Well, this fucking sucks. I was hoping to spawn outside of a small starter village, or maybe in the capital or something. Instead I get put in the middle of the fucking forest without a compass or minimap! I awoke and took stock of my situation. The user interface seems simple enough, I ask it for something, and if it's within reason, it complies. My inventory consists of the clothes on my back, a thin farmers outfit, a small sword, a bow, 15 arrows, a small knife, rope, a tent, one hp and mana potion, a loaf of bread, and some funky looking cheese.

Well, first things first, lets try and figure out where the nearest civilization is. If I've learned anything about low level rpg characters, it's that they can trip over their damn feet and lose half their hp. Seriously, about 1/3 of my D&D games ended with *he set off a tripwire, or that potion tasted funny*. I decided to climb the highest tree, but then thought better of it, if I fall, I'm not sure I'll make it. So instead I decided to pick the direction the sun was and follow it while marking where I've been using my knife.

You'll never believe what I've found! Not a fucking thing, no friendly elves, no little cottage, not even a way out of this blasted forest. All I've found is more forest. I started to get thirsty and realized Mister didn't even include a damn waterskin, the stingy bastard! How the hell am I going to get water, I'm not Bear Grylls, and I'm not doing that thing he loves to do. I need to come up with a plan. I need to think creatively.

Well, that went better than I could have hoped. I kept walking in a straight line until I luckily found a small stream. The plan is to set up camp and make a fire, there is just one problem... I'm from the 21st century, my local high school never taught me how to make a fire with just a knife and some twigs! Figures, and I figured their lapse in education just included how to do my taxes or balance a budget. It's going to be a long night.

I set up my tent, which is pretty damn simple, a few sticks and some cloth, Mister didn't even give me a damn blanket... stingy, cheap, broke ass motherfucker. Oh well, I'll have to make do. In the middle of the night, just as I am about to get to sleep. That's when I hear it. "squish, squish, squish" It sounded like a cheap tentacle hentai, but that did not put my mind at ease! I slowly draw my little sword and crawl out of my tent. Only to be greeted by a little blob about the size of a basketball. I found a slime, sweet, cheap xp.

I decided to bum-rush the little hentai wet dream with my sword. Everything went well, until, well, nothing happned. I stabbed the little guy once, twice, three times a lady and nada, the only change I saw was to piss him off.(I'm assuming him, yes I'm assuming his gender, if you sjw apache helicopters want to get up in arms, kindly stick your complaints up your ass and I'll get to them the next time I'm in there)

It appears as though this will be harder than I thought. The little slime decided at this point that he would call for help, and as he screeched out a low pitched Blub, I decided that perhaps I should rethink some of my decisions in life. Mainly, attacking strange things in the middle of the night with low visibility, a shitty weapon, next to no strength, and with frankly, too much bravado. But that would have to wait, instead I frantically stabbed at this little slime with my puny blade hoping to figure out the trick to kill it before I was smothered by a perverts wet dream. That's when I got lucky.

Turns out there is a little bead about half the size of my fist all the way in the center of these things. I would have seen it sooner had I chosen to wait until daylight to try and attack this thing, but I think we've already explained that I'm not Neil Degrasse Tyson. I managed to pierced this little bugger with my blade and the thing went splat, collapsed all over floor of the woods. *Ding* 125xp gained. Fuck yeah! Come to daddy you precious little experience points. I'll give you a new home and take care of you, and love you, and every night I'll gently, soulfully, and lovingly, give it you good.

-10hp *smack* *ouch* Oh, seems I've forgotten about the scream for help. Did you know that slimes can tackle you? Well, I didn't, I assumed they just kind of spit acid on you or something, and that standard slimes were essentially free xp. I was wrong it seems. Turns out they need alot of time to charge up, and it's pretty easy to dodge, but in the middle of the night, without a fire, while I'm a bit pre-occupied, it isn't that easy. Good thing I have two good legs and know how to kill these blobby bastards now.

Well, after killing 4 slimes and collecting the broken bits of crystal I'm assuming were parts of a slime core I decided that I would try to sleep again, though with my hand upon my sword and the other on my naughty bits for uh, protection.