《Abandoning All Hope》Episode 3- Of Monsters and Men
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Bess had been the grandmother I had always wanted! She talked about a great many things- stories about when she was a girl, about a strange visitor who had changed two coins into four, and a story about a murderous judge in black. Strangely, I felt at home, or at least, more at ease listening to her.
"So, the judge, "I began, "did he ever get his comeuppance?" Stealing a glance down at the old woman, quietly enjoying the warmth, Bess' hand radiated on my forearm.
"Oh yes, the Black Judge got what he deserved. He died by the hands of a far eviler man who escaped with the help of the Black Judge. The Judge was clever though because he had told the evil man to run right into his trap, the same trap the Black Judge used to snare the village children."
My body shivered at the thought- I was thankful that it was nothing more than a scary story meant to frighten children.
"The Black Judge was more creature than man, don't you think?"
Her question made me consider the entire story for a moment, "He may have been wicked for murdering all those children, but perhaps the moral of the story is that everyone is redeemable?"
Bess snickered softly, "And what made him redeemable, Anna? Was it because he killed the evil man? Or was it because he helped the heroes?"
"What he did was wrong, but he did stop someone much worse. After all, the evil man killed everyone, not just the village children. They both deserved to die, but perhaps God, or, whoever watches over us, will forgive him if he was truly repentant."
Bess looked up at me, and I felt the weight of her milky-eyed stare rest heavily on my cheek, "Hoho, not a believer of God I take it? I thought all the youth in this day and age believed. Are you faithless child?"
I began to gnaw at the inside of my cheek, regretting it when my teeth bit down into the same spot I had gnawed the night of the village meeting.
"I… I'm not certain what I believe," I finally blurted out, feeling my cheeks grow hot. "If there was a God, why would He allow his children to suffer? Why would He allow Dracula's horde to kill the whole of Wallachia? Why would he allow creatures like demons and witches and vampires to roam the Earth and kill innocent people?"
Bess was silent for a time as we continued our march. I hoped that she had the answers to the questions I wasn't brave enough to ask anyone.
"Do you believe all vampires are wicked?"
The question caused me to blink wildly. Why did it matter? "If they aren't evil, why would they not be able to cross water, or to stand beneath the sunlight?"
"So, by your reasoning, you think that creatures that can stand in the sunlight and that can cross moving water aren't evil, correct?"
Her question felt like a trap, like I was walking into a test that I knew I would fail. "Well, yes."
"Witches can do both of those things, are witches, not evil?"
"The ones that heal aren't. Like Lisa Tepes. People called her a witch, but others called her a doctor."
"Then, perhaps not all vampires are evil, hm?"
I began to laugh humorlessly to myself- two could play this game. "Name one vampire that has helped man, not hurt him."
Bess stopped beside me. Standing next to her motionlessly, I looked down at her wrinkled face and empty white eyes as her brows knit together. She was trying to think, to best me at this game she had started. I knew I had won.
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"None come to mind, child-" I opened my mouth to smart off some triumphant reply but immediately snapped it shut when she continued. "But, the lesson I am trying to teach you, sweet Anna, is sometimes we make the monster. Dracula did not kill the people of Târgoviște and Gresit because he simply enjoys death, but because the Bishop stole his love. Lisa Tepes changed a monster into a man, and men changed him back."
I had wanted to win this verbal joust so much that I had missed the point entirely. It bothered me. It wasn't the fact that I had lost, but the fact that I had been so intent that I hadn't seen the sagely wisdom in her words.
"I'm sorry," I mumbled, placing my free hand over hers.
"Ohoho, don't be silly, child. So long as you remember the lesson, you are always forgiven."
I nodded with a sigh- I wanted to believe her words, but beating myself up was a far better penance.
A silence, so tangible it almost breathed, filled the spaces between us. I hated the silence; it meant I was free to let my mind wander. Immediately I considered what I would have done if I had been in Lisa's position. Rumors had circulated that when the Bishop had burned her in the square, she was rumored to be begging someone to forgive 'them' for not knowing any better. I could only assume that she had been talking to Dracula and that she had meant the whole of Târgoviște.
