“What have you done!”

Loukas turned his head to the source of the yelling and bawling, meeting eye to eye with the boy beneath his feet. The boy, only a year older than himself, was heavily bruised. Loukas’ knee pressed upon the boy's back whilst Loukas’ held and slowly broke the older child's arm, bending it until a snap was heard.

Loukas felt blood dribbling down his nose as Cherly tried his best to get him off their cousin, despite the bullying Cherly had just endured from this person a few moments earlier. He did not want Loukas to cripple him.

This would not be the first nor last time they were in this situation.

Of course, the mother of said bully informed their parents. Loukas as usual downplayed every aspect Cherly had with this. He would take every punishment for this. He was Cherly’s white knight and he would continue to be that, till the end of his days. He would never allow harm to affect any of his brothers, no matter what.

The scene changes. He was gripping his mangled mess of an arm, as hot tears poured down his cheeks.

He did not feel like himself.

He was such a prideful boy back then. He would never cry in front of another person, it was to him a sign of ultimate defeat. However, at that moment, the tears would not stop falling. He did not feel like that prideful boy.

Who even was he anymore?

He looked up at the surrounding adults, each one looked at him with... indifference. They held not a scrap of compassion in their eyes.

Uncle r-, Sir was barely paid attention to his crying and screaming nephew. Instead, he cracked his knuckles and with no empathy for his plight, he said, “Now the other arm.”

He was suffocating.

The smog was choking him… killing him.

The scent of sweet perfume filled his lungs.

The door opened.

He did not want to go in.

He knew what would happen if he went in.

He had been in that room many times and it was always the same.

He would never go in.

He was too scared to go in.

.....

But he went in...

On the ceiling by a noose…. a beautiful woman hanged.

His fault...

He should not have ran

She did not mean to hurt him

He should have bared her touch

It was his fault

It was his fault

It was his fault

…….

Loukas slowly opened his eyes again to glance at the clock. Five more minutes until it rang again.

He rubbed his eyes before grinding his sharp canines against one another. Once again he could not, despite his heart pounding with anxiety, remember what that dream was about. He only remembered the vague scent of something in his nose and the slight tightening of his chest. This resulted in his reluctance to leave his bed as he waited for the awful feeling to pass.

His good habits thankfully prevailed as he still forced himself off his bed just before his alarm rang to take his regular morning shower. To keep his mind far away from his nightmare, he internally reviewed what he had to do that day.

A quiet day this time, his session would be later that afternoon. He mused as he washed his soft hair with vanilla-scented shampoo and rubbed a quick towel through it, as he hummed a little tune from his favourite Rom-Com 'Pick the right one.'

He should re-watch that sometimes, those two are his favourite couple of all time. Although he wished Jay could get some happiness with Milly. He made a better pairing with her than Ellie, no offence to the character.

His thoughts halted as he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, or more precisely his bare chest.

Though many of his scars were too faded for most to even notice, the permanent pigmentation from his childhood remained. They were thick, ugly and ran arcoss his chest for all to see.

They were ugly.

He shook his head and pulled over his long sleeve shirt. This is something he should be proud of. It was all to protect his brother.

He can bear it.

He wanted it to stop

He was fine.

He let out a sigh and sat at his desk trying to study accounting, the most boring of his subjects. He was not all that interested in maths, anyway. Always so complicated, and it was doubtful he would use most of these things, anyway. He gave a huff of frustration only ten minutes into his study session. This indifference and annoyance allowed his mind to wander again.

Why could he not study something more interesting like geography all day? Learning about places outside of Ildens was always a treat.

His mind then drifted on to the time just hanged out with Hide the other day. He should arrange an entire day next time. He would not get interrupted next time and he could just have the whole day with him.

He.… He had to admit it to himself.

He has a crush on Hide...

A guy, a man.

A big pathetic crush in all its heart-pounding glory.

Even thinking about those statements made him feel something heavy finally lifted off his chest. It was so weird, but here he was, constantly flustered by the man in every way.

Now that he thought about it... Maybe he had a crush on that much older ex tutor of his siblings but was too stubborn to attach his desires to crushes. He can not deny what these feelings are anymore.

He... He does not want to lose him, but Loukas knew once he takes his place as an heir, isolation from the common people would be the first thing to happen. It was inevitable and as much as he hated it; he was too weak to prevent it. Too scared to go against it.

Hide was so cute, funny and strong. He could live on his own, and be free of all this. Unlike himself, Loukas did not believe he could ever live on his own.

Hide's hand that day felt so soft, so warm, so kind, so-

He was feeling disgustingly hot again and it was unbearable. His hand, with his thoughts going over those dreams, moved on its own below his waistband. It gripped and dealt with the issue built up for a long time now, despite how crude it was.

He really hated how these thoughts made him. He was a friend, and he was fully happy as that, but…. How he longed to be something more...

His breathing turned to needy, desperate pants as he went faster. He really loved Hide in every way it was possible. He let out a moan of a name as his hand picked up the pace and he felt so close. His breathing hitched and his hand grew sticky.

