《Exploit》Little Green Men
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Turns out sleeping next to a fire next to a small lake isn't as peaceful as it sounds. When you envision it you probably imagine laying under the stars, a fire at your back and lake in front of you, watching the calming waves wash over each other. What you fail to envision is just how shitty it actually is. I sat there for hours, jumping at every little sound, every rustle of the trees, every hoot, every damn fish for christ sake. Thankfully, my paranoia paid off in the end, so I have that going for me.
Just as I'm starting to drift away I'm away I'm awoken by a noise. Not a hoot hoot, not a tweet tweet, not splish splash. This noise was more of a whispering, as though someone was attempting to sneak up on me. Little did they know ol Justin is wily as a fox and as paranoid as a chihuahua. I quietly grab my blade and sneak out of my little tent to be greeted by what appears to goblins. As far as goblins go though, they aren't very cliche. Sure they are green, sure they are little, but they aren't ugly or misshapen or anything. Though by the dim look in their eyes, I don't suspect much intelligence, but I've been wrong before.
There appears to only be two of them, but unfortunately for me they are armed with short spears. Immediately, and perhaps pre-emptively I charge the first goblin I see and managed to stab him through where I'm guessing his heart is as he quite moving soon after *Ding* 500xp gained. However, I failed to watch my six, as they say in the movies, and end up with a spear through my left hand. FUCK! I yell. Shortly followed by a YOU! I then attempt to engage the other goblin in combat, only to find that he or she *It doesn't have tits, but who am I judge? I know plenty of women who are members of the IBTC* is attempting a hasty escape. In a moment of desperation I throw my sword at it and manage to stab it right smack dab in the, well, asshole. As you can expect, this gives my newfound enemy a moment of pause. During this pause I grab the dead goblins spear and use it to put goblin number two out of it's misery. *Ding* 500xp gained
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Looking back I should have swept the area, checked for new enemies, fixed my "wall", etc. But instead of judging me, how about the next time you have in important life decision, something that could really affect your life, I pop out of the shadows and stick a spear through your hand. I'm sure that will give you the clarity and sense of mind to aid you in your decision making process. I did none of this, as you can probably guess by now. I instead sliced off a piece of clothe off of the the first goblins shirt, cleaned it in the lake, and then bandaged my wound. And before you get all high and mighty with your *but you are supposed to boil it and sterilize it and make it all clean like* fuck you, I was bleeding.
I then stripped the goblins and did a quick assessment of what I have. Including loot from the goblins, I have 4 spears, 2 for throwing and 2 for stabbing, half a loaf of bread, a bit of "rope", my tent, my knife, my shortsword, and 2 pouches with a few pieces of slightly glowing orbs inside them. It was at this point that I decided to move the corpses a bit away from the camp. I debated burying them but, I'm not made of shovels. Time for ol Justin to try and get some spear free shut eye... Hopefully.
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