My dear Itsuki,

I write this letter to you from the remains of my camp. It appears that missionary work is more difficult than I anticipated.

Despite the training we received, I was woefully underprepared for creatures such as these.

The morning began as peacefully as one could expect on an uncivilized planet like this.

Nonetheless, it was chosen so that I may spread Hylotl peace to the less fortunate, so I was determined to "rough it."

I placed my tea atop a gentle flame and eased myself into my morning meditation as usual. However, I could hardly achieve a state of enlightenment for the cacophony that soon assaulted my ears from beyond a hill!

After a calming breath, I set out to investigate.

A brief hike to the top of the hill revealed two alien lifeforms, shining like beacons, each with a marking atop their face!

A search through my xenobiological handbook revealed these to be Novakid, a primitive gaseous species.

The two, glowing blue and yellow respectively, whooped and hollered as one strummed a guitar, creating some semblance of music. "What better specimens to enlighten than these creatures?" thought I!

I strode down the hill. They seemed wary of me, but I assured them that I meant no harm. I introduced myself in customary fashion, and they returned with their names, the blue one "Oscar," the yellow "Lenny."

Lenny extended his hand, and I, assuming it was a customary greeting, reached out in response. The savage shook my hand with a vigour that nearly toppled me, the whole exchange quite uncouth.

Determined to civilize these ruffians, I invited them to tea, as tradition dictates. They seemed very excited at the prospect, eagerly following me back to camp.

My tea boiled, and as I prepared the proper settings the Novakid perused my camp. There was not a single ornament they were not curious about. Their filthy hands touched all my perfectly-aligned furnishings. They shattered my favourite coral sculpture! Nevertheless, I knew I could enlighten them.

Over tea, I spoke about opening their third eye to the world. They seemed to barely pay attention.

The tea I served was my finest blend, but after a single sip they dropped my cups, shattering them on the floor! I struggled to remain calm as Oscar removed a jug of some liquid and passed it between himself and Lenny. "Perhaps I could earn their trust by partaking in this cultural tradition," I thought.

After a hesitation they allowed me the jug. "Maybe they're warming up to my teachings after all." Those thoughts faded away after I lifted the jug to my mouth. The drink burned down my throat, and after one sip I fell unconscious. When I awoke, Oscar and Lenny were gone, leaving me in my battered camp nursing a terrible headache.

I end this note with a warning for your missionary travels, Itsuki.

Never invite a Novakid to tea.