《Flower Fit for a Vampire》Despairing
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I COULDN'T BREATHE.
For what seems like the hundredth time today, I found myself struggling to find air. I looked at my hands, painted with the deep red of Luca's blood. My soaked hands numbly shook, splattering blood every which way. I couldn't seem to take my stoned gaze from my hands for the longest while, but when I finally looked away, I regretted it.
Luca's lifeless body was laying on the muddy ground, eyes rolled in the back of his head and mouth agape with foam. His body lied awkwardly before me pale as the moon. I did that. I, a seventeen-year-old girl that weighted only 106lbs, killed a man twice my size.
With my teeth.
I began to tremble, my knees buckling and eyes watering. Just as Luca was before he died. Bile rose in my throat and I turned away from the corpse to lean against the tree as I let out the breakfast I ate this morning. My soft and shallow cries grew into mortified sobs as I fell to the forest floor, crying loud enough to draw attention from miles away.
'Oh, shut up! This is what you wanted!' Bellowed the voice. I only cried harder, putting my bloodied hands to my face. I heard the voice groan and if it had a face, I could sense the eye-rolls. 'So what? You killed the abuser, something you've wanted to do forever now and now you're gonna cry over him? Make your damn mind up...' she grumbled.
"I didn't want to kill anyone! Oh God... oh my God, I-I... why did I kill him?" I wailed, sadness gradually growing into fear as I thought over the consequences. Then, I muttered, more to myself in absolute horror, "How did I kill him..." Nothing made sense anymore. There was no way I could kill him by... by sucking his blood. Oh God, why did I want to do that in the first place?
Why was I so lustful for fucking blood?!
The many questions only made my reality worse. "I'm a m-murderer. I killed a man." It didn't matter how or why because the fact of the matter was that I killed someone. Me, a senior in high school that only wanted to pass i to college, killed a man in cold blood out of fear and anger. God redeems many things, but not murder.
'You did kill him, nice observation.'
I was going to hell.
"I-I'm gonna go to.. to jail! I'll never see my family again, oh God. Luca's never gonna see his famy again. Because I fucking killed him!" I panicked and pulled at my hair.
'Yes, you did. We already went over this. If it makes you feel any better, I nudged you to kill him.' The voice confessed to me in an attempt to cheer me up.
I laughed without humor. "You're not real..." This voice in my head is apart of me, and if it nudged me to kill someone, I still did it. Maybe I should be locked up. I'm crazy. I have this voice in my head I have conversations with and I... I just murdered someone. I think those two facts are deeming qualities for the nuthouse. Nothing else makes sense, there was no other option.
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'Sometimes the realest things should never make sense. They just are.' The voice said, to which I laughed at.
"I'm going to hell." I laughed while crying. There was no room in heaven for me now. There was no room in my own home now. I could never tell mom or my sister, I couldn't bear to see Lizzie's reaction when she learns her sister has killed the man she looked up to. Mother, too. They would hate me.
I started to cry again, leaning my head against the tree as I looked up towards the roofed sky.
After a while of endless crying, I started to ease down, staring blandly ahead of me as tears fell from my eyes silently.
"My life is over, isn't it?" I questioned. I already knew the answer, but felt the need for confirmation.
'It's been over since you found me. But, don't worry. I have you a new one.'
I stopped crying at that answer. My life's over anyway, it won't hurt to talk to myself some. What was she even talking about anymore? "What?" I voice my thoughts. "What do you mean?"
'Well, let's start with my name. I'm getting tired of being called the voice all the time. My name is Seraph. But, you may call me Sera.' Did the voice in my head really just give itself a name? 'I'm not the voice in your head, I'm the tattoo in your arm.' When the voice—er, rather Seraph—finished speaking, the tattoo started to sting lightly to prove her point. My eyes widened when it began to glow like stars in the sky.
Without thinking, I asked, "what are you?"
To my surprise, she grew silent. She didn't make a snappy remark like she'd always do. It seemed as if she was... thinking? Could she even think?
'I can't tell you just yet. You've had a lot happen in three days. But, if I may, might I finish answering your quire?'
I nodded, hoping Seraph could somehow see me. 'When you found me, I lured you towards me to be my... host. Believe it or not but, you're a vampire.' I started to laugh at the craziness of her words. I was a fool to actually try to listen to her. To think I actually wanted to believe her.
Seraph waited for me to stop laughing. When I finally did, I didn't let her speak as I quickly jumped that boat. "That's ridiculous. Vampires aren't real."
