Do you ever just wake up and immediately realize you made a mistake? It used to happen to me all the time. Somtimes I'd forgot to turn off my computer, or leave my window open on a cold night, mostly little stuff. This was not a little thing. I maybe, possibly, probably screwed the pooch real hard on this one. Anyway, I'll get back to the story.

It's a beautiful morning, the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, I can hear what I assume to be multiple enemies slowly surrounding, presumably with their weapons at the ready. B E A -utiful, well, time to beat my feet harder than I beat my meat and get the fuck out of here. I try sneaking out of the tent real quick like, but it doesn't go as planned. I'm greeted by about 10 goblin faces staring up at me, spears at the ready and looking real fidgety. Alright, I exclaim, lets do this peacefully and quietl- that's about how much I get out before a spear comes flying at my forehead, soon followed by many more. It seems as though they came well armed this time, LUCKY ME. I do the only thing I can think of, jump into the lake and try to swim to freed. All things considered, not my worst idea.

The cold splash of water upon my back was a really nice wake-up call. One could almost forget the spears flying towards his face and the feeling of impending death. But still, pretty lake, real beautiful lake this time of year. Not that I have any clue what time year it is, or which seasons these people use, if there are people. Man, I really should have thought this through before just agreeing to be plopped in a random world. Maybe I should have asked a few questions, I wonder if I speak the same language. Fuck it would suck to learn a new language. Back in high school I took a whole year of spanish, aced it, didn't learn a damn thing. But back to the matter at hand, trying not to die at the hands of some murderous savages.

On the bright side, none of the goblins jumped into the water after me. On the negative side, that could mean the lake is more dangerous than I initially thought. Oh well, I can't do anything about it now, I've made my bed and all that, just keep swimming, that's my goal. So that's what I do, I keep paddling along, and eventually, I become tired so I lay on my back and let the current take me. It's so peaceful and serene, someone could almost pass out. Guess I'll just drift away....

Yawn, lets do a checklist of my current situation. All my gear seems intact, I'm unharmed *minus one sore hand*, oh and I'm floating down a river traveling at breakneck speed, yep, all is normal. Just another day on fuck me island. As I travel down the river desperately trying to keep my head above water and my body from spinning in circles, the though occurst to me that this river is awfully straight, almost man-made. Maybe I'll get lucky and find civilization, then I can dazzle these primitives with my knowledge of *redacted* I mean my knowledge of *redacted*. Well fuck, doesn't look like I'll be bringing these primitives into the space age. Assuming they are primitives, I mean, maybe they have a thriving advanced world and lifestyle.

*Smack* *-5hp* Ouch, my head just bounced off a stone bank. STONE BANK! That means civilization, that means people, *sob* that means food that isn't fish based! No offense to the japanese, but if I have to eat any more homemade sushi I'm going to slap a chopstick in someones fun zone. Lets try to center myself in the river and, there we go. Nice and smooth, straight as an arrow. Should be easy sailing from here on out.

If by easy sailing I meant slow and difficult, sure, easy sailing. The current isn't exactly easy to handle and my constitution wasn't exactly the highest before I came to this world. How many D&D players do you know who look like schwarzenegger? Regardless of my hardships, I'm ecstatic. I never realized how much I've missed people. Normally I could go throughout an entire day without having a real interaction with a person. It's harder when it isn't optional though.

Anyway, so there I was, sailing along when I saw the most beautiful gosh damned thing I'd seen in my entire life, and that includes the day I typed boobies on the internet without safe search! Walls, big beautiful stone walls. That means people, and people means well, safety, food, titties, etc. I guess I better go introduce myself