He really loved Hide.

If this was like his rom-Coms, he could imagine the fun scenarios he would have to go through in the quest to get together.

However, deep down he knew how useless those feelings were when confronted with reality. Stuck here, whilst Hide could leave and be free. He would prefer if the goat beast-kin left. Nothing good can come from staying because of him.

He felt his mind and body relax. All that tension had been building up for who knows how long and it was gone. One part of him wanted to go again, maybe as soon as possible, but a growing part of guilt and shame took over. That part cried out many obscenities in his head all towards him and what he just did.

Pervert

Disgusting

Creepy

Why would that man want with a filthy dog like You?

Probably would puke if he knew what you were doing.

Do You really get on tying someone so much smaller than you down?

You're just a sicko who wants to finally hurt someone so much weaker...

He was disgusting in every way.

He wiped his hands and his stomach with a tissue, not knowing how to look Hide in the eye again with what he fantasized about doing to him.

To his small, skinny body. He had every right to be grossed out and had every right to want nothing to do with him.

Hide deserved better. He deserved not something anywhere close to him.

Breaking through his self-loathing was a loud knock.

Loukas zipped back up his pants and opened his bedroom door as he tried to act as natural as possible. He hoped that blush that graced his cheeks would fade swiftly and not provide any indication of his previous activity.

Once he had opened that door, he came face to face with that brother of his with lips twisted into a scowl.

Cherly immediately upon having the door opened, entered his room and flopped on his bed without another word. Loukas held the door, he was both surprised at his presence and not by his casual disregard.

“I’m going to send a letter of complaint to those idiots,” Cherly finally said with a low growl.

Loukas leaned on the door and with a wry smile, “Good morning to you too Cherry Berry.”

Cherly gave his brother a flat look before sitting up on the bed itself, “Look, I don’t need sass from you as well, It's been an awful few days already.”

Loukas can already guess what was the cause but he kept his playful tone, “Let me guess, there was a minor problem or an issue or-"

“Loui what I’m going through is more than a minor inconvenience it's a crisis.”

“I thought the time they told you no piercing allowed was a crisis.”

Cherly points at his snake bites with arrogant pride, “But they failed at that maybe I should have gotten one on my tongue as well.”

Loukas flinched at the thought, “Um... that would just give people a heart attack. I thought you liked the classier things.”

“Times have changed and piercings are the classier things. It's jewellery on your body, nothing classier than that,” He said with a huff, “Despite what I said, those idiots still signed me up to study abroad. I never said I wanted to study, but noooo, they just don’t listen.”

Cherly seemed genuinely frustrated by the event, Loukas dropped his jovial tone and sat by him and with a brotherly pat on the shoulder, he said, “Well, I can, you can tell me the full story.”

Loukas and Cherly talked and joked and talked the morning away. A shove on the shoulder and a pat on the arm. It was almost as if they were twelve again doing their little back and forth. One year before, Cherly had spent his time in boarding school abroad. Before Loukas... Changed and could not bring himself to remember before his training.

Loukas wanted this small moment to last. He wanted this feeling of everything being fine to be true.

It was not.

He stared, as he laid on the floor, at his dislocated leg. He let out a hiss of pain. It would take a while for this to heal on its own.

With great hesitation, he forced the leg back into its socket as he bit down on his hand to stifle his cry of pain. His bite sank into his flesh, caused the flesh to bleed.

As he lapped at the blood from the now closing wound, he heard voices from another room. They were familiar and hushed. He kept quiet, not wanting to draw attention.

He kept his head low so that they do not know he was still there.

“The boy is unsuitable, We should have just listened to Richard. We don't want another incident like before-”

“We have sunk everything into him already, what more can we do? A daughter? All the ones born from that man don’t carry an ounce of our former lady’s blood. Even Holger would make a better host, and I swear he probably has the weakest blood of them all.”

Same arguments he had heard over a dozen times.

He was the best fit for this role, no one else was. Even if he was the wrong host for the long term, he was better than the multiple illegitimate children his father left around, even better than his own siblings.

As he was about to get up, feeling his leg was strong enough to allow him to limp, he heard the phrase, “What about Cherly, they share similar quality blood, similar age, just he is less-”

No…

“Are you kidding me, that would mean having to start fresh. He wouldn’t last as long as Loukas and-”

Stop…

“I’m not talking about last. I'm talking about delaying long enough until a suitable heir is born... We both know Loukas from the very beginning was just like our lady... And we both know what nearly happened with her as heir. We should still consider it. Although if I was, to be honest, I’m believing that these may be the twilight years for Ildens.”

Loukas could not stand this anymore. He resisted all urges to barge in and tell them all to stop and not continue.

They were planning to use Cherly, his brother.

He would rather do anything else in the world than have his little brother suffer this fate. This whole thing was his burden to bear, not Cherly.

Loukas limped to his room, biting down at his lower lip as it bled down his chin. He would do everything in his power to stop such a fate.

No matter what the costs.