《Ancient Blood - book 1 The fall of the Phoenix》9 Resolve and Exhaustion - Rhiannon
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Though she never thought it possible, it had been quite easy adapting to her new life in the Dragon-Mountain.
Everyone was courteous and seemed to respect her for what she was. A royal dragon. Uppermost power-level.
It wasn't like she did anything special or talked to anyone who didn't talk to her first. Rhiannon was indeed quite low profile spending her time mostly in the Mountains library.
Looking beyond hope for a way of turning back and avoiding the royal family as much as possible. Morgan was too much of a distraction and Mero seemed to be developing a kind of puppy-love, which made him a nuisance.
Miriam was thankfully busy enough not to notice Rhia’s retreat, since she would have done virtually anything to stop her. She seemed worried enough in the evenings when Rhiannon answered her questions as unspecific as possible without being rude.
Rhiannon though she wasn't fond of her situation did not want to be rude towards people trying to help her. She sighed. It was harder every day not to show her uneasiness. Her disgust she directed at herself. The dragons especially Miriam were far too enthusiastic about the pros of being dragons to understand why she was searching for a way to get things back to normal.
How would they? It was their very nature. Normality to them. The urges that came with being an apex predator she couldn't agree with. She was torn by her own feelings. Rhiannon felt robbed of her humanity not gifted.
The library was empty as usual. Dragons were fond of fighting in all their forms. They felt it was odd she avoided those activities. Especially Morgan and Mero would often invite her to join them. She would have if she hadn't felt like she would lose her internal strife if she did.
Dragons excelled in all kinds of fighting. Swordplay, archery, hand-to-hand-combat, airborne-battles those were the things they focused on. Scholars and book-lovers were rare.
A dragon’s instincts were a hindrance in concentrating on ancient texts and kept nagging at her resolve. That didn't mean dragons were dumb brutes only who only knew how to fight. Quite in the contrary actually. In history they had been the most fearsome generals and strategists in many a war. They just didn't care about the more profane problems that carried no advantage in waring.
Miriam knew her races faults and made all of her people study. Morgan for example studied to be a lawyer even though he would be king of dragons one day. He took courses in history and politics too. Rhiannon had been told he excelled there.
His younger brother Mero was still in his last year of school and studied for his exams. The two of them went to the library but rarely stayed more than a few minutes to fetch a book they needed before resuming whatever activity they performed.
They were two of the most frequent visitors disregarding a man looking like he was in his twenties with silver eyes and black hair, who visited nearly as often as Rhia did. Although he like about her age, he had an ancient aura about him and Rhiannon felt he was much more than he seemed to be. He didn't greet her and she didn't bother him either. After a few days they exchanged a slight nod when meeting.
Rhiannon sighed again. She had trailed of again. Her concentration wore thin. Knowing the reason for her misery didn't help in the slightest. Her inner dragon pushed against the borders she had erected. Pushing it down got harder with every passing minute... reminding her she hadn't changed into her dragon-form.
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She felt alienated from the part of herself that wanted to embrace the dragon-form. The schism broadened between her new and old parts. She feared the thing she had become.
Every now and then scales surfaced her skin, her spine tried to reform and other unwelcome reminders made it impossible to forget. Every time those reminders appeared she would take a deep breath and calm herself down. Keeping the urge down got easier at first, since her control improved but now it seemed more and more like an all-consuming need of her innermost self. Her bones ached in yearning to transform like the human-form was incomplete.
She cried in frustration too frightened and proud to give in. The change in her being tore her apart.
'Aren't we melodramatic?' a voice asked. Rhiannon bolted. Eyes wide open she searched her surroundings for a possible source of the voice. It was pleasant and male. That was all she could determine.
After a while the voice continued 'I've told my niece that you are not okay with being a dragon. But she wouldn't understand. She was born a dragon after all. The merging comes natural to those who are born this way. I'll teach you to accept what is unavoidable.'
'Who are you?' Rhiannon asked. Still unable to locate the speaker. The voice chuckled. 'You will have to earn information to get them, little hatchling.' the speaker mocked.
Rhiannon got angry at being called hatchling. She hated being a dragon in the first place and being called a baby did not make it better. Her response carried her annoyance 'I am no hatchling. I didn't ask for any of this.' she stated sternly.
'I know, hatchling. But I will call you hatchling until you earn your name. I don't like people dwelling in self-pity. It's a very unfavourable character-trait. But your spirit and resolve picked my interest. Most young ones couldn't face the urge this long, even if they wanted. You haven't transformed in two weeks? And that's essentially the time you are a dragon? That's a hard task especially for a hatchling. It is counterproductive for your development and has been the cause of many a mental disorder in our kind... Stubborn, unwise, but still admirable.' he stated in a patronizing tone. Well not directly patronizing but Rhia certainly felt it was at least arrogant.
'Why should I listen to you? Maybe there's a way to keep this status quo... not being human but still not turning into a menacing monster. I know you would not tell me. Your clan politics would not allow it.' she confronted the unknown dragon. She was voicing her last bit of hope. Not much, but all she had after reading all those books.
'You're a coward by the way. Not showing your face while judging people is more than rude.' she added letting all her frustration seep into her voice. She didn't care. Not anymore. Her resolve was eaten away by the truth that there was no turning back. Her stubbornness was her last defence against resignation and despair.