Seraph sighed. 'Thats what all protagonists say in vampire movies, you know?' I shook my head at her logic. As if that'd make me believe in vampires.
'Okay then, miss smarty-pants. Explain to me why exactly you bloodlusted for Luca? Why did you drink his blood? How did you get that inhuman strength? Why did you act like an animal? Explain that.' Seraph asked, clearly agitated.
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I snorted. "There's something called clinical vampirism. It's where—"
'I know what it is! How does that explain your strength? Your senses? You animalistic behavior?'
"Hysterical strength. I was going into hysterics and just as adrenaline acts, I gave myself strength through adrenaline. Excited delirium." I tried, I really did try to scientifically explain the phenomenon that happened to me. Logically, those two things could be playing a part in my murder. But it was very unlikely for both of them at the same exact time in my life.
Seraph groaned at my response. After a minute, she decided to let the topic go and continue her little explanation.
'You died in the woods that night. You were undergoing the process of the transformation but I sped it up, which might be while you're so delirious and emotional.'
Nope, I'm pretty sure I'm emotional because I literally just killed a man. I decided to keep these snarky remarks to myself. Instead, I asked, deciding upon playing her game, "how long is it supposed to take?"
'...one...' Seraph mumbled. I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion.
"What?"
'I said one... one year,' Said Seraph quietly.
"What?! Even if what you said was real, you just rushed a transformation on me in three days that's supposed to take one whole fucking year?!" I exclaimed, absolutely astonished to no end. Seraph laughed nervously in the back of my head.
'Haha.. yep, I sure did... I'm just surprised you lived through the poison...' If Seraph wasn't in my head and couldn't change the volume of her words, she probably would have muttered that last part to herself. As I would my thoughts, I heard her as clear as day.
"Poison? What poison?" I asked, trying to recall said poison. There were times where I felt as if I was drowning and the being burnt alive, could that be the poison?
'Precisely. When you're bitten, you feel like your drowning in a sea of breathing people. Its always been that way. When you transform... well, everyone feels something different.' I nodded, engrossed in this topic although I couldn't bring myself to believe it. At least, not without more proof. I mean, only crazy people believe a voice in their head. I wasn't crazy.
Wait, no, that's what crazy people would say. Damn it, maybe I am going mad...
I sighed and sat up from my soaked spot, only to spot Luca's still corpse. I shrieked and stumbled back on my butt, heartbeat erratic and breathing heavy.
Holy shit. Holy shit! How the hell did I forget this problem?! I put my hands in my hair and gripped tightly, tugging at my hair as I thought if a way to solve this situation as smoothly as possible. Maybe I could dig a hole here and bury the body? No, this trail isn't deep into the woods enough—
I snapped out of my thoughts. I'm treating this like someone would hide weed. This is a person, a dead person and I'm just treating it like a small problem in my life. I really am messed up in the head.
Seraph giggled. 'Aren't we all? Anywho, those are probably just my emotions you're feeling.' Said Seraph.
"What?" I asked half-heartedly, eyeing the body as I still pondered on a way to get rid of it.
'You and I are one. I feel your emotions, you feel mine. I can push my emotions onto your own if I wanted.' Seraph concluded. She sounded proud of that little fact.
"So... you feel like hiding the body and not me..?" I said quietly and hopefully.
'No. That's all you. But, I have been smothering your grief a bit. You have a lot of that, by the way... hell knows why...'
I gritted my teeth. Did she have no humanity? "I just killed my ex-boyfriend. Anyone would be grieving. It's normal."
'Yeah, but... he was a psychopath. He abused and ra—'
"Shut up!" I shouted, not wanting to hear the rest of that sentence. "It doesn't matter if he was a psycho or the fucking pope! I killed him! I killed someone and unless I myself was a psychopath, would feel grief and regret and guilt! I never wanted this, you made me do this... this is all your fault." I growled out, my throat rumbling. Out of anger, I slammed my head back onto the tree, creating a sharp pain from my skull to my spin to erupt.
Seraph said nothing as I sat in much-needed silence. I bit my lip, stopping it from trembling. I quickly stopped doing that, though, as I noticed blood oozing from my lips. I unclenched my jaw and ran my tongue along my teeth. I froze when I felt two sharp, canine-like teeth on either side of my mouth as sharp as razors. Slowly, I stuck my tongue out and barely grazed my teeth on it. Blood immediately started to pour from my tongue and I held my breath in disgust.
It is true.
I looked back at Luca's body. Bite marks lingered all over his body, blood, even now, still dripped from the wounds.
I am a vampire.
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