At that moment, I felt empathy for a man who the world viewed as a monster. While I could not condone the slaughter he wrought, I understood his pain and his loneliness.
"Do not weep for the monster Dracula became, child. Weep for the man who felt death was his only solace after the death of his beloved. I'm sure the two are together again." I looked down at Bess, surprised by her words. Again, she had known what I was thinking without so much as a peep from me. How?
"Bess, how is it you always know what I'm thinking? It's like you're privy to my thoughts, and it's more than a little unsettling."
The grandmotherly woman chuckled and patted my hand reassuringly, "You remind me a lot of my granddaughter when she was alive. She had the same fearless spirit and gentle compassion for others that you do."
My cheeks ignited with warmth like a small sun had bloomed in them, "I-I'm not fearless a-and I don't know if I'm truly that compassionate."
"Oh, tish tosh! I do not know many young women who would have stopped an old woman from getting robbed by thugs or anyone who might consider what Vlad Dracula Tepes felt in his last days."
I began to grumble, but a quick smack across my hand silenced me.
"Do you think they are happy? I mean to say, Dracula and his wife- wherever they are?" I asked after a pause, hoping the change of subject would quell any remnants of Bess' anger.
A distant smile seemed to dance across the old woman's lips, almost as if she knew, "I'm sure they are dear. I'd say that if you were a God-fearing woman, you might ask the Almighty to forgive them both- for their sins and the sins of their son."
"Wait, son?" Of all the rumors I had ever heard from travelers visiting our village, none of them had ever mentioned Dracula's child. I should not have been as taken aback as I was. "Lisa and Vlad had a child?!"
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Bess loosed a hearty laugh that shook her frail frame, "Ohoho! Of course, they did deary. If you were alone with a beautiful man for years, would you not sate your appetites of the flesh with your devilishly handsome husband? Of course, I'm sure you know all about what I speak of."
Instinctively I began to fidget with her implication. It was brazen to speak of sexual desires! Bess was a stark raving lunatic!
"Don't tell me your husband has never-"
"I'm not married!" I yelped out before she could finish, my face burning feverish again. "E-Even if I did," I huffed, suddenly aware that the world around me was much hotter than I would have liked. "I-I would not discuss the goings-on of our bed chambers wi-with anyone!"
Bess snickered again and tried to console me with another loving pat to the back of my hand- it did absolutely nothing for my discomfort.
"Can an old woman inquire as to why you've not wed? Surely your appearance must not be the reason why. Why then, have you not?"
I wanted to change the conversation to anything but the topic of marriage, children, and all that hoopla. I had had enough of that at home.
"I-I don't have time," I replied curtly, "I'm far too busy taking care of my siblings and the home to consider suitors. Besides-" I straightened my spine and cleared my throat, "All of the village boys are knuckle-dragging heathens who would rather go shoot things with their bows and arrows than sweep me off my feet."
Another cackle, "So you're romantic, hm? You've had girlish daydreams of a tall, handsome man whisking you off your feet? Whispering soft nothings to you in foreign languages and tucking locks of hair behind your ears? Perhaps of him writing you love sonnets that rival the most brilliant literary wordsmiths?"
Why did this woman torment me so?
"I-I s-suppose," I grumbled, "Is that too much for a girl to dream about?" I had had absolutely more than enough of this particular line of questioning to last me a lifetime. "C-Can we, please change the subject, Bess, I fear that if I grow any redder in the face, I'll begin to glow."
"Very well deary, as you wish."
Finally, as silence settled around us like snow, I breathed a sigh of relief as the heat from my skin began to slowly cool. While I hated to discuss such things with people, I much preferred the privacy of my thoughts when it came to matters of the heart. I'll shamefully admit that not all of my thoughts were pure. Certainly, though, I was not the only young woman to have thought such things. Right?
When I finally fixated my gaze on something other than my booted feet, I was pleased to see that dusk was beginning to set, and the sky was growing a fiery orange and sanguine hue. If memory served, Lindenfeld was a few days walk from my village- we were almost to our destination.