'Well little hatchling. That might be true. But I am not in the library right now. I only spied on your mind whilst occupying with other more important tasks than educating a little girl. You only got about 33% of my mental capacity. But listening to your short-sighted rambling it's more than enough' he mocked her. But the mock seemed to carry a hint of worry as if he knew her tightrope. She wouldn't answer. Her last line of defence had crumbled. The two weeks of constant struggle took their toll. Silent tears began to flow down her cheeks.
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After some moments of silence, he carried on. This time his voice carried a comforting tone. 'I will be awaiting you first thing in the morning. My niece will show you the way – I know you won't but I still advise you to change forms tonight. It's easier to accept a change one willed oneself than a change your body initiates by overriding your mind. If overrides you, you will be stuck.' He tried to offer her hope. But it was not enough.
Rhiannon felt the presence leave her. After a few moments she pushed her sadness away and tried to re-erect her defences.
Wrath, the very emotion tied to every dragon’s soul helped her to do so. She fumed how could one be that arrogant. But the worst part still was that he was right. Every book she had read was clear about the consequences of avoiding one’s true form.
She gritted her teeth, which had elongated again. He was right it couldn't go on like this. Maybe she should ask Morgan for help or agree on becoming this mysterious speaker apprentice. She would have to ask Miriam who he might be.
As if on cue Morgan appeared by her side. Both her parts agreed on him being a pleasant sight. She smiled at him. The dragon-prince on the other hand looked at her with a worried expression. Rhiannon knew she looked horrible. Dishevelled, tired and sad. Spikes protruding and reverting at her back.
She was more than tired. The little barrier she had erected crumbled down and left her defenceless. If she was honest with herself at the end of her tether. Seeing the sincere worry in his eyes she wanted to stand up and throw herself into his arm. But after realizing the truth she lacked the strength to do so. She sobbed.
'What have you done to yourself? Your true form is about to overwhelm you. Didn't you change? It's dangerous not to do so. Why haven't you talked to me or anyone?' he asked worriedly.
She just shook her head in response. He took out his mobile and called someone. 'Hi mum I am in the library please come over as fast as you can. It's about Rhia.'
Moments later the dragon-queen herself entered and measured the situation with a single glance.
'well, it seems Merlin was right. It is as bad as he told me. Come over my dear. I will take you to a place, that will help you through the merging.' she said and took Rhiannon by her hand.
They left the library and Miriam used some complicated looked hand-signs on an ancient looking shield. It transformed into a portal. She went through the light-curtain and tugged the overwhelmed Rhiannon with her.
They stood in a giant cave illuminated by a slit in its roof which allowed a small forest to grow alongside a little stream crossing the whole cave. The scenery was captivating. Unlike anything Rhia had ever seen. It felt calm and relaxing in here. The portal they had passed had disappeared. Now there was only one entrance.
'dire straits, dire means.' The dragon-queen mumbled. 'Normally I would've taken you here on a different path, but your condition didn't allow any further delay.' she explained apologetically.
'you will ask yourself why I made you come here. You have to know this cave is special. It will keep you inside until you have completed your merging, controlling the balance between your new and old ego. It will force you to close the schism.' the dragon queen continued looking worriedly at the girl beside her. She was unable to understand Rhiannons reasoning. Being a dragon was the only way of life she had ever known. None of the other changed had had that much of a problem since the middle-ages. But she liked the girl and hoped for the best.
Unable to comfort her she continued ' The Merging-Cave or cave of unity as it is called will regulate your changing of forms until you are able to keep the balance yourself. It will force you to stay in your true form for at least twelve hours a day without the ability to turn back. It's a cruel and ancient method to help severe cases to keep balance, but it will keep you sane. You won't be stuck like it would have happened if you've had stayed outside.' she explained in a tired manner.
Though she had hoped not to be forced to use the cave, she was happy to have. It would keep the girl from going insane. And if her uncle was right the reason for the misery the girl was in, was that she had already been a clan-member... Before the change... The blood of the fifth clan was forced to mingle but hated it all the same.
The girl was an enigma. Not only a royal dragon but also a druid-kin. A sorceress. Like her uncle. The most powerful asset of her clan.
'am I not stuck for twelve hours?' Rhia asked the queen. The resignation in her words was as clear as it could be. Miriam felt shaken by the despair. She would have loved to see the girl rejoicing.
'Yes, but if you had stayed outside no one could've guaranteed that you would have ever been able to turn into human-form again when you got stuck.' Miriam answered sternly. A shiver ran down Rhiannon spine. Stuck in dragon-form for the rest of her life. She couldn't even imagine.
'how will I know I am ready to leave safely?' she asked Miriam worriedly. The older woman smiled at her and pointed at the entrance. 'You see this entrance? It's bewitched no dragon not truly one with itself is able to pass through its light-curtain. I will leave you now. But have no fear. You will get company. My uncle seems like you. He will come over tomorrow and you will be his apprentice. Good luck with the old wizard. Merlin tends to be a little difficult, but he is the best teacher one could ever wish for. He doesn't take his duties lightly.' she replied and vanished through the light-curtain.
Rhiannon tried to follow her- just to know- she couldn't even get near the entrance. She sighed and watched the sun set until it had completely left the slits range. The same moment the sun disappeared her body began to change.
Unlike the violent urges and painful transformations of single parts of her body, this transformation was swift, painless and irresistible. It felt good actually. Her body and mind were at peace for the first time and a wave fatigue swept her last bit of resolve away. She lay down right where she was and sank into a deep dreamless sleep of exhaustion. Quite comfortable in her dragon-form even on the cold rock surface of the cave's floor.
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