Cold … Hunger … Misery … Pain … Fire … Bells … Astraeus awakened, rapidly darting upwards into a sitting position, recollecting his whereabouts, persuading himself that it had ended. All of it.

He rubbed his eyes to disperse the fatigue. How long had he slept?

He didn’t know.

It was bright outside, the snow’s reflection of the sun blinding him, making it painfully obvious that his work had cost him more than half a day. Why are you becoming this hard to contain? Would you just let me enjoy my first time in liberty? You know that if I’m happy, you’re more likely to survive.

When he looked around, he only found darkness greeting him with its scary shadows and its uncertainty.

Right. I’m in a cave, Astraeus remembered.

His butt hurt. He had slept on the stone ground once again, the only thing warming him was the pelt of a Lifgrum, a large beast, similar to bears but with the ability to hide in the snow and cover itself with it to ambush its prey.

Unfortunately for the animal, its prey was anything but a prey. Astraeus had killed the beast with his magically enhanced sword, allowing the human to pierce the thick skin and fur of the Lifgrum, incinerating its organs, slaying it within seconds.

Afterwards the boy had guted his prey and used its fur as a sleeping blanket and improvised bed.

It didn’t work.

Due to his work he hadn’t really been able to rest this night which sadly mirrored the rest of his previous nights.

Besides the uncomfortable situation during the night, Astraeus was all alone, out in the wilderness during the day.

He had run away from home. It hadn’t been a home anymore. Or had it ever been one?

Despite this renegade, the boy was only 13 years old. 13 years and already scarred for life. His childhood had been-was still terrible. That’s why he never spoke nor thought about it, even though it just ended a week ago with the death of his father. Except for the fact that it didn’t.

Society might have persuaded him of his status as an adult, that coming of age was a good thing. Yet despite his self-persuasion of this fact, he couldn’t kill the child inside him, the side which had been suppressed throughout his life, buried beneath expectations and foreign hopes in him.

But the death of his father officially terminated his only reason for staying a child. How he marvelled and celebrated it, you wouldn’t believe it.

And how he grieved and cried afterwards was even more surprising. The death of the last person of his family alive, dead. It should have filled him with sadness, rather than joy. But too much had happened to really sever the bond called family between the two. That’s why it had been a relief at first, when the person who should have loved him most, finally perished.

Still looking around in the small cave, his eyes found the origin of the light from within. A small fire above which wet clothes were drying.

I hate you, thought Astraeus.

No reply from the fire.

You destroy and give alike. It’s too hypocritical. Irus would hate you if it weren’t for the fact that you're basically his power.

No reply.

Right, he scolds me everytime I bring up the issue of his magic.

With a rapid motion Astraeus pushed himself up, using just his hands to throw himself into the air. With great speed his legs extracted, pointing at the ground and he landed, the wind whistling from the boy’s sudden movement.

Walking over to the hissing fire, a rebellious spark shot towards him which he quickly evaded and taunted. Not today you maniac. Haha.

A quick glance towards the fire assured the child of his safety before swiftly putting on his dried and warm clothes and taking the burnt piece of Lifgrum meat and biting a big chunk out of it. The burned outer layer crunching between his teeth, dying them pitchblack.

Glancing towards a cache of weapons with a belt attached to it, the boy grabbed it and put it on. Without you I always feel vulnerable and weak. But you’re the only things I can rely on. Unlike humans, he sorrowfully added.

Despite his prodigious magic, he always depended on his martial skill and weapons. They comforted him in a manner unbeknown to him, in a manner which humans didn’t seem to be capable of delivering. His obsession, if you could call it that, went as far as to the miserable nights following the horrible days when he would keep his cursed weapons by his side and sleep with them, dreading attacks or loneliness throughout his night … and life.

Finishing his dress up, Astraeus walked towards the entrance of the cave, his temporary home and looked outside into the bright world.

At first Astraeus had to lift a hand to cover his eyes from the glaring sun and seemingly sacred snow which glistened in an intense white.

When he adjusted, the beautiful desolation and misery of the world were revealed to him. What beautiful scenery. If I could just experience it daily. Without having to worry …

Initially the slightly dejected boy witnessed the carcass of a deer being tattered by a band of Brithren, large bat-like creatures who are usually intelligent.

Those weren't.

His gaze shifted further westwards and he noticed the brutal fight between a rat and a small dog-like creature, whose race was unknown to Astraeus but it definitely looked hilarious and alien to him.

Five eyes plastered across its head, observing all directions simultaneously, just three legs and the strangest part, it had an arm attached to its back which seemed to move according to the creature’s wishes. The arm itself could split midair, extending and twisting in the animal’s wicked ways.

Wicked, because it wasn’t much of a battle, rather the strange creature was toying with the rat, just like a human would toy with an ant, sadistaclly torturing the poor inferior creature, enflaming a false hope only to crush it moments later.

Nature truly likes to repeat things, how plain.

A movement in the distance drew Astraeus’ attention away from the duel of the animals. Something gigantic was moving into the clouds. A head?

Not a human one but something similar to a brachiosaurus, a titanic dinosaur. Its huge mouth opened and its head descended again behind the hills.