"We're almost there," I chirped excitedly, turning my entire body towards the old woman who took both of my hands into hers lovingly.
"I know my girl, the first part of your journey is already coming to a close. Before we continue, there is something I must tell you. Anna, my darling, you must listen carefully to my next words and remember them in times of strife. Can you do this?"
Her words caused my brows to knit in concern- why the sudden gravity in her voice? The worry? Why did her voice sound as if it implied a goodbye?
Nevertheless, I murmured a soft, "Yes, of course." Wordlessly, I observed her, cherishing the way her thumbs caressed the backs of my hands. She led me away from the road, and I followed obediently. When we came to a halt, we both perched ourselves on a fallen log, which was covered in green moss and dotted with pretty white flowers. We sat quietly for a moment before she continued.
"Always remember the lesson that compassion makes a man and cruelty makes a monster. Sometimes wars can be won by your words, and a singular act of kindness can sway even the most lost and broken of souls."
Broken and lost souls? Who in the world could she be implying? Her words were gibberish- no one in my life was lost or broken. My father might have been broken, but he certainly wasn't lost. Perhaps her warning had been about Katherine- she was momentarily lost to the world, and she very could have been broken by the creature.
"You're not listening child." Bess' shriveled hands released mine and instead took hold of either side of my face, giving my cheeks a soft shake- forcing me now to focus. "What I tell you does not apply to any that you've encountered yet. If you desire to return to wherever you've come from, heed my words and remember this going forward."
That same unease from earlier, the strange feeling that Bess knew more then she let on, returned with a vengeance.
I had to know, even if I was afraid of the truth.
Gently removing her hands away from my face, I stood and took a step back from the log. Anxiously, I sucked in a slow, calculated breath before I opened my mouth to speak.
"You're speaking of the creature in the castle, the one who has Katherine. Aren't you?" I paused, praying that the next words out of the old woman's mouth wasn't the three-letter reply I knew was coming.
"Yes, Anna, I mean the creature. Compassion will be your greatest ally."
I turned quickly on my heels and found that all the breath in my lungs had left me.
Where Bess had been but a moment ago, sat naught but the empty forest and billowing plumes of opaque fog.
"Bess?" I called out, frantically turning to and fro, hoping to see her somewhere among the trees, her familiar friendly smile comforting me. But no matter how many times I spun did I see her, and it was then that my stomach lurched with terror.
Bess, whoever, whatever she was, wasn't real!
I couldn't think straight, no matter how hard I willed myself. My thoughts were chaotic and buzzing like a nest of furious hornets. Questions, all coming at once to the forefront of my mind, made my head ache with pressure. For a time, I remained rooted, gasping loudly for air, trying to will my lungs to fill.
'Run' my instincts told me but I couldn't! All I could do was quiver and gasp like a frightened rabbit looking into the maw of a wolf.
RUN!
The thought came louder this time, and when my mind screamed, my body obeyed. I turned on my heels so quickly I was suddenly dizzy. The world for a brief second spun on its head before it cleared, and I was sprinting.
Wildly I pumped my arms and forced myself to run hard. Faster, my mind wailed, I needed to run faster!
Soon, my lungs felt as if they were on fire, and I could taste copper, but I did not stop- I was too afraid.
Like a child, too frightened to open their eyes and look at the monster, I snapped my eyes shut as I sprinted. I was resolved to run until I collapsed or until I felt safe again.
What loosed from my mouth next was a shrill scream as something caught my foot and sent me sliding across the unforgiving gravel road. I lay there for a good long while, panting raggedly- desperately trying to catch my breath.
Everything hurt again- my lungs were on fire, my heart thundered in my ears so loud I thought I'd go deaf, and I knew my hands and knees had taken the brunt of my fall.
I still needed to pick myself up, but I couldn't- I was frightened.
I knew I had to see for myself what was in front of me. I had to know if I had found a haven where, Bess- no, whatever had traveled with me, couldn't reach me. With what little courage I had left, I opened my eyes and what I saw was naught but silence and ash.
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