn't ask her. It felt like cheating. I needed to get Saki to tell me herself. I needed her to open up to me. I'd made progress. I just needed to be patient.

Saki showed up to school the following day, which was a relief because I didn't want to have to go and look for her. I was glad she was alright, even if she didn't say "hi" to me when she came in, or so much as look my way the whole first part of the day. I tried to talk to her between classes, which produced zero results. She ignored me completely. I couldn't figure out if it was simply because I had screwed up, or because something had happened at home.

As soon as the bell rang for lunch, Saki pushed herself away from her desk and hastily left the classroom. I chased after her.

"Saki," I called as she marched down the crowded hallway.

She didn't even look back. I charged after her and grabbed onto her shoulder. She slapped it away and turned around to glare daggers at me.

"I need to talk to you," I said.

"Piss off." She turned and walked away from me.

I followed her again. She quickened her pace and tried to lose me by cutting down hallways through large groups of people. I had to give quite a few apologies for nearly running into them, but I stayed right behind her.

Her last ditch effort was to go up the flight of stairs leading to the roof. When she got to the top, she was met by a locked door, which meant she was trapped. She brought her fist down on the door and growled.

"Saki," I said softly from behind her.

She sighed and turned around with her arms folded. "You win. What do you want?"

"I just wanted to apologize for New Year's." I stuck my hands in my pockets. "I shouldn't have done that. I don't want you to feel like you can't be safe there. I won't do anything like that again."

"That's nice," she said. "Now can you stop following me around like a lost puppy?"

"I'll go, if that's what you really want." I turned to leave, but hesitated. "In the spirit of honesty, you should probably know that I talked to Sayoko."

She clicked her tongue. "Talked to Sayoko, huh? And what did Sayoko have to say?"

"She says she won't bother you anymore," I said.

"How nice that you and Sayoko are all chummy now." Disdain dripped from her words.

"Don't be like that," I said. "We just ran into each other in the hall."

She turned her head away from me. "What else did your friend Sayoko have to say?"

I sighed. "She told me to be careful. She said you hurt a few of your friends in the past."

A dark smile spread across her lips. I hadn't seen that smile in a while. "She's right, you know?"

I shook my head. "You don't scare me, Saki. I'm not afraid of getting hurt."

"Oh, no?" She walked towards me slowly. "Then you're more of an idiot than I thought." She grabbed the knot of my tie and pushed me into the wall, bringing her face close to mine. "Do you think you'll be spared just because I like you?" She leaned against me and put her lips to my ear. "I'll rip you to pieces just like all the rest."

She released me and walked down the stairs. I didn't bother going after her. It wasn't going to get me anywhere. I would just have to wait for her to calm down. What had put her in such a strange mood? I hadn't seen her quite like that since we smashed windows and she licked my face. She never had a problem with physical contact, and she certainly wasn't a stranger to foul moods, but these moments felt different than normal. During these times, she was definitely still angry, even if she wasn't yelling. There are many differences between a roaring lion and the glowing eyes of a silent jungle cat, but either way, you're going to get eaten.

She was certainly creepy in those moments, but I didn't feel threatened. It just made me more determined to figure her out. I'm not sure which one of us was more messed up. Her for the way she acted, or me for not lifting a finger to stop her. Rip me to pieces, Saki? Well, go ahead. Do your worst.