She smiles warmly in response, fixing her gaze on me.

Before long, her eyes turn sharp, saying seriously, “Qiu Xue, I’m telling you this because you need to be aware of your mother’s background. When I perish, you can seek them for refuge…”

She sighs as she says this, her eyes well up with water.

She fixes her gaze on me again soon after.

“You are a proud descendant of Wind Manor. Never forget that.”, she says sternly, grasping my shoulders.

Having a complicated expression, she hesitates before continuing, “You must leave the Duke’s manor upon my death at all costs, it will not be safe for you. I… will finish this twisted tale with my own hands…”

Saying this, it was as if a weight was lifted off her shoulders having told me this.

She looked at me like a little kid awaiting judgement, nervously waiting for my response.

“I… understand, mother…”, I say sincerely, grasping her hands tightly.

It’ll be hard for any child to accept that their mother wanted to kill their father. It’s also hard for any child to accept that they were born out of a tragedy for their mother. Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise that Qiu Xue did not live to see this day, or he might have had a mental breakdown.

I’m not Qiu Xue, but knowing that my mother had set her resolve to kill the Duke, I wonder about my future plans yet again. I would not be able to rely on the influence of the Duke house if she does it. On the other hand, being with the Duke house has only brought me danger and difficulty, with the cons outweighing the pros.

If I let her do as she wants, causing the death of both my parents, I have reason to excuse myself from the stage peacefully, and perhaps seek out Wind Manor. It would not come with any benefits, but likewise does not come with negatives.

However, if I were to want to save her… the possibilities are rather huge. She could decide to steel her resolve in any case and kill the Duke anyway or simply let the status quo go on. We could even escape the Kingdom in search of the Manor.

After contemplating for a while, I eventually decide to hold off the decision, since I couldn’t decide on the course of action. There has to be preparations still undone for mother, so I don’t expect the assassination to be this soon. Deep down, I wouldn’t mind if she went through with it, deciding for me.

I retreat back into my room after this, continuing to do continued research on compressing magic. However, after multiple failed attempts, I realised my heart just wasn’t there. I was still contemplating on which way to go.

If I wanted to continue my plan of building an external organisation within the Kingdom, the Duke house’s name would assist greatly in the process. In that case, maybe I should try to find a way in which i can stay within the house after mother’s death. It seems easy enough.

However, the reason why I’m having difficulty deciding isn’t that I have compassion and can’ watch someone die. If anything, I’m too detached from this world to care. I’m having trouble deciding because for the first time since coming here, I don’t know where I see myself in the future.

I can’t plan ahead if I don’t know where I want to be.

Do I want to build a place for myself?

Yes, I definitely wanted to build a safe haven for myself and like-minded people.

But why did I want that? I wanted that because my life since coming here was fraught with danger.

If my life was all peaches and roses, I would have simply shrugged everything off and casually enjoyed my fun life as a noble.

But since coming in, I’ve had many threats to my well being, which led to this thought. I haven’t had any chance to take a breather for so long.

I just want to have fun.

I just want to leisurely enjoy this new world.

I just want to become an adventurer, fighting only low-leveled creatures… like slimes, or goblins… OK, maybe not goblins, what kind of adventurer only kills goblins, that just sounds so weird. Slimes are easy to kill, but goblins have territories and basic intelligence, I can’t see how anyone would have enough hatred for them to keep slaying them.

“Haha.”

“Haha HAHA!”

“HAHA HAHA!!!”

I laugh to myself, feeling refreshed as I do so.

“Ahh, I haven’t laughed in a long time it seems.”, I stretch my tired hands, smiling faintly.

I finally had a realisation.

I died once.

This shouldn’t be about me struggling to survive in an unknown world. I should just enjoy myself.

I don’t want to only have a safe haven to call home after decades.

I want to enjoy my second life, making snide comments at other Isekai series.

If this ‘Duke’s first son’ position is the one that’s getting me marked by enemies, that the answer couldn’t be more simple.

In the first place, I don’t need to live as Qiu Xue. I’m me and he is himself. I’m not Qiu Xue, I can just abandon all of this; the identity, the power, the reputation, the danger.

I’ll throw aside everything to secure my peaceful life.

Ah, I suddenly had an epiphany.

That’s the reason why I had a tugging feeling in my heart when I heard her speech.

I was envious, just envious that she had steeled her resolve, even knowing it may lead to a quicker death, while I was still wandering aimlessly.

I feel my footsteps getting lighter, this world seems more vibrant now.