《Terms and Conditions》Penguin
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THE LIMP BODY ROLLED FORWARD.
His chest heaved, reassuring Nick that the man was still alive.
“Come on, help me drag him to one of those glass capsules,” Exflipper pleaded, lifting one of the man’s arms. Nick took the other arm, and followed Exflipper through an automatic door, into a wood-paneled hallway that smelled of chocolate ganache and orange peels.
“Look here, Exflubber—Exflipper—” Nick began.
“Exflibberaguil.”
“Yes that. You see, we never finished Part two. I still don’t know what you are doing on Earth—that is, if you are an alien at all which I highly doubt.”
“I told you. I’m here to fight an invading species which had destroyed my home planet.”
“Well, why would this species come to Earth? And I’ve never heard of any alien species on my planet before.”
“Oh no,” Exflipper muttered, “Oh, no, no, no. You are so far behind.”
“Well, Exflipper whatever, maybe you should have known since our species is so primitive.”
“My name,” Exflipper panted, “Is Exflibberaguil.”
“How am I supposed to remember that?” Nick heaved the body up a few steps, thinking. “You need a nickname,” she decided.
“I do not need a nickname.”
“Yes, you do, now shut up and let me brainstorm.”
“But shut up is my catch-phrase…”
“Shut up,” Nick snapped, “Let’s see…
“Exflibberaguil. What can I do to that name? Ex? Flibber? Flubber? Blubber? How’s blubber?”
“Do I look blubber?”
Nick glanced at Blubber’s thin, angular face. “Good point. Moving on.
“Flicker. Flacker. Flibber. Flapper. Flipper? Flipper…Penguin. That’s it! Your nickname is Penguin.”
“It is not!”
“Yes, it is, Penguin. Now, what was I talking about?”
“Doesn’t matter,” Penguin sighed, “Help me lift this Odriew up.”
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They had arrived at an airy room that smelled of rain and mowed grass. Inside the room were many large, egg-shaped capsules covered with a glass dome. Tubes poked through the side, delivering oxygen and water. It looked very much like a hamster cage.
“What’s this for?” Nick asked, as Exflibberaguil reached up to close the dome. Despite having given Exflibberaguil a nickname, Nick still couldn’t imagine the sharp, angular alien as Penguin.
“This is a landing capsule. Protects you against most damage.”
“Most?”
“Oh, let’s say, more than half. Come on. Our capsule is in another room.” Exflibberaguil exited the room.
Nick glanced warily at the fragile-looking glass the man was in, then followed Exflibberaguil out. “What if I die here?” Nick fretted, “and shouldn’t you be up there piloting this landing?”
“Don’t worry. Auto pilot probably won’t crash. And if we do die, it would all be Box’s fault.”
“Yup, I’m definitely going to die,” Nick sighed, resigned.
Exflibberaguil stopped at another room that was exactly the same as the one they left. However, instead of twenty or so beds, a much larger capsule occupied the entire room. Nick stood in front of it and stared.
“This is ours,” Exflibberaguil said, after a moment’s pause.
“This is big.”
“Yes, it is,” Exflibberaguil replied patiently. “Another very interesting Sodriew discovery. For some reason, they like to state the obvious. And they are also unable to make the simplest of everyday-life inferences.”
“Shut up.”
“Also, they like to steal another person’s catch-phrases.”
“Well, Penguin, care to explain the large proportions of this glass capsule?” Nick said sarcastically, “Or should I say transparent landing protector modified for multi-cellular organisms?”
Exflibberaguil sniffed. “Well, didn’t you say you wanted to watch part two?”
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“While we are landing? And, may I remind you, the last time you landed you set the building on fire.”
“This time we are landing in a forest. Sodriew would just dismiss it as a forest fire. “
“That’s horrible!” Nick exclaimed, “We need our trees! They give us oxygen.”
“What you need is algae. They provide most of the oxygen you breath.”
“Stop being so knowledgeable!” Nick yelled.
“Stop being so stupid!” Exflibberaguil retorted.
“Fine! Even if algae do provide so much oxygen, we still need trees. I’m not going to let you burn a forest down.”
“Don’t worry. I won’t. It would be Box’s fault.”
“Whatever!”
“Look at it this way,” Exflibberaguil said reasonably, “perhaps, if we do die, it would be better to do so in virtual reality.”
“Why?”
“Because you’d probably want to die anyway.”
“That’s not very reassuring.”
“Of course it’s not. It wasn’t supposed to be.”
Nick sighed. “Penguin, you are a pain in the fanny.”
“And you are a pain in my food supply, so we’re even,” Exflibberaguil replied, with finality. “If you want a slightly higher chance of surviving, I suggest you step inside.” Exflibberaguil climbed into the dome, and grabbed one of the goggles placed neatly on a coffee table.
“You talk like I have a choice.” Nick sighed again to make sure Exflibberaguil knew she was reluctant to follow.
Exflibberaguil pressed a button on a remote control, lowering the glass dome on top of them.
The inside of the capsule was cold and boring. The limited furniture was white, with exceptions to the virtual reality goggles. The room smelled like artificial freshener. Nick shivered a little, and zipped her black jacket up. She glanced at Exflibberaguil.
Exflibberaguil seemed not to mind the cold or, at least, had a higher tolerance against it. He only wore a gray t-shirt and a pair of knee-length cargo shorts. Exflibberaguil sensed Nick looking at him, and he turned his head.
Nick jumped. The bug-like virtual reality goggles were frightening. Nick hurried to put hers on before she was creeped out any further.
Instantly, Nick’s head began to swim. She felt as if she was in the inside of a black sphere. Her legs loaded in. Nick looked down. She was floating.
She returned her gaze to the front again. The same white font loaded on the black screen. Beginning of Part Two.
“I’m ready.” Nick announced.
“Of course you are. Do you think it is really that easy to navigate through NodeTalk?” Exflibberaguil snapped.
Nick was slightly taken aback, but she supposed she shouldn’t had expected any better from an alien. The words pixelated, then disappeared completely. Nick steeled herself for the video. Exflibberaguil had described it as horrifying and gross. He even hinted that it would make Nick want to kill herself. But she simply couldn’t imagine anything that horrifying.
She did not expect what happened next.
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