After waiting for some time, fearing that it had disappeared, Astraeus began to wonder. Should I go hunt it? He waited for a long time without thinking much more but the time he had spent waiting wasn’t in vain since he once again experienced the ascent of the titan’s head.

It was beautiful to see life sprouting in its different forms and mysterious ways. For him it was all just beautiful. Death and beauty aren’t opposites, are they? Especially not if you are forced to search and find beauty in death since beauty and love didn’t exist for you.

A crack behind him averted his gaze from the mammal, towards the fire and the still cooking meat. It looked disgusting, uneatable, I’d say even poisonous. Taking another big bite he left the cave.

Today you’re lucky my big friend in the clouds.

His face darkened, his smile faded and his pupils began to dart around inside his eyes, looking into every direction at once with speed too great to follow for normal humans’ eyes.

But you’re not.

His eyes returned to normal and his strained face relaxed again. Shortly followed by a loud rumbling in the distance. It appeared from the direction Astraeus was heading in. But in these high mountains, who could know where an echo originated?

On the move eastwards again, as always. I pray to you Michael, that the future isn’t as disappointing as this forsaken mountain. Maybe if I see that trader again, I’ll beat him up. No dragons, not even brigands or armies. Not even a town where I could get more intel on possible challenges. How frustrating.

Astraeus marched through the snow, each step resonating in the tight passage through the cliffs.

Cliffs! I’m moving down again according to my map. Do I want that? Fuck. No. No. There’s nothing to fight here Astraeus. Nothing to have fun. Did they lie? No, they may but he wouldn’t. Irus promised me that this world was full of fun and challenges other than beating father. I trust you, please.

Astraeus stopped in the middle of his step, his right foot levitating in the sky.

I came here to fight. But I hate fighting. Do I? Yes, I hate fighting with my father but with Irus it’s always so much fun. Strange. Why am I searching for a fight? Do I love it that much? Does that mean that I love killing?

Finally Astraeus continued his descent down the boring mountain.

I certainly loved killing, no, fighting the Lifgrum although I don’t know why some of the mages consider it a beast. But nevertheless I only enjoyed the battle, not the end … and besides if I loved killing, that’d mean that I’m evil. I’m not evil, aren’t I, mother? No, never in my life will I become evil.

Thus Astraeus Domitor learned of his first and only pleasure in life, realised and distinctly named it. Fighting was his destiny, his profession, his very deepest desire. Would that ever change? Or was he forced to feel that way since he knew nothing else except the brutal reality of war and death. But at least he’s finally found one thing he loves … after living for 13 years. Oh God

If I didn’t know better, I’d destine this boy a straight path to psychopath and villain, but I know better and perceived that fighting wasn’t his deepest desire. A fact which he’d learn shortly after me.

Some hours passed before Astraeus arrived at the foot of the mountain. Certainly the difference between those two areas was significant.

Compared with the green and luscious plains before him, Astraeus’ time on the mountain was grim and harsh. But this beauty of prosperity and flourishing nature bored Astraeus.

It seemed too … unrealistic that such beauty could exist in the ungiving and forsaken world he thought to inhabit. Life seemed too … easy here.

Animals survived not because they were the best, the pinnacle of evolution, the apex of their respective food chain but rather because they simply behaved nature’s whims and stayed where they were, living their boring monotonous lives until they were either eaten or died.

Many animals were feeding off the grass and trees of the plain, peacefully enjoying their meal, uninterrupted by humans. And Astraeus would keep it that way, he decided.

But how? he asked himself.

Certainly he had to cross the plains to arrive in the next town. This was a necessity. Now, how would you cross an open field with no place to hide?

Exactly! A hard task indeed.

Astraeus stood there for at least two minutes before finally reaching a conclusion.

Sorry animals. I’ll have to destroy your peace in exchange for a far greater peace. I’ll even slaughter your predators for you to create even more peace. How does that sound?

Obviously no answer … only long, painful silence.

I take that as a yes. No more complaining from now on, you have had your chance.

And thus, the young, athletic Astraeus, still in his puberty with its side effect of literally no control over your body, pounded across the field.

By his third step, the first animals scattered and ran off in all directions.

From there on out, his speed increased, now sprinting across the plain and no animal remained in his sight since all of them had fled the scene.

When he arrived at the other side, he panted from the exertion of sprinting since in his mind, this was the best way to cross the area since he didn’t remain on the animals’ ground for long.

Whether that was intelligent or not, I’m not sure but what it did was attract the predators to Astraeus’ location. Which at least validates some of his plan. With an expression of helplessness he glanced across the field for the first and last time, witnessing no movement. He sighed and pulled his hood over his head and resumed his journey to the town.

I’ll deal with you quickly and then my true journey can finally start. “World! Meet Astraeus Domitor, the future light of mankind!” With an unprecedented enthusiasm, the usually melancholic boy’s message echoed through the hills and mountains, plains and valleys, villages and towns of this world, telling everyone of the saviour’s arrival.

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Enjoy the beauty of nature. Don’t prevent it from exhilarating you just because someone convinced you otherwise. And if you don’t find it in nature, find your own sense of beauty and value.